10 Ways to Make Sure Your Kids Are Sucked into a Porn Culture
To quote the excellent book by Pamela Paul, “The all-pornography, all-the-time mentality is everywhere in today’s pornified culture” (Pornified: How Pornography is Damaging Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families).
It isn’t merely that young people with an Internet connection have free access to porn all the time (which is true), and it isn’t just that pornography has left the shadows and come into the spotlight of pop culture (which is also true). We find pop culture actually mimicking pornography. One only needs to see the front covers of magazines and watch music videos of performers at the top of the music charts to find evidence of this.If you want to make sure your kids become influenced by our pornified culture, here are 10 sure-fire ways to make sure that will happen.
1. Buy them (or let them buy) unmonitored devices.
Mobile devices are now one of the most popular ways to access porn. Nearly 1 in 5 searches done on mobile devices are for porn. About 90% of boys and 70% of girls, ages 13-14, have reported accessing porn at least once the previous year, and 35% of boys reported viewing porn online “too many times to count.” If you want your kids to be included in these numbers, make sure to get them devices, and set no limits.
2. Encourage the expectation of secrecy when it comes to using the Internet.
About 71% of teens have done something to hide their online behavior from their parents. Kids need their privacy, right? So, if you want to make sure they can watch porn unhindered, by all means, don’t pry in on their online lives. Make sure they keep their passwords for e-mail and social media a secret from you. Let them take their laptops to their bedrooms for long hours.
And of course, don’t install monitoring or accountability software to keep track of what they do online. This is just an invasion of privacy.
3. Avoid the subject of sex at all costs.
What parent wants to talk about sex? Too awkward. Don’t worry about it. Your kids will just figure it out. After all, no one ever talked to you, and you turned out okay. If you want your children to be drawn to the sex education that porn gives them, give them no sexual ed yourself. Never talk about the divine purpose of sex, the pleasure of sex, or the goodness of sex. The more squeamish you can be about the subject, the better.
4. And by all means, never talk about porn.
Whoa, there. If talking about sex is awkward, then porn is really off-limits. Make sure your kids never hear you say the words “lust” or “masturbation.” You should never draw their attention to the sexualized media around them to talk about why it is against God’s standard or exploitative. Never talk about the P word (p-p-pornography, I can barely type it). It is best just to let them stumble on it without preparation. This will encourage them to look at it more.
5. Don’t be romantic around your spouse.
One the best ways to prepare your child’s mind for porn is to never give them an alternative to it. Men, by all means, never kiss your wife in front of the kids, dance with her in the living room, compliment her, buy her flowers, or take her out for romantic dates. The best way to prep your sons and daughters for the fantasy world of porn is to squash any hopes that marriage will ever be fulfilling.
6. Just be your child’s friend.
Who wants to be that kind of parent—always making rules and expectations, following through with consequences? Yikes. Talk about a step back in time. Just be your child’s friend. A great way to make sure they are ripe for porn is to ensure they have a low view of authority. That way when they are presented with God’s law about sex or sin, they won’t think too much of it.
7. Be a critical parent.
Porn often becomes a habit when it becomes a place to run for refuge, an activity where our kids can escape from the harsh realities of life. Porn is a place to “feel good,” if only for a little bit. A great way to make sure porn (or some other escapist vice) becomes a place of refuge is to make sure your home is not. Whenever you can, be critical of your kids. Don’t be too encouraging.
8. Show them that a woman’s worth is bound up with her sex appeal.
Dads, if you want your sons to watch porn, make sure you ogle women on TV or around town. Moms, if you want your daughters to be drawn to sexual media, make sure you make a lot of references to your own looks: your weight, your bust size, your clothing. Make sure your kids hear you loud and clear: a woman is worth more if she meets our society’s standards of perfection. That way when your kids find those “perfect women” in porn, they will be more likely to keep watching.
9. Make sure you ignore the fact that your daughter is a sexual being.
A great way to make sure your daughter is caught up in the pornified culture is to ignore her own sexual development. Let your daughter navigate her insecurities and sexual feelings on her own. About a quarter of young girls, on at least one occasion, will spend 30 consecutive minutes or more viewing pornography online. In adulthood, 20-30% of women end up becoming regular consumers of pornography or participants in sexually explicit chat rooms. And girls are actually more likely than boys to become someone else’s pornography through the sending or nude or semi-nude pictures of videos of themselves online.
10. Watch porn yourself.
This is a great way to make sure your kids will eventually watch porn: poison your own mind with it. Even if your kids never find out, the years of porn-viewing will spill over into your attitudes and beliefs, rendering you incapable of effectively talking to your kids about sex.
BONUS #11: Don’t buy this DVD
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Luke Gilkerson is the general editor and primary author of Breaking Free, the blog of Covenant Eyes. Luke has a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies and is working on an MA in Religion. Before working at Covenant Eyes he spent six years as a campus minister. Luke’s favorite activities include blogging, reading theology books, starting random philosophical discussions, dating his wife Trisha, and playing with his four sons. Luke and his wife blog at IntoxicatedOnLife.com.
