Flirting 101: The 4 Things Guys Should Do

Ah, flirting. That ancient art of trying to get the attention of someone you’re attracted to while trying to prevent oneself from looking like a complete tool. I’ll never forget my friend from kindergarten who thought he would win a girl’s heart by putting all of his toy cars in envelopes and giving them to her each morning as gifts. By third grade we had matured and moved on to advanced techniques like ignoring or teasing the girls that we liked.

It wasn’t until junior high and high school that I learned the art of enlisting a girl’s friends to get information as to whether or not the girl might be open to the possibility of attending the upcoming dance with me.

Some people define flirting as pretending to be interested in another person, but I’m talking about it in terms of showing an interest in someone that you’re attracted to. You know, like those weird things boy animals do when they’re trying to impress a girl animal? That’s what I’m talking about . . .

Guys, here are some suggestions:

1. Say It to Her Face.

Don’t hide behind the screen. You may think it’s a bold, romantic gesture because you wrote it on her Facebook wall, you asked her out via a text message, or you posted your love confession on Twitter, but you’ll impress her more if you say it in person. Go ahead and take the risk. Saying it to her face let’s her know that she’s worth the risk of embarrassment or rejection.

2. Honor Her.

If you’re going to compliment her on what you like about her, make sure you include things that she can take credit for. Don’t just tell her how pretty she looks, make sure you point out virtues and strengths you see in her character. By mentioning the qualities and virtues you see in her, you’ll show that you appreciate the fact that her beauty isn’t just an appearance.

3. Don’t Be Fake.

If you’re not interested in a girl, then don’t act like you are. It’s that simple. It’s confusing and hurtful when you lead someone on.

4. Treat Her Like Royalty.

If you end up getting to take her out on a date, do it right. Open doors, pull back chairs (before she sits down, not as she’s getting into the chair), walk her to her door, and pay for the date. Let her know by your actions that you value her. This doesn’t mean you have to spend a lot of money, it just means that you should put some thought and attention into it.

(This blog was originally published on LifeTeen.com and was used with permission.)

By Brian Kissinger

8 Comments

  1. I think this is good advice, especially when people consciously limit themselves to flirting with only people they already know share the same values etc…which should be done 100% of the time. However, this doesn’t explain the apparent reality that a lot of women DO only want to be with someone who appears to be “hard to get.” This can be very confusing for good men, especially when they experience it with Christian women. It happens all the time where the women guys flatter and ask out ignore them, and the friends they show no interest in become obsessed with them. This is not always just a matter of physical attraction either. I’ve personally experienced getting turned down, then acting like it was no big deal (because it really wasn’t) and then the girl comes back out of nowhere weeks later all interested and desperate to have a date or relationship.

    On the negative side, it’s almost like women can be like cats playing with a string or toy: they get tired of the toy and walk away as soon as it stops being pulled away and dancing around them. On the positive, it’s like a dance: there is giving and taking, holding and letting go, twirling, walking etc.

    I think that this internal interaction in men and women comes from something very natural and good. In a fallen world It just has devolved into something that can be hurtful. It is in a man to want to be a provider, a hunter, a gatherer, a bringer of food… Also, as Christians, he is called to be a spiritual leader, as Christ is the head of his bride the church. This is true whether or not a man is with somebody. As such, a man who is in his element is not looking for someone to cling to, so much as someone to share with and sacrifice himself for. I think women are also naturally attracted to the attributes that go along with this kind of man: confidence, independence, self-reliance etc.

    Translate that to relationships: a guy who appears overly clingy is unattractive…especially if it’s not a long time friend already. This is an important point that guys need to understand. However, it’s also important to know that girls who are all about playing the “game” do not deserve your trust or love. They need time to figure out what they want to be important in their lives. Guard your emotional & physical investment into someone until you can trust them. As Sirach 9 says: “Do not give a woman power over you to trample on your dignity”

    What girls need to understand also is that guys with self confidence do not necessarily have true courage or heart. There’s a lot of jerks out there who can play the game and talk the talk.

    So again, i agree that we men should absolutely be a man and talk in person, honor her, not be fake, and treat her like royalty. I just think, especially in a spiritually fallen world, it is helpful to clarify some of the other motivators lying below the surface.

    By Jonathan | 3 years ago Reply
    • It’s good to hear that a man has spoken about the truth on dating and relationships. It is true that sometimes women tend to play around but men does that too. And this cycle doesn’t stop not until someone would really stand their ground on what they believe in.

      In this secular way of life, it’s a bit hard to find a man or a woman who shares the same Christian values and faith in God. It is always hard to go against the grain especially at these times when “relativism” is the norm. It is enlightening to know that are still men like you and the ones who made this blog which gives priority and depth to the teachings of the Catholic Church with regards to dating and relationships.

      By Tessa | 3 years ago Reply
    • Thank You! IR

      By Isabel RODRIGUEZ | 3 years ago Reply
  2. It’s good to hear that a man has spoken about the truth on dating and relationships. It is true that sometimes women tend to play around but men does that too. And this cycle doesn’t stop not until someone would really stand their ground on what they believe in.

    In this secular way of life, it’s a bit hard to find a man or a woman who shares the same Christian values and faith in God. It is always hard to go against the grain especially at these times when “relativism” is the norm. It is enlightening to know that are still men like you and the ones who made this blog which gives priority and depth to the teachings of the Catholic Church with regards to dating and relationships.

    By Tessa | 3 years ago Reply
  3. Thank You. This TIPS are very inspiring. Respectfully, IR

    By Isabel RODRIGUEZ | 3 years ago Reply
  4. Awsome 2 know that amidst our detoriating values, people who maintain the TRUE PURE VALUE still come out bold 2 address others.
    GOD Help Us !

    By James | 3 years ago Reply
  5. oh my gosh!! THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! this helped me a lot, I will make sure to accomplish all these pointers on THE ONE. THANK YOU AGAIN!

    By Ben Baker | 3 years ago Reply
  6. Thanks so much for writing this post! Boys need to do this when they are interested in and/or dating a girl, and I definitely want a guy who may be interested in me to treat me like this. I especially loved the fourth! I want the guy I date in the future to do that for me, and treat me with respect as a lady 🙂

    By Veronica | 3 years ago Reply

Leave a Reply