Why I’m Waiting to Have Sex Until I’m Married

My inbox is flooded daily with questions from young women saying, My boyfriend says that if I really love him, I’ll have sex with him. If I don’t have sex with him, I’m afraid he’ll leave me. If I don’t give him what he wants I’m terrified he’ll cheat on me. My boyfriend looks at porn and it makes me feel like I’m not enough. My friends tell me that if I really love him, then I’ll sleep with him. I just want to feel loved and wanted. These are just a few of the things I read daily.

It is my hope that God the Father will inspire you through this post to see your tremendous worth and the dignity that you possess as His child, as well as the sacredness of sex designed for a husband and wife and that you won’t settle for a man who doesn’t pursue, honor and protect you.

Why I’m Waiting to Have Sex:

True story. One time a man told me I was a prude because I said I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married. Guess what I said to him, See ya. Besides, ain’t nobody got time for that disrespect. I’m worth more than that. My worth is something that has taken me a long time to discover and I’m still discovering it. No one ever arrives in life, there is always more to learn.

Want to hear something that might shock you? God created sex. Yup, you heard me right. God Himself designed sex for a husband and wife to bring forth new life into the world and to find delight in each other’s bodies. With this being said, sex should not be taken lightly. Has it been easy to be 27 and not have had sex? No. Have I been tempted to have sex? Yes. But Christ Himself was tempted, but didn’t sin. And this is the standard we have been called to attain. Of course we are human and will fall, but we must seek God’s forgiveness and begin again when this happens.

When I first heard about God’s plan for our sexuality I was captivated and sought out more of His Truth. This is when I learned about what I was worth and how I am worth a man who will stand up and heroically protect my purity (and of course vice versa). So just because I am waiting to have sex until I’m married doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted. But this is the beauty of chastity, as chastity is simply an ordered approach to love. God has placed that desire on my heart for me to give myself to my future husband and I trust He will fulfill that desire, but with a man who has made a life time commitment to me. My sexuality is one of the greatest gifts I am saving for him and only him.

I will only give myself to my future husband and a man who can say the following to me. I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us. I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you. – St. John Chrysostom, on what a husband should say to his bride

The Wound:

The most pandemic wound of our world is fatherlessness. Every little girl yearns to be pursued by her father. She desires to be wanted. She asks the questions, Do you delight in meAm I worth fighting for? Do you want me? Do you see me? Do you value me? Am I beautiful? Am I enough? When these questions are answered through a father appropriately loving, touching, kissing and affirming his daughter she doesn’t need to run off with the first boy who finds her attractive.

But when these questions aren’t answered in an appropriate way, she seeks to find these answers on her own. When a father doesn’t give his daughter the attention and love she craves, her need for male acceptance is bottomless. Often times these unanswered questions lead to eating disorders, depression and promiscuity to name a few.

My advise to you, don’t search for your father’s love everywhere, find it in the Father.

Our Sexualized Culture:

Take for example a Victoria Secret model: Yes, Victoria Secret models are physically attractive and there is nothing wrong with physical beauty. God Himself created women to be this way, but physical beauty on its own lacks depth. God created women to inspire a sense of charm and wonder in a man. And this is very good, for this is God’s design.

Every woman yearns to be seen for more than her physical beauty. Because let’s be real, there is more to a woman than her appearance. But how can men see our hearts if we bare our flesh first? A woman’s body was not created to be flaunted on a runway wearing lingerie. Lingerie is for a woman’s husband, not a runway.

Similarly, People magazine can put a half-naked woman on the cover of their magazines and claim she wins the most beautiful woman of the year award. This is not true. Modesty reveals a woman’s inner beauty for the world to see, while preserving her body for her husband in the holy sacrament of marriage. Our culture has lost this sense of sacredness for the human body and the marital embrace. Typically, a bride and groom don’t see each other on their wedding day, so why would they look at each other’s bodies before they make their vows?

The Science Behind Sex:

Science proves that breaking up from a sexual relationship is more difficult than a non-sexual relationship. When a man and woman have sex there are many chemical processes that take place, for example the brain produces dopamine during sex, which is an exceedingly powerful chemical. Dopamine is responsible for internal pleasure and when a man and woman have sex it produces a bond that is not easily forgotten.

Oxytocin is also produced in great quantities, which is a very strong hormone produced mainly in women when they have sex, deliver their baby and are nursing. This is why sex is for bonding and babies and why mothers have such a profound bond with their baby. Oxytocin is also one of the reasons why a woman will stay with a man who is abusing her, because she is literally bonded with him.

The chemical that bonds a man to a woman is vasopressin and it has the same effect as oxytocin. This is why God designed sex for marriage, because it literally binds a husband and wife together. One might pose the question, Well I think I’m going to marry him or her anyway so we might as well have sex, right? Wrong. When you have sex you are bonding with your partner, therefore disrupting the discernment process. Sex will unite you together regardless and this is why there is so much heartache in our society today and one of the reasons why one night stands never work. Because now there is such an emotional attachment, but no life long commitment.

Healing:

One of the greatest treasures Blessed John Paul II left to the world is his book –Theology of the Body. In it he talks about the human person and explains how God is made manifested through humanity. Theology of the Body delves into what it truly means to be a man and woman, our sexuality and how we should live out our masculinity and femininity in accords with how God created us. If we yearn to be the best version of ourselves, then we must embrace the unique qualities of our gender. To do this we must go back to the very beginning when God created us. Genesis 1:27 tells us, God created man in His image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 

God created us out of love, for us to love and be loved. The way in which this love is expressed and revealed is different for men and women, which is how God in His infinite wisdom designed it to be. And it is the unique characteristics of men and women that enable this love to come to fruition. We exist to complement one another, a man as the pursuer and the woman as the receiver. In Theology of the Body, Blessed John Paul II tells us that we are called to exist as a gift for one another. He describes this gift as a sincere gift of self, and it is only when we lay down our life for another in this way that we will experience genuine fulfillment.

In order to understand God’s plan for humanity in our fallen world we must go back to the beginning and see what God intended for us. It is only when we do this that we will be filled with hope and peace. In the beginning of time after God created the world he saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, thus He created woman. Eve was created as a sincere gift for Adam, and Adam as a gift for her. They were created to complement one another in their union, each to offer themselves to the other as a gift.

Our society today has lost sight of this quintessential ideal due to selfishness. Our culture is plagued with violation and unrest due to a hook up mentality, lack of chastity, self-control, pornography and a genuine lack of respect for the dignity of the human person.

What to Do:

God designed a woman to be of great charm and mystery. And when a woman cherishes her sexuality she reflects this beauty and appeal in a unique way. Ladies, conceal the beautiful mystery of your bodies for your worth is indescribable. I want to lovingly encourage you to wait for sex until you’re married and if you have made a mistake, then go to confession and begin again. God the Father sent His Son into the world to die for you and He yearns to shower you with His love and mercy. The same applies for men. There is no sin too great for Him to forgive. He is waiting for you to come to Him. He delights in you.

Don’t ever conform to immorality to attract a man. You are worth more than that. In fact, your worth is beyond human comprehension. God created the universe, surely He didn’t forget about your future. Every woman yearns for a man who is going to protect and cherish her. My question for you is: are you conducting yourself in such a way to attract a virtuous man?

And remember, you are worth waiting for. You are worth a man who will fight for you. A man who will protect and cherish you. A man who will truly keep you safe in ever sense of the word. Wait for a man to honor you for the beautiful gift that you are. The man God has for you won’t pressure you to have sex, he will wait patiently until your wedding night, so you can both give yourselves to each other as a sincere gift of self.

If you are dating someone right now who does not fit this description and pressures you – DUMP HIM! YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR!

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. – Proverbs 31

P.S. You are enough.

(Used with permission from www.madeinhisimage.org)

________________________________________________________________

mauraMaura Byrne is a former Division 1 runner and soccer player. She loves the ocean, surfing, swimming, running, California, anything adventurous, J.crew, gerber daisies, wine, baking, gourmet cooking, and serving the poor and dying in India. She lives in San Diego, CA, and founded the ministry www.madeinhisimage.org, to help offer healing for women suffering from eating disorders, physical, and or sexual abuse, which entails, educating all women on the nature and dignity of the human person, created in the image and likeness of God.

 

58 Comments

  1. good job

    By olayemi | 3 years ago Reply
  2. Thank you so much Maura! I am 45 and have been waiting for my husband as well. It has been a difficult journey, but I am hopeful, actually confident, that God’s plans for me are way better than my own.

    By Dianne G | 3 years ago Reply
  3. Excellent article. It’s hard to find women like you.

    By José | 3 years ago Reply
  4. This is beautiful. I was 26 when I married and 26 when I first had sex. I completely agree with you – people wonder how my now husband and I knew so quickly we were each others perfect match; when physical love is off the table, you have nothing but an honest, true and chaste love that you learn about the other. It WAS worth the wait…less heart ache, less fear, more pride and a real love that I 100% trust 🙂

    By Genna | 3 years ago Reply
    • I agree! My husband and I have only ‘bonded’ to each other. 6 kids and 24 years later, we still have a great marriage. I wish all women would wait until they’re married – it truly weeds out the losers so you can find that perfect guy!

      By Rachel | 3 years ago Reply
  5. This article is beautiful. Thank you so much Ms. Byrne for writing this. I’ve been waiting to read something like this for a while now. I’m 16 years old and I live in San Diego, CA as well and I have a boyfriend in my hometown in New Jersey. You can only imagine how that can be !! But the last part of this article has made me think a little….my boyfriend has not pressured me to having sex with him obviously because we’re not with each other, however he has asked me if I would…only twice. I explained to him that I want to keep it for marriage whether it’s him or someone else which no guy likes to hear but I went to this summer retreat called Steubenville, San Diego. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it but it really connected me with my faith and if it wasn’t for Steubenville and the wonderful speakers they had in Summer of 2012 I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. But anyways, I promised myself that I would keep my virginity until marriage and at first he didn’t fully understand why and wasn’t totally accepting of it but as I explained it to him more and how I felt about it he understood. My question is does that mean I should dump him ?!? I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong I love him and I’m trying to put god in the middle of us in because he is catholic as well which I really like but yeah I don’t know what to do. Help ?! Is my situation good where everything is or no ?

    By Cristina Calo | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hey Cristina!
      I understand what you mean. I’m catholic and my ex boyfriend and I did things I really didn’t want to do last year. He pressured me into them (trust me it wasn’t sex) but I felt like he really didn’t love me. If he did, he wouldn’t pressure me and he would understand that I wasn’t ready for it.
      I don’t think you should dump him. Your boyfriend now understands, which means he must respect you and your feelings. But, if he tries something you don’t like, tell him to stop but if he keeps doing it, it’s your cue to break up, since he is obviously not respecting your feelings.
      Hope I helped!

      By Paige | 3 years ago Reply
    • I accidentally posted this as a post and not a reply….here it is again!

      Hi Cristina =]

      I read your post and thought I’d give a quick reply =]

      I wanted to encourage you by saying that even questioning that shows maturity and strength. As a 16 yr-old that shows wisdom so keep pursuing that. I would encourage that there’s no need to “dump” him if he now begins to respect your values and doesn’t pressure you for sex since you’ve explained your values to him. If he chooses to still pressure (even if once) you need to evaluate from a godly standpoint what’s going on.

      Being in a godly relationship with someone is not about one person making the other wait for sex til marriage. It’s truly about being in sync with each other on ALL values. Cristina, that is just SO important. Seriously. If he only waits to have sex with you til you’re both married because YOU say so, then does that really show wisdom and spiritual growth on his part? No, only yours.
      I will not say that he isn’t the one to marry, but you MUST look for similar (and GROWING!!!!!) values in another when pursuing dating. Light and dark do not mix without dimming the light. But two lights do make a greater light.

      So, keep pursuing God SO much and keep praying for growing wisdom. Begin encouraging your boyfriend to actively seek after God and pray for his values to become what is valued by God.

      And I greatly encourage you, too, to seek counsel in a WISER, OLDER person you trust. They have lived life longer and will have greater wisdom and knowledge that will be of great value to you and your future. Even the wisest man in the world King Solomon sought counsel. You are never too wise nor too far from God to seek counsel.

      Keep in mind as well that a godly relationship requires TWO godly people. We do all sin, even King David, but he kept whole-heartedly coming back and seeking after God’s will. With all that in mind, make every decision slowly and wisely.

      If your boyfriend is not encouraging you spiritually, it may be wisest (for your growing relationship with God) to separate or at least take a break. If he is not actively seeking God (even if he keeps saying he will but really isn’t) it may be wisest to, again, do the same.

      Your relationship with God is the most valuable thing you will ever have. Do not let anyone (even yourself and own feelings!) take you off course of God’s path. Always chooses the wisest decision. And if you are ever unsure what that is then seek God and seek counsel.

      You are so loved by God. Keep after Him. Surround yourself with those who are seeking after Him too.

      -Kelsie Hayes
      (a 20-yr old college girl also in a relationship =] )

      P.S.- If I’ve encouraged you somehow and ever need more encouragement. My email is kg.hayes@yahoo.com Feel free to email. God bless!

      By Kelsie | 3 years ago Reply
      • Wow thank you so much Kelsie !! If you don’t mind I’m actually going to put your email in my phone and I’m actually going to email you when I’m having troubles because this was just beautiful. Thank you so much. It’s nice knowing how many people are willing to help. God bless you !!!

        By Cristina Calo | 3 years ago Reply
        • Of course! =]

          Maybe send me an email so I have your email address as well?

          God Bless

          By Kelsie | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hi Cristina!
      As a young man of the Lord I would say that Paige makes a very valid point. But also as a man I know how the temptations can be and how easy it can be to fail. So I advise you to be very cautious! Set up stern boundaries like not hanging out alone together in a home and such. If he accepts and participates in the setting of these rules and commits to his best at being sexually pure, then I would say he may be a very good man. But always remember to seek the Lord in your relationship, both together and on your own.
      God bless and good luck to being a virtuous woman of God 🙂
      Josh

      By Joshua | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hi Cristina,

      I know you’ve gotten a ton of responses so far but I figured it can’t hurt to hear another young man’s opinion. I know a beautiful, faithful Catholic girl who lost sight of her self-worth in a previous relationship of hers. The guy she was dating pushed her incredibly hard into having sex with him until the weight of his pressure was too much and she fell. I’ve witnessed the pain in her process of healing and recovering from this. She knew all along that he didn’t deserve her but she had no one to encourage her to act on that and it has lead to a very difficult recovery. Obviously, like this article says, God’s love, forgiveness, and mercy is never ending and washes a person clean when they receive it, but the pain doesn’t leave quite as quickly. It breaks my heart to see someone so beautiful deal with so much regret and struggle so greatly in understanding the value she has. I realize that your question wasn’t so much about him pressuring you, but about what you should do now after you’ve explained your side. I just thought I would share that you should NEVER feel like you need to settle for someone who doesn’t respect everything about you and lift you up to God. When a person loves someone else they’re willing to sacrifice everything they have, including their life (look at the Cross if you doubt that), for the other person’s good. Just remember this if you ever are pushed by him or anyone else into giving yourself before marriage. You are worth the wait.

      By Chris | 3 years ago Reply
  6. Thank you for this great article and please pray for all our young church. That they be may stay strong against temptation and always feel worthy of true love. That they not be misguided by this world but rather stay firm in the church’s teachings and their faith.

    By Flor | 3 years ago Reply
  7. I hope to find a woman like you someday.

    -A

    By Andy | 3 years ago Reply
    • This brings tears to my eyes seeing how many people are helping me in this situation. Thank you all so much. God bless you all !!!! ☺️❤️

      By Cristina Calo | 3 years ago Reply
      • Cristina, keep it up!! You are great and God will never ask you something you can´t achieve…

        By Ernesto | 3 years ago Reply
  8. Great read. It means so much to hear all this. Thank you for posting and thank you for making the site madeinhisimage

    By Janique | 3 years ago Reply
  9. Hi Cristina =]

    I read your post and thought I’d give a quick reply =]

    I wanted to encourage you by saying that even questioning that shows maturity and strength. As a 16 yr-old that shows wisdom so keep pursuing that. I would encourage that there’s no need to “dump” him if he now begins to respect your values and doesn’t pressure you for sex since you’ve explained your values to him. If he chooses to still pressure (even if once) you need to evaluate from a godly standpoint what’s going on.
    Being in a godly relationship with someone is not about one person making the other wait for sex til marriage. It’s truly about being in sync with each other on ALL values. Cristina, that is just SO important. Seriously. If he only waits to have sex with you til you’re both married because YOU say so, then does that really show wisdom and spiritual growth on his part? No, only yours. I will not say that he isn’t the one to marry, but you MUST look for similar (and GROWING!!!!!) values in another when pursuing dating. Light and dark do not mix without dimming the light. But two lights do make a greater light.

    So, keep pursuing God SO much and keep praying for growing wisdom. Begin encouraging your boyfriend to actively seek after God and pray for his values to become what is valued by God.

    And I greatly encourage you, too, to seek counsel in a WISER, OLDER person you trust. They have lived life longer and will have greater wisdom and knowledge that will be of great value to you and your future. Even the wisest man in the world King Solomon sought counsel. You are never too wise nor too far from God to seek counsel.

    Keep in mind as well that a godly relationship requires TWO godly people. We do all sin, even King David, but he kept whole-heartedly coming back and seeking after God’s will. With all that in mind, make every decision slowly and wisely.

    If your boyfriend is not encouraging you spiritually, it may be wisest (for your growing relationship with God) to separate or at least take a break. If he is not actively seeking God (even if he keeps saying he will but really isn’t) it may be wisest to, again, do the same.

    Your relationship with God is the most valuable thing you will ever have. Do not let anyone (even yourself and own feelings!) take you off course of God’s path. Always chooses the wisest decision. And if you are ever unsure what that is then seek God and seek counsel.

    You are so loved by God. Keep after Him. Surround yourself with those who are seeking after Him too.

    -Kelsie Rose
    (a 20-yr old college girl also in a relationship =] )

    P.S.- If I’ve encouraged you somehow and ever need more encouragement. My email is kg.hayes@yahoo.com Feel free to email. God bless!

    By Kelsie | 3 years ago Reply
    • That response was more helpful than you will ever know, Cristina! Thanks, and God Bless.

      By shannon | 3 years ago Reply
    • I meant kelsie rose to Cristina 😛

      By shannon | 3 years ago Reply
      • Praises to God! Every word I say is also a lesson to myself.
        You are SO loved by God, Shannon. Keep growing in Him!
        God bless =]

        Romans 8:28

        By Kelsie | 3 years ago Reply
  10. wow! kelsie Rose, your response to Cristina is so beautiful. I’m also a 20 year old university student but i haven’t dated yet. you speak with such wisdom and maturity. really appreciate the wise words.

    By Thabisile Botjie | 3 years ago Reply
    • So happy I can be a part of sharing His love and grace!
      You are seriously so loved by Him, Thabisile! Keep growing in His word!
      God bless =]

      Proverbs 3:5-6

      By Kelsie | 3 years ago Reply
  11. Maura, the funny thing is, we guys who want to be faithful to God also put up with a lot of temptation. The common excuse I hear from girls is: “if you don’t start now, you’ll perform poorly on your wedding night, and disappoint your wife.” Does your website offer the possibility of networking with other Catholics and Christians who strive to be chaste? I would love to meet a girl who sees eye to eye with me.

    By Daniel Turski | 3 years ago Reply
  12. This is beautiful and true! It now makes perfect sense that my husband knew from day one I would be his wife! He waited for me. It took me longer even though If felt i loved him straight away I still had so many past hurts it was hard to see ‘forever’ and your scientific explanations make perfect sense to me! I am very blessed to have found a man who waited 21 years to find me, his bride. 12 years and 4 wonderful children later we r still counting our blessings! There is always hope…put God first and He will give you the desires of your heart. Thanks. Ruthy

    By Ruthy | 3 years ago Reply
  13. Thank you for your article, means a lot to me right now. It really hits home the real reason to wait for my future bride. God bless

    By Michael | 3 years ago Reply
  14. Beautiful,,I was always told that sex is God’s special gift to a couple on their wedding day. Thank you for this beautiful message which our world needs so badly to hear in this age…sadly there are no morals and I wish every young person could read it. Thanks,

    By Margaret Clauss | 3 years ago Reply
  15. “My boyfriend says that if I really love him, I’ll have sex with him. If I don’t have sex with him, I’m afraid he’ll leave me. If I don’t give him what he wants I’m terrified he’ll cheat on me. My boyfriend looks at porn and it makes me feel like I’m not enough. My friends tell me that if I really love him, then I’ll sleep with him.”

    “And remember, you are worth waiting for. You are worth a man who will fight for you. A man who will protect and cherish you. A man who will truly keep you safe in ever sense of the word. Wait for a man to honor you for the beautiful gift that you are. The man God has for you won’t pressure you to have sex, he will wait patiently until your wedding night, so you can both give yourselves to each other as a sincere gift of self.”

    Contrast these two statements. Which man would you rather be with? Do not despair. The better men do indeed exist and are looking for women such as you.

    By Matthew | 3 years ago Reply
  16. I am getting married to a wonderful man in 18 days. We have dated foe over three years and while there has been temptation to have sex, sometimes really strong temptation, by God’s grace we have abstained, and I am so glad for that. I know for a fact that if we were not serious Catholics, we would have had sex probably 3 months into the relationship. Praise be to God that we believe in a beautiful God with a beautiful plan for our sexuality.

    Part of that temptation is because sex is so good that our bodies want to unite in love with one another. But it would be premature to have sex even a mere 18 days before the wedding, because we believe that when we say our wedding vows to one another, the Holy Spirit fills us with Himself and we become fully ready to unite in sexual love. Marriage is a beautiful gift, and sex outside of marriage is missing an essential part of the package. It is an imitation of the real unity between a man and a woman.

    I still have 18 days to go, but I can already tell that the wait is so worth it. Will it be the best night of sex ever? I have no idea. Because it isn’t about how good the sex is. If her “performs badly,” it doesn’t ruin anything. The important thing is that in that moment, we will be joined as husband and wife in one flesh. Besides, we will have plenty of time to practice. 🙂

    By Angela | 3 years ago Reply
  17. A very well written article. It’s so powerful to hear this kind of message from a young woman. A woman can teach a man so much about love through her words and actions. God Bless.

    By Shane | 3 years ago Reply
  18. I’m 18 and i firmly believe its worth the wait. In this world taking a stand for the right is sometimes hard, but it always pays in the end. Keep encouraged and don’t lower your standards for anyone, the right man will respect you..Just know there are others out there. Take a stand now or regret it later…

    By Grace | 3 years ago Reply
  19. I salute you ma’am!! God bless you!

    By Ric Anthony A. Reyes | 3 years ago Reply
  20. Heads up, God doesn’t exist, and you are just wasting your short time on this earth with your ridiculous sexual ethics.

    By Bilbo | 3 years ago Reply
    • I still choose love my God.

      By matthewsmith0 | 3 years ago Reply
  21. If you’re going to live life based on scripture, at least make sure the scripture has proper citations and valid sources.

    By Gabe | 3 years ago Reply
  22. You rock!

    By Alexandra | 3 years ago Reply
  23. This is exactly what the religion of Islam teaches- Love after Marriage not before

    By I love muhammad | 3 years ago Reply
  24. Thanks! It is good that we have such kind of reading blog so that the youth today learn not only to have pleasure but to know the proper time when to give it. God Bless!

    By Grace | 3 years ago Reply
  25. Gonna be honest. I have never had a father figure and I have never been tempted to have sex in a relationship. Am I Christian? Yes. Am I tempted? No. Do I want to have sex someday? Yes. I think temptation is such a joke. If you know what you want, nothing that surrounds you will prevent you from getting it. Not even the lack of a father figure. You can’t blame deadbeat dads and fatherlessness for stupidity.

    By tor | 3 years ago Reply
    • Well, yeah you seem to have a decent view and you seem to hold on to the standards you accept. On the other hand people have weaknesses in general and many people have so much pressure on them and so many temptations to do against their will. It’s been great that you had not suffered any temptations but do not make it like it’s a joke or it’s something that’s not real. That’s just showing how you lack the understanding of the situation. God Bless.

      By matthewsmith0 | 3 years ago Reply
  26. Hi maura, i just found this and i could´nt stop my self to express to you how right i think you are.

    i think every person has its own learning process and sometimes in this process we have the oportunity to learn a few diferent things in a very different ways.

    in my case i’ve got the grace of learning this by going from down to eventually get to the up part. let me explain my self.

    all of my life (at least since i was 15 years old) i thought about sex like just a part of our experiences, like when are a girl stop using dipers, then you start using bra, then you start to have your period, etc. and in some point you get to choose some one to have your first time sex.

    and this was just the way i did it, when i was 18 years old, one random day i went to my 6 month’s boyfriend and i told him that i wanted to have have, and we did it.

    after 2 years of relationship we broke up, then i had another boyfriend and we had sex, then another with who i also had sex, and another and another.

    short long story i got to a point of my life (i actually call it: THE point of my life) when i got to realized that i wasnt having what i wanted at all. i didnt even knew what i wanted. because i was just using. i was using the moment, my body and some one else’s body.

    and i also realized that even when i didnt see it as somethin wrong, i was´nt happy ether.

    mhhhh funny right? why would someone who’s acting free and doing what i wanted to do, be sad and empy?

    so i tooked this to mi prayers, and said to God: hey, im really making my effort of being a good person, get closer to You, but somehow i just cant go further this point, with you, whith my relationships, and even with my self. So i’ll give you my permission (if He even need it) to do what ever you need to do with my life. You can take me every where you want to. I just want to be diferent than of who i am righ now.

    again, long short story, but since that day i can promise to you my whole life has been change.

    i had the dream of become as a au pair, i paid te money, i did all what was necesary to get into the program and even still not even one family called me,the boyfriend i had in that time dumped me, actually, he cheated on me. my boss fired me, and suddenly somehow i got to get like really “alone” without friends.

    but is not a sad story. when i got to all of this, i just kep going on and on. Praying, and leaving my self in God’s hands.

    now (a year and a half later) i have the most amazing work (or this is how i see it because i really love it), i’ve got closer to my family, and finally i’ve found the most amazing boy ever.

    now i can say that, but when whe first started dating i was really cluelles, why? BECAUSE HE DIDNT WANTED TO HAVE SEX … AT ALL of course i was shoked, i went from all of the phaces: first i thought he was a sexual repressed, then i thought he didn’t wanted me, the i got to develop this theory that he acted that way because he wanted to controled me … that could just break my heart. but then i rememberd when i told him (on the very begining) that one of my new years purposes was changing my life, growing up!! and finnaly: keeping my life of grace by not having sex …..

    all of that time, i was all pisted off because he didnt wanted to give me sex, and i was really mad at God because why whould he send me someone that WEIRD???

    haha so what i saddly got to realized i that most of the girls and the boys have a wrong idea about chastity, because most of the people think that if you are young and not having sex you definetly have mental problems …..

    on the begining, i’ve never been more embarrassed of telling my friends that me and my boyfriend decided to wait until we’re married….

    i even think i was ashamed with my self of admiting that sex is not all in life …

    it was a very rough time in my life, i was VERY confused, and lonely, because when i got to speak this with my friends they said we were crazy and sick ….

    but then i got to remember the cross that Jesus charged because of our sins, and i finnally understanded that going through the good way is not always easy, but there is the decision that He wave us the opportunity to make …

    i have never felt more loved and respected by someone … he has helped me to see how i worth …

    any way, i hope this help you to …

    by the way im from mexico, and my english is not the best so if you dont understand something probably is because i wrote it wrong.

    saludos desde méxico!

    By Miss mexico | 3 years ago Reply
  27. This is only one perspective. If she’s honest about it within herself and is true to herself, she’s to go ahead.

    I’m bringing in another perspective. I disagree. There’s more to personal values to me than what has been prescribed to me culturally. You’d eventually figure it out if it’s your thing or not – and be critical of what you want vs. what others want, because there are some things which you don’t want to wait for while your life passes you by, and there are some things which you’d only do so you’d feel that others will care, or look up to you for it.

    “Oxytocin is also one of the reasons why a woman will stay with a man who is abusing her, because she is literally bonded with him.” – This line of argument in the article is illogical. You can still be abused in marriage and it doesn’t have to be the woman’s fault.

    “Ladies, conceal the beautiful mystery of your bodies for your worth is indescribable.” – This makes sense to an extent, but if it is really indescribable, showing off our figures because we’re proud of it would not matter anyway. There’s more to our worth than how we show our bodies. Intellect, for example, is of worth, too. Why are men discounting themselves (or women discounting them) so much to say that they cannot literally see beyond desires of the flesh to our intellect if we’re to expose our thighs, arms, etc? C’mon men, get it together. Don’t drag us down with you.

    Everyone has different life criteria, and some choose to value religion and choose that as their critical thinking, and some choose theirs without religion, culture or whatever else. It’s fine as long as you’re happy within yourself, whether it’s judged by yourself or you choose for it to be judged by another.

    By Fiona | 3 years ago Reply
  28. Hello Maura,

    Great article and keep up the good work. My story is just the opposite…I’m a guy who was saving sex for marriage, but ended up meeting a girl who gave that gift to someone else and many others before me.

    It hurt me a lot, but I also know God asks us to forgive. She said she didn’t know me yet and it was not done to hurt me. She just didn’t seem to understand how hard it was for me to forgive her and how much it still hurt even though she didn’t do it to hurt me personally. I really wanted a girl who was saving herself too, but God brought her into my life in a unique way and I ended up marrying her. I don’t know if its psychological, but every now and then I still feel cheated on or that a she gave away a very special gift that was meant for only me.

    I also found it interesting that she didn’t seem to care much for the fact that I saved myself for her.

    Overall, the marriage has been pretty awesome…we have our ups and downs, but we also have not been blessed with any children. That has added stress on our marriage and she really wants children, but we would need the aid of science to help, which the Catholic Church doesn’t seem to agree with. She is a fall away Catholic and she is blaming me and the Catholic Church for the fact that she won’t have children.

    We’ve been married almost 9 years and have been really trying for 6-7 years. We’ve both been to the doctors and they can’t find anything wrong with us. She is almost 40 now.

    I ask for your prayers. Thank you

    By Anthony | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hi Anthony,

      I just wanted to say that I used to think just like you with my past relationships and I hope I could share with you what I learned.

      I learned that it is on our part as a man to make the girl realize again how special she is regardless of the men they they have been with. Although it may be hard since you’ve always done things right. I think what’s more important rather than focusing on the mistakes that a person has made is that we must be that person that gives them new hope.

      By Ken | 3 years ago Reply
    • Anthony, I almost cried reading your story. Guys like you are so rare. I signed a True Love Waits pledge card at 14 and have been praying for twenty (20!!!!) years for a husband that saved himself for me. So far, nothing…..

      I hope she comes to appreciate the incredible gift you gave her.

      By Lady M | 3 years ago Reply
  29. Thank you Maura! I’m 22 and although it is a challenge waiting, it makes me soo happy knowing my efforts are for my dream guy! I will have to check our Made In His Image now 🙂

    By Harper | 3 years ago Reply
  30. May God be with you always. Mother Mary loves you

    By MON SIBAL | 3 years ago Reply
  31. time change the chastity value its not the sex that counts but the relationship between two person having sex with love is different having sex with lust I hope people with relastionship know the difference between the two.When the is love in a relationship,respect follows that will become your guide to a better relationship God created our heart below our brain so our brain cells still commands before our sexual hormones.

    By yazmine | 3 years ago Reply
  32. I went to Jason’s show last night and thought that it was really good. Myself, I am 20 years old and I have never had sex before and I am glad that I never have. The reason why I never had sex is because for one, I want to wait for the right girl to marry and I still have at least 10 years before me until I want to get married. I have never had a girlfriend before so that’s another reason why I have never had sex before. Its frustrating sometimes that I have never had a girlfriend before but this is a sign from God that I have not found the right girl for myself yet. I am in college and it seems like half of the college campus is sleeping around or they have kids already and are struggling through life. It is so worth it to wait to marriage to have sex because it truly shows that woman that you love her for what she is. In my opinion, I think most teens have sex because they say they love each other but in fact they don’t really know what love is because they are not mature enough to know what true love is.

    By Dan Wallace | 3 years ago Reply
  33. Thanks, Maura. I am waiting myself for marriage, because as a runner, I am sure you are familiar with Steve Prefontaine’s assertion that “to give less than 100% is to sacrifice the gift”. The gift of my sexuality is not mine to give, is my wife’s to take, nice and simple.

    By Bernie | 3 years ago Reply
  34. people like this are facing extinction.

    By Changeq | 3 years ago Reply
    • but not in asia.

      By Changeq | 3 years ago Reply
  35. This may sound condescending, but encouraging people to wait for sex until they’re married is naive and misguided. Most people engage in premarital sex because they want to see if they are sexually compatible with each other. Not having sex before marriage is risky. You try marrying someone you are not sexually compatible with — good luck with that — your marriage won’t last.

    Remember, sexual compatibility will always trumps religious belief.

    By Raymond | 3 years ago Reply
  36. I love your article, i need this for my daughter as reminder. Please allow me to share this with her, thank you Ms. Byrne…God will Bless you with more gifts!

    By Amelia Mondejar | 3 years ago Reply
  37. This is a nice article. Very inspiring. I’m a teenage Christian, and believe in waiting.

    By Danielle | 3 years ago Reply
  38. I am also waiting for marriage to share that deep and special bond with my husband. Living in chastity gives me more peace, dignity and freedom. Thank you for this article. When I read your story, it was comforting for me because I went through some similar situations. God loves us the way we are and that is the most important thing:).
    God bless you!

    By Mary | 3 years ago Reply
  39. I am a 24 year old woman, who is in a relationship and has been sexually active.
    Now I want to stop because I attended this service and now fully understand God’s purpose for us. But the person I’m dating has no problem with sex before marriage because he says he’ll marry me when he starts working. He has promised to try and wait till marriage but said if he can no longer resist the temptation he’d rather end the relationship coz he can’t cheat on me. Now I’m afraid I might lose him because we don’t know how to adjust from sex to no sex. Like there’s a tension between the two of us. I love him so much and we’ve been through a lot together. I wouldn’t want to lose him. He’s been my first love n my true love. I don’t know what to do. I know God would be very disappointed if I’d go back to sin whilst I’ve found the living truth.

    By Lo | 3 years ago Reply

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