5 Secrets to Successful Dating

There is a strange phenomenon that has happened in our culture, where the elderly, weathered and wise have been labeled as “old” and “obsolete”. We are one of the few cultures in the history of civilization that does not value the elderly for their wisdom. You would think that people would want advice from someone who has been through all of the struggles and trials of this life.

The same can be said for dating and relationships. I once heard a young man challenge an article that I had written on relationships saying that he knew more about women than I did because he had dated 15 different women in the past year. Being in a lot of failed relationships is more of an indictment than it is a badge of honor. Consider this, who would you rather receive marriage advice from? A person that has been divorced 5 times or a person that has been married for 50 years?

I can’t say that I am an expert in dating and relationships, but I have figured a few things out over the course of my life. I married my high school sweet-heart, we were best friends before we dated and were both virgins when we married. I dated her for four and a half years (all the way through college – 2 years long distance). We have been married for over 7 years and have 3 beautiful children. Here are a few things I figured out along the way that aided my relationship. These messages are not your typical dating advice.

1. Every relationship ends in one of two ways.

A dating relationship either ends in marriage or break-up. Rare is it that you meet a person that has been dating the same person for 30 years. If you know that the person that you are dating is not a person that you want to marry, you need to end the relationship. The conclusion is inevitable, and delaying it for any other reason simply creates a climate for a bad relationship. Keeping this principle in mind will instantly raise your standards for the kind of person that you are willing to date and give your relationship purpose (discerning marriage).

2. Your dating relationship is not the most important relationship you will ever have.

Every marriage relationship ends when “death parts you.” At the moment of death, you will meet the person that you were created for and will spend the rest of eternity with – Jesus Christ. A dating relationship should build up your relationship with Jesus, not pull you away from it. Prayer in your relationship is one of the most important things you will ever do as a couple.

3. Never make decisions in a state of spiritual desolation.

This is a principle of St. Ignatius Loyola. It means that important decisions in your life (like who you date) should not be made without prayer. If you don’t know what God is trying to lead you to because you cannot hear Him, then you shouldn’t be making important life decisions.

4. It’s okay to be single.

Seriously, it is. Love finds us in God’s time. When you date with purpose, you tend to date fewer people, but for longer periods of time.

5. Chastity is necessary for love.

When a person has not learned to master their sexual desires – but are instead mastered by their desires – their desires are inherently selfish. Selfishness and love are two things that do not go together. Chastity dictates that you love a person so much that you will the good for them. Sex only makes sense in the context of marriage, because it is in marriage that you give your entire life and self to the other person. Doing that in body – through sex – without first doing it in sacrament, speaks a lie to the other person. I can honestly say that there is no way that my wife and I would have ever married if we didn’t constantly pursue and practice purity in our dating relationship.

Dating is not a complicated practice – it’s a discernment process for marriage. What complicates the practice of dating is the brokenness, impurity or unreasonable expectations that a person brings into a relationship. If you struggle with dating the right person or finding the right person, find someone who lives a happy and healthy marriage, and follow their lead.

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everettfritzEverett Fritz works in Catholic Youth Ministry and enjoys speaking on the topics of chastity, discipleship, and youth evangelization. He is the Content Development Coordinator for YDisciple at the Augustine Institute and holds an MA in Pastoral Theology with concentrations in Catechesis and Evangelization from the Augustine Institute. He also holds a BA in Theology from Franciscan University of Steubenville. Everett resides in Denver with his wife Katrina and their three children.

50 Comments

  1. Wow! This brings excellent clarity to the dating question that I am so often asked in the TOB class. Thank you!

    By Annette | 3 years ago Reply
  2. You’re so right when u say that a lot of people don’t listen to you if your older than they are. I’m 17 and have never been in an actual dating relationship (although I did bail out on a requst one time after some descernment). the thing is though that I keep telling the 13 and 15 year olds and even the kids my own age that dating isn’t for fun and relationships end in either marriage or misery and that its ok to be single because I have been all my life and they all tell me “well things are different now”

    By chris pitio | 3 years ago Reply
    • Oh my gosh Chris. That is exactly what I am going through right now! I’ve been asked out but I really feel like it’s not in God’s plans for me to date him. If you don’t mind could you tell me what you told the girl. I am trying to think of how to break it to this guy gently as he is very sensitive. Thanks and god bless. 🙂

      By Hannah | 3 years ago Reply
    • Dating ends in marriage or misery, yes, but it could also result in a stronger relationship if you are following these 5 “secrets” and some biblical principles. Breaking up doesn’t have to be misery. It could end up strengthening your relationship with the other person, if your goal is to please God with the relationship.

      By Trent | 3 years ago Reply
  3. Sorry the thingy cut me off. but its true they do say that and I’m only a few years older than them, were technically the same generation with the same issues but no one will take advice from any been-there-done-that for any reason. its saddening honestly

    By chris pitio | 3 years ago Reply
  4. Thank you so much for this 🙂 I have been wondering about relationships for a while and this has answered all of my questions 🙂

    By Helena | 3 years ago Reply
  5. This is very inspiring. I am 32 now and have not really dated because i have a standard which no girl has really met. I try to work more on my frail relationship with God.

    By Namse | 3 years ago Reply
    • Man, you must be picky! I’m only kidding, that’s good to have high standards.

      By Alexa Meza | 3 years ago Reply
  6. thank you for the enlightment

    By Hezekiah | 3 years ago Reply
  7. Thank again for reminding me of not ‘devaluing’ who I am. Stay close to God and He will lead me to love. I’ll wait on the Lord and take the time right now that I’m single to focus on a relationship with Him.

    By Aida | 3 years ago Reply
  8. I am glad I logged in to facebook this hour. Thanks for posting this.

    By Joyce | 3 years ago Reply
  9. Wow…i have to say i disagree with this article quite a bit. I am not saying it is a bad article, but i find it to be very limited and self aggrandizing. You are essentially saying that the way you went about relationships is the best way to do so and i find that to be a very narrow minded view point on what relationships should be and feel there are many out there who would suffer from following your advice. First, there are many important things that come from dating relationships that don’t end in marriage. To say “If you know that the person that you are dating is not a person that you want to marry, you need to end the relationship” negates a very important part about the dating process…we come to find out what it is we do and don’t seek in a partner. I personally have had three relationships that have not ended in marriage and i knew they wouldn’t very early on, but i would never consider them failures and i didn’t end them as soon as i knew they wouldn’t end in marriage. I was young and they were right for me in that stage of my life. I discovered a lot about who i am, and why that type of person isn’t the one for me to marry. Furthermore, I don’t believe chastity is necessary for love. Many couples feel that the love they share only increases through shared intimacy and it is through this process that we also discover what we do and don’t want from a sexual partner. To have no concept of what you desire personally and from your partner before choosing to spend the rest of your life with them could lead to resentment and unfulfillment, which is another reason why not all marriages end when “death parts you” because a lot of marriages end via divorce…something that occurs when we jump into marriage without fully understanding what we want and need from our partner. If chastity is right for you, then do it. But by no means do i feel that it is necessary for love. I pray that you at least talk about these points with your congregation, because telling people there is only one way to successfully date is both narrow minded and dangerous and could lead people to a lifetime of misery for not going about dating in their own way. We all have a path in life, and not all of them follow your ideologies. I apologize if i offended you or anyone else, i just think there are more ways to think about dating than this narrow-minded list of five “secrets.” Discover who you are in your own way. Don’t let other people tell you how to do it.

    By Joe | 3 years ago Reply
    • I think that your comment reveals in itself the very things that Everett is trying to teach. The problem is that today everyone thinks that marriage is something that is done “for me”. For example:

      “. . . we come to find out what it is we do and don’t seek in a partner.”

      “To have no concept of what you desire personally and from your partner before choosing to spend the rest of your life with them could lead to resentment and unfulfillment, which is another reason why not all marriages end when “death parts you” because a lot of marriages end via divorce…something that occurs when we jump into marriage without fully understanding what we want and need from our partner.”

      These examples demonstrate the idea that marriage is something for us. That’s backwards. Marriage is something we do for our spouse. It’s about giving of ourselves for what is best for the other, and having them do the same thing for you. Going into dating and marriage by saying “What is this gonna do for me?” is a misunderstanding of what marriage is from the beginning. Notice that all five of his pieces of advice direct a person out from themselves to focus on someone other than themselves.

      By Lee | 3 years ago Reply
      • While i agree 100% that marriage is about pleasing your partner and becoming selfless, this is more about what people should go through for dating prior to marriage. And in the period of your life where you are deciding who to spend the rest of your life with, it is incredibly important to be selfish and discover what it is you want from a partner before you marry (Even the author notes this in his 1st comment “If you know that the person that you are dating is not a person that you want to marry, you need to end the relationship.”). This is a selfish act. You are admitting to yourself and to your dating partner that YOU want something/someone different to spend the rest of YOUR life with for one reason or another. What if the person you are breaking up with does want to marry you? Should you be selfless and marry them just to make them happy? If you prematurely marry on the basis of just trying to please someone else, you yourself will feel unsatisfied and unhappy, and an unhappy person will always struggle to uplift and bring happiness to those around them.

        If the purpose is about the “giving of ourselves for what is best for the other, and having them do the same thing for you” then shouldn’t the best thing for our spouse be to provide them with a satisfied and happy partner who will love and cherish them forever? I think at some point becoming to selfless in a marriage is a bad thing and will lead to resentment. Only you live your life, no one else. I think it is important to be happy with your decisions, only then can we give 100% of ourselves to our partner.

        By Joe | 3 years ago Reply
        • Joe, it is not selfish to decide to end a relationship because you know you aren’t going to marry your partner. Actually, it would be selfish to NOT break up with someone you aren’t willing to marry. The purpose of dating is to find your spouse, and if you know you aren’t going to marry them, staying in a relationship with them for any other reason would be using them. That does not necessarily mean that you have bad intentions and are using them on purpose, but yes, you would be using them. The reason you stated for staying with someone you aren’t going to marry is that it is good for learning who you are, and also learning about what you want/ don’t want in a partner. First of all, if you don’t know who you are, you are NOT mature enough to even think about being in a relationship, and a relationship is NOT the place to discover who you are. A person should know who they are first, and then start looking for who they want to spend the rest of their life with. If you know your partner is not who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then why would you use them to “find out what we do and do not want in a partner.” Actually, I don’t even understand the logic of that. When you are in a relationship, you are saying to your partner, “Hey, I am mature, prepared, and ready to get married. You seem like someone I could possibly marry because from what I know about you so far, you meet my standards and we seem like we could be compatible. So, let’s get to know each other really well so that I can make sure you really do meet my standards and you really are someone God wants me to spend the rest of my life with.” When you are dating someone you know you aren’t going to marry, you’re saying, “Hey, I don’t want to marry you because I have discovered that you actually don’t meet my standards for a husband/wife. Because God has clearly showed me that we are not supposed to be together, I am going to pretend that I want to be with you so that I can use you to find out if there are any other standards you don’t meet, or any other ways in which we are not compatible.” I don’t understand why that seems like an okay/smart thing to do. There a bagillion people in this world and they are all different. Are you going to date every single one and make a list of every bad thing about every one. No, because that isn’t smart, efficient, and dating without the intent to marry is using a person and therefore not moral. Not only should you know who you are before you start dating, but you also need to have standards for potential spouses. During the process of dating, when you find out a potential spouse does not meet those standards, or you just realize that this person isn’t someone you could fall in love with, you have no further moral/smart reason to continue to date this person. Staying with them after realizing this would only be selfish.

          By May | 3 years ago Reply
          • You bring up great points May! Thanks for sharing!

            By Nicky | 3 years ago
          • I completelly agree with you! When you realize the person you’re dating is not the person God prepared for you to marry and to die for, you also realize that you are only using that person. You might even love that person, but if you are messing with them feelings, body and soul with to intention to deal with it for the rest of your life, you are messing with something that simply does not belong to you – it only belongs to God, to them and their future spouses.

            By Maria Isabel | 3 years ago
        • I like you, Joe

          By Bobby | 3 years ago Reply
    • it’s pretty basic…..if you are in the will of God, then He will put you with the right person….you won’t have to worry about being unfulfilled or finding out all your likes and dislikes. If you try to find that person that is perfect and has every single thing you’re looking for, then you will never find them because no one is perfect. Dating alot of people will not lead you to the one. Only God can do that.

      By Tina | 3 years ago Reply
      • What does this mean? To be in the will of God? How would you define it and is this the same way others do? So much of what we say does not have a universal definition or understanding, which causes much confusion. Although I do believe it is important to be living by the Spirit, I personally believe this is not an ACTION…it just IS… it is simply living as a vessel for Christ to pour through and if you have committed your life to Christ this is going to happen as you grow.
        I also do not believe that if you are in the “will of God” (or living by the Spirit) He is going to always bless you. The statement “if you are in the will of God, then He will put you with the right person” implies a prosperity gospel…the idea that falls in line with karma, really– if you are good and follow God then He will bless you. However this statement also implies that those that have bad things happen to them must not be in God’s will, they must not be living in the Spirit. This is faulty logic, I mean, look at Job. He had so many calamities fall upon him yet pursued God through it all. And then look at David, an adulterous murdering liar… yet he was named a man after God’s own heart, which sounds like quite a blessing to me.
        Just because you love Jesus, does not mean you will have the right person fall into your lap. You have to find them through doing life and relationship with others.

        By H | 3 years ago Reply
        • Actually, God will/does ALWAYS bless you. EVERYTHING He does to you is for your GOOD. The thing is, whatever is really good for us is not always what WE THINK is good for us. That’s why it is so important to really be turned towards God and in tune with His will. For clarity, doing the will of God means that we do what He wants us to do. When we think, “Oh, I need to find my future husband/wife all by myself,” we are completely blocking God. We need to let God lead because He actually knows what’s best for us.

          By the way, David was not named a man after God’s own heart because he was an adulterous, murdering liar.

          By May | 3 years ago Reply
    • I see what you are trying to say. Yes, at the beginning of a relationship, when you first start to date, you should be a little selfish. You should ask yourself, “Will this person treat me right? Are they the type of person I want to be spending time with? Will they help me get to heaven?” And if the answer is no, then you are being in a relationship just to be in a relationship. The longer you stay in it, the more you could hurt the other person. For the other person, you may be their idea of a perfect match, and over time, will fall harder for you. You could save the other person some hurt if you end the relationship sooner rather than later.
      If the answer is yes to the above questions, then your relationship will begin to deepen over time but you should also be chaste. By saying to the other person, “I respect you enough that I am willing to wait for you,” speaks a lot about your character. It tells the other person that you aren’t in the relationship only for the physical things, but because you truly care about them as a person. Waiting also gives both of you something to look forward to once you are married. What is so special about marriage if you can have all the benefits of it without actually tying the knot? This also helps you to really see all the commitments of marriage and decide if this person will be standing on the alter with you.
      I know this may seem like a very specific path to take…and maybe it is. But it’s a path that will lead you to more than just the love of your life, it will lead you to the one who loves you the most–God. Marriage was created to be a sacred bond, and we find that if we re-define it, things don’t end up as well. Keep your eyes on God, and He will lead you down the right path.

      By Alissa | 3 years ago Reply
    • The end of your paragraph states, “Discover who you are in your own way. Don’t let other people tell you how to do it.” Again, if you don’t know who you are, you are way too immature to date. Dating is not about “discovering who you are”, it’s about finding who God wants you to marry. If you don’t know who you are, how could you possibly be able to know who God wants you to marry? “Don’t let other people tell you how to do it.” If you mean that you should be the one to define how to date, you are wrong. God should be the One who defines how you date. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving. Wouldn’t listening to Him be the best way to go?

      “Furthermore, I don’t believe chastity is necessary for love. Many couples feel that the love they share only increases through shared intimacy and it is through this process that we also discover what we do and don’t want from a sexual partner.” First of all, “many couples FEEL.” There’s your problem right there. We are all human. We sin, we fall, we desire things that are wrong. So just because “many couples feel” that sex is going to help the dating process, that doesn’t justify anything because sometimes what we feel is wrong. And in this case, yes, God has made it super clear that fornication is a grave sin. Is there a reason why you don’t seem to agree with that? Secondly, yes, sex makes you feel more attached to/more in love with your partner. That’s one of the reasons why God made it…. for marriage. When you say ’til death do us part’, and you are not perfect, it’s nice that God allows that strong bond to form from sex. Because it is so strong and hard to break, it helps keep couples together through hard times. So when you are dating, does it sound smart to allow that kind of bond to happen when you are still discerning whether you want to marry this person? Finally, I understand the desire to find a good sexual partner. No one wants to have bad sex for the rest of their life, but does it sound good to say, “Hey, I love you. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. But before I marry you, we are gonna have a little test. We are going to have sex, and if you don’t score at least a B+, then the weddings off.” Yeah. Doesn’t sound too good. Here’s the thing, once you get married, you have AN ENTIRE LIFETIME to work on your sex life. That’s why married people have the best sex. All you need to make sure during the dating process is that your future spouse is someone who will listen to your needs. That’s it. Cause after you get married, if you marry a good listener, he/she will listen to your sexual needs as well. And a whole lifetime of this= super good sex. So therefore, you don’t need to have a sex test before you get married, especially because fornication is, indeed, a grave sin, and because it is unhealthy for dating, as well as a future marriage.

      By May | 3 years ago Reply
    • Joe,

      I have had the same thoughts as you in the past, so my reply is coming from someone who can definitely relate to your views and to the views of so many other people. However, as I have studied this subject, my opinions have changed. I tend to disagree with the statement that we need to discover what we want from our partner sexually before moving into a marriage relationship with someone. How would someone know if they should be satisfied more than what they are with their spouse if they have never experienced better sex (or any sex for that matter) before? Furthermore I have noticed that more marriages end in discontentment of intimacy because of the very point that you presented by saying the following:

      “…it is through this process that we also discover what we do and don’t want from a sexual partner. To have no concept of what you desire personally and from your partner before choosing to spend the rest of your life with them could lead to resentment and unfulfillment, which is another reason why not all marriages end when “death parts you” because a lot of marriages end via divorce”

      No one person will ever fit the false expectations that we receive through our culture and through our past experience. People build up the “perfect spouse/sexual parter” in their mind and they search tirelessly for them. It is when they realize that the person they married, whom they thought “fit the standards”, has flaws and imperfections in the way they relate to them, that “unfulfillment” is experienced. Someone’s unmet desires in a relationship that lead to dissatisfaction are very different than the Christ-centered standards that one should have in a dating relationship. Someone ending a relationship because their partner isn’t very good in the bed is a very different situation from someone ending a dating relationship because they do not feel God calling them in the same direction. Being selfish to make sure you find the spouse that God is calling you to is better defined as being committed to God’s plan for your life and for the life of your spouse. I don’t believe there is a such thing as perfect marriage on Earth. I do believe there is stupid marriage and smart marriage, but not perfect. The real issue we should address is the persistence and commitment that is needed for marriage. While it is important, we need not be worried about our sexual experiences as much as we should be determined to stay true to the vow between ourselves, God, and our spouses that we enter at marriage. True love does not come through the best sex we have ever had, but through the overcome trials and the selfless perseverance in marriage through the Lord with our spouse. Our sexual intimacy should be a physical representation of the perfect love of Christ, not an marriage-satisfaction-increaser, and not a standard to be met.

      I appreciate your representation of these very common viewpoints, but I have to disagree with you.

      Thank you for reading, and I pray that you would have an open mind towards the points that Everett presented, and I pray that you have a Christ-centered marriage and that you would be blessed by God’s gift to you in marriage.

      By Nick | 3 years ago Reply
  10. I fully agree with all your thoughts and ‘real life’ practices you are making. I hope what I’m practising will attract that ‘divine’ relationship that I’m currently awaiting.

    By LINDA CHAN | 3 years ago Reply
  11. So true! Thank you so much for writing this.

    By Monique | 3 years ago Reply
  12. Thank you so much for the word. Im a Catholic youth who wants to help my fellow youths in my parish get to make right decisions

    By Hamatanga Sylvester | 3 years ago Reply
  13. Sad but its true…”in love is only for men”. I don’t think any women can be in love first or pursue what ever turns her on. Women job is “to try to love her man who is willing to sacrifices for her if you want your married to stay good”. The more difficult you are the classier you will be! 😉

    By hanny | 3 years ago Reply
  14. It seems just when I am having doubts about living a chaste lifestyle, God pops up in the most random places to remind me why I made this decision. Thank you so much for this article, I’ll be sure to share it.

    By Angela | 3 years ago Reply
  15. here is where you apply the whole concept of trusting God to knowing and granting your heart.desires

    By dee | 3 years ago Reply
  16. Amen to this! Go for it as God leads you.

    By Ritz | 3 years ago Reply
  17. Your last point seems to imply that sexual impurity in a relationship prohibits that relationship from every being successful or fulfilling… is this what you meant to imply by the statement?
    Because I personally cannot agree with that. I know so many stories of couples who have “messed up” according to Christian standards, yet they now have extremely blessed and beautiful marriages that are still centered on God.
    I think the Christian community places such a taboo on sex before marriage. Yes, I do believe biblical teaching is clear on this issue, but biblical teaching is also clear on the fact that we are a broken and fallen race. We are going to mess up! We make having sex outside of marriage such a huge “NO NO” that all of our lives we hear “don’t do it, don’t do it…” but what if someone does? That part is never talked about. The idea is just always communicated that if you do mess up in that way any potential for a successful future as a Christian or as a partner for someone else is ruined. But this is not true. Through sin grace abounds! I would challenge those in the Christian community to talk to their children about sex… it is a sad truth for A LOT of Christians. When I was in high school I wouldn’t have believed you had you told me the number of godly people I know who would succumb to this sin, but you know what? It’s ok and, despite what I was told growing up, life goes on. This sin, like any, has it’s consequences, but it is no worse and will not prohibit you from ever being whole again. After all, if you are His child, it’s already forgiven.

    By H | 3 years ago Reply
    • H, honestly I think that you are absolutely right. One way (and such a narrow minded one) isn’t good for every person there is, and you really do need to know yourself before you share your life with someone else.

      My mother and I were on that topic the other day and she said that it’s best that you do make sure that you Lear about yourself and infact live with a person before you marry them. Unfortunately she didn’t follow her own adwice when she married my father and because she didn’t know herself well enough and she didn’t know him that well their marriage lasted 1 year. Now she DID follow those 5 “secrets”.

      So thank you! Because I honestly am getting so much pressure from my school and those chastity talks that I just needed to read your point of you. So thank you 🙂

      By Lisa | 3 years ago Reply
      • Why do you say that this “one way” isn’t what’s best for everyone? A life of chastity is this “one way” that God Himself wants for all of his children. God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and all-loving. I just don’t see why one would deny that God knows what’s best for His children.

        By May | 3 years ago Reply
      • Lisa – usually I stay out of the comment sections of my articles, but I did want to respond to yours. Couples who co-habitate before marriage are statistically 50% more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t. Its bad advice.

        I am not an expert on all things relationships and I hesitate to comment on the advice you have been given. The point of this article is to direct you to understand 5 things:
        – God is real and has created you with a plan for your life
        – His plan is for your joy and goodness
        – You cannot know his plan without prayer
        – A relationship is a big deal and has huge implications in your life.
        – Therefore, both people in the relationship need to be praying and discerning the will of God for the relationship.

        If both members of the relationship are doing this and doing it well, in addition to living chastity, there is no way that a marriage relationship is going to last a year. I hope that advice is helpful.

        By Everett | 3 years ago Reply
    • H – thank you for your comment. Crystalina Evert shares a great testimony on messing up and then God making her whole again. You can find her testimony somewhere on this chastityproject.com page. The point of my article was not to condemn or cast judgment on those who have sexual impurity in their past. I didn’t live these five secrets perfectly, I had to discover them through trial and error. But that’s the whole point of the article. If we learn to listen to people who have been there and done that, we can avoid the same struggles and heartache that they went through. And yes, if I am giving advice to a young person about dating, living a chaste life is going to be part of the advice. That being said, God is merciful and “writes straight with crooked lines.” He has the ability to bless our mistakes. That doesn’t mean that we should go out of our way to make those mistakes. Does that help?

      By Everett | 3 years ago Reply
    • Actually H, I think you have chastity and purity mistaken. Purity is not only a physical thing, it is a state of mind. Losing your virginity to someone other than your spouse does not mean that all hope is lost for your soul. And we obviously have had different experiences because I, attending Roman Catholic schools all my 18 years of life was taught about sex and quite in detail at that in my Religion classes. So yes, Christians do talk about what happens after you have had sex out of marriage, just see Crystalina Evert, who openly talks about that. So while we teach that we should maintain a chaste relationship, we also preach that you will be forgiven.

      By Tremaine | 3 years ago Reply
  18. How do I say this…I know I’m only going to own my car for five years. After it’s paid for, I’m gonna trade it in for a new car. So the amount of time I will have this car is significantly shorter than the rest of my life.

    And you betcha, I’m gonna test drive it before I buy it. Just sayin’.

    By Jeremy | 3 years ago Reply
    • The thing is. Women are not objects like cars are. So your analogy is flawed. Women are persons.

      By Jeff | 3 years ago Reply
  19. Nice article,thanks for the encouragement.

    By Tamika | 3 years ago Reply
  20. Thank you very much for this article, I do follow these rules and they have been in my mind long before I started dating. I really enjoyed the comments as well, it’s great to see those who don’t understand asking questions politely and getting wonderfully polite and insightful replies. 🙂

    By Sophia | 3 years ago Reply
  21. Thank you for this…I agree with you..

    By Marnelly | 3 years ago Reply
  22. Thanks for clearing,now I feel so much better. God bless!

    By Dorianne Marie | 3 years ago Reply
  23. I agree with a lot of things in this articles, including “it’s okay to be single,” and “your dating relationship is not necessarily the most important relationship you will have, but I don’t think marriage is for everyone. I think a lot of people would be perfectly content dating/living with their partner for 30 years and never getting married. I agree that chastity is necessary for true love because it allows you to develop real feelings and connections for the person rather than sexual desire or lusting for them, but I do not think that sex is something that makes sense only in the context of marriage. Sex is a natural human desire, and setting regulations and putting sex in a box to be held only for marriage is restricting and narrow-minded.

    By Christie | 3 years ago Reply
  24. Great article. Important point though “At the moment of death, you will meet the person that you were created for and will spend the rest of eternity with – Jesus Christ” – this is our hope, not our certainty. I think you should clarify this in the article. God bless you.

    By Steve | 3 years ago Reply
  25. Thank you for this, God is so so mysterious and he speaks to me thru your article. I will bear this in my heart & soul. Thank you once again.

    By Ms.AnnGabChin | 3 years ago Reply
  26. On the contrary, sex outside of marriage is narrow-minded. It says that you know better than the thousands of years of successful marriages (marriages that ended with one spouse’s death, rather than divorce) that were rooted in purity and did not include sex outside of marriage. An open mind would listen to that wisdom, even if it means changing one’s lifestyle, which is, admittedly, not an easy thing to do. Look at how much higher the divorce rates are for couples who did not wait for marriage, how many cohabitators end up getting divorced, how many of those people who never marry end up breaking up after living together for so many years and having kids together. It’s not saying that other marriages never work, but not listening to wisdom makes things that much more difficult, and marriage is hard enough as it is.

    The purpose of dating is to discern marriage. Sex creates an emotional and chemical bond that makes it difficult to see the red flags. People date much longer than they otherwise would have, wasting years of their lives with the wrong person that they could have spent with a better match. Moving in together is an even worse idea because sharing furniture and household appliances makes it that much more difficult to leave (it’s almost like getting a divorce even though they never actually got married). After marriage, the bond is good because it makes people want to stay together and keep their commitments to each other and to the children they create together.

    I also do not think it’s a good idea to rush into marriage just because you want to have sex. Marriage, in the Christian worldview, is a lifelong commitment and is a very serious one. Which means it takes discernment. I would suggest dating for a year or two. By the three-year anniversary you should know if they’re right for you or not and either break up or get engaged… life is too short to waste on the wrong person and just because you love them or don’t want to hurt their feelings isn’t a good reason to continue in a relationship with them. Someone else is out there for you and someone else is out there for your boyfriend/girlfriend. After engagement is marriage prep courses (pre-Cana) which usually last 6-9 months and end with the wedding. Engagement is another period of discernment (still no sex yet) and it’s better to break an engagement than it is to get divorced. It is sad to hear that an engaged couple broke up, but that much worse to divorce and break up a family that most likely has children.

    The reasons people give for having sex outside of marriage are flawed. Getting to know if you’re compatible in bed? Marriage is for increasing compatibility in bed. Sex is an expression of love and a physical form of communication. If the relationship is strong, the sex will be good and will get better over time as spouses know each other better and better. Having multiple sex partners is more likely to lead to unfulfillment because you will be comparing your spouse to your other partner(s) as far as how well things fit together. If you did not sleep with the other people, you would not know the difference and you’d just be happy with your spouse.

    The divorce rate for Catholic couples who only use NFP is <2%, so I think the Catholic Church knows what she's talking about when she gives advice about dating and marriage.

    If someone has committed a sin in the past, all he/she needs to do is go to Confession and promise to change his/her life to avoid that sin in the future. God is loving and forgiving. We are fallen and He understands that everyone sins and messes up from time to time. But the true test of character is whether we are prideful and want to continue in or sin (not admit we were wrong) or to humbly admit we did wrong, accept God's forgiveness and grace, and change our lifestyle choices to lead holy lives and avoid the near occasion of sin.

    By Stephanie | 3 years ago Reply
  27. I really liked the article I am 16 and I found it very useful in my dating life. so thanks a lot!!

    By John | 3 years ago Reply
  28. Thank you so much for this.Now i know.

    By emmanuel juma | 3 years ago Reply
  29. AMAZZINGGGG! Absolutely beautiful, thank-you so much for your beautiful truth.

    By Desiree | 3 years ago Reply

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