Beauty in the Breakups

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Every time I hear the word “breakup,” images of Ben and Jerry’s, sappy movies, and a large supply of tissues come to my mind. Because, let’s face it: breakups are hard and ice cream is delicious…. That being said, I think that it is time to start looking at breakups in a bit of a different light. Sure, sobbing, crying, and blowing your nose into your friends sleeve are all okay… unless your friend isn’t okay with you blowing your nose into their sleeve.

BUT  I think that a lot of people overlook the beauty that lies in this brokenness. A bible verse that I have been meditating on a lot lately is psalm 34:18 which says plain and simply “God is close to the brokenhearted.” It does not say that he immediately fixes all of their problems and takes away every feeling of hurt or betrayal; it says that he is close to them. So many people feel like God is only present when good things happen to them and that he doesn’t care about their problems.

It is even easy to feel abandoned by him at these parts of our lives. We feel like He doesn’t care about our loss or our happiness because he would do something to stop this from happening if he did. But this is not the case.

Feeling rejected by someone, whether we were dating that person or not, is a deep hurt which hits us right in the center of who we are. It is followed by a lot of thoughts like “Is there something wrong with me?” or “If someone that close to me didn’t like who I am, then who will?” We feel like we need to change things about ourselves so that this vulnerability and hurt we feel will never happen again. We begin to harden ourselves and it becomes easy to stick to surface level relationships with others, even our closest friends. We believe that we need to always be independent and not burden others with our “feelings.”

While isolation may keep out hurt, it will also keep out love. Jesus knew this even as he was dying on the cross. He was abandoned by 11 of his 12 apostles… The men that he had been with for so long and that he had shared so much with literally left Him to die. And he was the son of God… If anyone understands rejection, it’s Him. And yet, as he hung there, he gave everything that he had left to the one friend who was still with him. He gave his own mother, his very heart, to this friend. We are called to model this behavior at our darkest moments.

At the times when it is hardest for us, we need to be open to His love. Like Jesus, we need to be accepting of the kindness of others and be willing to give of ourselves even when it hurts … And like His apostle, we need to accept Jesus’ gift of his mother to us. Mary is one of the greatest gifts that the Catholic Church possesses. We are so blessed to have her as a mother and find comfort in her maternal compassion.

While it may feel like it, breakups are not the end of the world. They are an opportunity to let God and others love us. We need to take these times and use them to build relationships instead of walls.  

I want you at all remember that “In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” – Romans 8:37

Turn to God, turn to your friends, turn to Mary, be loved, be healed. He is close to you.

I will continue to pray for you as you open your hearts to love. God loves you so much and so do I.

1 Corinthians 13

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Rebekah Hardy lives in New Jersey and is a sophomore at Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland where she majors in Theology and minors in English. She enjoys playing sports, praying the Rosary, and drinking iced coffee. Her blog can be found atcatholiclifesite.wordpress.com and her twitter handle is @bekahhardy7.

20 Comments

  1. So beautiful. Thank you.

    By Sarah | 2 years ago Reply
  2. Providence! I love it!!

    By April | 2 years ago Reply
  3. I want to hug you for writing this. It’s like you took everything I’ve come to realize over the course of the past seven months and put it all together. Breakups are hard (especially when you’re engaged and are five months out from the wedding), but there’s so much beauty that comes from it. You have to let Jesus and others love you through it, even when you don’t want to be loved or feel unworthy of the love He and they want to give you. Taking this time and opening up to Him has made all of the difference in my life.

    By Kirstie | 2 years ago Reply
    • I never comment on things but I also found this article to sum up my past six months( after an engagement break up three month before the wedding) just as you did. Personally I only know of one other person (male) who has dealt with a broken engagement, so I appreciate you sharing a piece of your story. This whole experience, I have learned that God will take our pain and turn it into good. I hope you have seen that as well. I will pray for you and your continued healing.

      By Lauren | 2 years ago Reply
  4. Like, like like!
    I think a lot of heartbrokens should read it and start to love themselves, forgive and love again.

    By Mariandrea | 2 years ago Reply
  5. bekah! Love your creative writing! This was a confirmation sign for me tonight so thank you!

    By Christa | 2 years ago Reply
  6. I love it, this is truth because I felt it whenever I feel brokenheart. Thanks for sharing

    By Anastasia Ajeng | 2 years ago Reply
  7. Just what I needed to hear~ Thank you!

    By Morgan | 2 years ago Reply
  8. Ameeeen!! thank you so much for this beautiful reflection! May god continue using you.

    By Karla | 2 years ago Reply
  9. Thank you that was a well reflected reflection… Well presented

    By bonga | 2 years ago Reply
  10. Amen! Thanks for this! :’)

    By Yvonne | 2 years ago Reply
  11. Wow what a great article! I came to similar conclusions too! Recently experienced a rejection because of my choice to wait before marriage and it really really hurt. Yet, while I was praying the rosary, the connection between this and Jesus being abandoned was made! Rebekah very beautifully expounded upon this idea.

    Then, the Holy Spirit guided me to just simply ask for Jesus’ presence while trying to endure this pain, asking me to uniting my feelings with His on the cross. Surprisingly, St. Paul states that it is a privilege to suffer with Christ for it creates another dimension of intimacy with Him. Knowing this alone really helped alleviate some of the loneliness I was experiencing.

    And just like the cross, God can lift this suffering from the ashes and create something beautiful if we let Him.

    By Julie | 2 years ago Reply
  12. Wow! I haven’t had a break-up but I had felt what you expressed. I used to feel so lonely and just tried to shut it so I wouldn’t go “bother” my happy friends. God has healed me so much even though obviously my life isn’t perfect I finally feel like I can take the blows! :) Thanks, your article was beautiful! Blessings to you all from Ecuador! 😀

    By Cari | 2 years ago Reply
  13. Thank you. God bless

    By Tim | 2 years ago Reply
  14. Amen sista!

    By Alberto Gates | 2 years ago Reply
  15. Why can’t we all just be happy?

    By Alberto Gates | 2 years ago Reply
  16. John 15:2

    By Noah | 2 years ago Reply
  17. wow! God bless u!

    By Cristina | 2 years ago Reply
  18. Never thought of it that way..

    By Anna | 2 years ago Reply
  19. Thank you, Rebekah. I am now just about to go through that brokenness and start the process of healing by allowing that love that comes from God to manifest through my friends AND myself. When I first came across your article last month, knowing somehow that a breakup was in the horizon, I kept it open on my laptop but didn’t read it just yet. When I felt the inevitable was getting closer, I finally read it and found it to be a gem of an article. Now that I’m in it, I read it again and it’s incredibly helpful, everything you said. I feel God close by me. It feels so good to be loved by Him who loves us no matter what! Blessings to you in all you do and to all who are in the same space as me!

    By Katherine | 2 years ago Reply

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