Hope After the Rainbow

I’m a Catholic male and same-sex attractions are a part of my story. However, it has recently been written onto my heart that I might be called to marriage—with a woman.

What?

Let me explain…

Not About Therapy

This has nothing to do with therapy with the objective to change from “gay” to “straight.” I’ve never done that, and I have found peace in knowing that the Church is not trying to get me to pursue that. This has, however, come to be after many years of continuously striving to say “Yes” to God, and “Yes” to growing in virtue (in particular, the virtue of chastity, which I struggled with for most of my life).

I came to desire a chaste heart because I desired holiness, and I desired holiness because I desired to unite my heart with the heart of Jesus Christ. This desire came about because I first experienced the love of Christ through someone like you; someone who simply loved me where I was at in my life, and who chose to walk with me along my journey.

Along that journey, I found myself becoming more and more attracted to women of virtue—ones who would understand the foundations of a holy spousal relationship, and who I could grow with towards greater virtue—possibly even within a marriage!

The Problem

Many think that because same-sex attractions are a part of my story, it’s not possible and that I’m deceiving myself. This disheartening response reflects a closed-mindedness to what God could write on our hearts.

Others simply try to label me as “bisexual,” but this reveals in them a closed-mindedness to my story; a closed-mindedness to understanding who I am and how I got to where I am today. See, this is not as much about sexuality as it is about God, and how He can transform our hearts.

How It All Began

In 2007, I came to desire a Holy Sexuality (thank you Christopher West!) and for the first time, I opened my heart to chastity. I began the long road of breaking a near life-long pornography addiction (thank you Matt Fradd!) and opened myself to the idea of preparing my heart for my future spouse—if that be in God’s plan for me (thank you Jason Evert!).

By the grace of God, I found the strength (and support) to make some major changes in my life.

The net effect was this: I went from considering same-sex relationships (without hope of ever being married to a woman or ever being a father) to adoring the Blessed Sacrament and offering my life to God. The more I let go of my own will, the more God was able to work on my heart (this I can now see retrospectively).

Mysterious Ways

In early 2014, God boldly wrote on my heart to pursue friendship with a particular woman. With courage that I had never before seen from my inner being, that is what I did.

In our time together and apart, there were signal graces. It was fun and inspiring, but also life-altering in holy and profoundly virtuous ways. That is how I knew (and know) it was from God. I came to truly hope that she might be my future wife.

I grew very attracted to her and knew I was called to protect her honor in all ways possible, and to pray for her. Over time, we grew together in holiness, and revealed our hearts to each other bit-by-bit amongst laughter, smiles, and appropriate affection.

I loved her in the way God was calling me to love her at that time, and I began to fall in love with her as well (romantically, that is). She brought great joy into my heart, while drawing me closer to Christ.

Hope Restored


Though we didn’t end up together as a couple, this experience showed me that I didn’t have to give up the hope of one day being a husband and father. In fact, it helped restore my hope more than ever!

Her name… actually means “Hope.” How awesome is that! 

Now, whether it be in God’s plan that I actually marry or not, is another story.  It’s His story—and I am good with that.

But today… I. Have. Hope.  🙂

___________________

Andrew is a Courage member and contributor to the Pursuit Of Truth Ministries website. He is a speaker and writer, most recently co-authoring the pamphlet resource Sexuality and the Catholic Church, which has been made available for free download. He can be reached at info@pursuitoftruth.ca.

36 Comments

  1. What a beautiful and corageous story about surrendering your being to God’s holy will. I will pray for you and your journey towards holy marriage.God bless you.

    By Mariana | 2 years ago Reply
  2. Andrew, you give us all hope!

    By Suzann | 2 years ago Reply
  3. Thank you for sharing your wonderful inspiring story!

    By Sarah Plush | 2 years ago Reply
  4. I am so proud of you… God bless your heart. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your witness.
    How do I speak to close friends and family who are very sensitive ab this subject ab how to be open to homosexuals becoming heterosexual… They find it so offensive that I would entertain the thought…

    By Bernadette | 2 years ago Reply
  5. God Bless you for listening and surrendering your life to our Lord.

    By MJ | 2 years ago Reply
  6. God Bless you for listening and surrendering your life to our Lord.

    By MJ | 2 years ago Reply
  7. I have been going through the same thing, like crazy same thing. It would be awesome to chat with you about it. I don’t know if you hear from tons of folk and I am just one more fruit in the basket (ba dum tssss) but I thought it was worth a shot. They can take our heads from our shoulders, but they can’t take our hearts from our King.

    May Mary keep you,

    Luis

    By Luis Madrigal | 2 years ago Reply
  8. Thanks so much for this andrew. It comes with great emotion because for the first time in my 30 years of living, I’ve been called a ‘homophobe’, for posting the ‘ the third way’ and ‘liking’ posts by Christopher west and jason evert on my facebook account. Is there any advice you can give me to a lifelong friend whom just celebrated a same-sex union a 2 years ago. Thanks, and God bless your journey. You’re an inspiration and surely in my prayers.

    By matt | 2 years ago Reply
  9. Just beautiful! God’s grace..poured out on and thru you….the power of which reflects the REALITY OF HIS LOVE to the world.

    By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  10. I am so happy for you. Your strength of character definitely shows you are a man worthy of leading a family … keep on sharing my friend. God uses our life as bait 😉 that’s how we become fishers of men for God’s kingdom … challenges may still come, but just be confident that God loves you … God bless you more

    By Grace Anglacer | 2 years ago Reply
  11. Soooooo BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! You can’t help but be filled with Joy and with Hope as you read this story. Incredible.

    Thank you for sharing!

    By Rita | 2 years ago Reply
  12. I am a woman who has been married for 20 years to a wonderful man…and without him, I’d have defined myself as gay. But I discovered, as you are, that God’s love is transformative. I have moments of weakness in which my sexual attraction to women flares up, but the reality is that no one fulfills me on every level as my spouse does. And I believe that is wholly by God’s design. Not every faithful Christian who experiences attraction to the same sex is called to marriage, but it is possible for some of us through His grace. I wish you great graces, dear brother in Christ, and I pray your story will help others to be open to God’s call to chastity–whether that leads to marriage or a deeply intimate union with Him.

    By Dawn | 2 years ago Reply
  13. Love it! A great witness to the Church and the fact that we AREN’T persecuting bigots! God works wonders to those who love Him! Beautiful, we will keep you in prayer in your journey

    By Manuel | 2 years ago Reply
  14. There’s always hope. Both I and my husband have been in your shoes. (I, in particular, NEVER thought I’d get married!!) But, here we are. Married with children, and very, very happy about it. Hard? Yes. When one or both spouses struggle with SSA, it does make things hard. But certainly not impossible.

    By AnonymousGal | 2 years ago Reply
  15. You defeated the deceiver 🙂 The Heaven is rejoicing 🙂 Happy to hear that 🙂

    When it comes to homosexuality, i would say its like trying to hold a stone in air instead of allowing it to fall on the ground – gravity. The nature has its way and its called nature. Sex- means – between a male and female. Homosexuality has nothing to do with sex even though the term “sex” is used with that act. And the purpose of that act is to DISTORT the divine beauty of the most glorious human act – to share themselves to be a part in GOD’S creation.

    The Devil will use its slaves to redefine everything according to his will making man to brake the covenants with God. SEX HAS ONLY ONE DEFINITION. The whole creatures follows it.

    May you be an inspiration for all who has not realized the actual meaning of sex.

    May God bless you and your family and your loved ones. +++ 🙂

    By Matt pratt | 2 years ago Reply
  16. Thank you for giving me hope. It’s hard for me to hope when I got my heart broken by my best friend last year. I fell in love with him and he didn’t feel the same way. Then he moved away and didn’t say goodbye. I never got to say goodbye either, so I never got the closure I needed.

    Some people say that God takes people out of your life to protect you…maybe that’s why he’s gone now. I don’t know. All I know is that I need a new heart now.

    Your words really helped me. She wasn’t meant for you and he wasn’t meant for me. Thank you for reminding me that there is still hope. I believe that the man that is meant for me, is out there somewhere, waiting for God to call him…waiting for God to bring us together. Well, I’m here and I’m waiting too.

    I am bisexual, so I have struggled over the years with same sex attraction, even dabbled in some porn here and there when I was younger. Through the grace of God, I turned my back on it and continued to pray for the strength to fight for what is truly important – the beautiful life, the love story, the family, the faith – honor and trust that will be and is given to me by God. God loves us all more than we can even comprehend. I thank God that I am strong and faithful to my future spouse. I believe in his love, forgiveness and mercy. I believe that I am a beautiful daughter of God. Thank you for reminding me of what I had forgotten

    By Harmony | 2 years ago Reply
  17. Thanks so much for sharing your story! Both my parents were in homosexual relationships after their separation, but I would never define them as lesbian, gay, or bisexual. They are Mom and Dad, and I know God loves them more than I ever can. I’m happy for you that you found peace in Him!

    By Michelle | 2 years ago Reply
  18. Andrew, one statement you made struck me profoundly:

    “This desire came about because I first experienced the love of Christ through someone like you; someone who simply loved me where I was at in my life, and who chose to walk with me along my journey.”

    Thank you!

    By Tony | 2 years ago Reply
  19. Oh, blessed be The Lord who is truly alive and doing wonderful things. May your love for him be fulfilled. God bless you!

    By Marius | 2 years ago Reply
  20. Its amazing how God works in our lives and how we are so close to what he propose us that is much more bigger and brighter than our little belly button.
    Praise The Lord for he is good 🙂

    By Jean | 2 years ago Reply
  21. This is fantastic! As someone else with the struggle and pursuing virtue, I have had the same thoughts/feelings come up in prayer recently! That even though I struggle with same-sex attraction, I could possibly be called to marriage if it be God’s will. You expressed the same fears I have of people thinking I’m bi and diminishing the power of God’s work in my life from this thought. So thank you for sharing!! Keep on striving for virtue and being an example that the Church and the world so desperately needs in this current day and age!

    By Bryan | 2 years ago Reply
  22. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. I often wonder how to minister to a friend with same sex attractions. I know now that loving him right where he is and how he is, is the first step. I pray we can all have the courage to surrender our will to His.

    By alejandra zavala | 2 years ago Reply
  23. I can tell you are sincere

    By d jones | 2 years ago Reply
  24. Umm, you do know that sexuality is fluid, right? It’s natural to feel inclinations towards the opposite sex at some point in your life. While this is one person’s account of having “hope restored” through God/religion, I don’t agree with the fact that you thought you’d never be a father/husband. Gay men can be amazing fathers and loving husbands. Being a father or a husband is not discredited or made less because of the relationship a person is in.
    Being attracted to people is not a sin, it’s a part of humanity and human nature. It’s in out biology.

    By Raquel | 2 years ago Reply
    • Preach it.

      By Alexander | 2 years ago Reply
  25. love it, this comes near my story. great to read.

    By jbisw | 2 years ago Reply
  26. This certainly gives me hope.

    By Ronald L. Roberts | 2 years ago Reply
  27. I can only say WOW! This was an interesting, amazing, courageous and hopeful story.

    By Dorothy Radlicz | 2 years ago Reply
  28. Love is not a choice. Please don’t pretend it is.

    By anonymous | 2 years ago Reply
    • Amen.

      By Eva | 2 years ago Reply
  29. Beautiful testimony! Really inspiring!

    By Rafael | 2 years ago Reply
  30. Wow.
    I have never read anything like this.
    This is truly amazing!

    By Faty | 2 years ago Reply
  31. Your words have great power to change how society, and our Church, approach the topic of SSA. This is truly a message that needs to be articulated bravely and clearly. You do that so well! Thank you, Andrew, for your courage and your tireless work in the vineyard. Please stay at it and know that you, and all the other “courageous ones” who carry this message, have my continued prayers and support.

    By Mary Ann Jepsen | 2 years ago Reply
  32. I’m glad you’re happy with your journey. I am a gay Christian who has lived with my (now) spouse for more than twenty years. Lately we have endured some rather challenging times, and I believe it is truly God’s work for me to have him by my side. I could not be who I really am – Christian, a psychotherapist, a devoted husband – without knowing I am doing God’s work. We ahve taken different roads, but our faiths meet at many points.

    By Jon | 2 years ago Reply
  33. This article is a perfect example of why Dan Mattson has it right in his new article for Crisis Magazine. In his “The Strange Notion of ‘Gay Celibacy'” Dan writes on how a person who experiences same-sex attraction would be wise to refrain from identifying himself as “gay” or “celibate.” The story of which you write in this post could not have happened if you had allowed yourself to be enclosed in the “gay” box or even, prematurely, in the “celibate” box. Providential timing, I’d say!

    By MaryofSharon | 2 years ago Reply
  34. Thank-you for sharing your faith journey

    By Gary | 2 years ago Reply

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