50 Shades of Grey: Confessions of a Former Porn Addict

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My first crazy college night out on town consisted of a walk with some of my new friends to the local bookstore. Okay… So it might not be your idea of a crazy college night out, but if you are a fan of books- you know how adventurous this can get.

As we began strolling through the bookstore, one of the girls I was with jumped in excitement as she noticed a stack of books tucked on the shelves. All of a sudden, they were gushing over the details of this book called “Fifty Shades of Grey,” and my new friend happily reported that she wanted to go buy it.

“Oh” was all I could manage to get out.  I was silent as my friend bought the book. Silent most of the way back.

Silent… because inside I was warring with myself.  

Silent… because I was all too familiar with this type of book.

You see, just a couple months before this incident at the bookstore, I was completely caught up in addiction to pornography and masturbation. Unlike the common stereotype of porn addicts, I was a woman who struggled with pornography in a variety of forms—including books, and even music.

Almost daily, I sought out reading material similar to Fifty Shades of Grey.  It was a thrill for me. The “romance” found in these books totally gripped my heart—in the moment, I would put myself into the shoes of these characters.  I wanted to feel wanted, to feel beautiful, to feel desired, the way that these made-up characters such as Anastasiaappear to be.  

Why is it that pornographic—and even violent and abusive—books & movies can cause such an excitement?  

Having searched for the answer to this question in my own heart time and time again, I believe it’s because every human heart longs for love. Unfortunately, we are quick to settle for a counterfeit of this love. We want love—but we want it without the sacrifice. We want it without the wait. We want it without the commitment. We want to forget that in the real world, love isn’t easy.  

I spent 8 years of my life chained to pornography and masturbation. For 8 years, I took the counterfeit.  But it was like drinking salt water from the ocean—No matter how much I drank, I only felt more parched, and needed more and more to attempt to satiate the thirst for love within me.

Not only did this hurt me—but it took a toll on my life & my relationships. You see, lust is an ugly distortion of love, and eventually attempts to rob us of our ability to love altogether. It happens slowly, maybe without us realizing it, but soon enough I neglected to see the image of God in those around me. Instead, I looked at others selfishly, only wanting what they could do for me.

True Love, on the other hand, is completely selfless. True Love is never about using another person for your own pleasure—physically, emotionally, or otherwise. As opposed to lust which makes us want to selfishly TAKE from another, True Love frees us to GIVE of ourselves to our beloved, and to seek the good of our beloved above our own. And no—this love is not easy, but is it worth it? You bet.

This Love is something you won’t find in Fifty Shades of Grey.  If you’re considering watching this movie, or reading the book, please take this from someone who has been there, done that:

It’s not worth it.

You, however, are worth it.

You are worth sacrificing for… Something Mr. Grey is incapable of doing for you.

You are worth authentic love… There is nothing authentic or loving about violence.

You are worth having a Valentine’s Day to remember…

…So instead of wasting your time with 50 Shades of Nay, go to the theater and enjoy Old-Fashioned—a movie which actually portrays the authentic love you deserve.
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JulieMPhoto.jpgJulie is a student at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, TX who loves sunshine, roller coasters, & cookie dough. Works by St. Augustine, Pope St. John Paul II, and St. Teresa of Avila make her bookshelf overflow. She blogs at www.TheKingsBeloved.com and can be contacted at JulieMartinTKB@gmail.com.

 

21 Comments

  1. This was a very beautiful post!! Totally touched me!!!
    I now realize i deserve more than counterfeit love!! Thank you for posting!!
    Blessings,
    Anna Marie

    By Anna Marie | 1 year ago Reply
  2. Awesome! Exactly! The fact that your spouse gives of themselves to you is the Great Beauty that the lustful desperately seek!
    Have you ever noticed the difference between a drugged, grasping, immature, typical passionate movie “kiss”, and a composed, embracing, beautiful, sincerely (and even passionately) loving kiss?

    By Gabriel | 1 year ago Reply
  3. I couldn’t agree more. Like you, I’ve walked through the abyss of pornography as a woman and know the difference now. Thank you so much for this beautiful post! (And for your promotion of Old Fashioned, which I reviewed today on Catholic Sistas–www.catholicsistas.com)

    By Dawn | 1 year ago Reply
  4. I was also prisioner of the porn industry. It started by reading fanfictions similar to 50shades. But it was noy enough suddenly and I started watching porn. It was for almost a year. I stoped it about 6 months ago and still I feel the need to go back. It has been hard and every day I have to fight and pray to stay strong.

    By laura | 1 year ago Reply
    • Me too! Actually, I’m still struggling because I really love reading fanfiction. I use filters but sometimes I feel the urge to read mature and event explicit works. It’s doubly hard when you’re in a fandom and everyone else you know there find nothing wrong with it. Please pray for me!

      By Honey | 1 year ago Reply
      • I’m battling with an erotica addiction myself, and you’re completely right! Fanfiction sites are a big source of temptation. But you don’t want to give them up altogether because there are some wonderful, fanfictions out there. Plus, most porn filters don’t block fanfiction sites, so it’s always at your fingertips, even if you have a filter.

        By Anna | 1 year ago Reply
  5. Hey I loved this post because girl we shared the same story…last year I traded porn for love :) I’m so happy and encourage people not to see this movie but sadly not so many received the message. I’ve been getting away from the “reader” type cause contemporary literature is so saturated of sensual scenes now I choose wisely what I read and see. Thank you for sharing your story! God blesses you! :)

    By Cari | 1 year ago Reply
  6. Thank you for your testimony, God bless! <3

    By Fall | 1 year ago Reply
  7. A very beautiful and timely post. Real love is not easy. It takes discipline, commitment and at times, some chastisement. It scares away the world that likes easy things and easily gets excited by such.

    By Peter | 1 year ago Reply
  8. You are a brave girl … GOD Bless you.

    By Pat | 1 year ago Reply
  9. beautifully said. thank you for sharing your story!

    By charisma | 1 year ago Reply
  10. This post is beautifully written, andmirrors my storu exactly!!! I was stuck in that rut, and have only realized recently how much my husband truly gives of himself for me, and I for him. We were both stuck in the rut of pornography, but aree helping each other break free. Everything we read, everyrhing we see, everyrhing we listen to-it can all be potentially damaging. Thank you for your amazing testimony! May it reach many!! God Bless!!

    By Megan | 1 year ago Reply
  11. How did u get over your addiction?

    By anonymous | 1 year ago Reply
    • I couldn’t have done it without these 3 things:
      1) Accountability partner (who would’ve thought- it turned out one of my closest friends was caught in the same addiction)
      2) Frequent Eucharistic Adoration
      3) Keeping Scripture close at hand… in moments of temptation, I open up my Bible and start copying & memorizing Scripture.

      By Julie Martin | 1 year ago Reply
  12. i have just repost this last night’. though someone throws falsely things on me.. That i am acting as if like “maria clara”..and that movie”50 shades of grey”is for r18 who has a wide-knowledge/minded only.. that we justifies the movie basing only on “bed scenes” … that i am only showing my immaturities.
    well i do condemn those people for they are only after “human pleasure”.. whatever that story is, its end never justify its me means.!!!

    By nette | 1 year ago Reply
  13. i have just repost this last night’. though someone throws falsely things on me.. That i am acting as if like “maria clara”..and that movie”50 shades of grey”is for r18 who has a wide-knowledge/minded only.. that we justifies the movie basing only on “bed scenes” … that i am only showing my immaturities.
    well i do condemn those people for they are only after “human pleasure”.. whatever that story is, its end never justify its means.!!! and yes, i do prefer to watch”frozen” than this.!

    By nette | 1 year ago Reply
  14. Thank you for your post. I’ve been thinking about read the book just for curiosity as everyone is talking about it and had read a lot of things about it, most of them about the bad stuff on it, so even if I don’t agree at all with this kind thinking was thinking about reading the book just to know more about it and be able to say something when people talks to me about how great the book and movie is. But after your post realized how easy is to get lost if you start making those kind of things part of your life. Thank you so much again!

    By Mary | 1 year ago Reply
    • :) God bless you Mary! It is easy to get lost but fortunately there are plenty of other awesome books out there. If you’re still looking for something new to read I’d suggest Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers- one of my favorites!
      http://francinerivers.com/books/redeeming-love

      By Julie Martin | 1 year ago Reply
  15. I’ve been addicted for 22 years. I hope that one day I will break free completely and forever.

    By JM | 1 year ago Reply
  16. I would l like to say a few words about 50 Shades of Grey and its effects on many women in the world. First, the book is a story of love and gets a very bad rap simply because it is popular. The reader must look deeper than the sex and the violence. But, let’s look at the violence for a moment. The violence we don’t discuss is the despicable physical and sexual violence that happened to Christian Grey as a small child through to age 4. He was starving, burned with cigarettes, punched, and sexually abused by his mother’s pimp. He was emotionally abused by witnessing the beatings and sexual abuse of his crack-addicted prostitute mother. What often happens to vulnerable children of abuse happens again, in his case, at the age of 15, he was sexually molested by an older woman for 6 years. The reason he chose the BDSM lifestyle was because he had a severe phobia of being touched and needed to restrain his partners so they could not touch him.
    That said, I will not deny that there are many sex scenes and out of context these are images considered to be porn. If that imagery is a trigger for a reader, please do not follow the path that leads that reader further into addiction. There are further points I want to make. Ultimately, in the trilogy, there is healing through the love between the two characters. This is why I believe the fans are so enamored, the man is changed by the love of his woman, a fantasy often denied in real life. The books have brought together women all over the world, a fact seldom mentioned in critiques. It got people talking and exploring their sexual tastes. Believe me, I am very familiar with addiction and wish anyone struggling to seek help. I will see Old-Fashioned and read Redeeming Love as mentioned here in this blog. I want to remain open to ideas and seek knowledge but that means seeing all sides. Above all, as a very big book cautions, ignorance is the result of condemnation prior to investigation. Best regards to all.

    By TC | 1 year ago Reply

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