Authentic Masculinity: A Chaste Man Heals

In today’s culture, it’s not surprising when we hear stories of women being wounded by men. As men, we’re facing a serious crisis in masculinity. Many men are afraid to commit, are using other women as objects for their lust, and are more concerned about their cars and video games than the well-being of others. As a result of the passivity of men, many women tend to become more controlling. Men have suffered their own wounds from women, but instead of dwelling on that, let’s take a moment to see what we can do to restore some of the damage that’s been done.

If we have the power to do great harm to women, we also have the power to mend and heal that which has been breached and wounded by sin. If Jesus came to restore all things, then he can also renew our strength to defend the dignity of women.

A chaste man heals. How so? Lets break down three ways we can reverse the damage:

Chivalry

Women know when men are lusting after them, whether they are being stared at with eyes of lust or receiving obnoxious comments on their physical appearance. Gentleman, let’s give women the love they deserve by going after the small things that we so often forget. When you speak to a woman, look her in the eyes, listen, and be attentive to every word. She must know your attention is fixed on her and not on some other part of her body or another girl nearby. Give up your comfortable seat for her, open the passenger door for her, give her your coat, consider her thoughts and opinions. Small things make the biggest difference.

Affection

Women are naturally more in tune with their emotions. Chastity gives us the ability to be creative in the ways we show them affection. Genuine acts of love speak volumes to their hearts. Say a joke to make her smile, buy her some flowers, bring her her favorite snack, get to know her likes and dislikes, and speak to that interior longing to be known and to be loved.

Commitment and Clarity

Ah, a powerful trait that will revolutionize masculinity: commitment. Keep your promises. Stay committed to living purity in your thoughts, words, and actions. Be clear in your motives and your intentions. Don’t leave her second guessing. If you stay committed to your word, it will strengthen her trust in men and heal the wounds that have been caused by those who may have abused her trust.

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alex lambisAlex Lambis was born in New York City and his family immigrated to the states from Colombia. He graduated from the University of Central Florida, then served as a missionary in Denver, serving the homeless. He then moved to New York City to speak to thousands of young people about the beautiful message of chastity and human dignity. He is a seminarian for the Diocese of Orlando, and hopes to become a priest one day! He currently runs his own blog, Splendid Glory at splendidglory.com

22 Comments

  1. Great job Alex! This post is great for inspiring men to be good men because it shows the result that will come from working at being solid men. It makes it even more exciting to be that solid man we want to be!

    By Alvaro Barrera | 1 year ago Reply
  2. DId you work with the missionaries of charity in denver in their missionary program!?!? THanks for your blog, it is well needed!

    By Andrea Heinemann | 1 year ago Reply
  3. Let us pray for actors and actresses to refuse roles that demean women. For those who work in media to start changing the landscape of movies and tv shows. They will have kids one day and I sincerely doubt that they do not want to set the bar high for them.

    By Jan | 1 year ago Reply
  4. Let’s all treat each other with reverence and respect! Same gender, other gender, same ethnicity, other, same religion, other!

    By Joseph | 1 year ago Reply
    • …Same sexual orientation, other…

      By Kate | 1 year ago Reply
  5. Hey Jason and Crystalina!!! Thank you for posting so many amazing things and writing the book How to find your soulmate without losing your soul! Its filled with so much truth and now I’m more then ever praying everyday and can’t wait to meet that person God has waiting for me!!

    Buckets of blessing to you and your family!

    By Kayla Gund | 1 year ago Reply
    • He might be me 😉

      By John | 1 year ago Reply
  6. Great article Alex! Every point you touched on should be ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪ shouted from the mountains. So many do not begin by fortifying a bond with the one they love and build a strong foundation of friendship and trust. Instead they build them on sand leaving one to shift by not committing to clarity. It leaves the other wondering if the relationship is real or a myth. So quick is exclusivity requested without really knowing the other. When you said, “Jesus came to restore all things, then he can also renew our strength to defend the dignity of women.” Those are powerful words, along with your thoughts about revolutionizing masculinity: commitment. Keep your promises. Stay committed to living purity in your thoughts, words, and actions. Be clear in your motives and your intentions. It is not that “we deserve someone better,” it is that they themselves need to “want to be that someone better because they treasure you.”

    By Mikaela | 1 year ago Reply
  7. Attention Gentlemen: listen to Alex’s suggestions and live them! Especially the part about affection. If I were you, I would print thid article for reference. Oh, by the way, MARRIED MEN NEED TO DO THIS TOO. And often.

    By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
    • And what do women have to do? In and out of marriage? I’d love to know what women are expected to do for men. Ya know, so I can be surprised when it actually happens.

      By John | 1 year ago Reply
  8. There’s still hope for our world, while we have dedicated people like Jason Evert, and organizations like Chastity Project who speak out, and stand up against the scourge of porn.
    We pray that God will continue to bless them, and the great work they are doing.

    By Peter Shafton | 1 year ago Reply
  9. The very thing our culture insists is so important — sexual freedom with all its accoutrements — is the selfsame thing that is most injurious to women. It is the same thing that encourages terrible behavior in men. It is killing us as a society.

    By Annie | 1 year ago Reply
  10. So inspiring to read articles about healing abused women..thanks it keeps me hopeful to someday meet a chaste man

    By evelyn | 1 year ago Reply
  11. Alex, overall, fantastic post. I fully agree with your thought in the “Chivalry”, “Affection”, and “Commitment and Clarity” sections. However I do have reservations about the introduction. Spending much time in Christian circles (the kind of Christians that would appreciate a website like this), I find women far more critical of men than men of women. The criticism is never constructive and 9 out of 10 times involves the word “immature,” or general comments such as, “What happened to all of the men?”

    Have they perfected their womanhood to such an extent they can now focus on the splinter in the man’s eye? In our society, let us not forget, there has been a mass exodus of women leaving the role of caretaker (raising children) to pursue what was once considered the man’s work or role. In other words, there has been a mass exodus of women getting off the back of the donkey, going around front, ripping the rope from Joseph’s hands, and then questioning his manhood. There has not been a mass exodus of men dropping the rope, heading around to the donkey telling Mary to step down.

    By Mark Kowalewski | 1 year ago Reply
    • Mark! You bring out a very good point! Thank you. I’ve noticed in my writing sometime, that I can be a bit harsh on men! Neither sex is perfect, and we all have counterfeits that we are inclined to fall into.

      By Alex Lambis | 1 year ago Reply
    • Extremely astute comments here. My upbringing taught me to respect females in all ways and indeed stay chaste, but life and a failed marraige due to my ex-Wifes infidelity has shown me that men are under-valued in many ways. An example of this would be sociaties inability to sto woman from excluding Fathers from their childrens lives. The human race and modern society in general is to blame for the lot of women and the manner in which they are regarded now. I find the manner in which men are expected to act like women to ‘prove’ their manliness to be both insulting and lacking humility.

      By David | 1 year ago Reply
  12. I couldn’t agree more Alex. This article ought to be in every elementary, junior high, high school and college or university. Thank you and I am praying for you Alex.

    By Catherine | 1 year ago Reply
  13. Thanks for sharing this article Alex!

    God bless you and be with you.

    By LR | 1 year ago Reply
  14. And for men who were abused, manipulated, used and objectifyed by women, any healing for them? Anything women can do to help them? Other than the standard prayer and tired line, “there’s someone out there for you….” Cause that gets old after awhile.

    By John | 1 year ago Reply
  15. I`m a Venezuelan girl. I really love this page, but I HOPE THIS PAGE WOULD BE WRITEN IT IN SPANISH so can share it with my friends. Im already praying for this intention.

    SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH SPANISH

    Please

    By Odalis | 1 year ago Reply
  16. Great article Alex! Men need a reminder that true manliness comes from a kind and gentle heart…and praying the rosary! Something that a lot of guys think is not manly!

    By Jake | 1 year ago Reply
  17. I am working on my chastity and it’s not easy but it’s worth it. Positive change is good.

    By Todd Damore | 1 year ago Reply

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