Why Porn Can’t Replace Intimacy

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Today I was reading an article on a tech blog that was applauding a porn company for its innovative use of technology. In it, the company owners bragged about how close their porn is to the real thing.

If resemblance to the real thing is the main selling point of a product, why wouldn’t a consumer look at it and say, “If the real thing exists, why don’t I just choose that instead?” For example, if you offered me a sugary orange drink and bragged about how much it tasted like real orange juice, why wouldn’t I just choose real orange juice instead? The answer, in the case of sex, is that people can’t just go out and acquire authentic intimacy when it suits them. That’s an important distinction.

But what is it about pornography that keep us coming back after walking away unsatisfied? Why does the culture persist in its sad attempts to make it more like the real thing? It’s because we’re not looking for mere sexual satisfaction; we’re longing for intimacy. When pleasure is divorced from intimacy, we’re left aching for something that was missing from the experience that we inherently craved and knew should have been a part of it.

Every substitute we pursue that gets closer to resembling the real thing will only leave us more and more unsatisfied as the experience of the fantasy ends and we return to the life that we were trying to escape from in the first place. That seems like a dangerous thing to me. The more we seek the fantasy, the more we will neglect and perhaps even come to resent reality. The absence of what we are missing, in this case, intimacy, will only be that much harder to endure as we pursue a thing that offers itself as an alternative. No matter how much technology attempts to replicate the experience, it never will be the real thing. Choosing the substitute will not only conceal our deepest desires, but it will make their attainment even further out of reach.

As a married person, let me just say that the real thing is amazing but it comes at a cost. The cost is learning to love someone in an authentic and committed relationship. That is the price of true intimacy and it includes days in which you have to learn to sacrifice. However, that sacrifice becomes a meaningful lesson in maturity, health, and holiness.

At the end of the day, would you rather have personal growth, health, pleasure, and intimacy, or a poor substitute that provides passing pleasure but ultimately leaves you longing for all the things you traded it for? Both choices require a sacrifice: Either your money (and your dignity as well), or your ego and the desire to always have things your way. I’d rather keep my money and if I can discard my selfish tendencies; that’s a bonus.

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brianBrian is passionate about the Church’s ability to communicate effectively in the modern world. From his role as the Creative Director of Holds Worth Design, a Graphic Design and Web Design studio in Edmonton, Canada, he promotes the use of strategic communication and effective branding and packaging of timeless truths through modern means. Learn more about his work on Facebook and Twitter.

9 Comments

  1. Good post!!!

    By Janique | 1 year ago Reply
  2. AWESOME POST! 😀

    By Kurt | 1 year ago Reply
  3. Right on Brian! Thank you

    By Norm | 1 year ago Reply
  4. Great and necessary article. Our society has gotten so far away from anything authentic. So dad.

    By Irene | 1 year ago Reply
  5. A must read article. Open your eyes society. Wake up from your less than real dream.

    By Irene | 1 year ago Reply
  6. God bless you! This article opened my eyes to the reality of how ugly porn really is & why I don’t want to go back to using it again.Thank you & God bless.

    By William | 1 year ago Reply
  7. Just like those who get a sex change can never be the gender they want to be, since their genetic makeup cannot be fantasized away.

    By Eleanor | 1 year ago Reply
  8. “Choosing the substitute will not only conceal our deepest desires, but it will make their attainment even further out of reach.” So true. Scientific studies are confirming this. Fighting the New Drug is a website which sources those studies in their articles.

    By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
  9. “But what is it about pornography that keep us coming back after walking away unsatisfied?”

    If you’re walking away unsatisfied, I think you’re doing it wrong brother.

    By Jack | 1 year ago Reply

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