I Never Knew a Bikini Could Hide So Much

Woman legs in a swimming pool. Vocation & Relax

 

Do you know what’s funny about dressing modestly? It is the hardest thing to start, yet then becomes impossible to stop.

My journey with modesty has happened in stages, prompted by questions that I continued to ask myself. These questions came from an internal battle between wanting to fit in and be seen as attractive on the outside, and wanting to find love and be seen as beautiful for who I am on the inside.

One key moment within this journey occurred while lying at a pool sun tanning in my new bikini. I began to simply observe the scene that I was immersed in. Women of all shapes and sizes were walking around or lying out like me in bikinis. I noticed some girls walk by with their arms draped across their stomachs—an insecurity that I immediately related with despite my athletic build. Other young women strutted confidently along the pool edge looking as if they had just stepped off of a runway. It was easy to track the eyes of the men around them as they walked by.

Whether the women walked confidently, or insecurely, or somewhere in between, one thing struck me about each of them. Not once in my observations that day had I asked myself “I wonder what is on her heart today” or “I wonder what her personality is like” or “I wonder what she dreams of doing some day.” Not once. All of my thoughts had been directed towards her swimsuit or her body. As a woman, that may just mean I am wondering where she got her suit or comparing my body to her body, but imagine what that is like for a man! It is hard to look at a woman barely wearing clothes and seek the beauty of her heart when it is the beauty of her body that she is broadcasting, and maybe even hiding behind.

So there I was, realizing all of this and yet laying there in a bikini myself. I knew that if I did catch the eye of a man, which I often thought I wanted, it would never be for any other reason than my body. I mean, how could it? He wouldn’t know me. Something about that left me with an empty feeling. Even just in relation to other women, I realized that a lack of clothing leaves us vulnerable to hurtful comparisons between each other in a world so focused on looks.

As I continued to glance around the pool, my eyes stopped on a beautiful young woman in a one-piece. It was easily noticeable because of the rarity of it. She had a child with her and her husband sat and laughed beside her as they talked.

I was mesmerized. For whatever reason, it was in this little family that I discovered one fundamental truth about modesty that I had been missing:

You do not veil yourself because you believe you are ugly, you veil yourself because you know that you are beautiful.

For so long I believed that a one-piece or tankini showed the world that I thought my body was ugly and I needed to hide it. So, I stayed away from them at all costs to avoid judgment.

However, modesty is not about hiding faults, it is about veiling beauty. In veiling her beauty, this young mother allowed me to notice other things about her—her smile, her adorable family, her nurturing heart…and this was all from afar!

Modesty veils physical beauty in a world obsessed with it, in order to reveal the inner beauty that is often overlooked. It prevents lust, harmful comparisons, and insecurity and gives rise to confidence and a greater capacity to love yourself and others by recognizing your own worth without needing the affirmation of each person that sees you.

For me, bikinis were just the start. It is hard to turn back once you discover the freedom modesty brings.

Wherever you are at in this journey ask yourself this: What beauty am I revealing to the world, and is it leading me to the love my heart yearns for? But beware! You may be starting down a path of no return.

______________________________

kaylinKaylin Koslosky is finishing up her final year at Colorado State University, where she is pursuing her love for science and secondary education. She is a member of Chi Omega, a FOCUS student missionary, and a Biblestudy and retreat leader for RamCatholic. She loves hiking and being outdoors, and is passionate about sharing the beauty of Christ and this world with others. She is currently working to publish her first book with her best friend Megan Finegan as a way of spreading a much-needed message of love to her female peers.

384 Comments

  1. Thank you ,thank you,I hope all women read your words!

    By Judy | 1 year ago Reply
    • Beautiful, i completely agree. We are not suppose to revile all we have to the world, just our husbands, or if u r a man, our wives

      By Jeannette | 1 year ago Reply
      • I am not shaming your decisions to dress modestly, however I am a firm believer in wearing whatever makes you feel confident & comfortable. If wearing a bikini makes you feel great, wear it! If wearing a one piece gives you confidence, rock it! It doesn’t matter if people only look at you for your “body”. The right people will look past that. Dress for yourself, not for others :)

        By hailey | 1 year ago Reply
        • It is a prooven facts that when men see a girl /women in a bikini or lesser clothes revealing their body, all their minds can process is sexual. They are created in such away that their brains work in compartments and they are made to be attracted to the physical. So believe as you will, but don’t be fooled by believing what you want a man to think. Even a good man struggles with this and with Gods help keeps pure thoughts. So, it comes down to do you want to be seen and looked at sexually by all men who see you or do you desire to be seen for the value you really are. What you show of your body will determine this.

          By Kn | 1 year ago Reply
          • This is so true- thank you Kn

            By Kathy | 1 year ago
          • Except showing a few more inches of skin will not make men objectify you less. Men choose to think about women sexually. By putting the burden of responsibility for men’s thoughts on women instead of on the men who have these thoughts we tell men it’s not their fault for their actions. This perpetuates a “boys will be boys” attitude into our society. We are doing a disservice to men by having such low standards for them, as if men are mindless animals who have no control over the way they treat others. Are rates of rape and sexual assault less in countries where women are legally required to cover almost every part of their bodies? No. Modesty is about self-respect, not about worrying about what men are thinking. If you feel beautiful and love yourself in a bikini, wear a bikini.

            By Cammie | 1 year ago
          • 1 Samuel 16:7 …”People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

            Only God can see “the heart” of a person. People are incapable. No matter how much or how little you’re clothed men will only look at the outward appearance initially. If you want them to see your heart, the only way is to communicate with them or form a social relationship. It’s cute that you’d like to believe people will not judge you by your cover if you simply put on more clothes. But it’s simply not true. Sorry to burst your bubble.

            By Annon | 1 year ago
          • As a secular humanist, and a man myself, I find your categorical blanket-statements to be patently false. I a) don’t need your deity to respect those around me and b) don’t look at the women in my life as dolls for sex as you imply. I’m twenty, I was raised in faith and realized it wasn’t for me – none of that keeps me from being a decent human being. I look at a woman in a bikini, and the curvature of the body is usually the last thing I find myself occupied with.

            Keep your misandronistic views to yourself.

            By Robert | 1 year ago
          • Or you can appreciate the female body for what it is, beautiful. I need no help from God to realize that. To me, sounds like a weak man that needs guidance from someone else to not be a perv.

            By Oops | 1 year ago
          • Thank you for sharing Kaylin. I hope the ladies don’t mind a comment from the male perspective. I am a born again Christian as of 3 yrs ago. I had a sexual addiction by the grace of God I was delivered from. I have been seeking a wife and the internet and facebook is full of “opportunities” so to speak. In light of the modesty issue and sexual desires of a man, if I see a woman dressed modestly it is very attractive to me..However if I see a woman in a bikini I do enjoy that so much and I would be lying if I said it didn’t invoke sexual feelings in agreement with the above statement. There is nothing sexier to me than a woman who has an incredible body and hides it. I makes me want to see more and to know what is on the inside. If it is all exposed you already know what this woman is about (generally speaking). Not always but in my experience those type of women want to draw attention to themselves are often selfish. You have to fit a certain mold or they won’t even talk to you. Part of that may be why I lacked confidence in the past. Since I now have God in my life I now see a woman not as a sexual object but as a potential mate. Thank you for allowing me to share. I hope it helps.

            By Steve | 1 year ago
          • I do not disagree however I would also point that as a parent of a child who has spent years in aquatic programs and grew up at a lake home, seeing boys and girls in very little clothing has actually seemed to have a positive effect on our youth as they have no curiosity or concern about being with others in little or no clothing. As a teen my child has no preoccupation with female bodies and has no need to dress in any way other than how he is comfortable and his friends who are girls seem to have similar comforts. They build strong friendships with people based on who they are as people, not their bodies. I can’t help but think it is either just that they are great kids or more likely because they are well adjusted to living in an environment where the body doesn’t matter. They actually seem to date less than their peers as well and go out more with friends or in groups than individuaks.

            By t | 1 year ago
          • It is a proven fact that what you said occurs because boys are taught it’s perfectly acceptable to objectify women and treat them as less than human while at the same time getting a completely free pass to dress inappropriately themselves.

            If you need proof then look no further then this own post that shames women for dressing in a way the author deems ‘inappropriate’ while letting men know it’s perfectly a-okay to be interested only in a woman’s body. After all, men can’t help it.

            By Jamie | 1 year ago
          • Not only are you insulting women, you’re also insulting men by insuating that they have no ability to think intelligent thoughts when there is a minute amount of skin showing. It’s a proven fact that men can have complete, intelligent conversations while a woman is naked.

            By Tori | 1 year ago
          • Leave it to annon to start posting scripture. If you’re going to do that at least own it.

            Great article though. I like how you discovered for yourself the reasons to be chaste, to me that says you are living the right way and focused on your own personal growth.

            By Logan | 1 year ago
          • I dress modestly by the standards of my church and my country. I agree that true beauty can be seen no matter what you are wearing. Mentioning that men can’t help but think sexual thoughts when women wear more revealing clothes is upsetting to see here. Men and boy’s thoughts are not the responsibility of women and girls. To claim that they are supports the very ideas that require women to cover their heads and faces at all times. This is not the society we live in and I don’t think it’s the point of the article necessarily, but some of those comments are destructive to the self esteem and self worth of our amazing young women!

            By Amy | 1 year ago
        • That is part of what is wrong in todays society Hailey. We do what we want to do because it makes us feel good and forget about the impact our actions have on those around us. If you had a friend that was an alcoholic wouldn’t you want to encourage their sobriety by possibly not drinking in front of them even though alcohol is not an issue for you and you really want a drink? It is no different with dressing modestly to prevent the men around you from being led astray. Life isn’t just about you and what makes you feel good, it is about being responsible and compassionate towards those around you.

          By Kristina | 1 year ago Reply
          • Sorry, but I agree with Hailey. What gives you two the moral high ground to tell her how to dress? Certainly, more revealing clothes will stimulate a (straight) man’s sexual thought processes more than modest clothes, but it’s ignorant and demeaning to think that’s the only thing that goes through men’s minds when they see a woman in a bikini. Some classmates of mine went on a trip to the Galápagos Islands, and even in revealing swimsuits, the men and women could have conversations about the islands’ ecology. And Kristina, isn’t that the same logic that keeps many Muslim women pent up in burkas? It’s pretty sexist to say that women have a duty to dress modestly to not lead men astray. Fits into the whole men are dumb animals, women are wicked temptresses trope established since Adam and Eve, doesn’t it?

            By Callum | 1 year ago
          • That is the same mentality that leads to rape survivors being blamed for their rape. It is not up to us women to be responsible for men’s desires. We are all accountable for our own actions. As humans we must learn to control our animal desires. Society is based on that.

            By Laura | 1 year ago
          • Men are not unthinking creatures, unable to control their impulses. If dressing modestly is what women think they need to do to prevent men from being led astray, then their opinion of men is too low. Men should be offended they are placed on a level which indicates they cannot control themselves.

            By Lucy | 1 year ago
          • The bible cautions us not to be a “stumbling block”, which means we should be careful about not causing others to fall. So, although we may desire to do something, even with pure intentions at heart, we should still consider how it may be portrayed by others. Great article. Refreshing!

            By Meochia | 1 year ago
          • Men being led astray? What about women being led astray by men dressing immodestly? I’ve never once saw a woman in a bikini and thought about her body. However, there’s been many times I’ve been ‘led astray’ after seeing a chiseled man with abs for days and delectable muscles strutting around shirtless. Especially after just getting out of the water with water droplets running down his chest. Sorry sorry…got led astray just thinking about it.

            Point is: where are the people shaming men for leading me astray? After all, I can’t help my own actions and thought. Oh wait, I’m a woman so I’m expected to control myself.

            By Jamie | 1 year ago
        • Well yes you have that choice. But no the man will not have as much love for you. It will be lust. Because deep down in every guy. They want sex. Yes I am a man. Yes sex is a very good thing but if that is the first thought in his head. He fell for your body. The less clothing a woman wears the more the men’s mind shuts down. Our minds work very different and younger boys seeing that causes problems. Look all this up there are studies everywhere. But society is completely impulsive. See I won’t even look at a girl who doesn’t cover herself up. Because I won’t love her, it will be lust. If I do it will be long time after marriage and kids. Most of the beginning are lust. But hey most people don’t know the difference. Divorce and unfaithfulness are getting higher. I believe modesty is a huge factor. No matter how many woman say it shouldn’t change the mind of a man. It will not change the fact it makes a huge difference on our minds.

          By Nicoli | 1 year ago Reply
          • It sounds like you have some issues to work out my friend. Just because that’s the way your mind works doesn’t mean everyone has the same problem. The fact is, you ought to be able to appreciate the beauty of a woman’s body without reverting to lust.

            By Ada | 1 year ago
          • Correct me if I’m wrong, but can’t u lust
            after someone no matter the type of clothing they’re wearing? So I guess that means all of us women should just give up on men altogether because they’re just lustful
            Creatures

            By Shelly | 1 year ago
        • You missed the point of the writer. We should know that our act of freedom may cause someone to sin or mislead. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”–but not everything is constructive.” (1Co. 10:23)

          By ELISA | 1 year ago Reply
        • Yeah, but you’re not doing guys any favors. It is completely natural for men to be attracted to cleavage and the female body period. Regardless of your intent, the way you dress sends a message and that message may be interpreted differently by everyone in the pool….

          By mike | 1 year ago Reply
        • I am going to have a baby girl here soon and thinking 16 years down the road, I don’t want her “flaunting” her body, regardless of whether or not it gives her confidence. Whatever her reason is, I guarantee you that it is sending a completely different message to men ranging from the ages of 14-55. Granted it is a choice that each should should make on their own, but many girls are naive; to many in the world, women are just objects. Just take a look at one of the most lucrative industries out there; internet porn. I guarantee that tons of men at the pool see straight through the minimal covering of the bikini…just saying. Women, please don’t be so naive….

          By mike | 1 year ago Reply
        • I agree with the sentiment, the problem I find with this mindset is so much “me”. What do I look good in? What do I want? What’s best for me?… To an extent, yes, we have to take care of ourselves, but what happens when we start making decisions about others? What would be uplifting to someone else? What would help someone else? Is it possible to help someone by what we wear? That’s a thought worth pondering, maybe what we wear has nothing to do with someone else…but what if it could? What if we thought of others before ourselves on every level, moving beyond modesty, that would be an incredible world to live in.

          By Sasha | 1 year ago Reply
        • I agree with the sentiment Hailey, the problem I find with this mindset is so much “me”. What do I look good in? What do I want? What’s best for me?… To an extent, yes, we have to take care of ourselves, but what happens when we start making decisions about others? What would be uplifting to someone else? What would help someone else? Is it possible to help someone by what we wear? That’s a thought worth pondering, maybe what we wear has nothing to do with someone else…but what if it could? What if we thought of others before ourselves on every level, moving beyond modesty, that would be an incredible world to live in.

          By Sasha | 1 year ago Reply
          • I love your response, Sasha. Without laying blame, you direct the conversation toward thoughtfulness of others. What if my choice helps someone? Thank you for bringing caring for others into the conversation.

            By Sandra | 1 year ago
        • Hailey, what is the basis of the morality of your actions? Should we do things bse we feel nice? If that’s the case, serial killers will justify their actions by that, the same for thieves, rapists, liars, the list is endless. know the basis of your morality, that is, your judgement of good and evil

          By ARINDA | 1 year ago Reply
        • You said the key words and that being I, you believe in wearing whatever make you feel confident and comfortable but I don’t live for myself or my flesh, I live for GOD and I believe 100% in what the His Word (Holy Bible) say’s having said that let’s look at what it says Paul on Modesty: 1 Timothy 2:8-10

          “I desire…that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works. I have self respect and have moved past the place of needing to have my butt hanging out of my trousers and my cleavage spilling out of my shirt……let me be frank, as a woman who once dressed like that it was not about comfort, it was about getting attention and when a woman has to dress so immodestly it shouts “I’m insecure please notice me!” or “I don’t feel good enough or worthy, please pay attention to me!” Well you will certainly get some serious attention but it’s not because of your winning personality and you might have to tell them a dozen times in the same conversation” Helloooooooo my eyes are up here!”. I’m 53, a wife, mother and grandmother and no I don’t know everything but I know insecure women when I see it and most of them have this compelling need to dress immodestly and in many cases down right disgusting. The only person I want to pay attention to me and love my is my husband…..I love dressing nice for him and I adore being a woman but I am a woman of integrity, morals and values and I don’t need to demean myself in order to get attention. I agree being comfortable is great……..but if you have to dress in clothing where your body parts are hanging out and leaving little to the imagination that is not comfort that is immaturity, insecurity and low self-worth.

          By Laurellynne | 1 year ago Reply
          • I have dressed both modestly and not. I have learned over the course of many years and situations, if I want attention from men that is immediate and boisterous, dress scantily and wear lots of make up. If I want love, appreciation for who I am inside, and perhaps for men to just treat me with a sisterly intention at the moment, dress modestly. Also, what you talk about with a man also will determine how you are treated. A proper attitude of sobriety (a determined persona for serious dicussion) does require effort and modesty or you may lose the very thing you want, for a man to know the real you and your heart. Men are more inherently aggresive sexually and distracted more easlly, I believe, natually. So what do you want? Short term admiration from many men or long term apprecation from men with depth, character and maturity. It’s more about the person inside that determines the relationship. Love is grown in a relationship with time and trust and sacrfice of self. Immediate, opportunistic sex is selfish and has its roots in self gratification with no trust or appreciation for the other person, their feelings or desire to commit to a higher law. Having said this, sex is great if grounded in love, trust and long term commitment by hopefully, in my view, married couples, dedicated to that life and love. That is God’s command and far more satisfying than a fanciful fantasy. Proud to be a Christian, LDS, and modest. Too committed in my life to judge what you want. Just sayin’…I enjoyed this post and the comments on both sides.

            By Toni | 1 year ago
      • My guy loves me in a bikini…

        By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
    • When I started to read this I never thought I would agree! I thought it would be overly puritan but it actually makes a lot of sense. I generally prefer one pieces, and notice other people who wear them because it’s so rare these days, but I hadn’t appreciated why. You are absolutely right.

      By Jenny | 1 year ago Reply
    • A father happened to see his youngest daughter about to go out with a very short skirt. He calmly called her over an explained to her. Everything of value is covered up until the proper time. Gold an silver are buried deep in the ground, you have to dig hard to uncover them. Likewise an Oyster doesnt become a pearl until it’s proper time, then it’s uncovered. You my precious daughter must save yourself for husband for the proper time. That father was non other than
      Muhammad Ali. Ben

      By Ben | 1 year ago Reply
  2. Beautifully written! Everything you said is true. I pray for a more modest society.

    By Linda | 1 year ago Reply
  3. Great article, well done, the more girls / women that realise this then the quicker we will have men realising it as well as they might listen more to their Mum/sis/ girlfriend/wife. I have a wife and 2 beautiful grown up girls still waiting to meet that special someone. I do pray for more men to look for beauty of heart rather than body.

    By Mike Goldsmith | 1 year ago Reply
    • Have you and your wife taught your daughters to look for Good Men instead of the fun bad boys? I have two men(sons) that females won’t date because they are good.

      By Brent | 1 year ago Reply
      • Hmm. Not sure what females they are around…
        I rarely ever hear of a woman that wants a “bad boy.” The few I have heard from didn’t even have the strength of character to sustain a meaningful friendship.
        Tell them to keep standing and not get discouraged.

        By Bella | 1 year ago Reply
        • I don’t think women conciously go for the “bad guys”, but perhaps the good guys are seen as boring. Foreign to me, but I think that is how some women see it.

          By Amy | 1 year ago Reply
        • My husband noticed this trend growing up. Many girls were looking for and dating boys/men that were cruel to them, physically and emotionally. Girls broke up with them because he was “too nice.”

          By Coral | 1 year ago Reply
          • Coral, that observation is both universal and ancient.

            By Jerome | 1 year ago
        • I rarely ever hear of a woman that wants a “bad boy.”

          Watch their actions, not words. Growing up I constantly heard how girls were looking for a good guy, but somehow managed to ended up dating Harley McBadboy or Grungy Rockbanddrummer.

          By Tom | 1 year ago Reply
          • When my wife and I started dating, I could be considered Harley Mcbadboy. I had long hair, ear rings, and rode a motorcycle but i followed Christ and was a “good guy”. The guys she dated before we met were clean cut, nice clothes “good guys” and were complete douchebags. Dont think you can just how someone is inside by looking at the outside. Tattooed, motorcycle riding, heavy metal rock band drummer guys aren’t always bad.

            By Aaron | 1 year ago
          • I think most women seek for a “good guy”. They want a good relationship in life but believe that the idea is unrealistic and they settle for less. We should keep our standards high, and that will encourage others to do the same.

            By Catie | 1 year ago
          • Society doesn’t value the good guys the way they should. How bout Moms telling there daughters if you want a lasting relationship leave the bad boys alone, an stop thinking,!i can fix them!!
            How bout having someone whose drama free and not broken???

            By Ben | 1 year ago
      • I hear that, I married a wonderful man who could not get a date in HS because he was a good boy and not really great looking and kind of poor! When we went to his class reunion people were shocked at his hot…modestly dressed wife…well, I use to be a looker 40 years ago…lol….I was taught that looks fade and character is all that remains so that is what I looked for…he is a beautiful man on the inside and that is what counts…he use to ask me what I saw in him….it was that beautiful, strong soul…the kind that all women want but never actually think to look for. I get treated like a queen and he is my prince! It is sad now that many woman who turned him down would give anything to have him or a man like him…it is so sad that we are taught to value looks above all else and so many find out too late that it really did not matter at all because they ended up with ruined lives…so, so sad.

        By Cindy | 1 year ago Reply
        • I love your reply. I always tell people I fell in love with my husband’s spirit. People look at us the same way. It took maturity for me to learn this lesson and so I teach it to our children. The bible says “beauty is fleeting” but a good heart never fades. I love the way he loves me and our family. Finally, someone saw me.

          By Meochia | 1 year ago Reply
      • I think girls go for “bad guys” because the girls sees “confidence” in them. We all know it’s counterfeit confidence, but the “good guys” a lot of times don’t even have that. My advice is to build up your sons confidence like crazy! Teach him how to build his own confidence. That is what girls are really looking for. It actually has nothing to do with “good” or “bad”.

        By Cassi | 1 year ago Reply
        • This is a blanket statement; “bad guys” have confidence? There are a lot of good guys who have confidence. Do you know what a “bad guy” is?

          By mike | 1 year ago Reply
          • Did you notice that “confidence” was in quotes? It’s not true confidence, it’s a front.

            By Cassi | 1 year ago
      • Are you sure that women won’t date them for other reasons? Like maybe they’re self righteous and full of themselves or they’re just unattractive.

        By Nina | 1 year ago Reply
        • No she is right. It’s the confidence. Self righteous is a problem. But not that often. Most guys just have no confidence. They need to be helped.

          By Nicoli | 1 year ago Reply
      • I personally think if they are truly good men, with pure and humble hearts, then it might be more to do with a girl’s insecurity than their problems. I know I personally struggle with the idea that I’m not worthy or I’m not “good enough” to be dating one of these “good guys,” and I’m sure a lot of other young women feel the same. It would be great if the brothers in our lives would look at a woman and not judge her for her character in the context of being-a-future-wife, but love her as their own family and show full acceptance of her faults, regardless of whether she fits the standard. It’s hard because there’s somehow this huge gulf between a sister in Christ and a future wife, as if the imperfect struggling girl (still beautiful in God’s eyes) cannot possibly be in consideration as a future spouse. I think there’s two sides: the men who see some women as not good enough, and the women who see that judgment and feel insecure because of it. And then the women who would rather have a “bad boy” non-Christian because he won’t judge; those men know they have barrels full of faults already.

        Disclaimer: This is my opinion, and only my opinion.

        By Kat Lu | 1 year ago Reply
      • My boys went to Christian School & Christian College. My sons were good boy’s and many girls chased them. But my oldest prayed and waited. He got married at 30 and was a virgin. He was determined to wait for the woman God had for him. I had prayed since the day of their births for the women that God had for my sons to be healthy and grow into women of God. It was worth the wait for my oldest son, God brought him an amazingly beautiful talented woman of God. They are expecting their second child soon. My youngest son was not so, he dated a woman who wasn’t a christian when he was 21 against our wishes, married her and today after 13 years of hell he is divorcing her with the only good thing coming out of their marriage are my three grandchildren. We have taken him and the kids into our arms to help them through this horrible time.The worst thing for a parent is to see your kids suffering. Hopefully we are on the road to recovery! My point is one of my sons shied away from girls that half dressed and said they weren’t modest. My other son got stuck in the world of porn and dated women that didn’t dress modestly. Sex became a vice and he was lost to us for a few years. But God’s word is true. Train them up in the way they should go and when they depart they will come back to Him. Praise God!

        By Carol | 1 year ago Reply
        • I’m sorry, as a former fundy who is now a liberated atheist, I strongly disagree with many of the comments here, but yours in particular I feel compelled to answer. I went to a tiny Christian college and one of my professors joked that the divorce record of the couples who got together there had high divorce rate. Looking back as a 30-year-old in a committed relationship with my live-in bf, I am SO not surprised. Hormones were racing like crazy in that virgin teens-filled campus.

          Not coincidentally, the college was also known as Marriage Mill on the Hill. Most of them (I fortunately was not interested in dating at ALL, I didn’t want to get married and thought I might be asexual because I had always been the good girl who wanted to please her mother so much that she didn’t even think about kissing boys) thought with their respective sexual organs rather than with their brains in the dating game and just wanted to be married so they could get laid. The rush of engagement after engagement my senior year would have been humorous did it not have such tragic consequences.

          When you’re in college, you’re SO young, not even grown up- omg, I am SO not the same person I was at that age. People change when they grow up, and the chances of a couple maturing in the exact same way are slim.

          I know of TOO many Christian couples married in college who are hiding their horrible marriages behind smiling faces. This one guy I went to school with was with his wife the power couple at their church- every parent wanted their children to end up in such a great marriage- came over to my house one evening and hit on me…guess he thought because I was godless meant that I was a slut. He texted me the next day, apologizing, saying he hadn’t had sex for over a year.

          Not surprising that this isn’t uncommon in the purity culture, since before marriage we weren’t even allowed to masturbate and then on the wedding night, we’re supposed to sex it up. You can’t just turn it on. Lots of us STILL feel guilty/dirty when having sex.

          By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
          • Hi Rebecca!

            Thank you for sharing your perspective. That is so insightful on many levels.

            By Faith | 1 year ago
      • All of these comments about “bad boys” vs “good boys” is a joke. In high school, a lot of girls wanted to go on dates and stuff with me because I was a “good boy”. Granted, I also was one of the strongest kids in the school and played varsity football for 3 years, snowboarded, guitar, etc. But I was also humble, kind, kept my religious standards and didn’t really have a limit to who I associated with; I tried to be a friend to everyone.

        I was not the stereotype; in fact, I was about as far from is it as I could be. Girls felt comfortable and safe around me because I was confident in who I was and my standards. They knew I wasn’t thinking about trying to take advantage of them and that I respected them and their bodies.

        The main source of that confidence was rooted in keeping my standards under pressure and striving for excellence in other areas of life. Does that sound like a bad boy?

        For many of the like minded girls of my faith and outside. Guys like are not rare, but there are fewer than these so called “bad boys” that just want to get laid with as many girls as they can. Even the “bad girls” recognized and wanted to be with “good boys” because they know that “bad boy” type just wants to drink and have sex; no commitment. Spare us all the “bad boy” comments.

        Like minded people are drawn to each other. I think one contributor to the high percentages of marriages that end in divorce is due to people dating for attraction and sex (which are essential, don’t get me wrong) but completely overlooking the underlying like mindedness, personality, etc.

        By mike | 1 year ago Reply
  4. I never once wore a bikini, but still find this article great. Thanks, Kaylin. :)

    By Daria | 1 year ago Reply
  5. I plan to share this in hopes that all young girls will learn from it and know they are made in the image and likeness of God. Thnaks for sharing.

    By Yvonne Way | 1 year ago Reply
  6. I love how you explained this! You reaffirmed my reasons for dressing modestly, and being eighteen I don’t always feel comfortable concealing while everyone around me is not. This article inspired me so much. Thank you and bravo!

    By Paola | 1 year ago Reply
    • Thank you for the article, wish all young women would read it and take it to heart. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for them . We have lost so much modesty in the last years, makes me sad!!

      By Mary | 1 year ago Reply
  7. WOW WOW WOW so refreshing to read an article like this these days. Thank you Kaylin Koslosky you radiate from the inside OUT!!!

    By Lauren | 1 year ago Reply
  8. What a beautiful article! Last winter on our way to SEEK national conference, my husband and I stopped overnight with a couple of other college friends in Missouri to break up our drive. A mother with her children in the pool of our hotel asked what we (a group of 4 college students) were doing there on New Year’s Eve. She admitted that she wanted to assume the worst, but called me out on my one-piece swimsuit. She THANKED me for displaying to her daughters that a beautiful young woman can display modesty in a swimsuit. So eye-opening for me! I had never thought of what I was teaching young women through what I chose to wear (duh). It has definitely affected my purchases since.

    By Kiley | 1 year ago Reply
  9. Well said. I do NOT wear bikinis or revealing clothing for specifically that reason. I want to draw attention to my personality, my smile, my hobbies, and my whole person rather than just my body

    By Addie-Eileen Paige | 1 year ago Reply
  10. I wish more women had your way of thinking. Modesty would make the summer time much more easy to enjoy for myself, and the majority of my guy friends.

    Ladies, good guys appreciate modesty tremendously, trust me. You do yourself way more of a favour by covering up than not, it shows virtue and self respect.

    By Dom | 1 year ago Reply
  11. Such a nice article. Thank you. Truly inspiring. Modesty will show inner beauty which is way more important that what is seen on the outside.

    By Marj | 1 year ago Reply
  12. Love this. I fail at being modest more than I care to admit, but this is so well written and definitely worth everyone’s time.

    By Victoria | 1 year ago Reply
  13. Wonderful comments. I am amazed that boyfriends and husbands ALLOW their women to use these teeny tiny bikinis. Truly, it’s disgusting no matter how beautiful you are.

    By Donna Jensen | 1 year ago Reply
    • Allow!? Again, this is about a woman’s desire to be seen as a whole perso, not someone’s object of physical desire. No one ALLOWS me anything. I choose to be the best daughter of God I can be at any given moment. I belong to me and God.

      By Carrie | 1 year ago Reply
      • I am confused by your comment. When you wear a bikini people see the WHOLE person, which prevents them from seeing the whole person. If you get a chance, will you clarify? Thanks.

        By Sheila | 1 year ago Reply
        • When you dress immodestly, people don’t see your whole self–they only see your body, not your character or personality.

          By Cindy | 1 year ago Reply
          • I do not think this always has to be the case. I have 5 boys. We live in Hawaii. We are constantly surrounded by a culture that wears very little. You can actually teach boys who will turn into men who can be around women in any dress to see all of them, not just their body.

            By Michelle | 1 year ago
          • Puritan boys would lust after the ankles of Puritan girls in their long modest dresses.

            Even in Islamic culture, there’s a sexual mystery in what’s under a woman’s burka. Enough to drive a mans imagination wild with lust.

            In some parts of European culture, nudity is quite common and boys become adapted to it and quite used to it.

            The point of all of this is if a man has no desire to control his brain, it doesn’t matter what a woman is wearing. Modesty doesn’t necessarily help a man think about a woman’s beauty on the inside instead of the outside. And a bikini doesn’t always mean a man isn’t going see a woman’s inner beauty.

            By Matt | 1 year ago
      • Amen. We all have free will. It’s even we chose what is right for us that we are blessed and not controlled.

        By Charee | 1 year ago Reply
    • “Their” women? Last I check, slavery was made illegal in the United States a long time ago. Nobody owns another person.

      By JM | 1 year ago Reply
      • I often call people mine as a term of endearment and caring. This article shows a wonderful perspective. Thanks for standing up and speaking out!

        By anna | 1 year ago Reply
      • Well, as a man, let me put it like this. If I’m either their boyfriend or husband, I wouldn’t be comfortable going out with them wearing a bikini. I’d protest, and if they didn’t want to budge, I’d stay home.

        By Seth | 1 year ago Reply
        • A person should never be in a relationship where the feel like they need permission. You sound like someone who wants a woman to control, not love. You should respect your significant other’s choices, whether you agree with them or not. However, your significant other should respect your opinion. Refusing to go out based on what your wife/girlfriend has chosen to wear is childish.

          By Allen | 1 year ago Reply
          • I think more people should take such a stand. I don’t think it means anything but encouraging our friends, wives and/or girlfriends to respect themselves! I don’t care to be with those dressed all trampy

            By Kelli | 1 year ago
          • Allen, I agree with you that a person should not be in a relationship where one feels like they need permission! However, I don’t think Seth is being childish, I think he is protecting his future woman. The concept of a “significant other” is that you can trust and rely on them.

            By Emma | 1 year ago
          • It’s not childish to express an opinion openly to your partner. If you love and respect each other, you’re capable of having an honest conversation about things like being comfortable in public with them. If you’ve always dressed modestly, then suddenly start dressing immodestly, chances are your partner will not appreciate it, since most people who are uncomfortable with immodesty tend to choose partners who respect that. Case in point- my husband asked a girl to a dance when he was in high school. She wore a very short and skimpy dress. He was embarrassed the whole night and never asked her out again because he was afraid of what she might choose to wear. And his standards of what he calls immodest are pretty loose to begin with. If you feel so strongly about dressing immodestly that it’s more important to you than how your partner feels in public with you, then you should be self assured and strong enough to go out by yourself. Interestingly enough, people who are that uncompromising usually are single, because they’d rather be alone than make concessions. My husband doesn’t tell me what to do, but I love him enough that he doesn’t usually have to ask me to be considerate of his feelings; people who love each other tend to be empathetic without having to be asked.

            By Nicole | 1 year ago
          • I don’t see that as childish. I see it as a sign of a strong man. God made me for my husband….which makes me first God’s, then his. He is also mine. That’s not abusive, that’s love. It’s only abusive if you’ve made a bad choice in your spouse.

            By Erie | 1 year ago
        • Here here, Seth! Just as a woman can choose to be modest or risque, so too can a man choose to not be around a woman who is risque. Humbly bowing out is the epitome of maturity.

          By John Smith | 1 year ago Reply
    • To be honest, this entire discussion in regard to clothing the lack of it or abundance has always been a bit of pointless to me. Wether I wear bikini or not, I am the same person Godly or un-Godly. Wether I wear a skirt inch longer or shorter. Clothing does not define me and should not defy anyone. I cannot control mind of others but I can control mine, if someone cant control theirs when looking at me, that is none of business. What matters the most is whether you have God in your heart not on your camp shirt. This type of discussions encourage more openly rape and men’s justification as “she was asking for it”. My advice wear whatever fits you and flatters you best. Be comfortable in your own skinned do not let anyone dictate you how to cloth your own body that was given to you by God!

      By Daniela | 1 year ago Reply
      • Thank you!! I was waiting for someone to bring up the fact that men need to control their own thoughts! Wearing a bikini doesn’t mean I’m any less of a godly woman. Yes, I respect myself and if someone thinks I’m ugly because of that then they need to take a look at themselves. I love the idea of this article but it threw me off when it started mentioning men’s thoughts. Hold me accountable for their own deeds! What was that saying again? “let he who has not sinned cast the first stone!”

        By Cortney | 1 year ago Reply
      • Sorry, Daniela, your philosophy is truly ego-centric. When no thought or respectful consideration is given to how you dress and its effect on the men around you, you are simply being selfish and disrespectful. The God you speak of is actually the One who created men and women…created them to be attracted to one another in unique ways. You don’t like that? Complain to Him. An immodestly dressed woman is ultimately disrespecting God while they also disrespect the godly men around her. Just some food for thought.

        By Brad | 1 year ago Reply
        • Brad how much thought do you put into how your dress affects the women around you? If you’ve ever been shirtless in public then stop being a hypocrite.

          By Jamie | 1 year ago Reply
      • No your clothes do not define you. but they do define what others see and think about you.

        By joanna P | 1 year ago Reply
      • While you do not need to agree with me, this is just something to think about. The reason it mentions “men’s thoughts” is to give you a better understanding of how others will perceive you based off what you wear. Your character may not change, but it definitely changes the way you present yourself. You can think about it this way: if you are going to a job interview, you are not going to wear what you would wear lounging around the house; you would want to dress more professionally so that people would take you more seriously. Someone who is dressed in sweats and a t-shirt will be less likely to get the job than someone who is dressed in a business suit. It goes back to the idea of first impressions. The first judgement anyone makes about you is based off what you are wearing. I do agree with you that no one should dictate what you wear, but it is a personal choice whether you will emphasize showing your body or your character. I understand that the issue here may sound like people are passing judgement on you and others and it is their problem, but in reality, we all naturally make assumptions about people based off what we see first. We are incapable of not judging others. If you are really interested in trying to continue to understand the concept of modesty and why others view it as important, I suggest a video by Jessica Rey called “The Evolution of the Swimsuit”. Hope this helps you better understand why people think of this as a big deal. It is completely up to you how you dress, but I do think it is something worth thinking about

        By Naomi | 1 year ago Reply
      • Bravo Daniela. Thank you. <3

        By Miki | 1 year ago Reply
      • it doesn’t define you, obviously. but it sure does send a message out to those around you.

        By Anthony | 1 year ago Reply
    • My boyfriend loves me in a bikini…he’s proud of the way I look in one, even though I am super self conscious in any suit in public (loathe my thighs).

      But I don’t d

      By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
    • My boyfriend loves me in a bikini…he’s proud of the way I look in one, even though I am super self conscious in any suit in public (loathe my thighs).

      But I don’t d

      By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
    • My boyfriend loves me in a bikini…he’s proud of the way I look in one, even though I am super self conscious in any suit in public (loathe my thighs).

      But I don’t need/want his “permission,” I’m not his property. I would NEVER be interested in dating such a misogynist jerk, had enough of that in my uber conservative Christian upbringing, when we girls were only valued for our wombs- my mother actually threatened to disown me if I went to college.

      My guy and I mutually respect each other. Neither of us “wears the pants” in our relationship, we don’t need each other’s permission to do anything.

      By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
  14. Really thoughtful article. Well written

    By Rachel | 1 year ago Reply
  15. I loved your article! I decided to do away with bikinis a few years ago and I have found some beautiful one piece swimsuits since then. J-crew has a great selection as well as Marshals. Now I feel more confident and happy at the pool!

    By Charlotte | 1 year ago Reply
  16. What a lovely and cogent way of getting to the heart of modesty. Thank you.

    By mom of nine | 1 year ago Reply
  17. Although the sentiment in your article is well meaning, it is my belief that your advice is misguided. It is beautiful that you are encouraging women and men to seek beyond the physical body in others to unveil their soul, spirit, and personality. But to think that ‘veiling’ the anatomy of a human being makes you (1) modest, and (2) more likely to have others see your true spirit is shortsighted and fails to address the real issue. The real issue is not how we dress nor how much of our bodies we expose – our bodies are not shameful. They are gifts, they are temples, and they remain so no matter how much of them are covered and no matter who is looking at them. The issue is not women who are wearing bikinis, the issue is each and every individual who passes judgement based on appearance – even if the judgement they make is, “wow, that girl in a one-piece is modest”. Instead, I think this article would be more apt if it focussed on challebging one another to seek out the beauty and spirit in every person we meet!

    By Karen | 1 year ago Reply
    • I absolutely agree. Props to you for recognising that, I was about to lose hope after reading all the other comments in here.

      I personally feel that all the sentiments and thoughts that were expressed not only in the article, but in the comments as well, are what fuel rape culture. It is upsetting to see how close-minded and ignorant this world has become. I hope that people will be able to accept that modesty or covering yourself does not prevent lust or rape (this goes for both guys and girls) and that rapists have developed their own sick reasoning for doing their cruel acts. Their excuses? That their victim was flirty or dressed sexily and inviting, etc. I am just truly saddened that rapists are able to gain the support of the community around them (maybe not directly) because of this type of thinking/mentality.

      I am all for girls and guys dressing however they want for their own personal reasons. But don’t do it at the expense of another woman’s confidence and self-worth. Don’t make someone else feel bad just so you can feel good.

      By sarah | 1 year ago Reply
      • Rape is not the result of sexual desire or lust. Rape is a violent act: control, power and fear is what it is about. It doesn’t matter what a person wears ( with regard to rape ). However if a person wishes to be treated with respect by others it begins with respecting yourself. If you go to work dirty and dressed like a slob you will not be treated the same as a professionally dressed person. If a girl wants to be treated as an object of sexual desire she will dress the part.

        By Jeanine | 1 year ago Reply
        • Thank you for typing out my thoughts Jeanine.

          By Erie | 1 year ago Reply
      • Hi, Sarah!
        I understand your perspective. No one should ever be blamed for being raped. I don’t like when people say “Look what she was wearing – she was asking for it!” In fact, Jason Evert himself said once to the men during one of his talks that when men look at women with the intention to objectify them simply because they’re dressed a certian way, it means that the MAN is the one who needs to be healed and changed. It’s his heart that has a vice which needs to be uprooted. It is evidence that something is broken within HIMSELF. I am not referring to mere sexual attraction here, and neither was Jason Evert. I am talking about objectification.

        That being said: I think all of us can agree that rape and rape culture is abhorrent. I am sure that Jason would agree and sk would the author of the post. ☺

        I know that sometimes the concept of modesty can be interpreted from the outside like a negative thing: to hide, to control, to shame etc. But, traditonally in Judeo -Christian religion, veiling is a sign of profound beauty, dignity, goodness, and holiness. For example, in the Old Testament the Presence of God or Holy of Holies was veiled, behind several walls, and only entered once a year by the High Priest. The High Priest wore bells on his clothing and had a rope tied around his waist which other people in the outer part of the temple held. the High Priest’s heart was not in the right place, he was unworthy, (he was in a state of serious sin) the people in the outer parts of the temple would not hear the bells anymore because he would fall over dead before the Holiness of God and would be dragged out of the Holy of Holies. The Church teaches that the human body is meant to be a temple of God which not everyone is worthy to behold, hence modesty.

        By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
        • Correction: IF the High Priest’s heart wasn’t in the right place.

          By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
        • I’m sorry, but at least to me your theory of the high priest does not make sense in pertaining to this article or backing up your comment to her. This is because the correlation is not strong and the priests clothes do not have to do so much with a woman’s modesty here or does it have to do with ceiling yourself because he wore the richest colors and adornments on his robes which brings attention to him as if he was not wearing clothes. Wow, speaking of which do you remember when David danced naked in a great crowd before everyone when praising the Lord? Anyways, the priest wore the bells in case he died, yes, but that doesn’t have to do with modesty per say. It could be many heart reasons, and further more why that counteraeguement example is not strong is because the veil is no longer there because of Jesus and how when he died the veil was torn in two so that anyone could enter into God’s presence freely. Before the priests would have to go through many outwardly physical practices to prepare himself to enter the presence of God in washing himself, cutting his hair, wearing the proper priestly attire. You need a stronger counteraeguement if you are going to make that statement to better support yourself because that one is not taking heed to some of the other principles and characteristics and culture of the time. What about Queen Esther and how she was called the most beautiful of the land and given beauty treatments for many months before entering the Kings presence, or Ruth who was told to put on her best clothes and perfume before going to the threshold at the feet of her kinsman redeemer? These are examples of outward adornment and non-outward adornment for you to also consider in making a new supported argument. Thank you.

          By Bibical theory | 1 year ago Reply
      • Picture someone walking around with cash sticking out of their pockets/purse and waving around a fist full of twenties.

        Yes, a thief should be punished, but we also need to have a talk with this person about prudence and common sense.

        By Ed | 1 year ago Reply
    • I couldn’t agree more. Although it is a personal choice to “go modest” or not, I must say that people will look at you no matter what you wear. And yes, the problem of prejudice really isn’t the clothing wearer’s fault–it’s the fault of the people judging her in the first place. And, I mean, some people truly feel more comfortable and happy with themselves in a bikini rather than a one-piece. And, that’s okay! Love yourself however you feel fit. Just as bikinis aren’t for everyone, neither are one-pieces, you know? :)

      By Keilyn | 1 year ago Reply
      • Love your comment. I’ve spent the past ten years ashamed of what pregnancy and motherhood did to my body and covered up completely, especially at the pool. But I bought a bikini one year ago and finally built up the courage to wear it last week. It was so liberating. I felt like I could finally stop caring about what others thought of my imperfect body and didn’t feel judged or insecure as I had so many times before. I suppose this article is evidence that yes, some people are looking and judging, but that’s not on me anymore–that’s on them. :)

        By Amberly | 1 year ago Reply
        • Amen! After two kids, I worried about not having a bikini body… Then I finally thought you know what? I have the perfect bikini body. It’s a little pudgy, yes. Stretch marks? No doubt. But this is the belly that held two children as they grew… How amazing is that? I’m not trying to impress anyone. My husband loves me as I am, as I was, and as I will be. My kids think I’m beautiful. And that makes me beautiful. So I’ll get a little tan on my belly (with the exception of where my skin still folds over). And I’m happy with who I am. That said, if I choose to rock a tankini

          By TJWH | 1 year ago Reply
        • (Oops submitted too fast!) if I choose to rock a tankini, I’m cool with that too. Let’s all just be gentle with each other, and realize we all come in different shapes and sizes and that is just fine!

          By TJWH | 1 year ago Reply
          • think it is also WHO are we wesring it for and trying to impress? I will wear a bikini around the house for my hubby, but not in public, simply because he likes how I look in it and it makes me feel good to make him happy. ; )

            By Me | 1 year ago
      • You rock.

        By Cierra | 1 year ago Reply
    • I have always felt self conscious to a degree in literally whatever I wear. From jeans to a tankini. But I finally decided it was time to LOVE MYSELF in whatever I wore. I’m my own most brutal critic, but I decided not to pay attention to how others looked at me, but rather how I felt. And to me, wearing a bikini gave me a sense of freedom. I was free to love myself no matter what I wore or how hesitant I was to wear it for fear of judgement. That’s just personal. YOU should decide for yourself what YOU are comfortable in whether it’s a bikini, one piece, or wetsuit. Wear what makes you feel good about yourself.

      By Kelly | 1 year ago Reply
    • Thank you for saying what I thought so I didn’t have to.

      By Chris | 1 year ago Reply
    • I don’t think Kaylin’s advice is misguided at all. She addressed your question at the very beginning of her article. She said that she didn’t think about the person’s heart who wore the bikini because she wasn’t thinking about that – she was thinking about what the person was wearing.

      What we wear says something about what we think of ourselves. Yes, our bodies are temples – but we don’t need to worship them, we need to worship God or whomever the spreme being is in your religion, with our whole souls. We make our clothing selections for many reasons – one of them is whether or not we need to be noticed. Yes, some people want their bodies to be looked at and that is at the heart of their cloting selection.

      In my opinion, Kaylin did speak to the real issue. Look at how she was able to enjoy seeing the young mother with her husband and child. She could look because there wasn’t anything keeping her from enjoying the look. When people are undressed we turn away from their exposed body if we have a modest heart and mind. We feel embarrassed that so much of their body is exposed. The story of David and Bathsheba is a good example. He looked because she was not clothed. Joseph ran when Potipher’s wife tore off his robe. He didn’t stand around waiting for her to appreciate his mind and his good heart.

      By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
    • These are the exact thoughts too I had while reading this article. Thanks for sharing this side of things <3

      By J | 1 year ago Reply
    • Karen–your comment absolutely and utterly ignores the visual nature of a man. It’s a little hard to “seek out the beauty and spirit in every person” when she’s dripping in nudity, near nudity, and sexuality.

      By John Smith | 1 year ago Reply
      • Speak for yourself, John.

        By Michael | 1 year ago Reply
        • xo

          By Miki | 1 year ago Reply
    • Yes!

      By Ashley | 1 year ago Reply
  18. Loved how you took us on the journey with you in your analogies and story telling. Truly a beautiful gift! Thank you for sharing the value of modesty in a beautiful way.

    By Sarah | 1 year ago Reply
  19. Have you ever been to a traditional Mass?

    By “Spiffy” | 1 year ago Reply
  20. Thank you. What a beautiful article.

    By Khaled ElSayed | 1 year ago Reply
  21. Well Said!

    By elizabeth | 1 year ago Reply
  22. As the mother of 13 yr old daughter who desperately wants to fit in, I say THANK YOU! It’s refreshing to have other young ladies share such refreshing truth for our girls. I often say it’s the inner beauty that lasts and must be tended to, the external fades with time. Continue sharing such simple yet profound truths!

    By Kim | 1 year ago Reply
  23. As a male reading this, what you said is very true. Some girls dress themselves in such ways you wonder if they even like it! The same goes with males too though. Sometimes you can see them running shirtless even if it is early morning and is cool.

    P.S. GO RAMS!

    By Doploo | 1 year ago Reply
  24. Look beyond people’s clothing choices, leave behind assumptions based solely upon appearance, dress exactly the way you feel comfortable, and seek out the inner beauty in each person you meet… Encourage others to do the same. From the sounds of it, there was no effort made to rise above superficial judgements of the bikini clad women to appreciate a smile or a kind act. You are capable of more than that. You have lost if you cannot dig deeper than that. The world has lost if it cannot dig deeper than that. If we encouraged more people to reach out in support and acceptance, and we dont shame ladies into thinking their bodies are so distracting that no one could ever possibly see the “them” that is beyond that…we might just see a paradigm shift in thinking and in relationships… This sort of change would be much more sustainable!

    By Karen | 1 year ago Reply
    • That’s all nice in theory, but human nature will always see the body first and the inner beauty last. There is wisdom in her realization. I don’t really care what people wear to the pool, but I am not going to deny that parading around almost naked will cause a reaction in others…and not always what one was hoping for. We can hope for people to see our naked bodies and think only of how kind or good we might be, but wishing it won’t make it true.

      By HCBS | 1 year ago Reply
    • Karen, that would be the ideal, wouldn’t it? Unfortunately we are not living in an ideal world. We can work on our own tendencies to improve ourselves but it’s natural to make an initial judgement based on what we see. I think this is what she is speaking about here. Relaxing at the pool, those natural tendencies are what came out and are what she noticed in herself and as she watched the men watching the women. I had an experience with my son that emphasized her point and yours as well. My son was captain of his HS swim team and he had participated with his team in a shaving party the night before the region meet. He had let his hair grow nearly a year since the previous state meet but since he already had a qualifying time for state, didn’t completely shave his head as many of the other boys did. But he did cut the sides quite short, leaving his blond, curly hair in a “fro-hawk” on top and dyed it the same shade of blue as his school’s blue. He was going to a dance the night after regions with a girl from his team who wanted him to spike his hair so we had gone to the store to find some hair glue to do that. While we were in that aisle looking at the hair products, a woman pushing a cart with a young child came around the corner and as soon as he saw him she quickly backed out of the aisle and moved on. My son was a bit offended and my first thought was that she had no idea what a great young man he was. She didn’t know that this was his way of showing school spirit and exciting the team who looked to him as their leader. She had no idea of the kindness he showed which had endeared the younger team members to him; no idea of his leadership skills in teaching those young men when his coach was not able to be there for many practices during the season. She was only looking at that curly blue hair. We talked about that — about being careful not to judge others on looks alone. But we also talked about what messages we might be sending in our manner of dress and hair and other styles. Yes, we should be careful and generous in our judgement of others but we also need to be aware of what our styles and manners could lead others to believe about us.

      By Kristina | 1 year ago Reply
    • Thank you. I couldn’t quite place what this article made me feel/think until I read your comment, but this is it. Perhaps the conversation should move past the modest/not modest debate and we should learn to see people as beautiful and strive to help people discover and feel their inner beauty. Saying that a woman who feels beautiful will want veil her body bc she knows it cannot be a blanket statement. People have different tastes and enjoy wearing different things. It’s up to me to stop comparing myself to others, and it’s up to me to embrace beauty however people choose to express it – through a one piece or a bikini – who cares? The trouble comes in that people think there is one answer for what women should wear and the truth is, there is no should to it. And I’ll just mention that men need to be challenged to walk their own journey towards renewing their minds and learning that it is up to them to control what they see. The fruit of the spirit, self control means just that, self control – you are responsible for controlling yourself, not others

      By Rachel | 1 year ago Reply
  25. I totally love this piece..and admire your boldness. Keep it up :)

    By Ms Njore | 1 year ago Reply
  26. good article.am sharing with friends

    By margaret okiring | 1 year ago Reply
  27. you go girl!

    By dawn stine | 1 year ago Reply
  28. Very interesting! This is the least preachy article I’ve ever read- and therefore the most compelling. I love how the focus is on what she noticed for herself and barely touches on what men think- there’s a lot of issues with that! (I.e. it contributes to rape culture- placing responsibility on the woman to help guard against the failings of men). I can respect this lady! She’s put a new tone to a much debated argument simply in her wording.
    Although I must say, as someone in their second trimester a bikini is probably the least uncomfortable- and I feel as though people see pregnant women in a different way than they would any other girl. Thoughts?

    By Rose | 1 year ago Reply
  29. Never wore a bikini and agree with that inner beauty! If all would cover up more,the world would see less violence and learn to trust more.

    By Marilyn | 1 year ago Reply
    • How should those Muslim women who wear loose, long, garments covering the whole body from head to feet, AKA “Burkas” avoid being raped? Their world to date has not seen less violence as you proclaim. All walks of life get raped, newborns to the elderly , male and female are being raped on a daily basis throughout the world. Do some research. Rape is not about what one does or does not wear. According to your logic, that grandma who got raped in a home invasion shouldn’t of worn that floor length nightgown to bed, or that new born should of had on more than a onesie. Please educate yourself!!!

      By common sense | 1 year ago Reply
  30. Excellent article! I´m 17 years old and I´ve been struggling on whether use a bikini of not. I had my arguments against bikinis but your words were able to express the real sense of veiling the body.
    Thanks a lot!

    By Andrea | 1 year ago Reply
  31. Seems a slippery slope to wearing a burqa. I agree with the idea that we should judge people by their actions, rather than their appearance, but fundamentalists in some groups have carried the idea of “modesty” to the extreme.

    By Kathy | 1 year ago Reply
    • And not only that but there is a huge problem with rape and violence (more so than places where women are less covered) in those places where burqas are required.
      I myself experienced being sexually assulted during a time in my life when I was very careful to make sure I dressed extra modestly all the time.

      By Anne | 1 year ago Reply
    • My thoughts exactly. Western non Muslim s are worried about the burka and where do we as a people say this modesty is ok and this is not?

      By jy | 1 year ago Reply
    • Covering themselves modestly is something a woman does for herself, wearing a burqa is something a man has imposed upon a woman; big difference!

      By Julie Haight | 1 year ago Reply
      • Having lived in Cairo and asking SEVERAL burqa-wearing women why they chose to do it, I can assure you that it’s not necessarily something imposed on them by men. Some countries have strict dress-code laws (Iran and Saudi Arabia, for example) but those are the exception. Most Muslim countries do not enforce a dress code except at places of worship. Many many Muslim women express their inward devotion by covering up, and to assume otherwise is an insult to their independence and intellect. Some of the strongest, most powerful women I’ve met don the burqa. No one told them to.

        By Aziza | 1 year ago Reply
  32. I look at the women in Jesus and Mary’s time and think how much freer they were to do and think about things that were important, because they never had to worry about getting old, or gaining weight, or any of those problems that consume so much energy in women today.

    By Virginia | 1 year ago Reply
    • I am not sure where you have gotten your information. Women in the first century were not able to own property, and were completely tied to their husbands or fathers for money. Women could be divorced very easily by their husbands while women had no right to obtain a divorce under any circumstances. If a married Jewish woman could not produce children, they could have their maid-servant (or slave) become a “second-wife” and take any children produced from that union and call them their own. Women were also forced to marry their rapists. 1st century women could easily have been divorced for gaining weight or growing too old, especially if she had been unable to produce male children. How could this possibly have led to an easier life that allowed them to focus on things that were important?

      By Erin | 1 year ago Reply
      • You need to study harder. Not all Jews practiced this and the ones that did MISUNDERSTOOD the law just as you do. Women did Not have to marry their rapist and the father could have them killed for it. Besides all of that, your comment has nothing to do with this article.

        By Kevin Hicks | 1 year ago Reply
  33. I’m holding a question I was willing to ask for a long time now… How a woman – how can I – dress modestly at the beach (or around a pool, or during holidays). I know that the bikini shows much of the body, I know as well that the tankini shows less but still, it shows enough to feel uncomfortable for men and next to men. What should I do? Is it possible to dress properly at the beach?

    By Donna | 1 year ago Reply
    • Google “burqini”, and Islamic swimwear generally.

      By Starlight | 1 year ago Reply
    • Absolutely! I wear a modest workout tank top & workout shorts. They are fashionable, relevant, practical, & dry really fast. Also, a modest one piece with matching shorts work very well too. You can also find modest swim dresses and suits if you look for them.

      By Bee | 1 year ago Reply
    • Don’t worry about the men because what you wear isn’t their choice. Wear what makes you feel beautiful and comfortable when you’re having fun.

      By Kelly | 1 year ago Reply
      • ……..and if being completely unclothed in public makes you feel beautiful, have at it! No need to worry about what anyone else thinks.

        By Charles D | 1 year ago Reply
    • As a woman, I’m very comfortable in a one piece but prefer to wear shorts with one piece while walking around. If I leave the site, I don a shirt on top and treat it like a bra and underwear (which is what a female swimsuit and male speedo really is). Sometimes if swimming is an option but I don’t have my suit, I just dive right in with shorts and T-shirt. Makes cold water seem warmer anyway.

      By jj | 1 year ago Reply
    • I know for me, I like to wear a tankini that doesn’t show cleavage with girl board shorts so I don’t feel like I am just in my underwear.

      By Jessica | 1 year ago Reply
    • Absolutely! I’m sure many would consider me to the extreme, but I feel the most comfortable with spandex leggings and a long sleeve muscle shirt. Then I can dress up with a cute swimming skirt or short beach dress over that without feeling like my skin is exposed for all the men to ogle at. Keeps me from getting burned too, but is great to swim in! The shirt and leggings are not as thick as a wet suit either.

      By Springtime | 1 year ago Reply
    • Many probably think I’m extreme, but I love rash guards. I do not feel comfortable being in a swim suit on the beach, with only underwear type swim suits. Rash guards have been a life saver for me, my husband, and our children. You can cover up as much you want, and still be in swim attire. The swimoutlet.com has multiple styles, and really cute rash guards. Hope that helps!

      By Shayla | 1 year ago Reply
  34. Your wisdom and courage in posting this really inspired me today. I will continue to share and look forward to reading more of your posts.

    By Ellen | 1 year ago Reply
  35. Drivel.
    women can wear whatever they feel like like and it is because they want to to swimming. remember that women were one arrested for showing legs.
    come on.
    Men can alter the way they view women without women needing to cover anything. Not their belly, not their hair, face, legs arms. Anything.
    and if they can’t , well , women will at least have enjoyed a refreshing swim.

    By Cynthia Day | 1 year ago Reply
    • You call that drivel but you don’t even bother to proofread your response? Shows how much thought you put into things…

      By Carolyn | 1 year ago Reply
      • I do disagree with you Cynthia for the same reason why I (a woman) hate seeing any kind of body type of man wear a speedo. When I look at people, I usually wonder what they’re doing at the moment I see them and why. If that curiousity is worth considering making plans to do something similar, I’ll do so. The speedo just ruins it for me and I have to work to fix my attention on his amazing beach setup that keeps sand off the towel but still allows for tanning or the baby having an amazing amount of shade and if it’s worth it to buy that “tent thingy” to accomplish that shade. I’m glad most men wear shorts to the beach for that reason. I hate planning for what to say when my child asks me, “Mommy, why is he wearing only his underwear?”

        By jj | 1 year ago Reply
  36. Who defines “modest”? I was surprised to see the photo of the author, in which she is wearing what I feel is a very low cut top, exposing cleavage. I agree with those posters who feel that the bigger problem is in how we judge, not how we dress. That said, I respect the author’s views and her right to dress in whatever manner is most comfortable – physically and emotionally/spiritually – for her.

    By Jennifer | 1 year ago Reply
  37. I really wish more women would realize their true beauty and not flaunt their physical assets… it is something beautiful to be cherished, protected and respected… and as stated in this gets over looked when all you see is skin…

    This is beautiful Thank you for sharing…

    By Gerowyn Jensen | 1 year ago Reply
  38. The way you dress sends a message to people whether you want to admit it or not. Clothing is a form of self-expression. Would you wear a bikini to a job interview? If you truly believed that what you wear doesn’t matter, then maybe you should. You wouldn’t get the job (unless it was an audition for bikini model), but you were comfortable… Think about the message you are sending.
    You say people should look past your appearance and see the inner beauty anyways. Yes, sure, we should be able to see the inner beauty in everyone, but why do you want to make it harder for others to do so? Our brains are wired to react a certain way to things we see. There is so much stimuli in this world that we wouldn’t be able to function if we could trust our brain to quickly and instinctively process it. If I see someone baring their body for all to see, I would instinctively notice their body first. What else do you expect? Why would you even wear a bikini if you didn’t want people to notice your body? Don’t tell me it’s just about comfort. I’ve worn plenty of comfortable suits that covered more skin.

    By Carolyn | 1 year ago Reply
    • What ARE you on about? “Would you wear a bikini to a job interview?” Do you wear a pantsuit to swim in at a lake or pool? You might be more likely to drown because of absurd amounts of fabric, but hey, you were modest right? See how much sense your argument doesn’t make? Different situations require different types of clothing, same reason you don’t see people wearing parkas in the middle of summer. Also, no one can immediately see the inner beauty of a person just by looking at them, regardless of what they’re wearing. You have to spend time with a person to get to know them. Do please get over yourself.

      By Laurel | 1 year ago Reply
  39. Very powerful! Love your beautiful ways of looking at modesty. I dress modestly and have always been more comfortable with not ‘baring’ it all. While others wore bikinis I had the less revealing suits. I wish some suit companies would use your words to inspire a new set of swimwear. Could be an instant fashion statement!!!

    By Susie | 1 year ago Reply
    • There are a few great places to shop if you know where to look. Check out lime ricki swimwear. Many girls I know shop there. So cute!!

      By Jodi | 1 year ago Reply
  40. The other woman showed more modesty because she used her leisure time to enjoy herself and her family, instead of sizing up everyone else’s bodies and what they were wearing.

    By Emmelineb | 1 year ago Reply
  41. Thank you for your article, Kaylin!

    By Dawn Link | 1 year ago Reply
  42. A powerful message for all of us…

    By Sandra | 1 year ago Reply
  43. I saw this article after my daughter shared it on FB. You are so right on!! With 2 teenage daughters, I have tried to teach them the message you have so nicely put forth. Thank you!!!! I pray your modesty message catches fire in the hearts of women of all ages. God bless you.

    By John Timmons | 1 year ago Reply
  44. Thank you Kaylin! There is much work needed in this arena. Battling alongside our Lord we will be victorious in this culture war!! My prayers for your continued solid efforts.

    Peace,

    Scott Goley

    By Scott Goley | 1 year ago Reply
  45. I felt sick reading this. Yes, let’s absolutely making it the responsibility of individual women to ‘be modest’ instead of dealing with the fact that society markets women like objects. If it takes someone covering up to think about other aspects of them besides their body, the issue is with you, not them.

    By Key | 1 year ago Reply
    • THANKS YOU! It’s not the darn bikini’s fault! We all need to take responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.

      By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
      • So, how come we don’t go swimming naked? People do in some European countries… Thoughts? Do you feel any coverage is appropriate, and why or why not? My aunt lived in a nudist colony for a while. Yet, now, she dresses more modestly than she did back then. Questions of propriety factor into this equation, as well as personal comfort.

        By Nicole | 1 year ago Reply
        • “So, how come we don’t go swimming naked? People do in some European countries… Thoughts?”

          That’s 100% fine. There is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing inherently sexy about being naked. It’s all about the culture. It’s normal to do that over there, and it’s fine. Same thing with Africa, woman are topless there. The problem with America is we over-sexualize everything.

          People should be able to wear anything they want whether it’s a short skirt of down to their legs. It shouldn’t be up to women to control men’s desires. People will lust after people regardless of what they are wearing.

          By David Gerome | 1 year ago Reply
  46. You have made some excellent points about modesty. Modesty is of the heart, which is humility. Your point is one of the most important: “However, modesty is not about hiding faults, it is about veiling beauty.” After having studied the topic extensively from a number of viewpoints, I have come to the conclusion that we should think in terms of how much of ourselves we are willing to show, rather than how much we need to hide. Cleavage, or near cleavage, is currently being shown by many, even by those who are Christians. Have we seen so much skin these days that we have become desensitized?

    By Allyce | 1 year ago Reply
  47. God Bless you in abundance for this Great article!

    By Fay Fayad | 1 year ago Reply
  48. What an insightful article. This young lady will go far, indeed.

    By Dave | 1 year ago Reply
  49. I am a 37 yr old mother of 3 little ones and I work so hard everyday to keep my body looking the way it did pre babies – just to look good and feel good in a bikini! I would say – I mostly do it for my husband ( keeping the attraction alive) however I yearn for a one piece badly! I’m really tired of sucking it in or wondering if he or others are thinking my stomach isn’t perfect for some reason- great read for me today- I am always way more comfortable In a one piece- I am going to start wear them more often!

    By Lisa | 1 year ago Reply
    • If he only finds you attractive when you wear a bikini maybe he needs a wake up call. You are the mother of his children. Your body carried his children for 40 weeks, nurtured, fed and kept them safe. You used your body to birth them, feed them, and comfort them. You are their whole world. Your husband should see you for the attractive woman you are and it doesn’t matter if you have stretch marks, saggy skin, or a flabby belly. Your body was the vessel for his prodigy and that is attractive enough.

      By mom to four | 1 year ago Reply
  50. Thank you Carolyn! I’m a guy, have been married happily for 38 years and have never been unfaithful. I have to say that in spite of my best efforts, when a woman comes into view dressed immodestly, regardless of location, I look, and your right, I’m not wondering about her heart, or mind, but her body. I hate that! Thank you for finding words to express my feelings! Keep up the good work!

    By Russ | 1 year ago Reply
    • Sorry, I meant Kaylin, not Carolyn. :)

      By Russ | 1 year ago Reply
  51. Beautifully written!

    By Shirley | 1 year ago Reply
  52. The first shame of Adam and Eve is still alive and well…

    By Helen | 1 year ago Reply
  53. Co-relation does not mean it’s the cause. Put one piece suits on all the women and it will not change what people look at first.

    Go back into history when bikinis didn’t exist. It has not changed what we see first.

    Maybe the reverse is true? If you enhance your outer beauty, you have a better chance for others to see your inner beauty (and that is an equally silly statement!).

    Inner beauty is what you do, not whether you wear a bikini or not.

    By Gary Hager | 1 year ago Reply
    • Is there anything new under the sun? Has anything changed in the mind of man since the beginning of time? No. But isn’t there a way to help or better a situation? Should we all just walk around naked? There is logic and common sense… and modesty will always be relevant and important.
      I believe the intelligent and courageous woman is the modest woman, because she must be loved for the core of her soul, not lusted after for the cleavage of her shirt.
      Many men will always lust, but let’s not minimize modesty and it’s virtue and therefore minimize the problem of pornography and immodesty.
      More skin does not mean more beautiful, it means more skin. Personally, I’m a big fan of turtle necks on a woman – it’s not only beautiful – it’s modest, and the very fact that it is modest (in my opinion) shows confidence, and confidence in modesty is both beautiful and extremely sexy.
      I think way too many women opt to show more skin when choosing outfits – not because of an abundance of confidence but because of a lack thereof.
      So should women wear burkas to the beach?? No, I don’t think radicalism is healthy either… but like I wrote earlier:
      I believe the intelligent and courageous (and CONFIDENT) woman is the modest woman, because she must be loved for the core of her soul, not lusted after for the cleavage of her shirt.

      By Sean Michael Afable | 1 year ago Reply
  54. Modesty, or veiling the body doesn’t stop lust or harmful comparisons. Changing a person’s heart does that. Whether you intended to or not, you seem to be suggesting that the young mom with the one piece is the only one you could suspend your judgement of…the bikini clad girls were deserving of it because of their choice in attire. When will we as women stop contributing to the violence that is so pervasive against our gender and sexuality and treat each other with the respect and dignity ALL people deserve, no matter what they’re wearing?!

    By Janet | 1 year ago Reply
    • We need to remember that it is nearly impossible to force someone to change, let alone the majority of men and women around us. It is when we change ourselves that the most difference is made. It is scientifically proven that revealing clothing increases the occurrences of lust from men and harmful comparisons in women. It is a shame that it is natural tendency of men and women to do these things, but the biggest difference happens when someone makes a change to themselves to be modest. As a man, I appreciate it so much when the women around me are modest. It makes it so much easier to focus on what makes a person who they are. I’m not saying I don’t try to resist looking when an immodest person walks by, it just makes it so much easier to see the inner beauty of a person when they are modest. If we want to make a bigger difference around us, the most effective way will always be to change something we have control of. We don’t have control of how other people think or feel.

      By Kyler | 1 year ago Reply
    • AMEN!!!!

      By Bree | 1 year ago Reply
    • Amen!

      By Carly | 1 year ago Reply
  55. Isn’t it interesting that Muslim women & some Jewish sects have developed swimsuits that cover the body, but most Christian women wouldn’t be caught dead on a beach in modest attire? For those who say it is the fault of the “looker” to not look, have you tried it? If we don’t want people to see it, we won’t show it…

    By Allyce | 1 year ago Reply
  56. Reading this is truly music to my ears. I am so glad there is a woman out there who is thinking through all this issue in such a manner. As a male, it is definitely so hard to see the inner person of a woman when she’s bikini-clad.

    I can also see the other side of the argument, though, expressed by some of the people commenting here, as well as on the Moody radio program “Up for Debate” I listened to 2 years ago in which there was discussion about whether or not Christian women should wear bikinis. Some of the people on the street who commented, and the experts on the program talked about how bikinis are just what some people choose to wear as a means of expressing themselves.

    In any case, I definitely feel challenged by this piece to learn to watch what kinds of judgments I pass in my thoughts. I’m encouraged in my efforts by reading Kaylin’s desire to be in tune with inner beauty, which I want to desire as a holy desire unto God.

    By Paul | 1 year ago Reply
    • I also find it fitting that this post was published on the feast day of St. Kateri Tekakwitha, who is a great model of purity for all, and being reminded of her story on her feast day greatly encourages me.

      By Paul | 1 year ago Reply
  57. I’m a 55 year man with two daughters: one grown and one 8 yrs old. I have explained to her that a one piece covers that place where one day a child will be growing within her; it’s nearly a sacred place, as it was a sacred place for Our Lady. Mary, our model of virtue, should be our model of modesty for men and women, boys and girls. Thanks for the article, it’s so very timely.

    By Todd Myers | 1 year ago Reply
  58. Modesty is not about swimsuits or clothes… It’s the strutting or the hiding that both show lack of modesty. When the woman, herself, is preoccupied with the appearance of her body, she draws attention there. Immodesty is reading the “get bikini ready” articles not the actual wearing of a bikini.

    By Amy | 1 year ago Reply
    • So bothering to care about your body and how it looks is immodest? Got it. Guess I should stop paying attention to what I eat and stop all of my work outs then, so I can be a better and more modest Christian wife… Also, how do “strutting [and] hiding both show lack of modesty”? I am genuinely curious as to how you arrived at this conclusion.

      By Laurel | 1 year ago Reply
  59. You say “Not once in my observations that day had I asked myself “I wonder what is on her heart today” or “I wonder what her personality is like” or “I wonder what she dreams of doing some day.””

    And I stopped to wonder, do I ever ask myself those questions about males in plain clothes walking down the street? Um… no. Thats honestly not a thought that would cross my mind about a total stranger. Are these really things you typically wonder about total strangers? Do men not wearing shirts vs wearing shirts make you question what they dream about? Pretty sure your first thoughts would be more like, “hmm, he’s pretty cute” or “meh” or something. So thats kind of an odd reason to use to support your version of “modesty”

    How is men being able to see a womans torso any different from having the torso covered?

    All humans make their first judgements of eachother based on first physical impressions. Sure, a guy may not be questioning whats on your heart when he first sees you, but the way it works most of the time is two people find each other physically attractive, then as the relationship progresses the guy may start to wonder these things as he gets to know her.

    Plus these so called “standards” of modesty just dont make sense. I mean, why not just wear a burka? Then for sure you would know no one could judge you for anything physical. Why even wear makeup or do your hair? Why is a one piece ok at the pool, but its suddenly not ok to wear shorts so short they cut up your thigh and a tank top (the same amount of skin thats showing with a one piece) every where else?

    By Alexa | 1 year ago Reply
  60. Such a wonderful, and profound thought. Thank you.

    By Julia | 1 year ago Reply
  61. You wrote a beautiful blog about modesty. Thank you for the encouragement.

    By Iesha | 1 year ago Reply
  62. Im in agreement. thats the type i look for. No need to show off for the right attention

    By jonny | 1 year ago Reply
  63. Great insight, thanks for sharing.

    By NaDean Olsen | 1 year ago Reply
  64. I find this article so beautiful, as a muslim women myself this is what we are taught in our religion cover your physical beauty wearing the hijab and modest clothing. Its nice to see people finally realizing that modesty is a beautiful thing.

    By Amal | 1 year ago Reply
  65. I appreciate where you are coming from, and I don’t mean this to detract from what you know and believe is true and right for you. Because that’s what this is: your personal way of handling this sort of thing.

    Growing up I was never allowed to wear a bikini. My very traditional family would never have allowed that. When I got to college, I thought I’d see what all the fuss was about and one day put a bikini on, and you know what? I’m still devout in my faith, I don’t feel any more conscious about my body than I would have before, and I haven’t noticed a single difference in how men react to seeing my skin.

    If a woman needs to have her skin covered to feel confident and beautiful, then I feel sad for her. There are days when I feel less fit, when my body feels less than what I want it to be, and I could be in a swimsuit or in jeans and a blouse – it doesn’t matter how much skin is showing. Confidence has very little to do with what you’re covering up and everything to do with your ability to love yourself for your perfections and your imperfections.

    And to those who say it’s so distracting for a man when a woman is dressed immodestly…well…shouldn’t we teach people to have virtuous thoughts regardless of what situation they find themselves in?

    By Jen | 1 year ago Reply
  66. Thank you for a fantastic article. I once asked a young man (28 years old) who worked with me, what his thoughts, as a man, were when he met a woman with body parts exposed and his response has forever stayed in my mind—His words were “I think, if that is all you have to offer me, I am not interested”. So very true and your wonderful article spells it out as it really is. Keep up the good work. Modesty is the BEST!!

    By LaRae McKinnon | 1 year ago Reply
  67. When I read all thr people attacking your stance, I feel bad for our Christian attitudes. I agree with them that it’s every persons heart needs to change. But Paul says we should chop off our arm if it leads our brother to sin.

    I think a better question for many would be: Why do I have to go in a Bikini? What desires in my heart are not God focused? The Bible calls us all, men and women, to be modestly dressed. If we can’t say YES to a command in Gods word we should think long and hard on why and focus on fixing our own heart, instead of the heart of others. “You noticr the splinter in your brothers eye, but not the beam in your own!”

    Sorry for misspellings. Can’t edit what I’ve written on my phone for some reason. God bless!

    By FrodeK | 1 year ago Reply
  68. Romans 14:13-23 applies to this as well. Decide not to cast a stubbling block in front of another, causing them to sin.

    By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
  69. This was great! It helped me gain a stronger desire to dress modestly! I love your perspective! Thank you!

    By Melina | 1 year ago Reply
  70. I felt I needed to comment on this because a lot of people don’t understand. I’m speaking primarily to those that object to this message for various reasons.
    1St- the message isn’t about preventing rape so talking about it here is off topic. The message is about the fact that when someone dresses immodestly, people tend to focus more on their physique and less on who they are inside. Psychology studies have proven that the VAST MAJORITY of men do this subconsciously. Even their patterns of speech and thoughts change drastically. It’s a natural effect that comes with interacting with someone showing a lot of skin. It’s not the conscious but the subconscious

    *on a side note this part of her article has nothing to do with rape. Did the author say that word once? Nope.

    2nd- I’m not saying (and neither is the author) that men are not to blame and that girls need to just cover up or its their fault. Nobody is saying that. But it is a equalibric relationship here. Women are just as responsible for how they portray themselves as men are for how they objectify women.
    *so it’s just as incorrect to say men are the ones in the wrong here and place all the blame on them, as it is to say it’s the womens fault. Either one is extreme and short sided. The authors point is that just like guys need to not focus on the girls physique, girls need to portray themselves differently too. Both sides need to take responsibility. The author is merely pointing out what girls can do. She never says guys can’t do something also, or that they aren’t at fault.

    3rd- our bodies are indeed beautiful things and shouldn’t be seen as something filthy. They are indeed temples of the Lord as the bible says. Something interesting about and temples and our bodies: they were/are sacred. Not anybody could just waltz right in and see the interior.
    *the reason I bring this up is because people need to STOP using the scriptures to justify their actions. If they truly understood the bible- if they actually studied all of it, they wouldn’t say anything about it to make justifications. Its like when journalists take a quote and misrepresent it to say something the speaker wasn’t even talking about in context.

    By Kaden | 1 year ago Reply
  71. Great article ! Is exactly how I feel ! Thanks for putting it in to words ! I couldn’t do any better !

    By Catherine | 1 year ago Reply
  72. Wonderfully written article. I got married just a few weeks ago and was amazed at how hard it was to find a modest dress. I had to drive two hours. Society does not make it easy to be modest.

    By Teresa | 1 year ago Reply
  73. You are so wise for such a young woman. As a much older woman, I know the truth of what you are saying. Men are attracted by physical looks, but we really long to be wanted and loved and appreciated for who we are inside. Once the “honeymoon” wears off, you want to know your husband will be interested in the “real” you inside, not the “outer shell” that will all too soon sag and wrinkle with age. I love to see older people who have been married for decades still obviously in love with each other. I hope you find that kind of “forever love”, in a world that no longer seems to appreciate commitment to anything but self. God bless you, as you share and mentor other women.

    By Bonnie | 1 year ago Reply
  74. As a teenage boy I would like to say thank you for helping me be a better person by not giving me the opportunity to lust by encouraging girls and women to cover up. Yes lust is a choice but that doesn’t mean girls can’t help us boys stay away from it. So thank you.

    By Levi | 1 year ago Reply
  75. fantastic article, thank you for your incredible insight. I agree that although we might not all agree on what is and isn’t modest, we would be foolish to confuse a woman’s free choice of swimming apparel with a man’s ability to see the greatness within.
    I have a beautiful wife, she shares her body with only me. I have no interest in any ther Man seeing her in a bikini. It simply is not for anyone else’s eyes. I have a beautiful daughter who also dresses modestly. Trust me real men notice her anyway. But not in an eye popping lustful way. There is clearly a difference.
    I have four sons. Teaching them to treat women with the respect they deserve is a full time job. When we go out on the lake, anyone invited on my boat is asked nicely, please no bikinis. If that is all you have, we keep tankini tops on board just for them. My sons insist.
    You are free to swim amongst the Sharks, I highly recommend when you do, don’t cover yourself in blood, the attention you get is not the attention you really want. But you have the freedom to do feel liberated and do so. Maybe that is what you really desire?

    By Rocco Gandy | 1 year ago Reply
  76. Hi Kaylin. I am a mother of two incredibly beautiful daughters, both loving the Lord and striving to be Christ-like in every way. Your article is another perspective they will read and understand. One suggestion I will make based on your bio picture is the view of your cleavage. Often, women are wearing lower cut tees but modestly covering breast until they bend over and then the view is very bikini-esque. What do you say?

    By Phyllis | 1 year ago Reply
  77. I can appreciate any POV becuase it think it is both humbling and important to be exposed to views and experiences that are different than my own. My experience has been different than yours. I have learned that by worrying so much about men we hamper them and make ourselves complicit in their inability to stop objectifying. I know for a fact that men don’t stop objectifying if someone is wearing a one piece swimsuit (frankly, it shows a lot…haha). It’s a slippery slope. This kind of thinking, in my opinion, doesn’t strike at the root of the problem, but purely tries to treat the symptoms. We need to go deeper.

    By Allison | 1 year ago Reply
  78. Beautiful post! Thank you!

    By Georgia | 1 year ago Reply
  79. Allyce’s comment appears to.cut the Christian. I am Christian and I do not wear suits that intentionally invoke a response from a man. I dont need a special design. I know what I should and should not wear. I dont mean to appear rude but religion is not the problem here!

    By Nana Ward | 1 year ago Reply
  80. Loved this article. I have struggled with my weight for so long and finally achieved the body I always wanted. Now that I am comfortable with the way I look, I don’t even have the desire to flaunt it out of respect for my husband and young son. I think it’s finally time to go all the way and trade in my two piece for a one piece. Thank you for putting it into perspective.

    By Angela | 1 year ago Reply
  81. this is a great article.. however I do have a problem with it… myself personally was not “allowed” to wear bikinis as a child because it wasn’t ‘modest’.. once i became old enough to buy and wear my own close i realized that I felt better about myself in a 2 piece than I did in a 1 piece because of my own body type and proportions. still to this day (i will be 34 in a month) feel better about myself in a 2 piece. i dont think modesty has anything to do with how you dress but the way you hold yourself, conduct yourself and your attitude in what you are wearing. you can be completely covered and act like a tramp or be in a string bikini and be the more modest one on a beach. its all in how you represent yourself to others… if you are seeking attention by what you are wearing then that is not modesty

    By Audrey | 1 year ago Reply
  82. As a nudist, I’m glad God has shown me that modesty has nothing to do with my clothing and everything to do with my character.

    By Kelsey | 1 year ago Reply
    • “…modesty has nothing to do with my clothing and everything to do with my character.”

      John Paul II said the same thing in his book Love and Responsibly.

      I’m glad to hear a nudist’s thoughts on the subject of modesty. You’re right: Modesty doesn’t have to do with clothes, it has to do with the heart.

      By Tim | 1 year ago Reply
  83. I have a friend who confided in me how she was having thoughts about her husband’s friend. She was struggling and asked me to pray for her. I told her of course that I would but my advise to her was, ‘make sure what you are wearing when he is around isn’t something you feel sexy in.’ Clothing can make the struggle to lust after someone else more difficult. Modesty is a sign of our own hearts. Be ok with who you are without the approval of others eyes.

    By L | 1 year ago Reply
  84. Your words are truly appreciated.

    By Jennifer | 1 year ago Reply
  85. Thank you, your words are greatly appreciated!!!!

    By Jennifer | 1 year ago Reply
  86. What a wonderful post! Well written! Thank you!

    By Roseanne Service | 1 year ago Reply
  87. What a beautiful & wise young woman you are! :)

    By debbie | 1 year ago Reply
  88. I loved this article! I loved your comments about modesty. It is so true that when we are immodest The only things people can focus on our bodies and not what we truly are. Thank you again for your insights.

    By Christine Bennett | 1 year ago Reply
  89. I simply don’t agree with the article. Both men and women need to quit equating the body with sex, and coverage with modesty.

    By Rod Rasmussen | 1 year ago Reply
  90. Love this!

    By GmaMills | 1 year ago Reply
  91. What I read here is that because a woman is wearing a bikini, you can’t seem to think about more than her outward appearance. That’s the disturbing part of this article. You’re blaming what another person is wearing for your failure to have compassion, concern or care. That’s what’s wrong with modern Christians. You’re so wrapped up in your own vision of holiness that when someone doesn’t meet your standard, you can’t have any thoughts except what they’re doing wrong. Who cares if someone wears a bikini?! Plenty of amazing, classy women who are great mothers, thinkers, business women, etc, wear bikinis. How about, regardless of what someone wears, whether it’s a bikini or a head scarf or a full-on burqa, YOU can avoid judging them based on their outward appearance, because ultimately only YOU are in control of your thoughts. Don’t blame someone else for your own shortcomings.

    By Ashley | 1 year ago Reply
  92. The thing about your article is that it is focused on how men see women. How men perceive women, how men objectify women. This is the exact idea that is promoting the rape culture in America: the fact that you are asking women to cover up because the idea of them showing off their bodies will prompt men to think inappropriate thoughts about them. Why not ask men to dress modestly? Why not tell men to wear a 2 piece bathing suit? I wear a bikini because it empowers me. I feel sexy, I feel confident, I feel beautiful. Why is that such a problem? Perhaps some women are not as confident, but then that is an issue that lies much deeper than a bathing suit. And plus, how do you know that a man isn’t thinking the same thoughts about a woman in a one piece bathing suit? One that hugs her form tightly, one that rides up her behind just as any other bikini. We need to stop worrying about what men think, or just what people think in general. To all the women out there: wear a bikini… Or don’t! But make sure the reason you’re doing it is for yourself and no one else!

    By Madi | 1 year ago Reply
  93. If you wouldn’t visit with people in your bra & panties, why would you wear a bikini in public?

    By Carol | 1 year ago Reply
    • “Consent.

      If a girl is out in her bikini, she wants to be seen. She is outside because she wants to be and she is showing her body because she wants to.
      If you catch a girl in her bra and underwear and she’s embarrassed, then she did not consent to be seen. You have violated her personal space at a time that she does not want to be seen.

      In one scenario she’s chosen to show her skin and in the other she didn’t.

      It’s not that hard to understand.”

      from tumblr user thingofnewyork, who worded it better than I could have. come on, guys. boys aren’t helpless. isn’t it kind of an insult to men by saying that you can’t control yourselves after seeing some skin? like we all haven’t seen thousands of girls in bikinis in our lifetimes? no one here is making any excuses for gay girls being surrounded by other girls in bikinis…

      By Sarah | 1 year ago Reply
      • Well said, Sarah.

        As a guy, I’m tired of being look at as someone who has no self-control — looked at as someone who can’t make the choice to see a woman, no matter what she is or isn’t wearing, as a human being and not an object.

        The less clothes a woman wears, the longer it will take me, upon first seeing her, to see her as a human being and not a fulfillment of desire. But it is possible.

        By timothyach | 1 year ago Reply
  94. What a beautiful message from the heart of a younger woman! God bless you as you reach out to teach other women (younger and older) this truth!

    By Angie | 1 year ago Reply
  95. But… Ummm… Isn’t that top the author is wearing a little… Low cut? But of course I am a guy, so what do you expect me to notice?

    By Russ Bebb | 1 year ago Reply
  96. I love this! This is the best argument for modesty that I’ve ever read – it does not shame a woman, and it does not belittle a man by insinuating he can’t control himself. Great writing and an excellent point.

    However, I would recommend changing just one word… Instead of “allowed,” I think “encouraged” is more appropriate in this sentence: “In veiling her beauty, this young mother allowed me to notice other things about her—her smile, her adorable family, her nurturing heart…and this was all from afar!”

    Otherwise, though, this is an amazing piece. Thank you!

    By Nicole | 1 year ago Reply
  97. Excellent observations and thank you for sharing it with the world, Kaylin!!

    By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
  98. YES! People think I’m modest because I think I’m ugly. I’m modest because I’m beautiful and only my husband can see that part of me.

    By Stephanie | 1 year ago Reply
  99. I liked the what you are versus who you are and who you are versus who others think you are.; All good tools of awareness to use. As for something practical you can try….pick something you’re comfortable with that gets people’s attention, find the person who you want attention from, and cover up. It’s the change of outfit that gives us more insight to what you’re thinking. What we see first is just a reference point to help us predict what will happen next. Next time you can go to the same place with the person you want and it won’t matter which outfit you wear, because you’ll already have who you want. (You didn’t just see a young mother, you noticed a family with a young mother in it.)

    By DJT | 1 year ago Reply
  100. I respect and admire the attention you pay to women and their bodies. My only concern that I have is that, shouldn’t women always be looked at a precious creatures? If a women is in a bikini, and she isn’t being looked at as a human being with potential and dreams and a heart, shouldn’t that be the fault of the person who is looking? Not her own fault for wearing a bikini? That’s something over personally struggled with. I feel like a woman should be respected no matter what she is wearing. And I also thing a women can be sexy while being covered modestly. I think as long as a women is carrying herself in a thoughtful way, it shouldn’t matter how he dresses. But like I said, I admire your thoughts I just thought I should share my own as well.

    By Sara Lee | 1 year ago Reply
  101. This is beautifully written and courageously posted. I am glad someone sees the importance of knowing you are beautiful and that this wasn’t pointing fingers at anyone, or objectifying women in any way. I appreciate that it was all a suggestion and not a rant or slapping a Bible session, and there was no pressure to society to stop wearing bikinis altogether. Thank you for your insight and your bravery.

    By Ashley | 1 year ago Reply
  102. “Wherever you are at in this journey ask yourself this: What beauty am I revealing to the world, and is it leading me to the love my heart yearns for? But beware! You may be starting down a path of no return.”

    Excuse me? What I wear AT THE POOL or the beach does not lead me to the love my heart yearns for. Hahaha I’m sorry but this article is way too obsessed with a SWIM SUIT says about someone. Not to mention it’s too obsessed with what men think about women. If they can’t handle their sex drive and thoughts seeing a belly-button, what makes us think those perverts can control their thoughts if ALL women wore skin tight one pieces? Good grief.

    Many women wear bikinis because they can’t find one piece swim suits sizes that support their bust AND fit their behind (like myself). Or maybe, because they LIKE it.

    Many women wear one piece swim suits because they want to cover up stretch marks. Or maybe…. Because they LIKE it!

    Let’s quit pinning women against each other, judging, and seeing our value through a man’s view.

    Let’s tart teaching women to dress modestly because that glorifies GOD. Not man.

    This article’s author openly admits that she dresses for men. Disgusting. And disturbing.

    By Bree | 1 year ago Reply
  103. Great article! Thank you

    By Donna | 1 year ago Reply
  104. I love that you mention veiling beauty. We don’t often know or remember that in regards to modesty.

    But since this post is an article discussing simply physical modesty I, unfortunately, do not like this part: “It prevents lust, harmful comparisons, and insecurity and gives rise to confidence and a greater capacity to love yourself and others by recognizing your own worth without needing the affirmation of each person that sees you.”

    Physical modesty is not the cure-all for these. Adding mental and physical modesty doesn’t’t necessarily change things completely either. I do think you should mention those, however. Physical modesty is a good start, but we need more.

    We live in a world that is obsessed with the length of skirts, whether they label it as lust, fashion, comfort or “modesty”.

    Why are we talking about modesty as of it only applies to how much of our physical body we show?

    By Emily | 1 year ago Reply
  105. I believe that any person, woman or man, should dress however they think is most appropriate for themselves, without worry about whether someone will judge them as chaste or unchaste. If we all practice looking upon each other with love, and as having innate value in our world, then the superficial importance of our clothing is no longer an issue.

    However, I’m hard pressed to believe that veiling women’s bodies is the means by which to achieve this ideal. If it were, then burkas would be a symbol of independence and not one of oppression, as they are for women in those cultures.

    By Mary | 1 year ago Reply
  106. I find it funny she writes about modesty and then her picture has a low cut top with lots of cleavage, even including the visible tan line from where her bathing suit is cut down to, perhaps she’s a bit of a hypocrite?

    By hal | 1 year ago Reply
  107. What a beautiful message! A lovely surprise at the end to see it was written by a Chi O sister. A true example of being “womanly always and discouraged never.” Much Chi O love to you!

    By Megan | 1 year ago Reply
  108. Thank you so much. This was written beautifully. If only we could get every young Lady to realize this…..

    By Leslie | 1 year ago Reply
  109. I love this article! Everything in it is so true. Being 19 I’m learning this. When I see a woman covered up it’s so refreshing to see! I also want to point out how impractical a bikini is! If you’re doing anything in the water your bikini just slides around and is awkward and uncomfortable!

    By Rebecca | 1 year ago Reply
  110. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and new insight. I am 60 years old and I took the modesty view as a very heart-felt and needed change in my life, over 2 years ago. I don’t wear bikini swimsuits, of course, but modesty actually goes beyond that to our regular daily clothing. Even our choices in styles,and daily choices can cause the same results as our choice of swimwear. Thank you again and God bless you for sharing.

    By Sharon | 1 year ago Reply
  111. Thank you!!! That was beautifully written! I am teaching my daughter about modesty. And really when you think about a bikini, there is no other reason to wear one, other than to say look at me. it’s for attention. It’s pitiful. I don’t wear a bra and panties when I go out in public, why would I then think it’s ok to do so just because there is water around. I and my daughter wear swim shorts or a swim skirt to cover our bottoms and swim tanks or shirts. I have never been uncomfortable or bogged down wearing modest swim wear.

    By Cecilia | 1 year ago Reply
  112. You don’t think men would stare at a nice body in a one piece? The only thing not showing is the abdomen. I understand where you’re coming from but I don’t know that one extra foot of skin tight piece fabric would stop men/women from looking at a body. Women who wear burkas are still leered at. I think modesty is in the thoughts of the man/woman, if that makes sense. We shouldn’t let how some ones clothing (or lack there of) affect us into thinking “it’s her fault I am only looking at her body and having bad thoughts because she’s in a bikini” I hope people take responsibility for their own thoughts/actions. Personally, a bikini wouldn’t stop me from truly getting to know someone. And I’m going to teach my sons and daughters that same way. People are people but you are responsible for your thoughts and your feelings regardless of how someone dresses.

    By Carly | 1 year ago Reply
  113. Wonderful article. We must first love ourselves and then we receive love in return. I struggle with my weight everyday and at the end of the day I have a husband and four kids who love me no matter what the scale says.

    By mom to four | 1 year ago Reply
  114. Very insightful! Pray that many young women and yes even older women will realize their beauty comes from within and is made even more beautiful and desiring when Jesus has put His finishing touch on them.

    By Brenda | 1 year ago Reply
  115. You seem to very much be missing the point. As others have pointed it this seems to be much more about how we think as a society than about what kind of swimsuit an individual chooses to wear. It saddens me that you felt you were unable to see past the bikini and to the deeper level of the person. However how often to we have those same superficial thoughts when we see a person in regular every day clothes. The world is much quicker to pass judgement on outer appearance, no matter what someone wears. Why not just wear what you want?

    By sarah | 1 year ago Reply
  116. You nailed it sweetheart! Proud of you.

    By Ruthie | 1 year ago Reply
  117. Kuddos to you Kaylin! Don’t be swayed by comments that tend to hyjack (sp?) the topic. Women DO have a part yo play in the redponsibility dept.–despite current trends to shift it to others.

    By Amanda | 1 year ago Reply
  118. Great article. Worth to take the time to read

    By Barbara | 1 year ago Reply
  119. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I needed this and feel so much better now.

    By Mallory | 1 year ago Reply
  120. Modesty is so much more than just putting on clothes that cover up. It’s also showing respect. Respect for yourself and respect for others. It’s also not just for women. Men need to be modest too. Modesty is not about preventing lustful thoughts from popping into another person’s head. It’s about showing how much you value yourself. It’s about showing consideration for another person. In my opinion, it’s far more immodest to be staring at a woman wearing a bikini and judging or lusting after her than it could ever be for her to be wearing it. I feel that modesty is more attitude than clothes.

    By Natalie | 1 year ago Reply
  121. I like this piece. I do own a high-end bikini that is designed to be cooler yet modest, but I’m in a one-piece with a little skirt attached most of the time. Now, many people don’t give wearing a teeny bikini a second thought. Their motives are not bad…but perhaps it’s good for them to know what kind of message they could be sending. But there are many who DO, and for totally the wrong reasons. Modesty is just classy whether you are on the beach or out at dinner.

    By Bella | 1 year ago Reply
  122. Thank you for sharing this story. As a man, it is hard to go to the pool or any other such place without looking and the women there. As a faithful Christian, recovering from a nearly decade long pornography addiction, this is especially hard. I admire virtue in women, and encourage men and women everywhere to practice virtue. Broadcasting your bodies is not the way to find that future someone to share the rest of your life with. It is the way to be taken advantage of. Please, please listen to me. I deeply regret my past transgressions and know there are countless men who feel the same. Please don’t make it any harder on us.

    By Gabriel McCleary | 1 year ago Reply
  123. I am not a catholic but agree with your statement. Years ago I was watching with my teenage daughter a programe about my teen dresses too sexy. Young women were on and flaunting the way they were dressed. The host then introduced a young women who had been on previously and a photo of her was put up. She made the others look modest. Then on walked a beautiful young woman. Smartly and fashonably dressed, in such away that broughth the audiance to their feet. She shuddered at her old photo and informed how her life had changed since she stopped wearing immodest clothing. Her Mum said her entire wardrobe was the same, she had not dressed like that just to impress. I am a pensioner, who went though the 60’s complete with mini, so I do know how hard it is to resist the fashion trends. What upsets me most, is the fashion for children.especially girls. I worked in a reception class (4-5 years) 1 child came in dressed in a crop top and hipster trousers. She was wiggeling her hips as she was aware of what she was wearing. It was at irst glance funny but also very sad that at a young age, she should have been so aware of her body.

    By Elizabeth | 1 year ago Reply
  124. If I read/hear one more comment about “rape culture,” I’m going to barf.

    To have an intelligent, reasoned and sincere viewpoint on the virtues of traditional modesty vis-a-vis swim suits has nothing to do with condoning, promoting, or contributing to–in any way, shape, or form–rape. That insinuation us a gross misunderstanding of reality, an artificial social construct, a damned lie, and outright insulting to honest, sincere, and modest people everywhere. No, we’re not confused. And no, our viewpoints are not ignorantly or inadvertently fueling forces that advance rape. What a disgusting view of your fellow brothers and sisters. And how immodest your perception of others. #irony

    By Wonderboy | 1 year ago Reply
    • AMEN!! I’m also tired of hearing people screaming “rape culture” at every turn. Good grief… modesty has nothing to do with rapists, who simply seek pleasure form overpowering their “prey”.

      By Kathryn | 1 year ago Reply
  125. I’ve noticed the only people that complain about this article or others like it are ones that want to justify what they wear or still want to keep wearing a bikini and they accuse others of judging them when they themselves are being judgemental of others. They use rape to change the topic from modesty when rape was never part of modesty. Modesty always has been portraying on your outside what’s your inside is about. Love this article very well written!

    By Nic | 1 year ago Reply
  126. Many comments on here defend the bikini, but my question is, why do you wear one? If it helps you feel better about your body, that is probably because you like the attention it gives you, you like to make a statement, or you’re trying to fit in. I am constantly hearing the argument that we shouldn’t dress a certain way because of guy’s thoughts. It is their fault. Well I would say that probably only 5-10% of guys have mastered this, while the others either struggle with it or don’t even care. Why would you want to make it harder on them? If a one piece or tankini can help veil a woman, and help the boys around her not feel lust, then it is obvious to me which one I should choose. One= selfish, one= selfless.

    By Cami | 1 year ago Reply
    • Shirtless guys make me feel all types of ways, but admiring God’s creation and lusting are two different things. And we don’t ask them to swim fully clothed. Also maybe instead of judging others (something Jesus felt very strongly about) based off an idea of modesty that isn’t actually biblically discussed, we should swim at pools, cuz that’s what they’re made for.

      By Ginger | 1 year ago Reply
  127. I am way past my teen but bikines were what all wore. I was the only one piece out there. I loved it ..the freedom to enjoy the water without misshaps. The knowledge to know I was OK with my God.

    By deborah l bundra | 1 year ago Reply
  128. Thank you for sharing a beautiful perspective. As the dad of two daughters, your perspective is very much appreciated! (and as a Gator alum, I am also pretty excited about your former coach, Jim McIlwain :-) )

    By Christopher | 1 year ago Reply
  129. The older I get…the more important I believe this is. When I was younger I used to believe that a woman should be able to walk around in just about nothing and no man should be affected by it. As I get older, and have learned more about men…well…they are visual beings, and it’s not really fair to flaunt our bodies in their faces and expect that they won’t look, or desire. I travel a great deal and I find that it’s easier to find clothing in the south that are both feminine, attractive, and modest at the same time. There’s nothing wrong with dressing modestly. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and hoping it will help young women realize the message they are sending, and learn to send the right message.

    By JLDay | 1 year ago Reply
  130. I am all for modesty, as an active LDS woman, born and raised in the church, I LOVE teaching our kids and youth about being modest and living that teaching myself. But I don’t think wearing a bikini on holiday or at the pool is a big deal.
    The ONLY difference between a one piece and a two piece is your tummy in on show. So what is the big deal? In a one piece, your legs are out, quite possibly some cleavage on show, even if it is not a plunge style one piece, it is pretty likely you can see some ‘boob’. and your back is probably on show.
    What is the big deal about a bit of tummy?
    I just don’t get the big deal.
    Maybe we should all wear burkas when we go swimming, that way, we won’t tempt weak men to look at us and then be blamed for their unpure thoughts.
    Men are solely responsible for their own thoughts just as women are and no one should be worrying about what men might be thinking if they wear a bikini.
    I think most guys can probably contain themselves.
    And if we as women are looking at other women and comparing ourselves and feeling empty feelings, then we are guilty anyway of vanity and envy.
    When I go on holiday or to the pool, I wear whatever I can find that fits well, feels comfortable and means I can play volleyball or go swimming, or go on the flume with the kids and not be worrying about what anyone else is thinking.
    thus endeth my opinion on the matter. welcome to yours.

    By Didi | 1 year ago Reply
  131. This is a dumb article, demanding respect when you wont tolerate other beliefs.

    By DartIcus | 1 year ago Reply
  132. As a middle age man, I appreciate this article. Most women have NO CLUE what goes on the mind of a man when he gazes at a nearly naked woman in public!

    By Charles D | 1 year ago Reply
  133. One of the many reasons why I co-invented the Modkini. So grateful that many others are noticing!

    By Melissa | 1 year ago Reply
  134. Inspiring article. Thank you for your bravery and honesty. Modest is hottest!

    By Camron | 1 year ago Reply
  135. Perhaps your thoughts being directed towards their bodies is a reflection on you, and not on them.

    By Jon | 1 year ago Reply
  136. As a man who wishes the modern society would focus on the heart and not the body, thank you. i have many female friends and i tell them this all the time. be you, don’t cover up or fake it. if a man wants the fake hes not a real man. This made my day better. thanks again.

    By Isaac Smith | 1 year ago Reply
  137. And the #1 thing I noticed about your article is that you’re doing modesty for YOURSELF, and spent time judging women for dressing for themselves (just like you do, as youb stated) and studying their bodies and body language instead of doing what pools and swim suits are made for and SWIMMING. Dumbest argument I’ve ever read. I would have rather you said religious reasons or comfort, not try and pass off this flawed logic.

    By Ginger | 1 year ago Reply
  138. Modesty is not about ceiling anything. Modesty is about showing the Lord you respect the body you were given. That is what it is about. We need to stop making it about physical beauty and make it about respect.

    By Mackenzie | 1 year ago Reply
  139. I read this seeing another guy posted it. I have to say thank you and commend you in the highest levels. Having the courage to do so, the brilliance to inspire, and a heart to look after your peers takes a lot of heart. Demonstrating a Godly character in ALL aspects should not only be encouraged but required. Taking the thought to be modest benefits both males and females. I say thank you for that.

    By Cody | 1 year ago Reply
  140. Really liked your article. From a guy’s perspective, it really can be hard to focus on something more significant than a woman’s body when she’s either dressed too provocatively or being sensual in how she acts. This can be the case too even when a guy wants to see more than just a woman’s physical beauty. Please help us in our weakness!

    By Alexander | 1 year ago Reply
  141. Very beautiful contribution sister! Love this! Thank you.

    By Sharon Hope Delabar | 1 year ago Reply
  142. I have always practice modesty and believe in guarding virtue. Thank you for sharing such an important message in a world that doesn’t know virtue or looks on it as a thing of the past. Its important to remember that we are cherished daughters of our Heavenly Father and hard to remember in a world wants to define us by our physicality…

    By Cassandra | 1 year ago Reply
  143. We raised 3 Daughters who attracted quality husbands , not with showing the merchandise in a bating suit but by being outstanding people and observing the rules of decent behavior. Our one son is an outstanding person who attracted to himself quality sincere girls who had parents blessing to befriend their daughters. I love your article.

    By John M Bigelow | 1 year ago Reply
  144. Why are you wearing a low-but top in a photo at the end of an article about the benefits of modest dressing?
    Honest question.

    By Trish | 1 year ago Reply
  145. You have opened my eyes and made me think.
    I never thought about this before.
    It is true though.

    By Adam | 1 year ago Reply
  146. I agree that we should treat ourselves with respect and wear modest clothing for ourselves. I do not however agree that it is black and white/swimsuit = modest, bikini = not modest. It completely depends, and for me it has been impossible to wear a swimsuit and look modest ever since I became a teen. Because of the way my body is built.. Finally deciding to buy a bikini made it possible for me to be able to go swimming without feeling naked. I feel so much more modest in a bikini, so what I’m trying to say is, it’s not black/white. It’s a personal decision for a reason. I’m happy you found a way to feel modest, and I hope you wont judge others who have found different ways.

    By Mika | 1 year ago Reply
  147. Beautiful

    By Diane | 1 year ago Reply
  148. Beautifully said

    By Diane | 1 year ago Reply
  149. So, if it’s ok to judge the hearts of those chose to wear a bathing suit to the beach, is it also ok to judge the bodies under said swimsuit? If you are carrying a few extra pounds, or eat unhealthy foods and your body shows that, can I judge your heart? Your lifestyle? Your priorities? Your commitment to keeping your body healthy for yourself, your (potential) mate and your Lord?
    If we are so quick to judge the heart, can we be as quick to judge the actual body?
    I’m not saying that bikinis are right or wrong, but how can we prevent men looking at us in the gym? In the mall? In the market? At the park?
    In my opinion, this is an issue that at its very core is between a person and their God, whatever they wear, it’s just that simple…but again, judge away…

    By Julia | 1 year ago Reply
  150. I loved this article!

    By Lynn | 1 year ago Reply
  151. Interesting. Like most things, perception and a different way of thinking can trigger a different type of response. Thanks for the enlightenment. Then I see that you are an active Catholic. Then I see CSU, when then reminds me of Coach Mcelwain, which then reminds me of my beloved Florida Gators…. See what I mean? A different stream of consciousness that’s triggered by this article. Lol

    By Roel | 1 year ago Reply
  152. Question from a Christ-loving, bikini wearing mama of 2. Does wearing a one-piece rather than a bikini really make that big of a difference? Really? It’s just extra material covering your stomach area. I’ve never understood why Christians get so hung up on this idea. All the other parts and pieces are exposed. Not trying to be argumentative – I really would like to know how other Christians come to this conclusion.

    By Adrianna | 1 year ago Reply
  153. Even when I was still young enough to wear a bikini well, I wore a one piece if I wanted to swim or go board riding at the beach. Losing your top or bottoms while being watched, is very embarrassing. I’ll also say that there are some one piece swim suits that are a lot more racy than a simple bikini. As you mentioned, body language has a lot to do with how something is “worn”. It’s not just about swimsuits, though. In the past decade or more, my friend and I have noticed that some people must not take a good look at themselves in the mirror before they leave home. The Town Center on a warm day is looking more like the red light district of DC in 1970. (My dad took a wrong turn while we were on vacation.) Now, there are more hooters “out there” than an owl exhibit at the zoo. Sometimes it’s just TMI available for everyone.

    By Patti | 1 year ago Reply
  154. Such a great post! Thank you for writing this. I’ve had quite a journey with modesty too and the pool can be a precarious place for men and women alike, just as you said. Grateful for your words!

    By Christina Hubbard | 1 year ago Reply
  155. Why is it that we encourage women to cover and be modest at the pool and we don’t encourage men to do the same? It is the underlying sexism that society has raised us to judge these women in bikinis as you have described. It is tragic that we see women as a “bathing suit” rather than ask who they are intellectually and spiritually, and I question why you are so quick to judge your female peers but not the men ?

    By Claire | 1 year ago Reply
  156. I’m curious…..when you see a woman who is more covered, do you think of her heart and her dreams?

    By Ileata | 1 year ago Reply
  157. gr8 job Kaylin!! Best oh wishes on your book!! As Christians,…we need to hear this!

    By Wendy Crosby | 1 year ago Reply
  158. Very wonderful article. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this matter. From a mans point of view, I happen to agree with you. Looking at a woman in a bikini, does not matter if I knew them or how gorgeous they were, the natural part of the man comes out and sees the lustful aspect that bikinis stands for. They leave very little for the imagination to draw on. Now on the flip side of that token, I do see the beauty of the woman’s body that it portrays as well. God created women to be beautiful to attract the men to have families so they can one day return back to Gods presence to live with Him again. I find the woman to have a beautiful body not just on the outside, but the inner beauty of that woman. So wearing bikinis or a one piece swim suit, the beauty is there no matter what. However, the one piece suits does tend to bring out more of the inner beauty in women. And being a strongly active church going Christian myself, Id rather have the women wear one piece swimsuits over bikinis. Just to lower the lust factor temptation. So very nice and well done article. Thank you.

    By aj | 1 year ago Reply
  159. “I knew that if I did catch the eye of a man, which I often thought I wanted, it would never be for any other reason than my body. I mean, how could it? He wouldn’t know me.”

    And if you were dressed, you catch the eye of a man that finds you attractive for your body too. Face, clothing style, poise, attitude (same as if you were wearing a bikini except the extra skin). And then what? Then you get to know him, just like when you talk to him when wearing a bikini.

    Personally, I think it’s overthinking it too much. Attraction is just simplified attraction at first, it always is, unless all you have is phone conversations (without having ever seen you) but even then, it will be attraction based on the few things you talk about over the phone. He will only like you because of those things but he won’t know you.

    Etc.

    By Claus | 1 year ago Reply
  160. Everyone has a body. A modest person demonstrates to themselves and others that they have more to share than just their body.

    By Dr. B. Martin | 1 year ago Reply
  161. This is a very well written and much needed article for our lives. When I was a teenager I was encouraged to wear immodest clothing by my mother. I was never comfortable being so exposed. Then I married a man who liked for my cheeks to hang out of my shorts, I can tell you that I dressed in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I never understood why people stared at me when we were out in public. I was a beautiful young woman and when I look back at pictures of myself it makes me sick to think that I dressed that way in public. I now choose to dress very modest. Thank you for this article.
    Although, I have to agree with several of the others who commented on your photo. If you are going to talk about modest then you need to cover up your breast. They were not created for the world to see. We live in an era that makes it very difficult to find clothing that covers our bodies, especially our breast, but it can be done.. I think that if we all need to realize that our body is the temple of God. This applies to men and women. The way we dress for our spouse, should be just that, for their eyes only. I don’t care to see a man running around half naked, either. Modesty is clearly defined in the Bible. We are commanded to be modest at all times.(men and women)

    By Teresa | 1 year ago Reply
  162. Modesty is godliness on display, and that goes far beyond clothing. There are many vain women walking around in one-piece swimsuits. There are still men (or even women!) who will lust after you in a one-piece swimsuit. Modesty is not about clothing, should not only be geared towards women, and should focus on the heart.

    Go therefore and make disciples….Jesus didn’t tell sinners to clean themselves up on the outside and then change their hearts. Focus on the heart, of both men and women, instead of flaunting how “modest” you are because of how little skin you show.

    By LC | 1 year ago Reply
  163. Just get us women burqas once and for all! Otherwise the men will have no choice but to rape us! We women are evil, our bodies are the devil’s instruments!!! We need to cover them from head to toe!! Hide them away! We are responsible for the actions of men! Men cannot control their own thoughts. Just look what Joseph Smith Jr. did to me when I was only 14 and he was 38!!!

    By Helen Mar Kimball | 1 year ago Reply
  164. Dear Kaylin, A friend posted your article on fb and after reading it I sent it to my 3 daughters and then reposted your article. I absolutely loved reading your thoughts and views on modesty and it was so amazing that I have No doubt ,that you were prompted by the Holy Spirit!! I am a Christian and have raised my 4 children to be modest. This article was so refreshing to hear from a young woman like yourself!!! I applaud you in your efforts and conviction to share this with other women and young girls. My daughters are 30, 24 and 14. My son is 27 and is married. I am sending them your article as a sweet reminder from me and also that they will be able to share this with the women that they know. Thank you! I will be looking for your book on the shelves. In Christ love, Cindie White

    By Cindie White | 1 year ago Reply
  165. Bravo!!

    By bree | 1 year ago Reply
  166. ~ Hi Kaylin ~
    First i want you to know that you write beautifully and that i really enjoyed your article on modesty. As a member of the Mormon church I totally agree with everything you said, and as I said before you said it beautifully. I’m going to share your article on Facebook and encourage all my friends with children to save it for when their girls reach the age where it will be relevant.
    I was not able to have kids but decided long ago that if i had a girl I would never dress her in provocative clothing. Nothing that would be designed to make her look like a pint-sized adult. I have always wondered if that kind of clothing contributes to child sexual abuse. It seems likely to me that it does. Why take that risk?
    Lastly, I am a bit of a grammar Nazi and I noticed one error in your article. It is he use of the word “at” in this sentence: Wherever you are at in this journey.

    Thank you for sharing such powerful thoughts. Keep them coming!
    Best Wishes,
    Judy McKern

    By Judy | 1 year ago Reply
  167. I have never read a more judgmental article. The amount of comments that support it disturbs me. Dear author, please find in yourself enough generosity to look at others with love and compassion regardless of what they wear. It might have been a revelation moment for you, but there is no reason to preach it and misguide others.
    Americans are know for their crazy puritanism. If you go to Europe you will find yourself on the beach where men wear speedos, women of all ages and body types wear bikinis and kids run around naked. No one is pointing their fingers or judging them because people are raised being open and comfortable in their own skin. If it’s your insecurities I say it’s your own problem. Lets be less narrow minded.

    By Alya | 1 year ago Reply
  168. This was an amazing post. Thank you so much for writing this and posting it. I hope that many girls appreciate your comments that were so wise and thoughtful. My prayer is that this will make a difference in how young girls and women alike dress.

    By Sherry Kimmet | 1 year ago Reply
  169. This was an amazing post. Thank you so much for writing this and posting it. I hope that many girls appreciate your comments that were so wise and thoughtful. My prayer is that this will make a difference in how young girls and women alike dress. This is my first post about this issue.

    By Sherry Kimmet | 1 year ago Reply
  170. Bless you for sharing your wisdom and insight with everyone! I wish this would go viral!!

    By Tina M. Hernandez | 1 year ago Reply
  171. Thanks, but this is my work email. I’ll just wait and hope my wise young friends will post to FB. God bless you!

    By Tina M. Hernandez | 1 year ago Reply
  172. Thank you.

    By Ryan Dyal | 1 year ago Reply
  173. I have to say, I feel this article is misguided. I was raised in a “cult” /denomination where ladies only wore culottes, long skirts w no slits, no swimsuits were even allowed! You swam in tshirts and culottes. However, there was more adultery, lust and judgement is those circles then I see in my life today. If a man (or a woman) wants to judge based on your external appearance, that is between them and God. Men can and do lust after women in full dresses. It is a heart issue. If they see women as objects, it doesn’t matter what they are wearing, they will objectify her. I can go to the pool in my modest bikini (think Athleta) and show the world the love I feel for my husband by the kind words I use with him, my nurturing heart by the way I pay attention to my 3 daughters and my love for God by my sweet countenance. You can slap a skirt on someone but trust me, it DOES NOT change their heart. Also, for the comments I read regarding rape and “if someone is walking around with $$$ hanging out of their pocket” I suppose 3 year old me that only wear the above mentioned articles of clothing was asking to be raped by a fellow preachers teenage son? Again, it is a heart issue.

    By Sarah | 1 year ago Reply
    • YES!

      By Smartbeans | 1 year ago Reply
  174. Thank you for sharing. Protecting our hearts from unnecessary pain is wisdom. You’re a smart girl. God will bless you as you trust Him!

    By April | 1 year ago Reply
  175. Absolutely LOVE this!!!!

    By Donna | 1 year ago Reply
  176. Wonderful article.. love to you..♡

    By Angie Frazier Sorrells | 1 year ago Reply
  177. I am a man & the very first thing I noticed in the picture was the low cut blouse in her picture. It is the way men are made. I showed my coworker the picture & she said the first thing she noticed was her smile.
    I think it is a great article. I am just pointing out that what she said about men & how we are made as being true.

    By Doug | 1 year ago Reply
  178. I dress extremely modestly( think vintage, skirts all the time) and still get unwanted attention from men, so can only imagine if I were dressing provocatively. But sometimes it seems being overly covered also draws attention to feminity, and keeps you from blending in. A magazine article once stated “if you want men to notice you at the pool, wear a sarong, what’s covered is more tantalizing”. go figure.

    By eva | 1 year ago Reply
  179. This is just as important for men to read, as it is a beautiful testimony to women.
    I live in the Virgin Islands…the beaches are not someplace I like to frequent during busy times. For the exact same reasons observed in your article.
    As a man, it is an impossibility to NOT recognize the scantily clad, but it is also, NOT my wish to do so. Remaining chaste is just as much a task of “seeing” what you are intended to see. Attractive and vibrant women, interesting and desirable, will never be seen by wearing so little. Let me add this tid-bit; think of how powerful the discovery of each others bodies will be, once offered in the security of a loving and character driven marriage. WOW…like Christmas everyday. And yes, there are men out there that are completely fascinated and desperately want to know the things in the heart of woman. Modesty is an entire new level of respect for one another.

    By TS Hauk | 1 year ago Reply
  180. Nudity, and sexuality are not BEAUTY. If you want a man to see you for the beautiful person you are on the inside dress appropriately for the situation. If all you are trying to do is attract the attention any living male with a heartbeat dress ummm lets say much less modestly.

    By joanna P | 1 year ago Reply
  181. Fine insights – keep writing! Thank you.

    By Jane | 1 year ago Reply
  182. I thank you so much for your Godly insight on the subject of modestly. More young woman need to see and read this. I was so proud that my own daughter shared this post. It breaks my heart every time I am at the beach to see so many young girls strutting around in their bikinis! I pray that God protects these girls from men or even woman that may see them and want to hurt them. I also pray that these girls come to the realization that they do not need the attention of others to feel good about themselves and that they would work on their inner beauty as much as they concentrate on the outer. I have very modest daughters and daughter-in-law who always look classy and beautiful in the way dress. I give God all the glory for their Godly examples. Now I pray for my beautiful young granddaughters that they will understand the importance of Godly modesty and inner beauty in a world that puts so much focus on the outer. Thank you for starting this very necessary and thought provoking conversation on modesty.

    By Debra Downs | 1 year ago Reply
  183. What a lovely insight: unveiling our beauty.

    By Annie D | 1 year ago Reply
  184. I haven’t read thru the other comments, but I wanted to add this thought. I am the mother of 6 children, 5 of which are daughters. We talk about modesty A LOT. I want my children to understand that modesty is not about rules, it is about honor, respect, and love. Recently, I have changed the way I’ve talked to them about modesty because I believe that modesty is so much more than the way we dress.

    I have been teaching my children that God wants us to be modest in thought, in word, in action, in appearance, and in dress. When we are modest, we do not draw attention to ourselves but allow the focus and glory to return to God, or at least to other things that matter more than us.

    In thought, we do not read, look at, or watch inappropriate things. In word, we do not use foul language or speak rudely, inappropriately, sarcastically, or critically. In appearance, we keep ourselves well groomed, our bodies clean of excessive piercings and free of tattoos, our hair well styled–not dyed interesting colors or in extreme hair styles. In dress, we dress in a way where we would are comfortable with ourselves and we would be comfortable with others, but especially that we would be comfortable if we were in God’s presence.

    I know that modesty is not just for religious folks, but is something we have lost in our society. Even those who do not believe in God or do not approach modesty from a religious foundation, if we as a people were to be more modest in all areas of our lives, so much of the problems of society would disappear.

    By Cheri | 1 year ago Reply
  185. Two years ago I got sick and tired of trying to track down the right bathing suit and the right shorts so that I could feel modest and comfortable too. I came to the conclusion that there was no reason to buy all the right pieces when a man’s swim trunks had all the pieces necessary and a tankini swim top were a perfect pair. I was self conscious at first but the comfort over ruled the self consciousness. It was the best choice I have made in swimwear since making my own shopping choices. And guess what, I’m not yanking and pulling and readjusting all the time either. Maybe those ladies of old were on to something with their swim outfits!

    By Aprul | 1 year ago Reply
  186. Thank you for a great article! After undertaking Life in the Spirit Seminars a few months ago, I have felt the Holy Spirit leading me to the perspective. And despite wearing bikinis in the past no longer feel comfortable as I feel they are immodest apparel. The bible actually commands us to dress modestly- something we often forget and Christians are in the world but not of the world. I read recently that Our Lady told little Jacinta that there would be fashions that would be displeasing to her Son- well we have plenty of them now!

    By Annette | 1 year ago Reply
  187. she makes some very good points. I like that she noticed women looking at one another and comparing and being insecure… We do that too much. At my age we seem to check out wrinkles and gray hair and compare.

    By Judy Allred | 1 year ago Reply
  188. “You may be starting down a path of no return.”

    Indeed: you may end up in burqa.

    By Edwin Firmage | 1 year ago Reply
  189. I love this! So many woman today do not take the time to understand how a man’s mind works. Even the strongest Christian struggles with blocking out all the sexualized images the world throws at them. Woman need to understand that it’s actually selfish to throw their body out there for the whole world to see. It takes selflessness to realize that you are helping men out there keep their thoughts in a pure direction. Good job!

    By Ginny | 1 year ago Reply
  190. Why does everyone assume that what a woman chooses to wear is correlated to her self worth? Does wearing a two piece somehow mean that I don’t value my body or that I don’t think that I’m beautiful enough? If two men are walking around a pool, one with a shirt on and the other without a shirt on, no one is going to think that the man without the shirt is somehow showing off his skin in order to hide the fact that he is insecure. Women have enough body issues to worry about without also having to stress about if what they are wearing is an indicator of their deepest feelings about themselves. A bikini does not represent insecurity and a one piece does not represent confidence, or vice versa. Women need to stop berating each other for what they wear. A dress is just a dress and a swimsuit is just a swimsuit. You are not any more or any less of a person for the amount of skin you decide to show.

    By Lil | 1 year ago Reply
  191. Thank you, Kaylin for a beautifully written article and a very thoughtful piece. As a man, a father and grandfather of a daughter and granddaughters I appreciated your well thought out and well presented thoughts at pool side on inner and outer beauty. Bravo!!

    By James J. O’Connell | 1 year ago Reply
  192. This is beautifully and gently written. Well done I will pass it on

    By Elizabeth | 1 year ago Reply
  193. Glad CSU is doing it right. CHI O at UNCW is a bunch of gang banging floozies. Props to a bible loving female.

    By Oops | 1 year ago Reply
  194. If an individual lacks self-control or the inability to see anything other than body parts, then that is their own problem and it is not our duty as women to deter them from ‘unclean thoughts’. This is one of the many reasons why rape culture exists; because we dismiss the responsibility from men and place blame on the women who chose to wear ‘fill in the blank’. There is nothing wrong with the desire to dress modestly, but this ideology that “if you want him to see you as a person and not a pair of boobs..” nonsense has got to end. To continue teaching that does such a disservice to men and feeds insecurity in women. Men will look at an attractive woman and think whatever he wants regardless of whether she is wearing a turtleneck and sweatpants, or a bikini. Despite popular belief, women are also sexual creatures, yet we don’t demand men to be modest? Quite the double standard if you ask me. If I am ever blessed with a daughter, I will teach her to dress modestly, not because she needs to cover every inch of her figure to be seen as anything other than an object of sexual desire, but out of respect for herself and the aspiration not to conform to societal norms. Meanwhile, I will teach my son to respect women, that he is in control of his own thoughts/actions and to always seek the inner beauty of those around him.

    By Destinee | 1 year ago Reply
  195. I took my daughter and grandchildren to the beach the other day. I am 61 and overweight by a good 50 pounds. I met her at the door with my bathing suit already on. (you know the kind us curvy women wear – the long top with the skort) Anyway she looked at me and asked me what the heck was I wearing. I told her my bathing suit. Oh! That made me feel really bad about myself but as my grandchildren and I played in the water for 2 hours I had so much joy in my heart and was just letting go and laughing and enjoying the moment.

    By Patti Bunston | 1 year ago Reply
  196. I’ve been wearing a one-piece bathing suit through all my twenties, and now in my thirties, on my average-size body. Whenever I go on vacation with my girlfriends (who I go to church with), I notice I get the curious eye why I’m not wearing a bikini with them. Ack! Definitely feels like swimming upstream. And yes, I do it because I’m “veiling my beauty.”

    By Stephanie | 1 year ago Reply
  197. Well stated and so true!

    By Heidi | 1 year ago Reply
  198. If you look a young girl in a bikini, and the only thing that you think about is her body, then that is a problem with your heart, not her attire.

    By heid | 1 year ago Reply
  199. I agree with almost everything in this post! The one thing that tripped me up was what you saw – or rather, didn’t see – when you looked at girls in bikinis. Now I don’t know about you, but regardless of what a stranger is wearing, I don’t think about her heart, her mind, or her dreams. If I saw a woman in jeans and a t shirt, I would probably look at her for a moment, and then go on my way if there was nothing particularly remarkable about her (I might stop and think about her if she had on a band t shirt, or if I had the same jeans). If I saw a woman in a bikini, I would probably look at her for a moment, and then go on my way if there was nothing particularly remarkable about her (I might stop and think about her if her top had slipped and showed something she didn’t mean to show, or if I liked her suit). It doesn’t matter what she wears, I probably won’t think about her for more than a second or two.
    Regardless of what I am wearing, I don’t typically go to the pool or beach in the hopes that someone ponders my heart, hopes, and dreams. I don’t think anybody does, since that’s not the point of going to the pool or beach. Some common reasons for going to the pool or beach: to swim, which is made easier by not wearing lots of clothes; to tan, which is just getting hot if the sun isn’t on your skin; and, most likely most popular, to have fun, which shouldn’t be dictated by what you wear.
    I couldn’t care less what you wear. If you like dressing modestly, go for it. If you like dressing in a string bikini, go for it. Let others say what they will about it, but let’s not make it about hearts, minds, hopes, or dreams.

    By Sarah | 1 year ago Reply
  200. Loved it! You nailed it!

    By Cynthia | 1 year ago Reply
  201. What a wonderful thing you wrote here. Thank you.

    By Bonnie | 1 year ago Reply
  202. Have you also discovered how difficult it is for women to respect men and view them as people instead of objects when the men decide to strut around shirtless?

    By Jamie | 1 year ago Reply
  203. I just like to have an even tan when I am able to. I wear both-depending on the circumstances. Like water aerobics with the elderly at the gym, 1 piece, extended family vacay-1 piece, when I’m with my husband or tanning in the yard, I wear a 2 piece. I think people can get pretty extreme about it. When I see someone whom I think looks unmodest, I pray for their soul & pray that they begin to feel God’s true & know they don’t have to dress that way for acceptance.

    By Betsy | 1 year ago Reply
  204. I have always heard you get the kind of man you dress for, meaning if you dress like a slut you’ll get treated like one and probably deserve it too.

    Now I think, if a man can avoid thinking and treating a woman like a slut because of how she dresses, that is definitely NOT the kind of man I want. I want a man with will power and respect no matter what.

    By Brook McDonald | 1 year ago Reply
  205. You’re such a beautiful person :)

    & btw. that’s why Muslim women wear Hijab :)

    By negmaya | 1 year ago Reply
  206. While I can understand the content of this article, I think it’s sexist and looking at only one side. You are talking about lust and talking about it as if it impacts one gender.

    Lust impacts women too and guess what, men are everywhere without shirt – not just on the beach and it’s acceptable. Women, young girls even see them on the street. You don’t think it will encourage lust in women too?

    To combat that, men should wear a t-shirt at all times now, right? I guess not. If you are going to say that men being shirtless is modernized and doesn’t ooze anything “sexual” or cause lust anymore, then you need to think about if it’s possible that if women start going topless, maybe it won’t ooze anything sexual anymore.

    And by the way, not that it will help, but I am a Christian who reads the bible and love the Lord. So I am not speaking from a perspective that is against Christianity.

    By Rain | 1 year ago Reply
  207. Thank you for your thoughts. My 13 yr old daughter is trying so hard to maintain her modesty but also tries to fit in with the crowd. I will show her this article and pray it helps her to strengthen her walk towards modesty.

    By karen | 1 year ago Reply
  208. Wow.. Thats a lot of comments i actually couldnt go through all of them.. But i saw enough!
    Its a gr8 article.. I am actually a veiled woman.. So by all means i agree with this!
    For those men who say they are not sexually attracted to women in bikinis.. Who are u fooling.. The statement above says that even women look at eachother for comparison and often envy what they dont have.. It’s nature.. It’s simply how God created us! U might have just got too used to thinking this way that u do not notice u do anymore!.. No one looks at an exposed woman from head to toes and thinks “i think this woman has the purest heart” or think about doing buisiness unless its the unprofessional kind!
    And for these women who say that its not their fault that men look lustful looks.. Thats true.. But it unfair both ways.. Its unfair to tell a man to look all he wants and a woman to cover up.. And its very infair to tell a woman to expose all she wants and a man not to look at all..

    Thats why God who created us all and knows His creations best gave us the manual.. Told us what to do! told us it works bothways.. Women cover up their “beauty” and men lower their gaze.. And for those who said they are sexually attracted to men who are not dressed well.. Well! God tells women to lower their gaze too.. And He also tells us the minimal coverage of woman to woman, man to man , woman to man and vise versa.. And THAT is no where bikinis and hot shorts and strapless dresses are!
    And God is the same in all religions and there is no religion that does not call for modesty!

    Why do u need men’s eyes to tell u u r beautiful anyways!!.. Modesty is freedome.. It’s preservation for the person, family and all mankind!

    Think about the diamond shop.. There are some diamonds in the show window for every passer by and anyone who is just checking them out for interest.. And some are in the back room wrapped up in boxes and are not revealed to just any customer except those who really know what they are worth and will buy them no matter how much they cost!.. They are all diamonds.. But clearly not the same!

    May God guide us all to tge true and straight path!

    By Mrb | 1 year ago Reply
  209. For me it’s different. I’m a man who was very physically unattractive in adolescence, but became more attractive with age. I’m in my early 30s now. I was utterly undesirable from a physical point of view for a very long time. I had good friends who valued me for who I was as a person (i.e. regardless of my looks), and that’s never changed. But the immense satisfaction that comes from finally being physically desired by others should not be underestimated. For this reason, for several years I have worn clothing that accentuates the new body I have. Nothing approaching a bikini (I’m a guy!), but modesty is not foremost in my mind when I dress. I acknowledge that this speaks to a psychological desire of mine yet I don’t regard that desire as something to be treated or replaced by anything else. (Note: it’s not a desire for love but for incoming physical attraction. I expect it will wane with time.)

    By kent | 1 year ago Reply
  210. as Christian women what if wearing a bikini causes even just one man to stumble and have sexual thoughts about us….isn’t that wrong. Why would one wear something that is so revealing, you know men are going to look and probably have sexual thoughts. isn’t that you knowingly tempting him to look.

    By Sonja Lyons | 1 year ago Reply
  211. Love this! Rock on w your book! :-)

    By Jennifer | 1 year ago Reply
  212. Interesting article but I think modesty is very subjective. So, for example, some people can think that wearing a one piece swimsuit isn’t modest. My point is, wearing a one piece or any other form of bathing suit which is less revealing than a bikini is not what is going to make people see your “heart” instead of your body. Your dress code can be anything and still some men or women could choose to look at you as a sexual object.

    By L | 1 year ago Reply
  213. I really, really enjoyed this article and am thankful for your stance on this subject. It is very refreshing! May I have permission to quote one of the paragraphs from here on my video blog? I will be certain to give proper credit to you and your blog. :)

    By Esther | 1 year ago Reply
    • Wow, Kaylin. Beautiful perspective and well written. Women and young girls need to hear your message! Definitely, sharing this to my online boutique, Persona Brands, Facebook page.

      By Liz | 1 year ago Reply
  214. I’m surprised no one left the comment that a bikini is the same thing as a bra and panties, so should women who wear a bikini to swim in start wearing their bra and panties in public?

    By Charlene | 1 year ago Reply
  215. Your reflections brought to mind a two-faced issue: dilemma?, dichotomy? A wife may sense a pressure to “look sexy” in public to please her husband, make him feel proud. But isn’t it important for the wife to shield and protect what is unique to their intimacy and the special gift she shares with him, alone? That protection would be something they, as a couple, need to discuss and agree upon. (And the circumstances may differ from public place to public place). If he cherishes her, would he not err on the side of her safety. And what is being demonstrated to the children, as well?

    By Ohio Vinnie | 1 year ago Reply
    • APPLAUD APPLAUD APPLAUD. Thank you Ohio Vinnie. Great point.

      By Sean Michael Afable | 1 year ago Reply
  216. I really support each word you wrote yet would like to add just a little twitch to that beautiful article you and everyone out there should know that all of what you said is actually the reason why muslim girls are veiled and not for any other reasons but to be protected not only by what you wear but also by your creater God.

    By Yasmine | 1 year ago Reply
  217. Was the adulteress stoned in the Bible because she wore a bikini? When Mormon young men confess to their Bishops about treating young women inappropriately they are always asked what was she wearing. Blame the girls then you don’t have to take as much responsibility, stoning, for your choices. This puritan attitude disables free agency and creates bikini victims … I could not help myself.

    By Ra Puriri | 1 year ago Reply
  218. I loved reading this and it made so much sense. Thank you

    By Farida | 1 year ago Reply
  219. Thank you, kaylin, for standing up for Godly principles. Modest dress is setting we don’t see much of these days. By standing up for Truth and what is right of course you’re going to get opposition but the Bible warned us of this so it shouldn’t be a surprise.
    If anyone thinks it doesn’t affect a man they’re kidding themselves. It’s not that we think they’re “dumb animals”, it’s the way they’re wired. Women operate more on emotion and men on the physical, simply the way God made us, nothing wrong with it. Thank you for your article. I’m raising a 13 year old girl and it’s hard to find modest clothing these days! Very frustrating.

    By Shelley | 1 year ago Reply
  220. I’ve been struggling with how to define modesty for a lone time, and a lot of it was just me holding myself back from trying to find a definition. I wanted to wear what everyone else was wearing, and if it was normal… wasn’t that okay? Thank you so, so much for helping me realize that it’s not about the normal, but about the heart. We can be the one-pieces in a world of bikinis ^^

    By Kimberly | 1 year ago Reply
  221. It is such a blessing to hear young women (or any women for that fact) talking about and demonstrating modesty in today’s society especially when everything that is immodest is praised as appropriate! you are a good role model to both the younger and even older women around you! GOD BLESS! and keep up the ministry God had given you Thank you

    By Tammy | 1 year ago Reply
  222. Wonderful insight in the value of modesty. You have given an insight on what true beauty is, and how destructive immodesty is to ones own self esteem. Congratulations and keep this message circulating.

    By David wirthlin | 1 year ago Reply
  223. Thank you so very much for putting into words such a good argument for modesty. Most of our friends are conservative Christians who assume we are, too, because we dress modestly, home school, the kids are polite, well-behaved, etc. We’re actually pagan. Lately, my teenager has been wanting to wear a bikini. Your explanation is one that will make sense to her and I will be sharing this. Thank you!

    By Rhiannon | 1 year ago Reply
  224. Amen. Love it!

    By Selina Lopez | 1 year ago Reply
  225. I started a modest swimwear company called Rad Swim because I feel strongly that beauty is within. You are right, dressing modestly is truly addicting! Thank you for this beautiful article! XO!

    By Michelle Shumway | 1 year ago Reply
  226. I truly appreciate and respect your view on modesty. I was actually very excited to comment and exclaim my praise for your article. But, then I scrolled down. Your picture shows your cleavage. That isn’t exactly some one that deserves praise for writing words rather than leading by example.
    To each his (or her) own, but do not provide an example you do not uphold yourself.

    By AJ Sandin | 1 year ago Reply
  227. You rocked this topic Kaylin, FOCUS is blessed to have you as part of our mission! I’m excited to see your book!

    By Lisa Cotter | 1 year ago Reply
  228. Hi, question for the author. Much of what you’ve written sounds extremely similar to what a Muslim woman might write about bikinis, but then of course she would be less likely to recommend a one-piece and would instead talk about a hijab that’s adapted for beach wear. And hijabs in general. So let me ask you, as a woman who has similar views on modesty but from a different religion, what do you think when you see a Muslim woman fully covered in a hijab? Would you be thinking the same thoughts as when you saw the one-piece among the bikinis? Would you be thinking some additional thoughts, like “I wonder how much of a choice she personally has in this?” And of course, do you look at a woman in a hijab and immediately think of modesty and tremendous inner beauty? Would you automatically think, There’s a woman I want to talk to and relate to?

    By Mike | 1 year ago Reply
  229. This is a beautiful and well written article. You are right on! Thank you for putting this into words. It can be hard to describe the reasons why modesty is so important, but you spoke perfectly. Thank you!

    By Christina | 1 year ago Reply
  230. A fantastic and uplifting article for me as an LDS mum teaching my children that what you look like and wear doesn’t define you, it’s the person you are and the qualities you have that define you as beautiful. Thanks for sharing your experience. :-)

    By Carli | 1 year ago Reply
  231. The bikinis are much a stylish and elegant wear with very much an important way to show of the natural body.The above discussed fact is quite astonishing but rather more of truth

    By Natasha Hose | 1 year ago Reply
  232. This is a beautiful way of saying this! I absolutely love the line: You do not veil yourself because you believe you are ugly, you veil yourself because you know that you are beautiful. It’s such a great reminder! Thank you! :)

    By Jessi | 1 year ago Reply
  233. Such amazing insight you have! It is so refreshing to hear these words from someone in your generation.

    By Dana Casper | 1 year ago Reply
  234. The Blessed Mother is our example.

    And modesty is an essential now … and in the time She and Her SON, SON of GOD walked this earth.

    It protects and edifies yourself and those around you … why ? … because of man’s fallen nature.

    If someone not realizing that … they are fooling themselves before they also trying to fool us.

    Porn is a problem … not because of modesty … but modesty is one of the key ways to protect against it … though by itself modesty not being enough.

    Adam and Eve covered up themselves for a reason. GOD clothed Adam and Eve even better … and for a better reason … for our own good.

    GOD Bless us all.

    By Pat | 1 year ago Reply
  235. There is in fact an even more lovely reason than veiling the beauty of a woman’s body, but recognising the amazing sacredness and spirituality of women in the eyes of God. There is a wonderful moment between God and the woman alone where He touches her body, with a tiny living soul. The fact that a woman has this possibility within her is so beautiful that she is a ciborium of life. When we have something sacred, like the vessels at Mass, we veil them, we show them respect as belonging to God, and every woman is a living breathing tribute to this.

    By Cassandra Tyler | 1 year ago Reply
  236. Do you have a Facebook link to share with others?

    By Ann Linn | 1 year ago Reply
  237. What a great article! Thank you! God bless. May the Blessed Mother, Our Lady of Chastity, help her children live chaste lives.

    By Friar Mariano D. Veliz, O.P. | 1 year ago Reply
  238. So good to hear this from a woman. I wish all women understood this.

    By Ken Willis | 1 year ago Reply

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