I was 4 when I first asked my dad about sex.

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I was 4 years old when I first asked my dad about sex. My dad looked back at me in horror, so I asked, “Isn’t it when two people get naked and French kiss?” Totally innocent question, right? Well, maybe not totally innocent. I had peeked through enough fingers when my parents would cover my eyes during certain movie scenes. (C’mon, I know I’m not the only one.)

I wish I can say that my father responded with a loving and honest answer about how God designed sex and authentic love. I wish he had told me that our bodies are treasures, that our sexual desires are good, and that sex is a beautiful, intimate expression of love and commitment to one’s spouse in the context of marriage. Instead, I got a spanking that night without any explanation, and I vowed to never speak, hear, or even think about sex ever again.

When I was in 3rd grade, we finally got a computer in our house. It was glorious. We would use our landline to dial-up to the Internet, gleefully listening to those screeching, robotic sounds that assured we would soon have the world at our fingertips. The first couple of months were a joyful blur of computer games like Snake and Oregon Trail. But it didn’t take very long for me, as a child, to access chat rooms with perverted strangers, erotica websites, and pornography. I went from repressing my sexual thoughts and feelings to being exposed to sex in the most carnal and grotesque of ways. I knew it was wrong, but I was hooked, and dove deep into a secret addiction to pornography and masturbation that lasted for about 12 years.

Pornography taught me that I had to have sex with a guy on the first date to thank him for dinner and that I had to perform sexual favors for my boyfriends to keep them happy. It taught me to hate myself and that I was never worthy of true love. I lost my virginity and entered a dark world of sexual promiscuity, drugs, and depression. I didn’t care about my body, my heart, or my soul. I used sex as a tool to receive what I thought was affection, attention, and love. But I was deeply mistaken. Instead, I was receiving false promises, pain and hurt, and ultimately the message that I was only worth what my body could offer. It has taken many years of prayer and therapy (and it’s still an ongoing process) to reverse those messages, to heal from the spiritual and emotional traumas, and to undo those knots that choked me for so many years.

The solution is simple: kids need to learn about the gift of sexuality (at the appropriate age) and it has to start in the home. Avoiding those awkward conversations or simply saying, “Don’t have sex because I said so,” doesn’t work. If parents aren’t teaching their kids about sex, the world is teaching them. And the world is filled with lies, cleverly and cunningly planted by the Enemy. Talk about the emotional, psychological, and spiritual ramifications of sex with your teens even if they pretend like they don’t care. Find opportunities to give age-appropriate, truthful, and loving answers without making them feel ashamed or intimidated. Pray for wisdom, patience, and guidance. Pray for their sexual purity and future vocation. Ask your priests to talk about God’s plan for sexuality in their homilies, to invite chastity speakers, and to invest in good, solid Theology of the Body programs. But most importantly, live chastity and purity out yourselves. More is caught than taught. So strive for chastity in your marriage, kick that porn addiction, be mindful of the movies, music, and books you consume (moms, put down the 50 Shades). Use those parental controls on the computers and smartphones, and remain close to the Lord through prayer and the Sacraments.

For those who have lost their virginity and feel like there’s no point in waiting anymore, I get it. I’ve been there. We have sexual desires and sometimes, it seems easier to give in. But I’m challenging you to start over, not just for your future spouse, but for yourself. You are capable of living up to the challenge. You deserve someone who will show you the utmost dignity and respect, who will sacrifice sexual desires for the protection of your heart and soul until you can finally consummate your marriage vows on your wedding night. I married my husband because I knew he would love me the way Christ loves His Bride, the Church: through sacrifice and suffering, with strength, nobility, and humility. That’s what I deserved. That’s what you deserve.

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kimsMaggie Kim is a wife, mother, and recent Catholic convert after discovering her love for the Eucharist, Sacred Tradition, and the powerful intercessory prayers of the Saints. She is a registered nurse who has a passion for new mothers and babies. In her free time, she likes to read, write, eat desserts, and watch movies in the dark with a warm blanket and strong cup of coffee. She resides in Southern California with her husband Paul, and two babies: Audrey & Aiden. Learn more at PJKmusic.com

9 Comments

  1. Honest, thoughtful and beautifully written. Sharing this with my teens. God’s blessings to you and your beautiful family.

    By Elizabeth | 1 year ago Reply
  2. This is so beautifully written. I had a somewhat similar experience- my sister would read erotica and i first read a book in year 4. Thank you, May God bless you and your family.

    By Maria | 1 year ago Reply
  3. thanks for being so bold and sharing your heart.

    By Kathy | 1 year ago Reply
  4. Thank you for this testimony….it is important to hear this happens to women also! Porn addiction and masturbation are not just a male problem. Similar story here ☹️ …

    By Jennifer | 1 year ago Reply
  5. God bless you for sharing. It starts with parents being aware of how to talk to their children and when to introduce them to the topics pertinent to their age and maturity, not media. Fast forwarding scenes or covering children’s eyes is no longer the norm for millennials raising children, how much worse off will they be! Parents really need to be aware of what comes into their home, obviously covering the eyes and having that sort of film playing around a child isn’t enough, things still creep through the cracks between the fingers literally. It’s very sad that your father was not understanding of how to deal with the situation, it wasn’t your fault that you were exposed and the media had stimulated your mind to ask for explanations. I was much more blessed, thankfully, by a single parent mother who had been the victim of people exposed to porn and utilized it against her innocence. She studied, became aware, and became a natural family planning teacher so every question I asked was met with honesty and an understanding of the maturity I was at. By the time I was 12 I had already asked my mother not to give me the details although she offered, I was fully aware of how my body functioned but knew that I didn’t want to deal with impure thoughts from having a completely explicit understanding of sex, I knew enough and was happy to wait for a bit longer. Prudishness and licentiousness are polar opposites but create equal harm. We must not shy away from the beauty of sexuality, but be taught its context in its entirety, not the kinky perverted variety that the world now accepts as the norm with none of the responsibility or sacredness of the human body.

    By Mez | 1 year ago Reply
  6. Thank you Maggie for sharing your soul with everyone. This was a beautiful testimonial for TOB and chastity, especially for the youth who are so hungry for this message. Thank you! TOB for the win! ❤️

    By Michelle | 1 year ago Reply
  7. So bold brave and beautiful…thankyou

    By Laurie | 1 year ago Reply
  8. Wow! That touches me so much, I haven’t lost my virginity through sex but feel as though I’ve lost it by how I’ve acted with guys. And I know of people that have lost their virginity and struggle with finding healing and I do all I can to help but I know that the only way they’ll find true help is through the crucified. The Theology of the Body is wonderful I’ve done it with my Youth Ministry and it’s been such a help.

    By Samantha | 1 year ago Reply
  9. Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and your family!
    Your husband is great!

    By Samantha | 1 year ago Reply

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