What’s wrong with modern dating?

Today during my hour of cardio at the YMCA I couldn’t help but laugh at the TV screen as it played a new episode of The Bachelorette. Viewers get a sneak peak of a glamorous dating life. A gorgeous woman has the opportunity to date 15 attractive, successful men all at once! And she gets to kiss them too—every girl’s dream right?

So here I am listening to Drake on the highest level of the elliptical, sweating, and laughing at the five different men’s reactions after kissing the same girl. This show is just another medium to fill our minds with lies about dating.

Not all of us can sign up for a TV show set to find our “perfect half.”

Wait, so what’s the problem with modern-day dating?

Well, no one is really “dating.” People enter relationships after months of “talking” (aka sending unclear messages that try to put on a confident front, when the reality is the person has no idea what they are feeling or doing).

No one is actually going on dates. We are investing our emotions into a phone screen instead of people. We resort to online dating or dating apps because we don’t want to pursue someone face-to-face.

Instead of fantasizing about that mutual friend you barely know, why not remember all the tangible and compatible potential partners that surround you?  Many of the best relationships begin with the best friendships. One of your close friends you may not “see that way” right now, just may be the most compatible person for you.

Society has fostered a negative perception about going on dates when they are supposed to be a fun way to get to know someone and sense the one-on-one dynamic with another person. Going out on a date doesn’t mean you’re signing your name in blood.

The media distorts authentic dating by using shows like The Bachelorette, which brainwash us to think that dating means finding the perfect person who has all the qualities we ever wanted and nothing else.

Dating is not a custom bowl made to order from Chipotle—it’s seeing a person for their whole self, choosing to appreciate their qualities, and accept their faults. Technology has instilled in us an expectation of immediate satisfaction. We have become accustomed to editing and filtering our lives on Instagram, but we can’t “edit” our significant others or even ourselves. A genuine relationship cannot be shared with a person you only know on your phone screen.

When it comes to dating, attraction is important, but isn’t a stable foundation. Being attracted to someone isn’t enough to carry a relationship. No one wants to invest their time or emotions into something that is inauthentic and purposeless.

If you’re in a relationship, ask yourself; Is your relationship helping you become a better person? Helping you expand in knowledge? Helping you grow in faith?  If not, I encourage you to look more deeply into why you are in a relationship with that person. At the end of the day, your relationship will either evolve into a marriage, or diminish into a breakup.

It’s great to have high standards, but be realistic. Don’t forget those around you, and be courageous, because dating requires initiative and effort (from both sides.)

Society has fostered an untrustworthy feeling and fear of the other gender. Fear of rejection. Fear of the friend zone. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of ruining the friendship. Fear of judgement. Some of the greatest things in this world started as fear, so don’t let fear paralyze you, and stop you from taking a step into what could be a great conversation, friendship, or relationship.

This journey of dating and marriage is all about becoming the best version of yourself as you see the best in another person. In the end, there is somebody for everyone who is called to the vocation of marriage (which is pretty awesome if you ask me.)

Look up from your phone screen, and look at the possibilities that surround you—not just romantic relationships, but fruitful friendships.

___________________

14708228_1313603365328763_8221918407997652192_nVeronica Macias is a guest writer for Lifeteen and The Porn Effect. Veronica is currently studying Theology and Psychology at Ave Maria University. A native of Miami, Florida, she hopes to turn the tide against the Culture of Death by helping eliminate the Hook-Up Culture. She blogs at veromacias.com.

 

5 Comments

  1. Thank you for standing for the real thing. Dating seems to be used as a synonym for sex these days. No matter how good that attraction is, it doesn’t sustain a lifetime relationship. I enjoyed reading your submission and hope your influence in this area grows.

    By Mia B. | 2 months ago Reply
  2. I applaud your approach to this topic….As a man who met a woman one day,
    had dinner with her that evening, talked with her for hours, and then
    informed her I had to go away) …I had to report to Fort Ord to see what orders
    were in store for me to go to Korea as a Combat Infantryman….and on my
    first weekend home prior to leaving, told her all the reasons I couldn’t marry
    her. Her response: “I really don’t recall that I ever proposed to you.”
    “I don’t play low games, ” I responded. “I only play high games. And I
    am telling you what I told you because I am going off to Korea and you know that if I told you I wanted to marry you right now, you would say yes. is that
    not true.”
    “Absolutely true,” she said.
    “So you can see what I nice guy I am to not to have you have any illussions.”
    “I don’t believe I have any illusions,” you replied/

    By Clayton Barbeau | 2 months ago Reply
  3. Awesome article! Only one comment I want to make is that God can sometimes work through a dating app. Of course, you’ll have to pray for gift of discernment throughout the search and conversation, filter out those who does not meet your values, make it clear that you’re a Christian and that you’re looking for someone who loves Christ too. It does have more risk than picking out guys/girls from your contact list, but it can work if you keep your standards and expectations clear and high. Once you find someone who meets your values, then you’ll meet and date and get to know the person face-to-face. I’ve seen some good relationships grow out of it.

    By Fran | 2 months ago Reply
  4. Can you write a post on how to approach the single guy at Mass? I am a widow with four kids, there are not many men in my age group at Mass. I go to young adult bible study but I am at least ten years older than everyone there.

    By Virginia | 2 months ago Reply
  5. I am a student at chukaq university, kenya,am very thankfull I want to fight immorality and your article is of great help,thanks alot.

    By COLPING OTIENO | 2 months ago Reply

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