Why you should break up with the guy of your dreams

I have a bit of a confession to make: I have a dream guy. And I mean that quite literally.

Allow me to explain: when I was younger, one person in particular from my daily life would show up in my dreams every now and again. As we grew closer, unsurprisingly, the dreams became more frequent. But when it later became obvious that the person in my dreams and the person in real life were not one and the same, and that it really wasn’t a good idea to get involved with him, I didn’t. The problem, however, was that, even though I had cast any thought of this person far from my mind, he would still appear consistently in my dreams.

‘It’s okay,’ I thought to myself. ‘No big deal. This was my first crush! It might take some time for my subconscious to catch up, but he’ll go away eventually, right?’

Well, it’s been nearly a decade since then, and this guy’s still showing up. Not as the main character anymore, but certainly always there, standing silently somewhere in the background. I’ve long since moved on with my life, and I’m in a serious relationship now, so what gives?

I honestly couldn’t tell you the answer to that, because I don’t know myself. But I’ll tell you what I do know. If modern psychology and/or every Hollywood rom-com in existence were to be believed, the conclusion would be that I still haven’t truly let go of this person, that I still have unresolved feelings for him, or worse, that I should seek him out and “test the waters,” serious boyfriend or not.

But I know with firm conviction that these ideas are wrong. Why? Because secular society deals in dreams. Illusions, vanities, false idols—call them whatever you like; the point is that conventional wisdom would have us chasing illusory goals such as having the “latest” gadget or finding the ever-elusive “one” for all of eternity. As Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen is quick to point out, instead of recognizing God as the one true infinite, the One who satisfies our restless spirits and whose depths we could never plumb, we make people, objects, money, even mere ideas our infinite.

My dream guy is an idea, an infinite of sorts, and in my teenage years, I was foolish enough to put faith in that idea. But ideas like these do not last, nor are they helpful in seeking out the kind of love that does.

Eventually, I put my faith in God and let Him decide who I should be with. But the man that God was pleased to bless me with is nothing at all like my dream guy. At first, I’ll admit, I was concerned. ‘He doesn’t fit the mold,’ I thought. ‘Is it possible that I’m settling?

Not at all. I was settling when I had chased after the world’s model of what love is. Not running away from what God offered me, despite my superficial reservations? That was a leap of faith. It was also the best decision that I have ever made.

My life with my boyfriend is as far removed from a romantic-comedy as it could possibly be, but I have never been happier. Why? Because I have finally set aside the world’s ideas and expectations of what love should be like in favour of the kind of love that only God provides—one that is free, total, faithful, fruitful… in a word, Christ-like!

Yes, I may still dream, and yes, those dreams may be bothersome, but I know with great certainty that, once I am married to the most vivid reflection of God’s love that I have ever encountered this side of Heaven, those dreams will disappear like a puff of smoke. And once that smoke has cleared, I will be left with something infinitely more beautiful: reality.

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Isabella Bruno is a certified teacher and self-published author residing in Ontario, Canada. From Jane with Love, a Catholic children’s book about chastity, is her first publication. You can read more about Isabella, including her blog, on her website.

13 Comments

  1. Thank you.

    By Maribeth | 7 months ago Reply
  2. I’m shocked to hear that someone else is experiencing this. I’ve been married for over a decade and the dreams still have not vanished completely. The good part is that I wake up and remember how far these dreams are from reality and how grateful I am to a God that He had something better in store for me, despite myself even.

    I am also grateful for our Church’s teaching on love and marriage. Had it not been for the freedom I encountered in this teaching, had I been following the “wisdom” of the world, it could have resulted in much drama and damage…only to wake up years later and realize that it was at the expense of an illusion.

    I still wish I knew why the subconscious doesn’t just get on with it!

    By Lexie | 7 months ago Reply
  3. I too have a figment of my dream guy that pops up every now and then, and have been happily married for almost 13 years now. I have matured enough to know that the immature side of me that projected all those awesome qualities on the wrong guys was not good for me. And that God’s will is far better than I could have ever planned. Thanks for the article.

    By marie | 7 months ago Reply
  4. Interesting

    By KT | 7 months ago Reply
  5. Interesting.

    By KT | 7 months ago Reply
  6. Amen

    By Andrew | 7 months ago Reply
  7. As a psychtotherapist, I would be delighted to have a couple like you.. I hope
    this will be of help. The way we go about handling dreams is that, after the
    client has told the dream…to have the client then tell the dream again from the
    viewpoint of one of the figures in the cream, then another, and another…
    for all aspects of the dream are important to an appreciation of what the
    unconscious is trying to tell us….and, if we do not get the message, will
    give to us again, in another dream. Indeed, if we still resist the message, the
    dream will eventually come as a nightmare—even waking us up—as the
    unconscious seeks to help us on our way./

    By Clayton C, Barbeau, M.A., MFT | 7 months ago Reply
  8. Good read but the title is misleading bc she was never dating her “dream guy” therefore did not have the need to break up with him.

    By Tulsa girl | 7 months ago Reply
  9. When people show in your dreams without a reason Pray for them.

    By Mayeyita | 7 months ago Reply
  10. Thank you!, just what I needed

    By Laura | 7 months ago Reply
  11. Hello I am a conservative Christian who has remained pure, even from when I was a teenager, before I got saved. I have been greatly encouraged by the articles on this site. It is truly comforting to know that there are many Christians who respect their bodies and love God enough to withstand temptation. As a man I will just say that it is definitely the male at fault. Our society is shaped by the ravenous appetites of men. The materialists make money off of appealing to their ungodly libidos. However women are still without excuse for reducing themselves to a material fleshly state to impress these plastic men. I am waiting for a someone who recognizes God’s authority on their life and is cognizant of the inmeasurable value of their body and spirit.

    By James | 7 months ago Reply
  12. I have dreamt in the past but nothing like last night. I was dreaming someone was after me and so I would get up and try to find a place to hid but nothing made sense because I would try to hide under a bed but it wasn’t really there so I couldn’t. That happened through the whole dream. I tried covering myself but the blankets would disappear or I was walking in the dark bumping into things. My husband tried to help me and when I talked to him it was jibberish. It was all real to me but he was scared because he didn’t know what to do. Finally he told me go to bed and then would lead me there. Another thing, I understood him when he talked. I haven’t been sleeping well in the past so I’m wondering if this was a phsycological break? Or, just lack of sleep

    By Gail miller | 7 months ago Reply
  13. I really needed this! I too thought that I was settling for loving someone that did not fit my “ideal” but I realize that ‘The One’ should be more than just the worldly mold I have created in my dreams.

    By Kelly | 7 months ago Reply

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