A Letter from a Father to His ‘Not Good Enough’ Daughter

My Dear Daughter,

From the moment the thought of you entered my mind, I have been wrapped around your little finger. I have loved you as only a father can love his little girl.

I can still see that bright eyed look in your eyes the day you were born—taking in the light and sound and excitement of this big world. The light in your eyes only grew as you did. You got into everything, asked every question, and fearlessly explored every new adventure you encountered. You were my little bundle of energy and love.

But now that light has left your eyes. That spirit that I saw so clearly, and which lit up every room you entered, has faded.

Now instead of holding life, your eyes hold tears.

Instead of holding out your heart to any person that you meet, you keep it safely locked inside.

Instead of boldly exploring life, you observe it from afar and analyze each and every word and action—afraid of ever being wrong.

And instead of unabashedly being yourself, you try to change yourself to fit this year’s model of ‘you.’

If I ask, you will tell me that you are fine; and perhaps you truly believe that. But I have known that light in your eyes and I have experienced that spirit that is within you—and I have watched both diminish under the pressures of this world.

Perhaps it has been immature boys in your life that have hurt you and broken your heart.

Or perhaps your friends have turned their backs on you when you most needed them.

Or maybe the mirror has betrayed you and your thoughts have run away with you—never letting you forget a single flaw.

Maybe it is even yourself that is your own oppressor.

Or perhaps you feel that you have done too much, dug too deep, made too many mistakes, to ever escape from the pain that you are in.

Whatever it is—it is wounding you deeply. It is piercing the heart you are trying so desperately to hide and it is becoming the constant whisper inside of you that says, “You are not good enough; and you never will be.”

And so these lies keep you isolated. They keep you in internal angst and yet unwilling to seek help and expose the mess you feel you have become.

But you see, my daughter, when I look at you and I see your pain, only one feeling consumes me. It is not a feeling of judgement, it is not a feeling of shock or horror, and it is not a feeling of anger, expect towards those who have unjustly wounded you.

The overwhelming feeling within me when I look in your hurting eyes is the great desire to remove the hurt that is keeping you from me. I long to remove the walls, mend the scars, and restore the light to those beautiful eyes of yours. I yearn to remove the doubt you have harbored inside about yourself for so long and restore the spirit imprisoned within you.

I just want my daughter back.

You see, through the years, through all the pain, doubt, insecurities, and grasping at being ‘good enough’ that you have been doing—you never ceased to be that little girl I have always loved with the entirety of my heart. The one who was, and is, a perfect bundle of life and love in this world is she allows herself to be. Every hair, every quirk, every talent, every dream…all of these aspects of you are what make you the daughter whom I began loving long ago and whom I have loved ever since without exception.

Please, come back to me. Let me wipe your eyes and help heal your wounds and remind you of the beautiful woman that you are and the treasured place that you hold in my heart. You could never fall too far. You are my daughter—you need merely cry ‘Father’ as you did when you were young and I will come to pick you up. And I will always come.

With all my love,

Your Heavenly Father

(Posted Originally on www.restoreyourcrown.com)

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Kaylin Koslosky is beginning her new journey as a high school science teacher. She loves hiking and being outdoors, and is passionate about sharing the beauty of Christ and this world with others. She is the co-author of Daughter of the King: Wait, Where’s My Crown?! and co-founder of www.restoreyourcrown.com with her best friend, Megan Finegan.

13 Comments

  1. Dear Kaylin,
    On the eve of my birthday, I just wanted to thank you for sharing this beautiful message… that my Father is here present ..even when I experience pain, joy or happiness that my God is with me.. Thank you again.. Its the best confirmation of his love 🙂

    By rebecca | 6 months ago Reply
  2. Hey Kaylin,

    Thank you for this amazing text, it’s truly inspiring! I would like to translate it in Croatian and post it on my blog. Do I have your permission?

    By Marija | 6 months ago Reply
    • Yes please do! Thank you!

      By Kaylin | 6 months ago Reply
      • No, thank you! 🙂

        By Marija | 6 months ago Reply
  3. Wonderful message!!! If they will just listen!

    By DiAnne McInnis | 6 months ago Reply
  4. Dear Kaylin,

    Thank you for this article, it’s quite inspiring. I would like to translate it in Croatian and post it on my blog. Do I have your permission? 🙂

    By Marija | 6 months ago Reply
  5. The following comment is not meant to be offensive. It is a genuine concern of me:

    What do you do when the one who tells you ‘you are not enough’ is God himself? No man ever hurt me, God made me ugly enough so i would never have a boyfriend. No friends ever left me, God gave me enough social anxiety that i never managed to really get any friends. I never dressed immodestly, God simply gave me no understanding of fashion. I’m a complete and utter failure at feminity. Sites like this constantly talk about feminity and feminine genius but what do you do when you don’t have that. So am i still ‘enough’ in God’s eyes even though i fail at my own gender? So who should i be myself or someone who fakes feminity to make God happy?

    I understand the intention of the text and i’m sure it’s beautiful for must people. However it only works as long as God doesn’t design you a different way he wants you to be because then the one telling you ‘you are not enough’ is God himself.
    I’m sorry if this comment upsets anyone.

    By Tina | 6 months ago Reply
    • Dear Tina,

      I have read your comment and all I can say to you is that stop looking at yourself in your own eyes and do not compare yourself to any one but look at Yourself Through God the Father’s sight because to Him you are his beloved daughter and he is so pleased with you, you so beautiful and that’s why He created you, He loves, Cares about and is willing to do anything for you more than anyone can ever do for you if you could just focus on Him for a moment and take the attention off you He will let you see the Beauty that is in you both inside and outside. I pray for thanks and I liked you courageousness. God Bless You. YOU BEAUTIFUL

      By vicent | 6 months ago Reply
  6. Hi Tina,
    Your comments really moved me and I saw myself in them. I am thankful that I had the opportunity to read and ponder them. Your inner beauty can not be held back from whatever you may think you are lacking. Thank you for allowing me to see a glimpse of that beauty. What I see is a girl that is hurting because she sees herself through the eyes of this world. The eyes of the world judge us in their terms, not God’s terms. You yourself are “judging” your appearance with eyes that have become distorted by a lens crafted by a fallen world; a world that has defined beauty not as “the image and likeness of God” but as the image and likeness of whatever it happens to be presenting as “beauty” at this moment in time. That worldview doesn’t love us for us, it “loves” us for what it can get from us. God love us for us- for our sake. How do we know? He sent His Son to die for each of us – that’s how much He loves us. He loves “unconditionally” for He created us in His image – me with all my imperfections and you with all yours. But He also implanted in each of us – and yes, you – something different – a gift He’s wanting and waiting for you to discover and share it – perhaps with just one other soul, perhaps with your community, perhaps with the world! I am still seeking mine to discover so that I too can share. I am joining with you in prayer at this moment so that together we can be open to receive the fruit of the Holy Spirit. That the Holy Spirit will enter into our hearts and allow us to hear the truth of God’s unfathomable love for us. A love so deep that it has no limits except the limits we put on ourselves. Please ask the Holy Spirit: “Why? What is it you want of me?” and be willing to give your love unconditionally to Him. Tina, God allowed us to be imperfect so that we can find our perfection in Him. So that we can learn to be totally dependent on Him to bring us to the understanding of just how much we are loved. Whenever you hear the suggestion that “you are not good enough” know that it comes from a bad and deceitful spirit; the Evil One that wants others to hate themselves as he hates himself! The fruits of his lies are dispair, depression, self loathing. One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is the courage that you displayed in opening up your heart to us in your note above. Let the other fruits become alive in you. Please keep me in your prayers and know that you are in mine as together we join the many on our journey to find our Godly purpose. Our devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through the Immaculate Heart of Mary will show us the way! Read “33 Days to Morning Glory” by Fr Michael Gaitley. Know that you are loved!

    By Kurt K | 6 months ago Reply
    • Amazing commentary. Please pray for me also

      By Jacinta | 6 months ago Reply
  7. Dear Kaylin,
    I do not know how to express the deep sense of gratitude I feel for these words. I really needed them. I have recognized myself in every sentence, and I feel so blessed God is giving me the opportunity to renew myself, in a way that implies beginning to accept my past insecurities, sense of inadequacy, loneliness, by sending me all this messages of Hope. Today my Father brought me here, allowed me to read these words, and through them, through you who wrote them, through the person who in first place let me know of this website, I’m starting to understand the true meaning of Love.
    I am really thankful.
    Have a lovely and blessed day,
    Elisa

    By Elisa | 6 months ago Reply
  8. Thank you so much for the letter, its really insipiring

    By Cynthia | 6 months ago Reply
  9. Thank you for writing this! It was was so beautiful and it brought tears to my eyes just reading it. I needed to read it

    By Jacinta | 6 months ago Reply

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