Posts by Lisa Cotter

Dating (and breaking up) with Virtue

Slingshots Remember the story of David and Goliath? The one where a small shepherd boy claims an unlikely victory over a warrior giant in an all or nothing battle with nothing but a slingshot? When you imagine it perhaps you picture David going into battle with only his slingshot and a prayer, but it wasn’t quite like that. Yes, God’s Read more…

Is It Love or Is It Use?

Dating: A Friend You Make-Out With? Recently I was on a flight with a college senior and we began conversing about casual dating, which she defined as “a friend who you make-out with.” As we chatted about it more she admitted, “It doesn’t feel quite right.” So I asked her straight up if it’s a situation where you basically use Read more…

How Do I Avoid Emotionally Using Someone?

Blank Space, Baby In high school, I was that girl who was constantly on the look out for a guy to fill her blank space. And as soon as I met someone who showed some mutual interest, I’d jump right in. Within a few weeks it was usually official, or at least, it looked that way. He was perfect. He Read more…

What if I’ve Met The Right Person At The Wrong Time?

He’s in a disaster of a relationship with a real wretch. She recently went through a rough breakup and isn’t ready to start something new. They work together for a “no fishing from the corporate pond” company. These are the plot lines that Hollywood rom-coms are made of. And if you’re Catholic, we can throw in a few more…. In Read more…

Emotional Chastity: Is That Even a Real Thing?

Marc Barns of Bad Catholic recently wrote a post that included his dislike of the phrase “emotional chastity.” I read the article. I read the comments. I thought about commenting. Then I decided to just write an entire post. As someone who gives talks on what one would consider the topic of emotional chastity, I couldn’t help but respond to clarify Read more…

8 Practical Ways to Pursue Chastity while Dating

Seriously, I don’t want to write this post. I’ve been avoiding it for weeks. Just writing the wordchastity makes me feel lame. I wish we had a cooler word to convey the same concept, but any synonyms that I can think of sounds equally awkward. And every time I go to put my thoughts down on how to be chaste while Read more…

Searching for Emotional Chastity in all the RIGHT (Media) Places

Several weeks ago I promised you something on the FOCUS Equip blog, and I haven’t forgotten. Below is a list of media that shows love, the way it was intended to be: good, true, and beautiful. Amazingly it does exist, but like any treasure, you have to hunt for it. Because this list is incomplete, please add to it the jewels Read more…

The Trouble With Evangedating

e·van·ge·da·ting  1. Attempting to date a non-Christian of the opposite sex with the intent of converting them to Christ, sharing the Gospel. (UrbanDictionary.com) Scenario 1: Girl meets guy through a mutual friend. He’s handsome, funny, and genuine, but isn’t really interested in God, which is important to girl. Guy asks girl out. She hesitates and thinks “Should I go?” Scenario 2: Guy Read more…

So you wanna go on a dating fast?

FOCUS missionaries do a lot of crazy things. They fundraise their salaries. They move to wherever they are told throughout the country. They talk to strangers about Jesus. But perhaps one of the most shocking things they do is give up dating for an entire year. That’s right. All first year missionaries fast from romantic relationships for one year. No dating. No Read more…

What is emotional chastity?

Maybe you’ve heard the term thrown around at your Newman Center. Maybe you read about it in your bible study. Maybe someone used it as their reason for breaking up with you. Emotional chastity, emotional purity, emotional integrity, emotional virtue, whatever people are calling it these days, has become quite a buzz topic in young adult Catholic circles. But what exactly Read more…

Can men and women really just be friends?

Raise your hand if you have had some form of a conversation based around the topic of whether or not men and women can simply be friends. Yep, I can’t even see you, but I know your hand is raised. We’ve all wondered about it, discussed it with our friends and drawn our own conclusions. Some say, “Yes, of course Read more…