How can I stop being so flirty with guys?

Let’s begin by defining “flirting.” It means: “to pay amorous attention to someone without serious intentions.” For an explanation of why this is wrong, click HERE

To uproot a bad habit, you must find its cause. So, take a look at why you flirt so often. Odds are, it’s because you enjoy the attention and playful affection of guys. Or, maybe you’re frustrated that guys aren’t pursuing you, and you feel the need to drop some hints. But beneath all of this is the true reason: you are made for love. However, when a girl is flirty and looking for love, she’s shooting herself in the foot. To understand why, consider what goes on in the mind of a guy:

If a girl is aggressive towards a guy, he’ll presume that she’s the same way around other guys. Strike one.

If she’s extremely forward and sexually suggestive towards him, it may be flattering at first, but he doesn’t feel any deep awe for the woman. In fact, he may feel sorry for her. It looks like she’s man-begging. Strike two.

Finally, if she’s pursuing him, she’s taken away the potential thrill of pursuing her. Strike three. In his mind, she’s out.

This isn’t politically correct to say, but a girl is out of place when she pursues. Likewise, the guy is out of place when he’s the one who has to be swept off his feet. We all know it. Just imagine a guy leaning over his balcony at night, blushing as he listens to a young lady serenading him from the garden below. Something is off.

This is NOT to say that the woman’s job is to be passive, waiting around for Mr. Wonderful to rescue her from obscurity. Some fall into this fault, and it’s not the solution. What is the solution?

Fight your desire to flirt with the deeper desire to love. As you may have realized, flirting will not obtain for you the love you desire. There is a passing high that comes with the attention received when flirting. But when a woman sacrifices this feeling, she becomes free to pursue something more noble and romantic. And by doing so, she develops the character and courage that will make her most likely to find such love. True gentlemen still exist, and they’re still in search of the true ladies.

To help you stop flirting, here are five tips:

1. Pray for the strength. So often we complain that it’s hard to be pure, but we never bother to ask God for the grace to do it. Purity is a gift from God, so we have to ask for it. Pray before you go to school or on a date, and also pray when you feel weak and tempted to flirt in a sexual way. At any time, turn your heart to God, and ask for grace. We must do our part, but the strength to be pure comes from Him.

2. You choose your friends, so choose wisely. If your circle of friends does not support your decision to be pure, you have to work on getting new friends. Perhaps you can look into local church youth groups. I do not know of a single person who has chosen to live a life of purity who has not lost some friends in the process. I know this is all easier said than done. But when we have a true change of heart, we’ll gravitate towards better people. We won’t want to pulled down any more. Believe it or not, there are people out there who can bring out the best in us. We just need to do some work and find them.

3. Realize that saying no is a lot easier when you avoid bad relationships before they begin. Temptations are much easier to turn away when you’re at a distance. Imagine if a robber came to your house, and you saw him through the peep-hole. It’s easiest to just lock the door. If you don’t, he may try to open it. If he gets a foot in the door, it’s harder to shut. But once he’s fully in the house, it would seem nearly impossible to get him out. In the same way, the longer you take to reject a temptation, the more vulnerable you become, and the harder it is to resist. So as soon as you begin to think about flirting with a guy who you know is bad for you, stop.

4. Prepare yourself for the struggle. As you know, some guys gossip more than girls do. If a girl who used to flirt suddenly shows deep respect for herself, guys may give her a hard time. But this is only because their pride is hurt. They miss having around the weak-willed girl who would giggle at their perverted jokes. At first, they may joke about her change of heart. But if her change is lasting, they’ll grow to respect her. Men would learn the value of women more quickly if women demanded more respect. And conversely, women would learn their value more quickly if men gave them the respect they all deserve. We both play a role.

5. Strengthen your will by forming your mind. As reinforcement, if you click here, you can listen to “Love or Lust” whenever you want.

You desire love and you deserve it. As I said above, this is ultimately why people flirt. They enjoy the attention and affection. But you know deep in your heart that it’s a counterfeit, a pacifier for having the courage to hold out for the real thing. So, instead of thinking that you have to snuff out your desires to flirt, realize that you have to fight those desires with a greater desire: the desire to respect yourself, and to find the love God wants to give you.

For more on this, read:

Flirting 101: The 4 Things Guys Should Do

Flirting 101: The Do’s and Don’t for Girls

Three Reasons to Wait Before you Flirt or Date

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