How do you know if a guy loves you or wants to use you?

Step number one in weeding out the bad guys is to practice the principles of courtship, here. A main part of courtship is that you only commit to a guy if you’ve had a long friendship with him, your family likes him, and you can see yourself marrying him.

In the meantime, if you ever want to know if a guy loves you, apply the love test. Here’s how it works: I know a young woman who applied this love test on a first (and last) date with a particular guy. After picking her up, he made certain suggestions as to his intentions for the evening, but she informed him that she practiced chastity. As they drove along, he responded, “That’s OK. We can do other stuff” (implying everything short of intercourse). She proceeded to give him a crash-course on the definition of chastity, and he responded, “So you mean that I’m not going to get anything?”

He sounded like an eight-year-old boy having a tantrum because his mother would not buy him a toy. His request combined with the childish reaction shows that he had no idea of the value of what he was requesting. He assumed that because he was planning to buy her dinner, this should more than suffice to gain him access to the priceless treasure of her body. This is the blindness that comes with an irreverent attitude toward sex.

When the guy saw that she was serious about her values, he turned the car around, drove her home, and dumped her off. She never saw him again. (Thank goodness.)

What this young woman did was not easy, but it was much easier than dating the guy for six months before realizing that he loved pleasure more than he loved her. Because she practiced the virtue of chastity, she saw through the manipulation that he would have used to get her into bed. She knew that if a guy pressured her to give him her body, then he did not love her. Because of a woman’s great dignity—she is made in the image and likeness of God—she deserves authentic love. She must never allow herself to be used or treated as a thing. Her body is priceless in the sight of God, and her heart is to be treasured.

Although this love test will weed out a lot of immature guys, only time will reveal a man’s intentions. One man said, “If I sensed there was a moral dilemma in her mind, I would play any role necessary to reach the point where sex became inevitable.”[1] There are many good guys out there, but there are also plenty of predators who will tell a girl whatever she wants to hear. Therefore a girl needs to proceed slowly, develop the skill of listening to her heart, and have the courage to follow it. Otherwise a young woman may be left feeling like this fifteen-year-old did: “I felt strange, and in a sense, used. It was like we were both caring for the same person—him. I felt left out of it.”[2]

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[1]. Josh McDowell, Why Wait? (Nashville, Tenn.: Nelson Book Publishers, 1987), 110.
[2]. Joyce L. Vedral, Boyfriends: Getting Them, Keeping Them, Living Without Them (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990).

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