I know I need to break up with my boyfriend because the relationship has led me away from God and my family. But how do I do it? I don’t want to hurt him.

There’s no way to break up with a guy that will leave him feeling warm and fuzzy. It’s going to hurt. But it has to be done. If a girl never learns to take care of herself and say “no,” she’s never going to find love.

To break up with him, maybe you can take your time to write a long letter. That way, you can get all your reasons across, and if he forgets any, he can always refer back to the letter. You are leaving him for his sake (because he needs to look at where his life is headed) and for your sake. After all, it’s bad for your faith, your family, and your development as a woman. He might try to manipulate you to stay, but you must be firm in your letter that it is over. Think of all the times you should have been firm with him, and make up for all of that in one letter.

Also, find a break-up buddy. This is another girl or family member who can stand by your side during this tough transition. When you feel tempted to call or text him, you can turn to your break-up buddy for encouragement.

Stay strong. Do nothing else physical with him. No kissing. No holding hands. No nothing. This man is NOT your husband, and your affections do not belong to him. Any more affection you show him is simply leading him on. Be strong as I know you can be, and cling to God, family, and some good friends as you pull away. That is, by far, the most loving thing you can do for him.

In the future, know that if any relationship is holding you back spiritually, then this is an unmistakable sign that the relationship is not of God. In the meantime, I’m excited for you to experience the good things God has planned to give you when you let go of this relationship and open yourself to His will in your life.

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