The first thing to realize is that if a guy holds your past against you, then he isn’t that good of a guy.
You may think that the holier a guy is, the less likely he would be to accept you with your “baggage.” Actually, the opposite is true. The Bible speaks repeatedly of God as the Bridegroom and his people as the bride. When Israel turned away from God in the Old Testament, it was described as an act of spiritual adultery. In the book of Hosea, it is written, “The land commits great harlotry by forsaking the Lord. . . . She . . . decked herself with her ring and jewelry, and went after her lovers, and forgot me, says the Lord” (Hos. 1:2; 2:13). Even so, the Lord took her in: “I will espouse you for ever; I will espouse you in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love, and in mercy. I will espouse you in faithfulness; and you shall know the Lord” (Hos. 2:19–20).
When a “good guy” loves and accepts a girl who has a bad past, it is an act of love in imitation of the heavenly Father. God loved Israel even when she was impure, and a “good guy” is able to love a woman even if she has an impure past. Through the work of redemption God purifies his bride, “that he might present the Church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (Eph. 5:27). Similarly, by living purely with you, a godly man can help you heal your memories. The more good a man is, the more he will be able to love you as God loves all of us, despite our “baggage.” He loves us where we are, but loves us too much to leave us there.
None of us deserve the gifts that God bestows upon us. His generosity is unimaginable. Scripture says, “No ear has ever heard, no eye ever seen, any God but you, doing such deeds for those who wait for him” (Is. 64:34, NAB). “Shall I not open for you the floodgates of heaven, to pour down blessing upon you without measure?” (Mal. 3:10, NAB).
The truth is, we all have made mistakes. Even good guys have their imperfections. Suppose, though, that you met a young man who had a less-than-perfect past. Would you refuse to accept him? If you would accept such a man, then why would a good guy refuse to accept you?
Keep hope alive, and may the following words from a husband to his wife (who had slept with another man before marriage) be a comfort for you: “I was always held to a higher standard by you than by any other girl I ever dated. You were strong, uncompromised, and pure. That’s all I know of you. That’s all that matters to me.”
Do not be afraid that you will not find a good guy or that you will not have a successful marriage. The absence of virginity does not doom marriages, but the absence of the virtue of chastity often does. No matter what’s happened in the past, you can always regain your virtue.
Lastly, make sure to check out the videos at WomenMadeNew.com.
. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 150.