Why I Chose Love: Journey of a Catholic with Same Sex Attraction

A friend of mine, who has chosen the pseudonym Jake Stanwood, asked me if he could write about his journey with Same Sex Attraction as a Catholic for my blog. My response was an unequivocal yes. After reading this amazing story, I am blown away by Jake’s love for God and trust in his plan. This story is truly inspirational.

“We love you no matter what sexual orientation you choose to live out.” These are the words of a father to me, his 15 year old son, 10 years ago. Um…  Awkward? Up until that point my dad had never talked to me about sex, and the topic was never mentioned again. I remember every little detail about the conversation: The sweaty palms, cold freezing office space, and the awkwardness created by the long wooden desk separating us from talking like normal people. How did I respond? I said nothing. Absolutely nothing. I stared at him with a blank face and ran back into my room crying and thinking about how the heck I ever got into this mess.

“Great….even my parents think I’m gay” “That person at school thinks I’m gay too, maybe it’s because of the way I talk.” “Wait…maybe I should change the way I talk? That will make me look manlier.” “Crap, that person is totally staring at me and thinks I’m gay.” These are just a few of the crazy thoughts that constantly ruminated in my head. Talk about feeling paranoid. It always felt as if I was split in between two worlds. One side was telling me, “Just come out of the closet, hook up with someone, embrace the fact you’re gay!” The other side, (far less appealing) said, “If anyone ever finds out, you’re dead!! Don’t ever talk about this to anyone.”

Praise God, He created a Church that has given me a third option, that doesn’t seem like it’s going to drown me in lust or turn me into a stoic that’s being internally destroyed by his desires. I have chosen the path to Chastity. I have chosen the path toward authentic love and sexual self-control.

Is this easy? NO.

The sexual temptations have always been there for me, and I suppose will always be. I am not afraid to admit that until the day I die I will probably always be attracted to men. However, I don’t think this aspect of my cross has been the greatest struggle. The greatest struggle has been my interior life. Experiencing same sex attraction (SSA) and being Catholic is hard (well, being Catholic is hard).  It is a unique/heavy cross to carry, and a very painful one. It comes with its share of anxiety, heartache, tears, and boogers. Us folks, who have SSA, we struggle with a lot. Among those things are body image, father wounds, bouts of depression, feeling less masculine, and a lot of us aren’t good at sports (which makes it harder for us to bond with other men). Growing up I always felt different and uncomfortable around other men, as if I was unworthy to even be called a man. However, I think it’s especially difficult to carry out this chaste lifestyle in the midst of today’s hyper sexual culture.

The culture today has become increasingly pro-gay. Just take a look at shows like Glee, Modern Family, or anything Lady Gaga… this stuff didn’t build up overnight.  While this DOMA thing was taking place my Facebook newsfeed exploded with red equal sings. The younger generation has become largely accepting of the gay community.  I’m glad that people are starting to become less homophobic and are speaking against gay bullying. However, this doesn’t mean that I’m for gay marriage or I think people should pursue same sex relationships.

It just doesn’t fit human sexuality or natural law. Just because I have an inclination to do something doesn’t mean that I should follow it. When we pursue sexuality outside of the way God designed for it to be we can find ourselves in messy situations. Hence the high promiscuity, infidelity, and STD rates associated with the gay community. But of course the media will never portray it this way, living a gay lifestyle is portrayed as glamorous and fulfilling. I am not saying that every gay person is living a promiscuous life and is carrying an STD on them. I have many friends who identify as gay who are hard workers and are doing awesome things with their lives. However, I will not deny that amongst the “gay scene” multiple partners and infidelity rates are pretty high. Homosexuality has to be identified more with behavior, than with identity.  That’s how the gay movement has progressed so much they’ve turned it into its own culture. The minute we reduce ourselves to our sexual orientation, we lose sight of who we really are.

I’ve chosen to never engage in a sexual relationship with another guy and remain celibate, despite the fact there are times I feel the ache of this desire. This may seem like a total fail in the eyes of the world, but am I really missing out on much? Chastity gives me so much more. It gives me the ability to live out healthy and loving relationships with both men and women. It is giving me the opportunity to bring healing to areas of my masculinity that have been gravely wounded. It respects me for who I am, allows me to appreciate beauty, and recognize the dignity in every person. This has involved a lot of wrestling with God. Many people think wresting with God is a bad thing. FALSE. You can only wrestle with someone who is close to you, so in a way wrestling with these attractions has drawn me closer to God. It is a cross, but with every cross the Lord is always right beside us.

Yes, I realize that I will not always get what I want. I can’t tell you about the hundreds of days I felt I just wanted someone to hold and be intimate with. Sometimes I look at happy couples and wonder if I am missing out! But, I understand that fulfillment goes much deeper than wanting someone around. I find fulfillment by being in relationship with the God who created me to be fulfilled by Him, and in community.

The truth is, I love being Catholic. 

The Church loves me. It desires what is best for me, and sometimes this kind of love hurts, because it doesn’t always feel good. However in the long run it guides me to a much more fulfilling life and a more adventurous one. No, the Church is NOT a bigoted institution that hates gays. Quite the opposite. I have never met as many loving and understanding people as I have in the Catholic Church. I am incredibly fortunate! I have many friends in the Church that know about my struggle and are there to support and encourage me along the way. I have a choir of saints and angels who are constantly interceding for me, a mother in heaven that deeply loves me, and a God who bears his very self in the Eucharist each and everyday.  If you ask me… I’ve hit the jackpot.


Jake Stanwood (pseudonym) is a writer and speaker who has shared the message of chastity with thousands of people. He graduated from college in 2012 and since then has devoted himself to serving the Church through mission work.  This blog originally appeared on “Think Catholic”.

Janelle picJanelle Sanchez is a teacher, author, and blogger who loves encouraging others to be who they are in Christ. She blogs at “Think Catholic”  (janellesanchezblog.com ) with incredible people like Jake Stanwood, who inspires her tremendously. At age 19, Janelle wrote the book, “Confessions of a Pure Heart, A Young Adult’s View on Abstinence and Claiming Your Self- worth” to encourage her friends to live an abstinent lifestyle… since then, she has spoken to thousands of teens and adults about Chastity.



  1. Thank you so much Jake for sharing your story. I’m struggling right now to share the Church’s teachings on homosexuality while going threw college. God bless you and may you always find your fulfillment in Christ and His Catholic Church!

    By Teresa | 3 years ago Reply
    • *through. Sorry for the typo!

      By Teresa | 3 years ago Reply
    • There is nothing wrong with gay attraction or gay relationships. God created love and wanted us to love each other. This “natural law” idea is man made law to establish social order. It is very foolhardy to call same sex feeling unnatural as there are MANY examples in nature. It is not just a human phenomenon. This kind of thinking hurts kids and is against Gods will.

      By Tom G | 3 years ago Reply
      • The thing about God’s will is its his will and not our own. We have free will and choose to put it ahead of God’s or put God’s ahead of ours.

        Just really think about it and look at it from a objective point of view. If you had a screw with a square top, you would use a square top screwdriver. No matter how much you loved the straight top screwdriver and even though you could use it, you would know just by looking at the two screwdrivers, common sense would tell you what screwdriver was meant for thst screw. God designed sex for 3 basic reasons. To create a bond between the 2 people (hence the chemicals released in the brain during), to create life and pleasure. He designed men and women to be together, anything outside of that is against his will and with our free will, once again, we have the ability to choose if we want to live by our own will or choose to live our life trying to live by his.

        You are right that there are many cases of homosexuality in nature, but we are not animals, we are created in his image. But since you think that since homosexuality is in the animal kingdom, there for it is ok for it in humanity. I’m curious, since you feel that way, are you ok with rape since it is just as common, if not more so than homosexuality.

        By jim | 3 years ago Reply
        • The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be ACCEPTED with RESPECT, COMPASSION, and SENSITIVITY. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition. (Catholic Church 2358)

          Rape is the forcible violation of the sexual intimacy of another person. It does injury to justice and charity. Rape DEEPLY wounds the RESPECT, FREEDOM, and PHYSICAL and MORAL integrity to which every person has a right. It causes grave damage that can mark the victim for life. It is always an intrinsically evil act. Graver still is the rape of children committed by parents (incest) or those responsible for the education of the children entrusted to them. (Catholic Church 2356)

          Here you go Jim, genuflect on the text above. There is a BIG difference!

          By Unknown | 3 years ago Reply
  2. Hey,

    Thanks so much for sharing this blog post.

    I too suffer from SSA and I can relate to everything about this post. Please if possible, if you could email me the contact details of the person who wrote this blog so I can contact him, share experiences and maybe he can even advice me on living with SSA and staying Catholic, chaste and celibate.

    Many thanks!

    By Jason | 3 years ago Reply
    • I also struggle with SSA but it has been getting easier to deal with because I have accepted the fact that I am not meant to be with another person. I am a lesbian and God presented me with this beautiful gift. Because of The Lord, I get to share my story and lead gays to the Christian life. Three years ago I came to the Catholic Church for help. I went in 2012 and I have yet to become catholic. I struggled with the homosexual life style. I know I’m not the person your waiting an answer from but just a tip pray. God listens

      By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
  3. Thank you so much for this article. I don’t have SSA but am discerning religious life and in recent days have struggled with the same thoughts about intimacy, desires, and what I might be missing. This post helped me to realize that I’m not alone in my struggles, and that a life without sex does not mean a life without intimacy! 🙂

    By faith | 3 years ago Reply
    • Faith!

      Praise God for your discernment! Go forward in full confidence of Gods love for you.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  4. I want to sincerely thank you for writing this. When I was a teenager, I was struggling with accepting my bisexuality. I’m 24 and finally accepting that God made me this way but I don’t have to indulge in it. It’s something I will always live with and appreciate a church that is accepting. In high school I didn’t feel like it was accepting of me because there was always a negative connotation with being gay in my youth group! Hopefully catholic teens struggling with this will read this and feel accepted!

    By Ashley | 3 years ago Reply
    • God does not make people with SSA. It is a developmental thing. God Bless you.

      By Dan L | 3 years ago Reply
      • “God does not make people with SSA. It is a developmental thing.”
        God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. How, then, when he made you, did he not know that you would be gay? Why would he make you that way if he didn’t want you to be that way? What happened to “you’re perfect just the way you are”?

        By MC | 3 years ago Reply
        • I understand your line of reasoning, it is too perplex for human minds to understand God’d divine purpose. If you extend your reasoning to infamous persons that lived through history, will the birth of Adolf Hitler and all his henchmen who were mass murderers make sense of a loving God? Did He purposely create them just to be condemned into the dustbin of history and eternal hell created specifically for those men? What the Church teaches is that every person was created for a task in God’s Divine plan. Whether that person likes it or not, he will fulfill God’s plan. But every person is also given divine grace to know the truths and the divine way of salvation. He/she has the freewill and freedom to chose which way he/she wants to go; in other words, the ultimate responsibility lies in his/her hand, not God’s. God uses His Church to constantly warn us and to teach us the right way to achieve salvation for our souls. If we choose to ignore His words and even to challenge them, who then is the cause of our downfall and final damnation? You have your freewill, choose wisely, and pray for strength to follow Jesus teachings revealed to us through the Church’s magisterium.

          By Kelvind Kao | 3 years ago Reply
        • preach.

          By Annie | 3 years ago Reply
        • Thank you, MC, that is exactly what I was going to say. God DOES love us the way we are, and making a courageous choice like Jake’s takes grace…God’s grace.

          Also, it’s been pretty much proven that homosexuality is NOT developmental, and is NOT a personality disorder, as I’ve seen so many claim- and those that so stand by that are standing by a very, very outdated copy of the DSM.

          By Kat | 3 years ago Reply
        • “Perfect just the way you are” is a lie, we are not born perfect, we are born with the stain of original sin, attaining heaven and becoming a saint is arduous work.

          Men and women were made for each other, that is the natural order of things. Even for someone affected with SSA, no matter how hard it can be to overcome the barriers. The important thing is to recognize that SSA does not exclude a person from Genesis 2:24.

          By James | 3 years ago Reply
      • God gave her life knowing her future. So pretty much, God created her

        By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
      • I disagree with you that SSA is developmental. I am 29 years old, married in the Catholic Church and a father of two children. I realized I was bisexual when I was 7 years old. What development is there in a 7 year old? I have lived a struggle, I have fallen to my SSA many times but with God’s grace I have come this far.

        By Sam | 3 years ago Reply
  5. This is beautifully written, and so courageous. I especially liked the part about ‘wrestling with God’! I totally agree that a relationship with Him must come first. May God continue to bless and lead you. I will pray for you, Jake.

    By Kelly Cortez | 3 years ago Reply
    • Thank you Kelly!

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  6. What an inspirational story, Thank You.

    Even I was under the impression that struggling with God is a bad thing (a very bad thing) Fortunately reading this article made me realize it isn’t so. Thanks Again

    God bless you too

    By Emmanuel | 3 years ago Reply
  7. What’s the difference between all the straight Catholics having sex before marriage and him? All are apparently sinners. Why fight against you nature? why would God create you this way and then make you suffer? Can you not just be yourself and also love God?

    By Ranz | 3 years ago Reply
    • The important thing is to be with God, feel his love (and really feel it, not just believing it’s there) After that, all these things seem more clear, at least it was for me. Chastity has a sense of distinguising love from lust, both love and lust are necessary and good in their right measure, but when you are driven only by lust, you might miss the love, which is very important, and easily mistaken by lust. According to the catholic church, love makes you want to be united with the other, be one, create a new one…so if this is not possible, it’s not considered real love. However I am too struggling with this question, because for example, there are couples which can’t have babies, just as gay people do. I wonder whether it has to do with the need of having an equilibrium, a balance between male and female, God wants us to be complete, what we lack, the other sex has in our soul-mate. I guess it depends on the cases but I’ve heard from a gay couple, said by the brother of one of them, that there is not a balance as there is between woman and man, for example in the sex drive, both have it quite high, whereas normally the womans’ is lower so there is no balance in that aspect and some others. What is important anyway is to love them all, as brothers and sisters, and think how Jesus would treat them…lovingly!!

      By lulu | 3 years ago Reply
      • I have a few things to say about this…

        1. Lust/sex is not required for love. Why would you think that? That’s an awful thing to say.

        2. The idea that men and women balance each other out because of high/low sex-drive is ridiculous, because that thing is not dependent on gender. Every person is unique and may feel lust in varying degrees.

        3. Yes, it is absolutely true that loving God should come first, and we should also love every person as God loves them, regardless of gender or sexuality.

        By Grey-Ace | 3 years ago Reply
      • Saying that women have lower sex drives than men is a myth. There are many men with low sex drives and many women with high sex drives, regardless of sexual orientation.

        By Alejandro | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hey Ranz, that’s exactly it! There aren’t any double-standards in the Church. All people are called to the same level of purity – regardless of sexual orientation. So, pre-marital sex is an equally grave matter – whether it’s with someone of opposite gender, or the same gender.

      It would make sense that we hear more about the Church’s stance on homosexuality than on pre-marital sex just because there are official movements on homosexuality that make it into the newspapers. It’s a thing.

      By Rianne | 3 years ago Reply
    • Ranz,

      In pursuing God I am becoming more fully myself than I have ever been. I don’t think in pursuing my inclination of attraction toward the same sex will I find the fulfillment I am seeking. I don’t know why I have these attractions, but I do know that maturity in life is developed through suffering. If this is the cross The Lord wishes to glorify himself through, them blessed be His name.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
      • Bingo!

        By Chris | 3 years ago Reply
  8. I feel sorry that he won’t have an intimate relationship. I have a gay son and would never want him to choose not to be with a partner and live a happy life. I admire he is choosing religion but think might one day be lonely.

    By Lisa | 3 years ago Reply
    • I don’t feel sorry for him at all. As a mom of 4, I want my children to place God at the head of their lives and to know, love and serve Him first and foremost. We, as parents, need to be more concerned with our children’s eternal soul than their temporal happiness.

      By Pam | 3 years ago Reply
      • AMEN…

        By guilouv | 3 years ago Reply
      • amen

        By tambourina | 3 years ago Reply
      • Amen. Alone doesn’t mean lonely.

        By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
      • Your son is perfect. “We are all born perfect, we grow up perfect, and we die perfect, because only perfection exists.” I hope your son falls in love with the most perfect person for him <3

        By Love | 3 years ago Reply
    • Loneliness is only a temptation of our society to reject a personal relationship with God and saying you must always be with someone other than God. The happiness and joy of consecrated religious and diocesan priest contradicts this temptation. Hermits live extremely happy lives if you read their writings, but they might only talk with the other hermits maybe once a month and may see their families never again because they have chosen religion as you said. So loneliness only exists for those who doubt God and His companionship.
      “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.”
      -1 John 2:16

      By Nathan | 3 years ago Reply
    • A happy life and/or Intimate relationships don’t necessarily involve sex.
      People can and do have intimate relations with God, parents or others where no sex is involved.
      People can also live a happy life without having sexual relations. Some examples that come to mind would be Mother Teresa and many of the priests and nuns in the world.

      By Bryan | 3 years ago Reply
      • I would like to add to this. Even being married with someone does not mean that person makes you happy. True happiness come from God. Yes my wife can make me happy and loved but my happiness and love are not dependent on her. I applaud this young man on choosing the third way instead of the culture.

        By Tim | 3 years ago Reply
        • I heavily agree. Even though I’d say that overall my marriage is good, my true happiness comes from having faith in God to carry me through the good and bad times. If I solely depended on my husband for happiness then it just wouldn’t work. Having faith in God makes me a better person and that is why my marriage is good.

          By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
    • I believe that spiritual loneliness is worse and fear much more for your son than for Jake. True happiness is found in the Lord.
      Beautiful story, thank you!

      By Cindy | 3 years ago Reply
    • Hello Lisa,

      It seems like you really care for your son, that’s awesome. I’m sure he really appreciates all of the love and affection you have shown him.

      To respond to your comment, I live a life with a lot intimacy. My life is awesome! I have many friends and family that have given me so much love .I would say even married couples get lonely sometimes. I think what ultimately gives us fulfillment in life is not necessarily a romantic relationship but I think what does guarantee a happy life is radical abandonment to God, and that’s what I’ve chosen.

      God bless you!

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
      • That’s a shrewd answer to a tricky quitoesn

        By Jalen | 3 years ago Reply
    • The worse thing you can do to a child who is homosexual is fear for them. If that person can’t be happy without a partner then they lead a life away from God. Jesus never had a partner and he’s our savior. Your son has a gift, being gay is a hard life if you don’t understand society. I pray he finds God because I promise you the day he does, will be the day his life changes forever.

      Btw I am a catholic lesbian

      By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
    • True intimacy and sex are not synonymous. For many people sex is anything but intimate. In our society sex is often seen as no more than a pleasurable episode, a tesion reliever, a form of recreation, which may be no more intimate than a handshake. Even married people may never reach a level of real intimacy. Intimacy is allowing yourself to be vulnerable – allowing someone else to know the inner “you”, the real “you”. Intimacy has deep emotional, spiritual, and intellectual components. Because we often settle for sexual activity as a replacement for true intimacy, it is very possible to have an active sex life and still feel very loney.

      By Elizabeth | 3 years ago Reply
    • agreed. it sounds like your son is getting a good balance of religion with real acceptance around his sexuality

      By Annie | 3 years ago Reply
  9. Beautiful story. Just so inspiring, and a perfect speech on Catholicism’s view on homosexual acts. As a catholic teen, sometimes I feel like the only person who isn’t for gay marriage, yet loves gay people.
    God bless and keep inspiring!!

    By Anne | 3 years ago Reply
  10. While I’m very happy for the author of this post, I’m a little concerned about the way he paints a bit of the picture. I think that everyone has the right to live lives that are fulfilling to them and makes them happy so long as they don’t take fulfillment, freedom, and happiness from others; that said one thing I found a little frustrating about this writer’s lines were this passage:

    “When we pursue sexuality outside of the way God designed for it to be we can find ourselves in messy situations. Hence the high promiscuity, infidelity, and STD rates associated with the gay community. But of course the media will never portray it this way, living a gay lifestyle is portrayed as glamorous and fulfilling.”

    Yes, he did have some things to say after that, but I think it was very flawed for “Jake” to say this in particular. No lifestyle is completely glamorous, despite whatever the media portrays, not just the lives each individual gay person leads. Gay people don’t all have the same lifestyle either; just like every heterosexual, bisexual, asexual and every other type of “-sexual” within this world, every person leads an individual lifestyle that is their own in both minor and major ways.

    Similarly, heterosexuals’ “lifestyles” are portrayed in the media as glamorous and fulfilling as well, but they are looked at as individual people–their fulfillment is their own, not the result of a lifestyle and it would help many to realize that this is the same for other sexually inclined people.

    Infidelity and high promiscuity are common for heterosexuals as well: there are heterosexual swingers (which is not infidelity given that both partners consent to multiple partners), heterosexual prostitutes, heterosexual cheaters, and everything else that there is homosexual.

    I will repeat, I’m very happy for “Jake,” he found fulfillment through his god and has come to terms with the life he wants to lead, but I think he needs to be more careful with the statements he makes that can be so broad, as it also applies to those who fall under God’s plan for sexuality as well.

    By Kevin | 3 years ago Reply
    • You have a population of men with no women to get pregnant or want commitment. Don’t fool yourself or fall into political correctness, gay men are as a whole extremely promiscuous.

      By frank | 3 years ago Reply
      • Frank – “gay men are as a whole extremely promiscuous.”???

        You respond to a post about not generalizing by generalizing? Somehow I think you missed the point. I have been in a relationship with another man for over a year now – and we are not having sex. Not only that, but we are public about remaining abstinent (we each have promise rings). Many STRAIGHT couples (both in and out of the church) have talked to us about how difficult abstinence is and how they are struggling with it.

        As a matter of fact, the majority of the people I associate with that are LGBT are seeking long-term, committed relationships. And that’s on a college campus. Of course, I know some who are totally into the “hookup” culture – but that has surprisingly little to do with their sexual orientation. It’s much more common to stumble across a group of heterosexual men loudly talking about the girl they just “had” the night before (even in more public places such as common areas and hallways).

        By Kevin (a different one) | 3 years ago Reply
        • I love that you are able to separate your love from lust. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to have sex, and that’s not a bad thing! It bothers me that people seem to think all romantic relationships have to be about sex, so thank you for being different.

          By Grey-Ace | 3 years ago Reply
  11. Thank you for this article. This is such a hard topic to explain and share with teens. This article is helpful, especially because they do not understand how it is even possible, let alone desirable, to follow a chaste lifestyle. My cross has been to live a single lifestyle while desiring a married one with children, yet I find myself not there while I have dated here and there. I definitely understand the struggle with God. This cross I bear brings understanding and empathy of the pain there must be at times when people with SSA have chosen a chaste lifestyle. It takes time to get to the place where you are to embrace the gifts and beauty that the lifestyle and God gives you…just as the single life does. In no way am I saying that the two struggles are the same, but simply that they are deep crosses that I think tug somewhere close in the heart.

    By Amy | 3 years ago Reply
  12. Powerful

    By Shane | 3 years ago Reply
  13. Sometimes we just need to forget ourselves, Whst others think of us… Too busy to think about of many things… The best is to think about God … Trust… And receive that we are his branches and nothing bad will happen to us.. Think if the beautiful things that happen and know him more. Close your eyes when you are in the bus, place a headphones and listen to bible online or praise music .. Blessing will drop like a rain

    By Ruby | 3 years ago Reply
  14. Truly amazing

    By Dismas | 3 years ago Reply
  15. I carry the heyerosexual-and-single cross as a woman who never married. It’s not easy, and I relate to many of this man’s comments. But one holy Eucharist can make me so excruciatingly happy that I’m alive, that the pain and loneliness fade into nothingness and I am left with great Peace and Joy. Life is short! I turn my sorrows into good by offering them up for conversions. Thanks for this honest article.

    By Judi | 3 years ago Reply
  16. Wow. I pray that every person struggling with SSA can have the courage to seek true joy and fulfillment and love as graciously as Jake has.

    By Maggie | 3 years ago Reply
    • I am growing tired of reading the comments using SSA instead of homosexual. That is what it is, whether is chaste or not, the term is Homosexual. it is not derrogatory, it does not need to be tip-toed around, and should not be shortened in a manner that sounds like some sort of disease. Please, please be considerate and BRAVE enough to use the correct term.
      he is a homosexual, writing about being choosing to be chaste.

      though i feel that many of the points he makes are sensational, and discriminatory as they lump homosexual relationships into one defining lump of infidelity and STD’s (which is not the case, and perhaps if you were not afraid to understand that, the prospect of pursuing your sexuality would not seem so frightening), I think that it is good of him to have made a decision and I am glad he has so much support. But please, the term is homosexual. This is important, because many times, lack of acceptance, understanding, and confusion can be caused by a wrong or misleading label.

      By Frances | 3 years ago Reply
      • SSA is used deliberately to point out that being attracted to someone of the same sex is not WHO you are. You are an individual with a biological attraction. You are not a “thisorthatosexual.” You are not your sexual orientation.

        Think of how most people who love someone with Down’s syndrome do not say, “He’s a Down’s child,” but, “He has Down’s.” It just points out that various aspects of you are just that – aspects of you – and not WHO you are.

        By Leigh | 3 years ago Reply
      • I think the point the author (and many commentators) are trying to make is that there is a distinction between BEING homosexual and SSA. You see (as the author mentioned) we should not be limited to our sexual orientation. When we qualify someone as homosexual or not homosexual we assume all sorts of things about that person, and try to make a claim on them. It doesn’t mean he is any less accepted or loved. It means that he recognizes an attraction, and affinity, an area in his life that affects him greatly. It does not define him. If we were to (philosophically) define him, I believe it would be best left at “person.” Let’s not limit him (or anyone else) to another term.

        By Anonymous | 3 years ago Reply
      • Excuse you, as a lesbian is rather say SSA in a blog rather than saying homosexual. Homosexual term has been used as hate. SSA is a better term to use while communicating. Stop speaking as if all gays want people to stop using SSA. You are one person and have no right to speak for me

        By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
      • I feel like by using the term SSA we are saying it is only an aspect of the person rather than identifying him by those terms. Homosexual seems to indicate a lifestyle and culture surrounding it, which is probably why many homosexuals seem to elevate themselves to the same level as race as if they were a race of their own.

        In addition, by calling it SSA this can include heterosexuals who find same-genders attractive but don’t feel inclined to actually be in a same-sex relationship. There are plenty of heterosexuals (for example women) who are aroused by the female form and admire a pretty face (one could claim this as being attracted to that female form) – but not necessarily want to engage in any sexual acts or romantic relationship.

        SSA is not uncommon at all but where one person remains heterosexual and the other is homosexual is that the heterosexual doesn’t feel inclined to take it beyond admiring a person of the same gender.

        By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
    • I think it’s absolutely disgusting that the term SSA (same sex attraction) even exists- like it’s a disability or something to be ashamed of- because we are told so. And if this article was written by an “actual” person- and not made up by someone as way to push their beliefs (as seems to be the catholic way)- then it’s sad that someone would deny themselves a basic human need to be close to another human being. It’s usually people like that- who wind up going insane, climbing a clock tower- and taking out student nurses.

      By Chris | 3 years ago Reply
      • I actually believe SSA is a better term and more close to what it really is. SSA is not uncommon among heterosexuals! For example, many heterosexual women are attracted to the female form and many even feel aroused when looking at an attractive woman’s body. However, what distinguishes them from someone who is considered homosexual is that the heterosexual woman doesn’t feel inclined to engage in sexual acts or have a romantic relationship with that same woman. So SSA really is the correct term.

        By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  17. I love you because you love God so much your sacrifice ,is great but when you really think about it so was his he sacrificed his life I stand with you in celebration of all the wonderful true and meaningful loving friendships you will encounter on your journey add me to that list 🙂

    By Debra Vandervoort | 3 years ago Reply
    • Debra,

      God bless you, thanks!

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  18. Such a beautiful testimony… I know something of unnatural desires and how indulging in them can tear your life apart.
    I really wanted to comment on your bravery, primarily in the face of the LGBT community. I have heard personally how they laugh and mock those that choose to live a life of celibacy. Also, how many of the LGBT groups will never support your decision nor understand the beauty of chastity. I do not mean this to shed a negative light, but more to highlight your courage. Many would say you have been oppressed and brainwashed and that your religion does not fully embrace who you are. What makes me in awe of you is how clearly you understand Gods masterpiece that is the human body and live out that knowledge by your love. Your freedom is inspiring. Continue to carry on the peace Christ has given you and share the Holy Spirit with the world!

    By Cat | 3 years ago Reply
  19. This was one of the best explanations I’ve read. Thank you for allowing us to read your story and thoughts. It was very inspirational.
    After reflecting upon your blog, my brother and I agree: the congregation of the Catholic Church makes up the Body of Christ. When these people are strong, the body becomes stronger. With this added strength, the Body is able to reach further out to more people and therefore become even stronger. You are definitely one of the these people reaching out and helping us grow stronger!
    Prayers always!
    God Bless 🙂

    By Allie | 3 years ago Reply
  20. Your dedication is way beyond anything I could ever imagine, and I admire that. Everyday we struggle with living by God’s word, and here you are selflessly giving yourself to him. I am in awe.

    By Tia | 3 years ago Reply
  21. Wow wow wow wow wow!!!! Really enlightening! God bless!

    By Nancy | 3 years ago Reply
  22. Thank you for such a powerful messege, what an amazing example of love to God, thank you for sharing.

    By Maria | 3 years ago Reply
  23. Thank you so much for sharing your story! God Bless and Mary keep you.

    By Annie | 3 years ago Reply
  24. Inspirational!! Thank you, keep it up!!

    By Renee | 3 years ago Reply
  25. Great article!!!
    It’s good to know that I’m not the only gay-bisexual guy in the Catholic Church struggling with the SSA.
    It was like reading my own story.

    By Jonathan | 3 years ago Reply
  26. Beautifully eloquent and truly enlightened!

    By Vijay | 3 years ago Reply
  27. Awesome article! So insightful and honest! Thanks for being so generous and sharing

    By Natasha | 3 years ago Reply
  28. Great articule. I do feel identified with him, seems as if I would’ve written this articule. It is make me glad to know that there are more people out who also have to cope with this. Being gay is not easy. Believe it or not, we have more sexual temptation than straight people. Our life’s testimony must be one of the strongest. Like him, I really love being Catholic. There’s not other church when gays are so loved.

    By Phil | 3 years ago Reply
    • Phil,

      We are in this fight together. God bless you brother.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  29. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.

    By M | 3 years ago Reply
  30. We need more brave people like you to continue spreading the positive message of Love of our faith 🙂

    By Cecile | 3 years ago Reply
  31. Dear Jake, I found this blog incredibly inspiring as I am a Catholic too and I have struggled with what is going on in the world lately. I have friends who are gay and I’ve tried to explain to them how I feel in exactly the way that you expressed: I love my SSA friends, but I don’t support same sex marriage and they thought that that was a bunch of bull that I won’t support their lifestyle because being gay is “who they are”. So they stopped talking to me. I like how you said that the moment we lower ourselves to our orientation, we demean ourselves.
    I’ve tried to tell my best friend that, that he is not his orientation. A lot of people get defensive. But I try to point out that my orientation is not all I am. I hope people can see me as more than just a heterosexual.

    In a way, I can definitely relate to what you said about desiring someone to be intimate with and yet realizing that love is so much more than that: I’m 27 and straight and have never been in a very long relationship with anyone. I feel like everyone around me is suddenly getting married or everyone has a significant other. I too wonder if I’m missing out. People act like I’m less because I don’t have a boyfriend or husband yet. It hurts, I’m sure you can relate. Even in 2014, I feel like women are looked down on if they’re still single. For straight guys though, people make excuses that they’re a bachelor for life or they’ll get married later when they’re ready. What if I’m not meant to get married?

    I’m really trying to work on just being in a relationship with our Creator. I can relate in saying that it is not easy to carry the Cross of Chastity that so many of us singles are called to do. It’s hard, especially when people get in your face and say, “I’d die if I didn’t have sex.” I want to say back, “Well, I’m pretty close to thirty and still alive and still a virgin. It’s not easy, but I’m not dying so don’t be a hater.” Thank you for speaking out, it is so encouraging to single Catholics, with both SSA and OSA. Stay strong and I will pray for you, brother! Please pray for me! God has a plan for each of us!

    By Gina | 3 years ago Reply
    • Gina,

      Wow. Thank you for sharing. Please know a rosary will be said for your intentions.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • Thank you for your response. I was considered a “spinster”. People think that just because I’m a heterosexual it should be easy for me to hook up and since I wouldn’t there must be something wrong with me. So in a way, single heterosexuals who aren’t hooking up with just anybody go through struggles perhaps like a person with SSA choosing a chaste life. Both have decided that life can be fulfilling outside a romantic relationship with another person.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  32. That’s a good life journey and a great way to share your relationship with God. Consider creating a website and bringing yourself-your true name and who you are so that you can easily reach out to people. Similar to some most of the inspirational talks I have attended mostly made by physically challenged people who step forward and shout out that with the Grace of God they were able to reach such and be such and such.

    By CDM | 3 years ago Reply
  33. I too am a young Catholic man who is struggling with SSA and was very pleased to read this post. The author did an awesome job of articulating what has been on my mind as well, very cool. I don’t know where my life will take me or where this struggle will lead to but its just nice to know that others are out there feeling that same pull towards chastity.
    A friend of mine I met through school who is now at seminary told me the last time that I saw him to ‘keep up the good fight’. This has always stuck with me and I think its important for all of us struggling with SSA to not give up and give in and to ‘keep up the good fight’. Haha and ‘it gets better’ lol. (not sure if any of you will get that).
    I wish there was a place where Catholic men struggling with SSA could form a community and help one another with their struggles. But its probably the best that we don’t encourage that because we would probably all fall in love with each other.

    God Bless and thanks for posting!

    By Wilson | 3 years ago Reply
  34. Wow, God bless you. This is an amazing article.

    By Anna | 3 years ago Reply
  35. Thank you for the great article. I do not have SSA but have said and thought exactly what this article said. I am heterosexual, but I as a single woman who found Jesus chose chastity for most of my adult life. I became a Christian at 15 and did not marry until I was 44 years old- it was so hard – but so worth it. Our society makes it out as something wrong or strange. But I chose to serve God overseas in my singleness. And God used it. I have always said what you said here in this article. If a person has SSA and becomes a Christian or is a Christian, the Bible tells them as well as a heterosexual single person the same thing- choose chastity. Yes for someone with SSA it may have to be for a life time, but God will give you the strength to do it. Thank you for this article as it brings the same message but from the aspect of a brave man walking this out!

    By Cathy | 3 years ago Reply
    • Actually, I know people with SSA who have married (the opposite gender) and are quite happy. It boils down to being with a person you find beautiful beyond their gender. I actually married quite late in life too and experienced what you said as a single person. When I met my husband, it wasn’t so much that he’s a man that made me attracted to him. I believe SSA people in a heterosexual marriage find their spouse attractive beyond gender. And that’s what marriage should be about anyways.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  36. Dear friend Jake,
    Thanks a tonne for that beautiful sharing. I am a Catholic priest and although I have found it a little difficult to understand SSA, and have sometimes even been a bit judgemental, I do appreciate your openness and love for the Church. More than everything else, I do appreciate your sincerity and the tremendous courage you have to be true. Chastity has been difficult for me as well, but it gives a sense of joy and freedom, too. Move on, buddy. We are all a family, howsoever different we may be. Thank God, we are Catholics. God bless.

    By Fr. Prem Anthony | 3 years ago Reply
    • Father,

      God bless you, please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for your YES to God.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  37. Thank you for sharing. Iv printed your story for my young adult group. You are truly courageous. More courageous than those that come out because the gay community are a very intolerant one when someone goes against what they preach. May Christ be your strength.

    By Janice | 3 years ago Reply
    • Janice,

      Thanks for your encouragement and for sharing my storyI hope you have fruitful dialogue with your young adult group about it!

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  38. God bless you —- it reminds me of the path Henri Nouwen chose, and his own struggles. He was a marvelous Christian and his inspiration is a blessing to us all. I wish you to be the same, as it seems you have begun to be to others.

    Trust in Him.

    By Gilda J. | 3 years ago Reply
  39. I am confused. For starters, do you still masterbate to your homosexual desires? Because if so you are still indulging in these desires despite your vow of chastity which is just hypocritical. Second, chastity just seems so unnatural. Completely repressing sexual, physical, emotional desires. That’s just not normal and it goes against everything it means to be human. I cannot understand why you cannot just accept that you are gay and live happily in a relationship. You seem to care so much about what everyone else thinks, especially God. Who cares?! It’s your life! I hope you eventually wake up and realize the mistake you’re making. Best of luck.

    By Wes | 3 years ago Reply
    • Beautiful post, Jake! The world needs more individuals to speak of the light and the truth of all that Christ offers us, and the dignity and strength that lies in recognition of struggle to glorify our Creator! You are an inspiration, thank you for sharing. May Christ continue to guide you as you choose to fulfill the purpose He has for you!

      By Rachel | 3 years ago Reply
    • Haha 🙂 you’re funny.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • Dear Wes,

      1. Whether or not I masturbate is none of your business…..and FYI I don’t dont do that or look at porn.

      2. Your definition of chastity is definitely wrong. It is not repression

      3. You type this as if you knew me, dude you don’t know me.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • I came across this post on facebook… Let me first say that I appreciate your willingness to share and respect your own personal choices etc. However..

      1. That is a disgusting generalization of the LGBT population. There are no facts to back-up that homosexual people have more promiscuous sex than heterosexual people. Some people enjoy meaningful relationships, others meaningless sex, regardless of sexual orientation.
      2. It’s called un-healty repression. And I sincerely hope that no one would expect anyone else to repress natural sexual feelings because they are misunderstanding the rules of the church to legitimate love and faith for God.
      3. I, will for the love of God (pun intended) cannot understand why in this article the author mentioned he disagrees that gays should be allowed to marry. Separation of church and state, let gay couples be happy and healthy.
      4. Finally, SSA is a bullshit euphemism gay. You are gay. You do not have to act on feelings, but don’t invent a whole new phrase to try to make yourself feel better about something you shouldn’t be ashamed of to begin with. Why would God allow you to have those feelings if he didn’t want you to act on them.
      These sort of posts and comments are why the public image of Christians is as judgmental hypocrites.

      Wake-up people.

      By Annie | 3 years ago Reply
  40. Thank you for sharing your story. I have a greater appreciation now of the struggles someone might have living with SSA. You’ve opened my eyes! Plus, your convictions in your Catholic faith are truly an inspiration for us all…..everyone! Thank you and stay strong. I especially like your concluding remarks….what a great support team you have, both here and in heaven!!!! You’re in my prayers.

    By Michelle | 3 years ago Reply
  41. “However, this doesn’t mean that I’m for gay marriage or I think people should pursue same sex relationships.”… “It just doesn’t fit human sexuality or natural law”

    Still thinking medieval huh? When will you learn what love truly means? Church keeps sinking precisely because of this.

    By Daniel | 3 years ago Reply
    • Jake, please respond to this.

      By Brian | 3 years ago Reply
    • priase 🙂

      By anonymous | 3 years ago Reply
    • praise 🙂

      By anonymous | 3 years ago Reply
  42. This is an amazing story of a courageous young person going on the rocky journey of sexuality. When my friend came out to me, he was so scared to tell anyone and I’m happy to say he is in a beautiful relationship. I’m not a Catholic but I am a Christian and I understand God’s will of love and marriage and that being homosexual is not in God’s plan. However I support gay rights. I’ve been told by my father that being gay is a sin and I have repeatedly told him that God made everyone the way they are supposed to be. I encourage this person on his journey with God and himself. So much love.

    By Valerie | 3 years ago Reply
  43. Thanks for sharing this. THIS is the message people need to be hearing about the Church and homosexuality today.

    By Griffith Toney | 3 years ago Reply
  44. First of all, let me say I was raised Catholic (Opus Dei), I’m 27 years old. I have strayed from the church because of human contradictions and error (I don’t believe 100% in thr church), but I still believe wholeheartedly in God. That, I’ve found has made me more humble, analytic and closer to Him.
    First off, the Catholic church in the past has had absolute ZERO tolerance for homosexuality. You. May think you’re accepted but the doctrine itself is against you, there’s no way around it. Have you actually read the catechesis? If you’re surrounded by caring people in your local church, consider yourself lucky, and I’m happy for you. But it’s not what their theory says. You may have chosen the path of celibate, which is good of you feel like it’s the right thing for your life for whatever reason, but celibacy has NOTHING to do with sexuality, and neither does promiscuity. I truly believe God put os on this earth to be happy, and happiness isn’t centered in ourselves, it’s centered in helping people, in being nice to them. The problem of the gay community isn’t promiscuity, it’s the same problem as the rest of the world; they’re not kind, they hurt people, they live for themselves. Again, it has NOTHING to do with sexuality; it’s bad human nature. Think deeper of the reasons that makes you celibate. It’s not because you want to live pure, or because you want to wait until you get married, or because you want to save yourself for God. You’re choosing it as a way to ignore your own sexuality because even though you say you accept it, you’re actually running from it and thinking you’re just an error of nature, despite the fact you say you accept yourself. Deep inside, you think God doesn’t approve of you and you’re acting out “what the doctrine says” to make Him happy, because, in your thoughts, you’re not worthy, so you have to fight much harder than anyone else for His love, in order to be worthy.
    I am NOT saying you should get over it and go out and sleep with everyone, NO. But you’re so young, so so young. You cannot deprive yourself from experiencing what is like to confide in someone. To share secrets, thoughts, philosophies, even to hold their hand. I’m not implying a sexual relationship, I’m implying the mental and spiriual connection to another human being. I don’t know why people have to tag everything with sex or depravity, they don’t need to go hand in hand. And finding a partner who hasn’t had sex with everyone is as much a problem to gays as it is to straights. It has NOTHING to do with sexual orientation! It’s basic HUMAN problem. God loves you, He doesn’t care WHO you love; He cares HOW you love them: the actions, the way you treat people is the only thing that matters. Being celibate because you think God doesn’t approve of you and you want to make Him happy by not acting out who you are is definitely not a valid reason. Because you’re not promiscuous, you’re just gay. They don’t go hand in hand. Analyze deeper your reasons behind. I can assure you you will reach old age questioning your own decisions. God bless.

    By Kata | 3 years ago Reply
    • amazing. spot on. I hope he stops running from himself and finally be able to love and be intimate with someone.

      By anonymous | 3 years ago Reply
    • Dear Kata,
      I feinitely don’t agree with you. Let me show you why.

      “Deep inside, you think God doesn’t approve of you and you’re acting out “what the doctrine says” to make Him happy, because, in your thoughts, you’re not worthy, so you have to fight much harder than anyone else for His love, in order to be worthy.” – Here’s where YOU are wrong. You think that the identity of a person is defined by one’s sexual orientation and urges. Also, the assumption of a theoretical Jake’s feeling of not being worthy of God’s love is simply senseless and absurd – it looks like you don’t know what love is really about. It also seems you think you know even better than himself what he’s truly thinking and feeling, which gives me the idea that you’re projecting your own problems on him.

      “You cannot deprive yourself from experiencing what is like to confide in someone. To share secrets, thoughts, philosophies, even to hold their hand. I’m not implying a sexual relationship, I’m implying the mental and spiriual connection to another human being.” – This part of your comment shows you don’t understand AT ALL what Jake is writing about. Celibacy does not exclude this mental and spiritual connection you’re talking about – it’s possible to love and be loved by someone and not have sex with them, even Jake himself stated that he had choosen to ‘never engage in a SEXUAL relationship with another guy’. Isn’t that clear? Really?

      @Anonymour, he’s not running from himsef, lol. Why do almost everyone think having sex with someone is the highest fulfillment of our lives?! That’s nonsense!

      By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
    • I disagree with you. God created humans to have heterosexual feelings, too, and yet it is sin for them to act upon those feelings. So it’s not just homosexuals who are asked to abstain from acting on their sexual desires.

      The real question to ask is “when is it okay to act upon sexual desires?” According to religious and many other cultural beliefs (outside of religious teachings) “marriage” is the only acceptable term to engage in sexual acts without being condemned or shunned by society.

      Now it all depends on your culture and how marriage is viewed. In my culture, “physical attraction” has nothing to do with marriage and is not a valid reason to enter a marriage. People enter marriage based on whether the other person has what it takes to fulfill their husband/wife/father/mother roles. Marriage doesn’t come at the end of a relationship, marriage is the start of a relationship in most cases. Thus, many couples don’t enter a marriage already in love, marriage is actually what inspires a couple to love each other. That’s why the divorce rate is super low in my culture. Only once we started assimilating to western culture has the divorce gone up. Otherwise, people aren’t dating and forming romantic relationships before getting married. The romance and love comes AFTER marriage. Only when a lifetime commitment (marriage) has been made and declared is when people allow themselves to be vulnerable and attached to each other.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  45. “He created a Church that has given me a third option, that doesn’t seem like it’s going to drown me in lust or turn me into a stoic that’s being internally destroyed by his desires. I have chosen the path to Chastity”

    Actually, the Catholic Church sees you as a disordered human being and forces you to repress your sexual urges(which are completely harmless).

    ” Us folks, who have SSA, we struggle with a lot. Among those things are body image, father wounds, bouts of depression, feeling less masculine, and a lot of us aren’t good at sports (which makes it harder for us to bond with other men).”

    A bit of stereotyping here which makes me question whether this was written by an actual homosexual. Heterosexual men have suffered from these same things as well. For example, I was never good at sports but that dosen’t make me gay.

    “It just doesn’t fit human sexuality or natural law. Just because I have an inclination to do something doesn’t mean that I should follow it.”

    Can anyone actually explain what is “natural law”. Techniquely anything within the universe is considered natural. And just because something is ‘natural’, dosen’t mean its good. Just because something is ‘unnatural’, dosen’t mean its bad.

    “When we pursue sexuality outside of the way God designed for it to be we can find ourselves in messy situations. Hence the high promiscuity, infidelity, and STD rates associated with the gay community.”

    Ahh..more stereotyping leading me to suspect that this was not written by a ‘gay Catholic’. Actually homosexual couples as likely to stay monogamous as heterosexual couples. In fact, the recent push for gay marriage is an indicating that more homosexuals are aspiring for the typical family model as opposed to being into ‘free love’. As for STD rates, there are many sections of the populations that are affected by this. Black-American suffer from high STD rates yet you wouldn’t say sexual relations between blacks is against ‘natural law’. By the way, the comparatively high STDs rates only affect homosexual males. In fact lesbians are LESS likely to suffer from high STDS rates than their heterosexual counterparts.

    “I find fulfillment by being in relationship with the God who created me to be fulfilled by Him, and in community”

    So ‘God” created you to be gay but will condemn you for engaging in homosexual acts (which again…harmless).

    ” No, the Church is NOT a bigoted institution that hates gays. ”

    Of course, the Church only sees you as a disordered human being born in sin. Makes total sense.

    Conclusion: Being a ‘Gay Catholic” is like being Jewish Nazi. You’re a self-hater…or you’re a heterosexual Catholic blogger posing as a homosexual in order to gain the Church’s credibility on its outdated, preposterous stance on homosexuals #liarsforJesus

    If you’re a homosexual, there’s nothing wrong with that at all. You’re not breaking any ‘natural laws’…mostly because there are no such things as ‘natural laws’. Think about it, if heterosexuals are able to embrace their sexualities, find suitable life companions for themselves and raise a family, why aren’t you able to do the same? There’s nothing stopping you but outdated religious convictions.

    By Naveen Vatteril | 3 years ago Reply
    • Jake, please respond to this.

      By Brian | 3 years ago Reply
    • “Actually, the Catholic Church sees you as a disordered human being”. WRONG. The Catholic Church distinguishes between a disordered desire and a disordered person.

      “Heterosexual men have suffered from these same things as well”. Where did he say heterosexuals didn’t also suffer from this?

      “Can anyone explain natural law?” Natural = pertaining to the nature of things, law = a rule. Natural law = a rule governing nature

      “So God created you to be gay but will condemn you for engaging in homosexual acts” WRONG. God forgives homosexual acts when there is repentance, so where is the condemnation?

      “The Church sees you as a disordered human being born in sin” WRONG. The Church does not define a person according to their inclinations. Disordered desire does not equal disordered person.

      “Conclusion: being a gay Catholic is like being a Jewish Nazi. You’re a self hater.” How did you conclude this? The only hate I have read thus far is yours. Why don’t you tolerate someone trying to live a chaste life? Are all abstainers self haters? What about lazy people trying to get on a workout routine? Also self haters? What about competitive soccer players controlling their diets? Self haters? What about going to work when you don’t feel like it? Self hater?

      “Why aren’t you able to do the same?” Why are you offended by his CHOICE? He clearly stated it wasn’t an easy choice.

      “There is nothing stopping you but outdated religious convictions”. Let’s tally up the number of JERK responses from Catholics who do not have same sex attraction….Hmmmm…actually they are very positive…and now let’s tally the number of hate responses from LGTB supporters….pretty consistently intolerant and rude….it’s no wonder he thinks the Catholic Church is so amazing, because it really IS!!! Just read the positive, loving, caring, thoughtful, and sincere responses!!!

      And I pray you join us too someday!!! As someone once said, there is always room for one more hypocrite, Jesus loves all of us hypocrites striving for holiness!!!


      By Moises | 3 years ago Reply
      • That was a perfect response, Moises!

        By Catholica soy | 3 years ago Reply
    • 1) “The church sees homosexuals as disordered human beings”
      No it doesn’t. We see homosexuals as normal Han beings with a unique cross to bear. And sexual urges are fine until you act on them. You don’t need to act on your urges to be homosexual. But homosexual actions go against Gods original plan for us. Also the church also asks heterosexuals to suppress sexual urges until marriage and there is even chastity in marriage so homosexuals aren’t the only ones with this advise.
      2) “natural law and good or bad natural law”
      Yes there is a natural law. Natural law (as defined by the catholic Church) is the fact that in the very nature of man he ought to do good. It has nothing to do with mother nature so by this definition if we are willing to do the good that God wishes us to do then we are following our nature and anything against that is in itself morally wrong.
      3) “God created you gay and will condemn you”
      Originally God created us man and woman homosexuality didn’t exist until the fall of man and again homosexual acts (just the acts not the people) are not harmless if you are referring to religion views because you go against God’s plan for all of human sexuality but God loves all and will forgive even if you do wrong. The only thing would be if you deny him and his love for you. That’s when things get bad.
      Conclusion: no there’s nothing wrong with being homosexual, yes you are breaking natural law if you aren’t living by it and yes there are natural is a natural law, and religion never is “outdated” is justice, conscience, goodness, and love outdated? of course not so why would religion be if it’s exactly that. Plus it actually has many of the answers to questions people ask today. How? Because people still ask the same questions, have the same doubts as back then. All that’s needed is a little research. But the church in no way hates or looks down upon homosexuals. They just wish for homosexual actions to be suppressed. And if you can only be homosexual by commiting the actions then you’re only looking at the physical state that a relationship could possibly give(utilitarianism)But despite that we don’t hate them and although there are some that do, they don’t speak for all of us. If a doctor treated it’s patients like crap would you blame all doctors, maybe it’s every hospitals fault for that one persons mistake. Of course not that’d be irrational! So don’t group every catholic or church together just because a couple Catholics say they hate homosexuality.

      By Ashanti Johnson | 3 years ago Reply
  46. This is an amazing testimony. You are a real man.

    By Camilo | 3 years ago Reply
  47. As a 20 year old SSA Catholic, this has been my experience. My biggest struggle has been when I confide in those pro-LGBT people. They think I hate myself, or that I hook up with guys behind closed doors of bigotry or something like that.

    There are so many of us in the Church. Thank you for sharing your story!

    By Tom | 3 years ago Reply
    • Father,

      God bless you, please keep me in your prayers. Thank you for your YES to God.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • Tom,

      Thanks for sharing! Thats encouraging to hear

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • There is nothing wrong with not having sex. Lots of people choose to have purely romantic relationships, and many people do not like to have sex. You using God as your excuse, though- that’s a problem. Because it reveals that you have been brainwashed into chastity, instead of choosing it in an informed, adult way. I do not hate you, but I will pity you.

      Also, what’s with this SSA crap? It’s called homosexuality. Or being gay. Or being a lesbian. Don’t sanitize it with a stupid 3-letter acronym.

      By Ginny | 3 years ago Reply
      • Oh man I’ve been brainwashed!!! Someone help me!!!!!! Chastity the virtue that I’ve dedicated an entire year of my life speaking about to young men and women so they aren’t caught up in this hypersexual culture and are able to control their sexual desires, and grow in confidence of themselves and others has complete blinded me.

        Who knew this virtue could be so damaging please give me the alternative im sure it will make me happier

        By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
      • Homosexuality is the lifestyle and culture surrounding the condition of having SSA. Thus, not everybody with SSA calls themselves homosexual since they don’t live the lifestyle or identify with the culture. There are even heterosexuals that have SSA. It’s not uncommon for heterosexuals to find a person of their same gender attractive and even sexually arousing. However, just because they’re aroused doesn’t mean they want to have sex with that person or even be in a romantic relationship. So SSA is actually a fitting term, especially for those who don’t live a lifestyle based on it.

        By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  48. What a sad way to live, not being able to be and act on who you truly are. I’m sorry your depiction of your god doesn’t allow you to be yourself, but expects you to change your personality and tastes to suite his liking. Grouping all gays into what category where the majority are promiscuous and STD ridden and allow us to argue and lump all Christians into bigoted and narrow-minded creatures who feel as though they are obligated to dictate the way everyone lives their life’s. How sad. I would hate to have to live my life through a facade to avoid hate.

    By Patrick | 3 years ago Reply
    • Don’t feel sorry for me bro, my life is awesome.

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  49. What an inspired and courageous witness! Jake, your bravery in the face of certain vitriolic attack by the secular p.c. crowd is manly beyond your years. I represent the opposite end of the spectrum. I am female, much older, and have spent most of my life in the “gay” lifestyle. Yet, I too have come to embrace chastity through the truth of the Catholic Church’s loving teaching on human sexuality. Jake, you are not missing anything by embracing chastity as a lifelong choice. On the contrary, you are gaining far more from purity of heart (see the beattitudes) than the world could ever offer. Stay strong, my man, the devil will be beating down your door. But the gates of hell will not prevail against us, who are strengthened by the Lord and wrapped in the mantle of our Blessed Lady. Pray early, pray late, pray often!

    By Jodi | 3 years ago Reply
    • Jodi,

      Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot!


      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  50. Wow. As a young adult who has struggled with the acceptance of gay relationships, this was amazing to read! When people ask me what my opinion is, I always bring up “hate the sin, love the sinner.” Thank you so much for this story, and I wish you the best of luck in your future!

    By Scarlett | 3 years ago Reply
  51. Hey, i was wondering if it was possible for the author of this to email me? I am 13 and living in the UK! I also have SSA and can’t express myself! No one knows about this and i struggle to confront it! Please i would really appreciate the advice! I go to lots of international catholic young group movements and don’t know how to deal with it! Thank You so much! God Bless

    By Joe | 3 years ago Reply
  52. The use of “SSA” to describe being gay as some sort of disease is upsetting and belitting. Being a homosexual is not a disease, nor is it something that develops over time, nor is it a choice. To me, being a true Christian is to be inclusive and loving of all different types of people, without exception. Suppressing who you are is not what God wants you to do. I would love to see everyone posting on here in the same situation as Jake realize they they don’t have to live this way and that being gay can be a beautiful thing.

    By Laura | 3 years ago Reply
  53. I’m reminded of when the disciples asked Jesus if the man was crippled due to his sin or his parents’, & He said it was so that God be glorified & then healed him. We all suffer with some sickness/imperfection. This author has brought glory to God. Thanks for posting.

    By Jennifer | 3 years ago Reply
  54. Religion is fantastic for a person to have. It is a true symbol of love and meaning to so many people but in this case it is misguiding your views. Homosexuality is not about two people of the same sex having sex but about love between two men or two women. The gay lifestyle you describe portrays media displayed stereotypes and social constructions of homosexuality. Masculinity is another topic you referenced briefly however Masculinity is also a social construction that only exists because we want it to exist. Boys are not born wanting to roll in mud, watch football and drink beer. I am deeply sorry that this was your answer to your “problem.”

    By Mario | 3 years ago Reply
    • Please respond to this.

      By Brian | 3 years ago Reply
  55. It’s really great that Jake is happy. The problem is when the church forces anti-gay rights legislation upon the public. It ridiculous how these people are perfectly fine with preventing the personal freedoms of so many people. If you believe anti-gay rights legislation is good because you are a catholic, you are against freedom of religion. Why should people follow that particular (harmful) tenet of your religion if they are not your religion? Why is there no push for statewide bans on meat on fridays during lent? Thus is a huge problem, please do what is right. Don’t take away the freedoms of other people because of your own opinions (at least until you prove either through logic or empirical evidence that catholicism is true).

    By Patrick | 3 years ago Reply
  56. Dear Jake, SSA has been a real struggle for me, I’ve been throwing myself around with it since I was in my early teenage years, I recently just went to college and got a whole lot of mixed messages about it. I was born and raised a Catholic and my dad is even a Deacon in the church, however I’m terrified of my future and have no idea what I’ll do with myself, but this was an amazing read and has made me really start to think about the Catholic church again! Here’s hoping that I find some answers. God Bless!

    By Jay | 3 years ago Reply
    • Thanks for leaving this comment Jay, I hope you rediscover the church and choose chastity, however difficult that is for you. I will be praying for you.

      By Myah | 3 years ago Reply
  57. Recently I was talking to a friend about this very subject due to the excommunication of a man from the Catholic church. The man was publicly gay and had been with his partner for 31 years. They preformed a fake wedding ceremony and that was the point when the Church confronted the man and limited his worshiping rights. When I was talking to my friend we were on different sides of the issue, mainly because of our different beliefs. The conversation was very thoughtful but the one question that stumped my friend was “who is getting hurt from a committed relationship?” His first answer was the relationship of the person with God. I then asked why God thought that this was a harmful thing? Who in this world is getting hurt? Std’s due to promiscuous sex was not an unknown thing. It was huge in the 80’s because there was no sex education for people who were gay. The risks were no mentioned because being gay was not accepted. Same sex attraction is not a disease. Its also not unnatural. I am happy that you could find happiness in your faith however society is moving and I feel that if there is a God, he would not have an issue with “ssa” (once again not a disease) in this day and age. Live life as a good person. Be proud of who you are. And be confident in your own skin because its the only skin you get in this lifetime. Don’t let it go to waste. If commitment is where we draw the line who is really getting hurt?

    By Winter | 3 years ago Reply
    • Who is getting hurt you ask? It’s like asking who gets hurt when Hollywood and the entertainment industry puts out racy videos and music with controversial lyrics. The message is what hurts the people in the long wrong because it changes the culture. The culture changes values. When young people see same-sex couples they don’t see the “love”. It’s quite the opposite. What they see is love “redefined” and that love is anything you want it to be. That means as long as the parties involved are consenting and of the current legal age, anything goes.

      The reason why same-sex unions are increasingly accepted in society (moreso than ever before) is not because people had a change of heart or are more open-minded – as LGBT would like to believe – but because the culture has changed. The media played a large part in shaping the culture. They put a face to LGBT. Most spokespeople for LGBT are wealthy and successful people that society admires. However, the media doesn’t point out the ugly side of LGBT relationships for the average person who doesn’t have his/her own television show that rakes in millions.

      They don’t show the gay guy who only earns minimum wage and is in and out of meaningless relationships since gay men have the highest rate of infidelity. They don’t show the impoverished gay mom raising kids who are affected by the fact their mom chose to pursue her gay lusts and dissolved her heterosexual marriage.

      In reality, many LGBT do not live the happy successful lives as portrayed in the media and not because society criticizes them. Society has been more accepting of LGBT than ever and yet these people struggle because their own sexuality creates a brutal culture for them. This is one reason why some gays are so hard-pressed to pursue “marriage rights” because it’s one way for them to get commitment from their partner. Without marriage, their relationship would be too at risk for being short-term.

      I have no doubt that gays, like straight, want real commitment from their partners as well and nothing says that more than marriage.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  58. Thank you so much for your honesty and choosing to love God no matter what anyone says.

    By Misty | 3 years ago Reply
  59. I loved this reading. I myself do struggle in this very cross. Only difference is I feel I wasted the last 10 12 years living the “lifestyle” and come to find out no matter how or who I just wasn’t happy something was missing. Til I got fed up and said no more.ive accepted I will always struggle with ssa and I will be “paranoid” if people will think I’m gay or my Catholic friends that I haven’t quite learned how to associate with or that guy that won’t date me “cause it’s not possible I have ssa, right?” It wasn’t until I I told myself I don’t care what others think or all the time I am alone it still will always be better than where I was disconnected from God. I spend nights praying I dress more “girly” but it just don’t feel right. And I still haven’t figured out how to be friends with a gal I do “feel” attractions towards..still having a life were Jesus is my constant I know I will be ok. Thanks for sharing it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

    By Debbie | 3 years ago Reply
  60. Wow! What a beautiful article. Thanks for sharing!!

    By Rachel | 3 years ago Reply
  61. This brought me to tears… It’s as if God is telling me, don’t give up wrestling with me… It’s all worth it. I have my own cross, not about sexual orientation but relationship with family and your story really really inspired me. Thank you for sharing this and for bringing life into the Church! You are, I believe, a living saint! God be with you always.

    By Jodie | 3 years ago Reply
    • Jodie,

      I am so glad the Lord used this article to speak into your life. What a blessing. Keep fighting the good fight!

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
  62. To all of you people thinking homosexuality is something you “suffer” from, or term as SSA: you need to face facts and open a book on basic psychology. This is appalling that you people would have someone deny themselves for the sake of religion! I agree that it is his choice to do so, and more power to him for making the choice to love his religious father, but honestly, this is cult mentality! Stop warping your thoughts and beliefs: god loves everyone, from serial killers to priests to rapists to the pope! Why would god put you on this earth if he hated you and wanted to damn your soul!? He is omnipotent, therefore can do anything: including see the future and know everything. God would not hate you or loathe you for trying to love who you love specifically for the reason that you love someone you shouldn’t! To all my fellow Catholics: Jesus died for you, don’t warp his wish for everyone to walk the world equally and with love, don’t out limits on who people can love and where their love should be directed! Also: why do homosexuals have to take the asexual route, why don’t the heterosexuals take that path? Of course: because holy matrimony is a sacrament that only 96% of the population gets to indulge in, pardon me for infringing upon that.

    By Mike | 3 years ago Reply
    • I’m sorry to inform you that you got it wrong. If God created us to exercise our exact feelings then why did Jesus need to come and die for our sins? We would already be perfect in the eyes of God. No need for Jesus then. No need for baptism. No need for eucharist. How can you be a fellow Catholic when what you’re essentially saying is that there is no need for religious belief, traditions, customs, practices, and rituals since we are basically born perfect – sounds more like atheist ideology to me.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  63. Jake, thank you…as a chatholic and servent of our lord, this articles helps a lot to show that we have notthing but love and understanding for their struggles and we are no judging them but want help them as others help us straight to our own crosses … We all have here on Earth something we struggle but we know that God give us what we can hunddle if we want His love. Thank you again… God bless you for the help … Now rather then make a discussion I will just share this article :))))

    By Angelo | 3 years ago Reply
  64. If being gay is part of the natural order the idea is blasphemous that God, who is love, would create some people gay but deny them the enrichment and fulfilment of loving sexual relationships. If we truly love God we might see more clearly how the Church has got it wrong about same sex love and put people like this young man through such torment.

    By Ian Stubbs | 3 years ago Reply
    • nobody said our lives would be easy. I struggle with this and its no cake walk. If we were made to just “feel good” then Jesus’ example of living your faith means absolutely nothing. People have the misconception that God promises us these good feelings and that everything should be the way we wanted. Well, the person we are supposed to emulate, Jesus, was willing to die but he wasn’t sitting there saying “Oh boy! My time is coming!” Instead, he started sweating God and begged God to take the cup away from Him, but still, He would follow whatever His Father’s will was.

      So is it hard to know you can’t have a sexual relationship with someone? Yes. But with the crapshoot of a beginning I’ve had so far, I know that my reward is greater than anything this world has to offer.

      By Brian | 3 years ago Reply
  65. Dear Jake,
    I must commend you for your bravery. I have to admit when I first read your article I felt extreme sorrow for you and for those that suffer a similar situation. I often feel that it is not fair to expect homosexuals not to experience things that heterosexuals are able to experience, and I mean even aside of sexual relations but that of as you said having someone around and having an emotional connection with someone. I know your struggles are strong and I can only relate so much while still being single but often hoping to meet the right person for marriage. Re-reading your article a few times I realize that, like many times in my life I have allowed my thoughts, needs, and desires to be rooted and attached to what is on earth rather than having them fulfilled by the spiritual connection to God. I know that this is something that will often arise and that I will have to work on; but I am grateful to have come across your article to remind of this importance. One of my favorite quotes in a song is that “the beauty of grace makes life not fair” I think your article demonstrates that and knowing that having eternal grace will compensate for what we perceive as unfair. Thank you for your story and may God bless you.

    By Marianne | 3 years ago Reply
  66. I, Jake am going through pretty much the same issues you did, except I acted on Homosexual tendencies before I found God. You really showed me that it is possible to be gay and live a holy life. I wish you would of explained that just because you are gay doesn’t mean you can’t have a partner. A priest explained to me, that homosexual and straight couples can be holy without a sexual relationship. No sex till marriage, you don’t need marriage to be a holy and the bible does not teach hate against homosexuals, it says you may not lie with the same sex. I can’t quote that because it was said to be by a priest. You gave the wrong ideas to homosexual Catholics or those who are finding God.

    By Kayleigh | 3 years ago Reply
  67. I admire you for doing what you think is right. Being gay is part of my make up as well as being a Christian. There is nothing more natural to me than with being with a man. You are still young, don’t deprive your natural sexuality God gave you. God doesn’t want you to be celibate just because you are gay. You have met so many “accepting” people in the church because you are conforming to their beliefs. If you haven’t had an intimate relationship with another man, you will see how natural it is and how God intended this for you.

    By Steve Bind | 3 years ago Reply
  68. It disgusts me that organizations like Chastity Project and the Catholic Church still exist. Your shameless brainwashing of the masses is an embarrassment to all who call themselves human. This article is nothing but a showcase of how a young man had his own sexual identity brainwashed out of him, and it is so uncomfortable to read.

    It disturbs me how the writer shows that he does not believe his own sexuality is REALLY part of his identity. His reasoning is hilarious: homosexuality is a behaviour thing, not an identity thing? Not true! By that reasoning, bisexual people who only ever have relationships with same-sex partners are homosexual, asexuals who try sex once with a member of the opposite sex are heterosexuals, and people who sleep with both men and women alternate between homosexual and heterosexual. As science advances to find hormonal (and even genetic) reasons for different sexualities, it has to be recognized that one’s sexuality is not, as this writer asininely puts it, a behaviour. It is your identity. It is part of what makes you who you are!

    Sex is a normal and integral part of experiencing life. Sex is our most intimate method of social interaction- it is something shared between people who trust each other completely, and through it their trust is increased. I fail to see how anyone can find that any less than beautiful. The Catholic stance on sex being a tool of procreation and nothing else is outdated and incongruous with today’s society. People today are much more open-minded that this Dark Ages religion that continues to try and push chastity and heterosexuality on people.

    At the beginning of this article, ‘Jake’ describes a choice: Either he tells people he is gay, or he keeps it a secret forever. Jake claims that there is a third choice, to surrender yourself to God and be chaste for life. Jake, that is not a third choice. That is your second choice- you are keeping it a secret. However, you have invented a personal God that tells you it is okay to keep it a secret. I feel no shortage of pity for you, because you have been brainwashed so thoroughly that you find your own self disgusting. Nobody deserves to find their self disgusting. I hope that one day, you wake up and see just how beautiful you are.

    By Ginny | 3 years ago Reply
    • It seems you view sex as recreation for adults and seem to think all societies feel the same. That is completely untrue. I’ve noticed that only societies where people are more technologically advanced do they have time to view sex as recreation. Obviously, when there is more time for leisure sex becomes the favored past time activity in so much that the culture is centered around it. Music, art, literature, and so on is focused on sex. Cultures that are less technologically advance treat sex as a human urge necessary in the process of procreation. In the instance where it is treated as pure human desire, it is shunned and participants are heavily criticized or even punished.

      Naturally, when you’re from a culture that views sex as recreation, homosexuality is normal, a self-expression of one’s identity, and any opinions against it is a violation of basic human rights.

      By Monie | 3 years ago Reply
  69. Ssa? So sad that people continue to be bigoted and make someone like this person feel like they must reject there own self. Be who you are and God will love you for being true to yourself.

    By Trevor Grant | 3 years ago Reply
    • Yup, I definitely live a sad life those religious bigots really messed me up didn’t they…… ::sarcasm::

      By Jake | 3 years ago Reply
    • lol. Jake stated several times that he feels the opposite of rejected and bigoted against. He IS being who he is. A child of God that isn’t defined by urges that would pull him away from God by acting on them. I believe he says he struggles with SSA because he knows that he is not homosexual. He isn’t defined by his urges. Homosexuality isn’t a lifestyle, it’s an act. He even replied to you. Take a look. XD

      By Nathaniel | 3 years ago Reply
  70. Jake, I don’t mean to sound trite, but this piece was awesome in every sense of the word. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I do not suffer with SSA, and I just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, and I’m here to say, there are challenges, crosses and joys in every life. I so admire your courage to accept all that God has given you, the unselfishness of your sharing it with the world and how you are reflecting God’s glory in your life. My rosary group will keep you in our prayers!

    By sue | 3 years ago Reply
  71. Great article! I want to give my best wishes to “Jake”. For him to know that there are many loving people that are praying for all those who carry the same cross as he does.
    I just wonder why our society can’t see how wonderful and freeing it is to say “I have SSA and I desire to be celibate. ” I will be praying for more courageous people in today’s society to help out the confused and those with the wrong misconceptions about the church. God bless you both!

    By Alda Alvarado | 3 years ago Reply
  72. God bless you for sharing! I’ve been saying for years, regarding the same-sex relationships in my family, that I really like the partners, and it’s a shame that they mess up good friendships with sex. Everyone’s life, regardless of orientation, is filled with temptation, brilliant blazing moments of loving and giving, self-doubt, and yes, sins. We all regret something. We all struggle with real pain and shame. Stand up, praise God and continue to be a witness!

    By Avis Cawley | 3 years ago Reply
  73. We all must make our own choices in the end. I think its awesome you have found happiness and fullfilment in the life you have chosen.
    God bless

    By Tyler | 3 years ago Reply
  74. only when you take the word “ME” out of the picture you will start seeing clear.You have to know by now that you have been chosen by God ,and out of many people,The Lord wanted to make His own.He is giving you the strength and the courage not to let sin take control over you.You are tranformed already into a special human being,in many different ways,having the heart and mind and soul of a holy person(St Augustine).You encountered Christ that is what maters the most…call upon Him in your struggles and offer your pain as sacrifice just the way Christ did for you on the Cross…keep in mind that The Lord trusted you with little more than any other person,take this as a privilege and tell Him:”Lord since you trusted me with so much,I am relying on you to give the Grace to keep my eyes fixed on you.”

    By Maryamen | 3 years ago Reply
  75. I admire and respect you for your decision to trust in God and live a life that pleases God. Denying oneself may be extremely difficult but those who are faithful find even greater fulfilment in obeying Him. Thanks for sharing and keep pressing on! I’ll be keeping you in prayer. God bless you!

    By sarah | 3 years ago Reply
  76. Jake,

    I wanted to let you know that through your article I have been blest to be able to have a conversation with a family member who is attracted to the same sex. It is hard to say where the conversation will end, but I am thankful for the opportunity to have such a meaningful conversation with a family member that I love and have never had much of a chance to speak with.

    I would also like to encourage you in your witness as there a plenty of comments on here that are attacking, rather than actually wanting to talk about the subject. Stay strong, my Brother in Christ, and thank you for your generosity to share your story. May your charity and patience be strengthened by Jesus. You are in my prayers and I will offer my next Mass in your name.

    By J | 3 years ago Reply
  77. dear unknown friend, reading your story is as reading my own from 25 years ago when i was of your age… from my own experience i can only tell you one thing: you are making a BIG mistake! i am afraid you will find out that one day soon…and you will understand that your life was empty and lonely… i used to be devoted catholic exactly in a position as you are now…don’t do that to yourself, please, just don’t do that…

    By ivica | 3 years ago Reply
    • Dear Ivica,
      I’m sorry to hear you disagree with chastity, such a beautiful way of life. If you have ever truly known Jesus, you would know that he is love, and we as humans need nothing more than him. Relationships, marriage and sex should serve only as connections to bring you closer to God. A spouse’s goal is to help guide you to Christ as true love is wanting salvation for your partner. I will pray that you come to understand this, and I urge you to allow Jesus to heal any hurt you have experienced, instead of allowing yourself to post comments discouraging Jake’s incredibly admirable decision. Much love.

      By Myah | 3 years ago Reply
  78. Jake! You are absolutely incredible! I have the utmost respect for you and anyone who is attracted to the same sex and chooses chastity. It is definitely a cross to bare, but I am so grateful that you have this much love for our Lord and Saviour and it is truly beautiful that you choose to share your story and follow the church. I’m sorry that you are recieving any negative comments at all, you handle them gracefully and I appreciate your wisdom! Thank you so much, I will be praying a rosary for you!! Much love from a fellow catholic blessed to know chastity, God bless!!!!!!!!!!

    By Myah | 3 years ago Reply
  79. Keep running the race for Christ! Truly a beautiful article! This is a light for those who do not understand the beauty of chastity.

    By Christiana | 3 years ago Reply
  80. I’ve been scrolling through the comments, and I find it odd how all the Christians commenting are being kind, loving, and supportive, and all of the LGBTQ supporters that are commenting are being intolerant and unsupportive of Jake. It seems like they’re doing the complete opposite of what they say they strive for (to fight for the acceptance of homosexuals in society). I see several of these commenters saying that he “shouldn’t feel oppressed by the church so as to ‘suppress’ his desires”, when he stated that he doesn’t. The church loves him. He loves the church. Every Christian on here is supportive and loving of his struggle with SSA. Where is the hate that some are screaming about? All he says he feels is LOVE and all that any “bigoted Christians” on here express their LOVE. The only hate I see is from LGBTQ “supporters”.
    God loves him. He knows that. That’s amazing!
    I’m happy for you, Jake. 🙂 Keep fighting the good fight.

    Btw, I really enjoyed your words on how our sexual urges don’t define people. I’ve been struggling for the right words for a while.

    By Nathaniel | 3 years ago Reply
  81. Thanks for sharing. Can someone discuss how to handle temptation to the opposite sex? In those cases, you cannot have the other person but have to meet the person on a frequent basis, ‘ thanks

    By KAA | 3 years ago Reply
  82. everyone choses its own path of life… but one thing is true- younger ssa people are very emotional and cant foresee the hard lonely life when years fly down..after 30, 35, 40,45, 50..these people start thinking differently after teenage years become past…
    wish you strength to be faithful to your decision.

    By george | 3 years ago Reply
  83. God did make people gay anymore than he made people sexually attracted to animals or adults sexually attracted to children.

    By Ruth | 3 years ago Reply
    • correction God did not make people gay anymore than he made people sexually attracted to animals or adults sexually attracted to children.

      By Ruth | 3 years ago Reply
  84. Great article! My prayers go out to you! I have SSA myself and your article is very perceptive! You also deal with an issue that many of else dealt with; our culture is very pro-Gay and challenges us who want chastity. Blessings to you!

    By Doug | 3 years ago Reply
  85. Jake–

    While I do not agree with your choice for myself, as a member of the LGBTQIA community, it has clearly made you happy, and my heart does ache for the number of criticisms you’ll meet. As individuals, we all seek different things, different adventures, different stimulations from life. I’m a transgender male, and what I seek is equality for trans* individuals (well, for all individuals, really…). But your choice and course are obviously noble, no less so for being different from mine. Would it be poor form to tell you that I hope you wind up a priest, that the world could use more priests like you? I wasn’t raised in the big C, so I don’t know what might be construed insulting; please rest assured that I am sincere in what I write here, as much as you can rest assured of that from a stranger.

    Suppose Saint Theresa (I was raised/confirmed Presbyterian and can count on one Apostate hand the number of times I’ve entered a Catholic church, so bear with me on spellings and such) had married a dude instead of joining her Holy Sisters: would she have been as happy? Would the world have been as positive a place? Maybe not. One thing is for sure: the world was and is a better place for the path she chose.

    You, sir, are destined to do positive, wonderful things; I may not make the same choice you do for your life, but you CLEARLY have a good heart and a clear head about your own decisions. Your (earthly) father offered you the unconditional love and acceptance for your choice of path, whatever it was, that so many LGBTQIA kids crave, but you chose a different path, one where you feel clearly led. You will do great things. While I do hope that you will remember and seek remedy for all individuals who are hurt or killed by others, including the gay and trans* ones who are just trying to use a public bathroom or order a burger or walk home like everyone else, I know that you will also work greatness into the fabric of the world due, in part, to the reason behind this choice of lifestyle.

    So let me just say that it’s not my place to apologize for an LGBTQIA community who condemns your choice, but it is my place to say:

    1) it’s not their choice how you live your life,
    2) it’s clearly not the wrong choice for you, personally, and
    3) I hope you don’t let them bring you down with the negativity.

    Perhaps they have forgotten that all humans crave unconditional love and support from one another, and that it is their gift to give all humans.

    Be well (and please encourage your readers to have the same regard for my choice I do yours; there are enough negative things said in this world already, don’t you think?),

    By Graeme | 3 years ago Reply
  86. Thank you so much for this article. I was in the “lifestyle” for 20 years and yes, wrestled with it as well, arguing mostly, “How can any love be wrong?” Truth is, it is not, ever. But society has a tricky way of equating love with sexual promiscuity. Being a chaste lesbian, I’m often isolated, with me finding no others who share this view. I converted to Catholicism 10 years ago, consecrated my heart to Jesus through Mary almost 2 years ago, and hope my answer when He calls is always a resounding YES. True there are sacrifices, loneliness, isolation. But what I’m doing I’m doing out of love. And love is never wrong.

    By Karen b | 3 years ago Reply
  87. Hello Jake;

    I was so moved by your article.May Jesus give u the strength to continue this mission that he has entrusted you with and may Mama Mary’s intercession help u to lead people towards Christ for his greater glory! 🙂

    God bless !

    By joan antony | 3 years ago Reply
  88. Wow, this is a brilliant article. I cannot express how much I can relate. Although I do not have SSA, I do suffer with the temptations all Catholics tend to when leading a chaste life. Thank you for sharing this, it has inspired me in so many ways. Living a chaste life I find can be quite lonely, but it is in hearing about others like me, I find comfort. God bless you.

    By Donna | 3 years ago Reply
  89. Thanks for the article…..I’ve fallen plenty of times….and i’m now wanting to get up and start fresh and straight…pursuing authentic love and God…
    Could use a prayer if possible…


    By Roshan | 3 years ago Reply
  90. I identify myself as a gay man. Often times I struggle with it because I’ve found myself in the whole “hookup culture” that homosexual men often wind up in (I’ve had sexual relations with over 30 guys). I was raised a Catholic, going to a catholic school from preschool to my sophomore year in high school, and the Catholic Church fails to guide individuals such as myself. I always tell myself that I’m never getting married or never having a relationship with another guy… And rather I’m content with just hooking up and moving on from guy to guy. I’m conflicted between what I want and what I need. I’ve always felt a connection with God, regardless of my actions. I know He is there and very much present in my life. I just don’t know how to answer his calling when I’m stuck in the same routine.

    By Michael | 3 years ago Reply
  91. “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you” (Saint Augustine). Than you for sharing your story. It’s never easy standing up against the world and it’s empty promises, but remember that Jesus said he will be with us always. May the good Lord bless you as you continue your pilgrim journey. With thoughts and prayers.

    By Liam | 3 years ago Reply
  92. He reads to start reading the works of Leanne Payne ASAP…

    By Markus Schmit | 3 years ago Reply
  93. What a beautiful testimony! We need people like Jake

    By Yolanda Cadena | 3 years ago Reply
  94. Wonderful post! I’m not struggling with same sex attraction but also decided to live a celibate life after my husband filed for a civil divorce. Being Catholic is hard! It’s also the most fulfilling and beautiful experience life has to offer. PS. It’s been two years since I made that decision, and without exception I am now more fulfilled than I could have ever dreamed or imagined was possible 🙂 So, having been on both sides, I can confidently say that the ground you are standing on is, by grace, greener 😉 I’ll keep you in my prayers.

    By Andromeda | 3 years ago Reply
  95. Hi,
    I realize that this article is fairly old, but I figured I could still put my two cents in.
    First off, I’d like to say that I hope the author has found the peace and happiness he is searching for.
    As someone who was raised In a devoutly catholic home, and as someone who also identifies as part of the LGBT community, I know that these conflicting ideas can tear you up inside.
    For awhile, I suffered from serious bouts of depression because of this conflict.
    As I said before, I hope that “Jake” finds the peace and happiness he is looking for, and I was impressed by his bravery to make this choice. But I know that his decision was one that I could never choose.
    I’ve known from a young age that I was not called to a single life. I know that, as the years go by, and as more and more of my friends get married and have children, being alone for the rest of my life would kill me. Living alone-and eventually dying alone- are probably the most tragic things I can think of.
    Overall, this article made me terribly sad. It made me realize all over again that the God who created me, who made me exactly as I am, thinks that I am an abomination. It was for this reason that I decided to leave the church-just as I would leave any emotionally-abusive relationship.
    Of course, the author and I are not the same. Perhaps he will thrive as a single man.
    Although we’ve chosen different paths, I hope he finds happiness. But more than that, I hope that someday he can come to accept himself.
    Thanks for your time,

    By Rachel | 3 years ago Reply
  96. There is only one chance to live. If you wish to spend it depriving yourself of every bit of pleasure you are allowed to experience, I will not stop you. But please, don’t drag others down that path.

    The only way to defeat a temptation is to yield to it. -Oscar Wilde

    By Bore Venal Charlatan | 3 years ago Reply
  97. Popes have tough great on so many subjects, this included. I see see here so much truth mixed with “theories” wishes? (I don’t know.) The truth is more beautiful, exciting, loving, amazing than anything we could imagine. Well yea, Jesus is the truth. I suggest the Popes teachings on this matter, for clarity.

    By Soni | 3 years ago Reply
  98. I am gay. I have a boyfriend. Sharing house, thoughts, costs together is so much easier. On the other hand, it can distract you sometimes also from your own path.

    I understand your love for God which is more important for you than a relationship here with a human person in life. I respect. Try to imagine your love. I have periods that I am chaste as well, then I feel more powerful myself as man, more confident, more on earth, I do more tasks, getting out of my comfort zone. My daily contacts with other people are stronger then, so actually I would stay chaste always but that is not possible for me.

    What would I like to say? You can have SSA relations, stay chaste, love God and love someone else. That´s my opinion. Other hand, I understand your love for God and I don´t want to change that. I neither want you to feel lonely here, I don´t know if you ever had a relationship with another person.
    In history, I thought, what is not there, I do not miss. Later, i got that back, almost every moment I can still feel lonely. That´s why I only can say: do what makes you intense happy. I, personally, do not think God made us to be lonely in life, why would we be able to get children, build a family and take care for each other till the end?

    Not my intention to change ´your´ mind or get a new discussion here.
    I read ´you´ have people around you to talk with in your church network and think you have enough conversations with them. Reading someone else vision might give new insights, that´s why I write.

    By OK | 3 years ago Reply
  99. The early Christian church accepted the doctrine of reincarnation, which was expounded by the Gnostics and by numerous church fathers, including Clement of Alexandria, the celebrated Origen (both 3rd century), and St. Jerome (5th century). The doctrine was first declared a heresy in A.D. 553 by the Second Council of Constantinople. At that time many Christians thought the doctrine of reincarnation afforded man too ample a stage of time and space to encourage him to strive for immediate salvation. But truths suppressed lead disconcertingly to a host of errors. The millions have not utilized their “one lifetime” to seek God, but to enjoy this world — so uniquely won, and so shortly to be forever lost! The truth is that man reincarnates on earth until he has consciously regained his status as a son of God.

    This truth explains why certain people have a propensity towards homosexuality; they have cultivated such desires in previous incarnations. God did not make them that way, but He gave them free will to choose, and to accept the consequences of their choices.

    Some years ago, in Northern Caifornia, a man kidnapped, raped and murdered 12 yr. old Polly Klass. This man was so depraved and unrepentant, it was unbelievable. He tortured animals in his childhood. God did not make him that way; he went down paths of evil probably for several lives.

    St Gerard of Magella saw a statue of Jesus and the Blessed Virgin come alive when he was five years old; they gave him real bread to eat, and he brought it home. He got that way through previous lives of spiritual living. God did not make him so good and Hitler so evil. They both made themselves who they are.

    By Douglas Gray | 3 years ago Reply
    • You underestimate the power of satan and generational curses. He begins early in lives-immediately-to undermine, pervert anddestroy potential. The in filling of the Holy Spirit overcomes (sometimes in an instant)sin and sin nature. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, the infilling of the Holy Spirit negates its necessity.

      By carol28 | 3 years ago Reply
  100. I enjoy when a reading that causes a post much as this one. I love these waves of “afectico”. They are the best in the world. Congratulations

    By Forest Oral | 3 years ago Reply
  101. “Jake” is my hero of Faith and love. He will ever be in my prayers for strength and purpose. He was created for such a time as this and his sacrifice, like that grain of wheat will produce much fruit in season. I am seeing it already in so many youth who want more than the temporal things of the earth that decays.

    By carol28 | 3 years ago Reply
  102. Thank you so much, this article helps a lot of people and im one of them, and honestly I always struggle also that same thought and feeling, in my situation I feel it in both sex so its so hard im struggling all the time but I always thank God for the grace of confession in His Church that helps me overcome and makes me strong even though the feeling is still there but He never abandon me the sacrament of confession helps me a lot to be very sensitive with the sin. And because of that He enlightened me for a new journey a new way where I can be more close to Him, I know its not that easy, the fear of maybe falling to sin again is so hard I don’t want to hurt Him again, I’m still on my way to that vocation, if you can pray me please Im begging, I really badly need of prayers for enlightenment. Thank you so much.
    God bless

    By Boyet | 3 years ago Reply
  103. The great Hindu mystic, Paramahansa Yogananda always praised the Catholic Saints and had the highest regard for St. Francis of Assisi (Who appeared to Yogananda in vision).

    But he said that one of the errors of the Catholic Church was when they discarded the doctrine of reincarnation. If you are gay or bisexual in this life, it simply means that you have chosen, in some past life or lives, to behave in that way, and so you come into this life with samskaras, or subconscious impressions.

    If you want to be free from such impressions, you have to practice sublimation and transmutation, which can be very satisfying and fulfilling, once you get used to it.

    Or, you can choose to act out your desires.

    As regards the comment on “generational curses” Padre Pio, the great Catholic Stigmatist said that there is only one door through which evil enters the soul; the will, he said there are no hidden doors.

    By Douglas Gray | 3 years ago Reply
  104. I commend you and truly believe that while God does “bless” people with singleness sometimes for a purpose and He then fills them and strengthens them Himself, if He lays it upon your heart to eventually love in marriage, He will provide you with a partner that is His plan. Even if someone identifies their desires as heterosexual, we are not to have sex until we are married (God’s way). I struggled for years with using sex to find safety and validation, not to mention just getting carried away in the moment. Until that ceased, God was unable to teach me my identity and His, which allowed me to grow into someone that was ready for Him to bring me a spouse. I was unable to understand love fully, because I had neither practiced it, nor received it in those relationships. I think the struggle to believe that God has a will and a way is universal. Not every person I was attracted to was my spouse. In fact, only one person that I was attracted to was my future spouse. One is all it takes, but it isn’t everyone we are attracted to or connect with. Even once we’re married, that commitment and that person has to be fought for daily, to be protected from outside temptations and from our own inner world, through vigilance and hedges of protection. I think sometimes we don’t have patience for God’s timing. I recently talked to a Godly girlfriend that walked the walk until the day of marriage…when she was 42! She said that it’s true….that even thought the wait seemed like forever and there were dark times of believing that maybe she was a person that was meant to be single for the rest of her life and mourned the possibility…that meeting her now husband was worth the wait…she just didn’t know it at the time, but never faltered in her determination to do it God’s way regardless of the outcome. She said the years are fully restored and they are now colored by the romance that the wait signified and deep joy. Do not think that a sexual desire indicates that God explicitly wants you to be single for the rest of your life. Sometimes He calls someone to that, but that is His call. Many times, as with all of us, the call is to make the decision to trust His will and align ourselves with it and watch how He uses those decisions (the bigger to agree) and the individual decisions (to agree moment by moment) to bring forth fruit from our lives that gives glory to Him and abiding joy to us.

    By TreyC | 3 years ago Reply
  105. This is so inspiring, Thanks for sharing your story

    By Lesley-Ann | 3 years ago Reply
  106. Did you nad your mom have same-sex attraction to each other and if so, how did you deal with it, or were you even in a same-sex relationship by consent and you both got out of it, and/or do you know any dad and son or mom and daughter who was in a consent relationship who got out and have a good nonsexual relatinoship now?

    By Darrell Waters | 3 years ago Reply
  107. Jake,
    Thank you so much for sharing your life with the world. I have been a Catholic since birth and i agree with evrything you said, you are very inspiring and everyone could learn from you. My parish is St. Christopher’s Catholic Church in North Las Vegas, NV, I have been a catechist at that parish for about 6 years now and now I am in charge of a youth group ages 13 – 18, very curious group. We are called the Knights of Christ. I am married and have been with my husband for 18 years now and I have three boys. The reason for my comment is that in our youth group we have a group of teens that are homosexual and or bisexual and they are wanting to talk about Homosexuality and I would like to have a speaker like you come and talk to them. Please let me know if this is a possibility so that I can talk to our priest Father Dave.

    By Judith Navarro | 3 years ago Reply
  108. Hello Jake,

    Thank you for your sharing. I, too, am a person with same-sex attractions. I share your sentiments. The difference is that I am “proud and out” – as a Church-abiding layman, that is. People need to know that we exist. That people like us (with ssa) are real and can follow the Catholic teaching of living chaste lives and live out baptismal vows. They need concrete models. It is hard I know. But your parents have accepted you and the Church has embraced us. Why still hide in a pseudonym? It would be more helpful for others if we are visible. I have been interviewed as well in print and tv. It is still embarassing and difficult admitting that I had lived the risky gay lifestyle to the extent that I had to have myself checked for HIV. But the truth has indeed set me free. It is liberating. I find it ironic that members of Courage are not courageous enough to face the truth and exposed themselves to inspire others. I pray that people like you would be more bold and be given true courage and be tangible, real models for people with SSA. I admire your sharing, let us inspire others more by being more visible. God bless you.

    By Joseph Vincent Atanacio | 3 years ago Reply
  109. I can actually relate to what this blog is about, it would be great if I can get the blog owners email so we can chat thanks

    By jennifer | 3 years ago Reply
  110. I feel deep sorrow for Jake. First, I was brought up in the church with the idea of “natural law”. This has so been debunked. In the case of same sex attraction, it is found throughout creation. Second, several years ago, I attended a 50th anniversary party for to gay partners who had “loved, honored, cherished” each for all of those years. They had stayed together for all of those years “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and health until death did they part.” Somehow they fall outside God’s love? Third, I belong to a group of gay men who have children (in my case as a single, celibate parent). These are loving men who have taken children (often unwanted by others) into their lives. We are told by Paul that “God is love and the person who abides in love abides in God and God in that person.” In both the instances I have sighted, the partners lived lives filled with love and reaching out to others. They certainly “abided” in love – God decided not to “abide” in them because they are gay? Such foolishness. My advice to Jake is to flee from the Roman church with all speed and find a place where you can feel the presence of God’s love for you. I would pray you would find that special person to love by loving yourself as a fully loved creation of God. If you then choose celibacy, it will because you choose it, not because an institution has told you you are somehow “mis-created”.

    By frank wallner | 3 years ago Reply
  111. Really wonderful info can be found on web site. “The American temptation is to believe that foreign policy is a subdivision of psychiatry.” by Robert Francis Kennedy.

    By link | 3 years ago Reply
  112. Jake, you are a true example of a Christian and putting God’s will ahead of your own. I struggle with his will everyday. I wish I had your strength. It must be very hard for you. May God bless you, you are a inspiration

    By jim | 3 years ago Reply
  113. Thank you Jake for this very moving, authentic and valuable testimony of yours. This really is a great help for me and my life. Thanks a lot!!

    By Fritz | 3 years ago Reply
  114. You all. Are seriously insane. Everyone deserves to love who they love, and bond with them, and become intimate with them, hold them at night, grow together, maybe grow familys together, and die together. None of this bs. Enough said.

    By Jaimie | 3 years ago Reply
  115. Thank you for sharing this with all of us. Even though it is hard, with God all things are possible because He gives us strenght. Stay strong and God bless you!

    By Mary | 3 years ago Reply
  116. Hi Jake! I just stumbled upon this article and I’d really like to share my story.

    I am sixteen, and I am bisexual. If I really think back, I think I’ve always been bisexual. When I was seven and I learned that same-sex marriage was legal in California, I got really excited. When I was ten and I accidentally kissed my friend (I turned around and bumped into her), I was uncertain and panicky for days. When I used to be a competitive dancer, I looked at my friends’ legs in what I thought was envy. So it wasn’t until freshman year of high school, when I developed a crush on my basketball team captain that I realized that I was Not Straight.

    I am sixteen, and I am also Catholic. I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic elementary school and middle school, and I attend a Catholic all-girls high school. I’m not complaining here, but Catholic dogma has been shoved so far down my throat that I literally won a diocese Catholic knowledge competition. So I am told, year after year, theology class after theology class: marriage is between a man and a woman.

    So, okay. I have a great life. I have a 4.25 GPA, and lots of friends, and natural talent with music, art, and writing. I have loving parents, and I love to exercise, and I love to volunteer and work with the Church, and I love to spend my time outside in nature, and I love to explore. I can be certain every night when I go to sleep that the next morning I will laugh until I cry with my friends. I am grateful for all this every moment of every day.

    But it hasn’t always been perfect, and it still isn’t. Social exclusion, bullying, self-doubt, severe depression, a terrifying near-rape incident when I was eleven–those have been the crosses of my past. My cross today is my bisexuality.

    I spent a while trying to resolve my feelings on my own. While my theology teacher told me that homo- and bisexuals are abominations, and all my peers laughed at gay people and called them freaks, I was reading Scripture. Reading how Leviticus decried shrimp right after it decried homosexuality, and reading how Jesus didn’t even mention any of that, and reading about how the only reason some dogmas haven’t been changed is past papal infallibility. Being bi had to be okay, right? I resolved to just be myself and live righteously, and left it at that. But I was troubled, all the time. The happiness that I had found began to fade.

    So, I did the only thing I really could do. I prayed.

    I prayed for God to tell me that everything really was alright. That the path I had resolved to go down was the right one. That the way I had justified it was true. My immediate answer was more emotional turmoil, which, thanks God, I really needed that on top of two AP and six honors courses (but bless You, really).

    I went to a retreat and I told a priest my struggles with my bisexuality. He said, and I quote, “I need to be the one to make you understand that as you are, you are poison to society. Your feelings are unholy and invalid. You need to understand this.” I hadn’t cried in almost a year, but I cried for almost an hour after he told me this. I continued to go to Church and retreats and pray daily, but it felt like a mockery. I felt and knew: God was still with me. The Church was not.

    But finally, God gave me the answer. It wasn’t a clearcut answer on what to do about my bisexuality, but it was what I needed . The answer came packaged in two revelations:

    The first one came when I was singing with the Church choir. The priest was telling a homily about fasting, or something, and I wasn’t really paying all that much attention. Then, suddenly, I understood the meaning of life.

    See, one time I went to Mass at another parish. In the pew next to me was a very old man and a nurse next to him. When the Lord’s Prayer came, not even the nurse would hold his hand. So I reached over and I did. And the look of pure delight that came over his face–I could never explain it before, the feeling of perfect joy that moment gave me and still gives me.

    Sitting in the church choir, I understood that this memory was the meaning of life. To hold the hand of those who have none other, above all else. The Lord said to me, then, that my sexuality isn’t even the important part. Love is.

    And everything wove together at another retreat. I had just gone to confession, and I was kneeling, talking to Jesus in the monstrance. Then, suddenly, Jesus explained everything.

    The Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. The Father–the family that I can tell everything. Everyone knows that many gay and bi kids are shunned and even kicked out by their parents. That may even happen with mine. But God the Father is the family who will never kick me out, or shun me, or judge me. God the Father is the family that lets me be free to be myself.

    The Son–the best friend I’ve looked for all my life. A cuddler (for my emotions). The one who always includes me. I am always first priority, just as He is mine. I can gossip with Him (except not gossip, since that’s harmful, but just tell him all my hopes and fears instead. You know).

    The Spirit–my strength itself. A personal coach who can literally reach inside my soul to push me to do what He as God needs me to. He leads me.

    I understood the Trinity as I kneeled. They are Three because they are my family. Unfailingly, unconditionally, certainly, and always my family.

    So here is my resolution now: to not make any personal resolutions, but to put my trust wholly in God. I’m not God–I have no idea what will happen tomorrow. But whether or not I have the capability, I will try to fall in love with and marry a man. I am holding out for this hope: Can I be bi in Heaven?

    Catholic officials hold the opinion that being gay or bi is a choice. It’s learned behavior, they say. It’s a mental disorder or a disease that can be treated. God created no one with same sex attraction.

    I am sixteen, bisexual, and Catholic, and this is what I believe: I believe that God made me this way–that God makes all LGBT people as they are. Not just as a temptation, but as a call to Him. If I had never been bisexual, I would have been an empty churchgoer who only mildly believes in God and knows but doesn’t accept His teachings; if I had never been bisexual, I wouldn’t have thought deeply on Christian theology; if I had never been bisexual, I would never have actively tried to reach out to the Lord. The Lord gave me this cross to bear because he knows that carrying it will make me stronger.

    Bless all of you 🙂

    By Erin | 3 years ago Reply

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