The Day We’ll Share a Home

“97% of couples live together before getting married.” (- The Knot)

I am part of the 3%.

I do not know who The Knot surveyed to get this data, or how big their test pool was, but this is the information they have printed in their big bridal magazine for this season. According to The Knot’s poll, 3% of people choose not to live together before marriage. Yes, I am one of them.

Common societal thought tells me that it is ridiculous to marry someone you have not lived with. Society tells me, “Save money. Really get to know each other. Learn if you are truly compatible. Do not marry someone if you don’t know the reality of how they live at home.”

I will be the first to admit my full cognizance that I do not know what marriage will be like. I do not know how it will look as Daniël and I learn to merge our lifestyles with one another, I do not know the little or big annoyances that will come up with the different ways we live, and I do not know how our cultural differences will come into play when we begin to occupy the same space.

I do know, however, that my life will look completely different on December 31st. It will have turned upside down and inside out for many reasons. I will be a wife. I will have a husband. And New Year’s Eve is the first day in my life I will have a boy as a roommate. This boy and I, we will share a home.

I have always known that I do not want the day after my wedding to be the same old story. I do not want to go back to our home, sharing the kitchen like we did the week before, sleeping in the same room like we did a month before. We will certainly be very changed souls because God will have given us the gift of a stunningly beautiful Sacrament. We will have entered into a covenant with God to love one another for all the days of our lives. That will certainly change the way we live, move, and have our being. And I have a great desire for everything in our lives to reflect the incredible change that will happen the moment each of us finishes the phrase…”I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

On December 31st Daniël and I will share one space because we have become one person. I had a student tell me once, “Miss Wilson, my mom told me that getting married without living together is like buying a car you have never taken for a test-drive.” Thankfully, Daniël is not a Toyota and our differing living habits will not dissuade me from making this “purchase.” Would we both be saving money if we lived in the same apartment? Sure. Would it be easier to come home on December 31st knowing what drives us crazy about the way the other lives? Quite possibly, yes. But would the difficulty of merging the way I live with the way Daniël lives supersede my love for him and make me regret my choice to marry him? No.

Surely, it is a monumental change that we will experience after marriage…we will go from living apart to living together, we will go from having our own rooms to sharing a room and a bed with another person, we will go from seeing each other every two months to seeing each other many moments of every day. The change is far greater than I can currently comprehend. But in the glorious newness of it all, it will be a thrill for Daniël to come home after work and to hang out together and for neither of us to have to leave. It will be a joy to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to look at the man who pledged his love and life to me. It will be a completely new thing to share a closet, to swipe my debit card that holds our money together, and to cook way more food than I am used to cooking for the man with the fastest metabolism of all time. It will be a whole new life. And it will be new, challenging, fun, exciting, and difficult all at once.

I am grateful that no one ever told me that chastity would be convenient. Nobody ever told me that following the precepts of God and His plans for marriage would be a walk in the park. It is surely counter-cultural, and sometimes in my humanity it can feel annoying, expensive, and difficult.

But will it be worthwhile when he carries me over the threshold into our little home in Orange County and everything in our lives has been transformed all at once?

Absolutely.

(For more on cohabitation, click here and here)

__________________________

emilywilson_avatar_1386644975-300x300-2Emily Wilson planned her whole life to become a sports reporter but ended up as a Catholic musician and speaker at the hand of God. She lives out of her suitcase and travels across the world speaking and singing with people of all ages. The heart of her ministry is offering encouragement to teen girls in their search for their true identity. “The world doesn’t need what women have, it needs what women are.” -St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. You can visit her website and listen to her music at www.emwilsonmusic.com.

70 Comments

  1. Beautifully written article!!! Thank you for being a witness to all of us young adults! What a beautiful story!
    God Bless you!

    By Allie | 2 years ago Reply
  2. Beautifully written article!!! Thank you for being a witness to all of us young adults! What a beautiful story!
    God Bless you , your soon to be husband, and the life you’ll share together!

    By Allie | 2 years ago Reply
  3. Thank you for your witness! I was just married 5 weeks ago, and my husband and I are so thankful that we never lived together before we were married. Yes, we both had to pay separate apartment bills and had to drive over 30 minutes and back every day to see each other, but it was worth it. The morning after our wedding, it was such a joy to reach over to my new husband and give him a good morning kiss in our bed for the first time. He has accidentally slapped and elbowed me while sleeping in the same bed the last few weeks, but it’s been part of the joy of getting used to living together. We are so happy, and we are thankful every day of the blessing that marriage is. Blessings on your engagement and your marriage. It’s a gift. 🙂

    By Kari | 2 years ago Reply
  4. I loved this! I am glad I am not the only one in this 3% ! 🙂

    By Nancy Rodriguez | 2 years ago Reply
  5. Absolutely beautiful article, I feel the same exact way, after having a rough patch and becoming a single mother I decided I would do everything different the second way around, currently my son is four I am living chaste and waiting for my Saint Joseph to arrive in our lives and this will be the way I would want and expect things to play out.
    Thank you it was a beautiful article and I am proud to say I am part of that 3%

    By Jesica Gomez | 2 years ago Reply
  6. I appreciate that this is very special to you. What isn’t clear to me from this piece is why making these monumental changes all at once is meaningful or important to your marriage. You clearly explain that’s it’s not easy but it’s worth it, but I’m wondering what the special concept is? To me, changing a name, cooking habits, moving, traveling, hosting a wedding, and learning to share space for the first time all in one week sounds like a time where most people would just be reacting and coping, not enjoying it. I want to understand what from that makes the marriage or the week after special or more meaningful from this choice.

    By Kellie | 2 years ago Reply
    • I have the same concerns for this girl who, indeed, wrote a very great article. Being a re-born Catholic after a crushing divorce where I didn’t impliment any of my faith I do appreciate this topic, however, I see some red reality flags in the distance. It sounds like she’s in love with the fantasy of getting used to living with somebody else. Granted, it is a fun journey, but that isn’t at all what selecting a spouse is about. It’s about really knowing the character of the person you choose to be with. Do they posses virtues? Has their faith ever been really tested and put through the ringer? I don’t believe in this day and age with the collapsing of virtue all around us you can really know those things for sure without spending a lot of time together first and “vetting” your possible spouse, critically analyzing them, whilst realizing they are human. Are they quick to forgive? Are their goals realistic to the gifts they have been given? Do they want children? Would they wipe your butt if you herniated a disc in your back? That is reality. We ought not pretend that Satan will just go away when we have found our spouse. Satan is more intelligent than we are. He will find loopholes in your way of thinking. You need a spouse who knows your loopholes so he/she can help you guard them. You need a battle buddy cause this place aint no picnic for Christians until our King returns. Its a dogfight, till you draw your last strained breath hopefully with your battle buddy by your side rosary wrapped round their palms. I believe I found a person like that. We DO live together with one another with a roommate and chastity is something we are practicing and its very challenging especially if you’ve already been in what you thought were deeply committed relationships. I wish this girl and her husband all the blessings in the world I just like to share a little different perspective.

      By Jake | 2 years ago Reply
      • Hi Jake –

        Thanks for your comment. Just because I have not lived with my fiancee does not mean I am living in a fantasy where I think all will be well. I know well Daniel’s character – or I would not be marrying him. I know well his strengths and his weaknesses – I know our strengths and weaknesses together as a couple. He has been thoroughly “vetted” and I did not need to share a home with him to do that. Through getting to know one another, praying together every day and committing ourselves to the sacraments and God’s will – that is how we know that marriage is God’s plan for our lives. This world certainly is no picnic – but God bless you on your walk with God as well!

        By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
    • I’d like to respond to this very good question: there are something’s that don’t really make sense. However, it’s one of those moments when you do what God intended because He sees the whole picture; and He knows best. He rewards our obedience in ways we could never imagine. I am a part of that 3%. #married31years

      By Sherri | 2 years ago Reply
    • I can see how it is difficult to understand the benefits of not living together before marriage. There are definite benefits, though. First, once you are married, you are committed. A boyfriend or girlfriend can walk out if they don’t like a habit of yours (let’s say, the way you snore). A husband or wife on the other hand, is committed. He or she is going to stay, despite the fact that they don’t like your snoring. Secondly, it helps a couple make sure that this is the right marriage. If a boyfriend and girlfriend are living together, they are going to be physical. This can blur the lines and make it hard for a partner to get out of a bad relationship. It might also cause the partner to think that since he/she has already given away his/her body, no one else will love him/her. Thirdly, cohabitation can delay marriage. I have a 14 year-old friend whose mom’s boyfriend just proposed this past year. When I asked when the wedding was, she said that her mom was hoping to have enough money by the end of two years. If I’m doing my math correctly, that’s about 16 years! The same thing has happened to my cousin and also to my aunt. Why does this happen? Well, simply put, if a partner is getting what he/she wants without commitment, why commit? And yes, living apart does make the marriage day more special. If you’ve already been living together, then there really isn’t anything all that different after the wedding ceremony. Lastly, it teaches partners to love each other truly. Not lustily, not just for each other’s bodies, but for who the other person is. The odds are that if the fiance can wait for marriage to have intercourse and realize that you are worth so much more than a car and so should not be test driven, that fiance is going to have the patience, love, and self-control needed for marriage. Hopefully I was able to help clear some things up for you, Kellie. I just don’t want to see people go through the same pain my cousin, aunt, and friend’s mom are going through

      By Liv | 2 years ago Reply
  7. We were part of the 3% too…and that’s been 17 years ago now. No regrets, no surprises we couldn’t work through…no problem with God as the third person in our home…:)

    By Dawn Hernandez Malone | 2 years ago Reply
  8. My fiancé and I are also part of the three percent. I had been constantly asked at work if I would ever buy a car without test driving it. And while the answer was no, I still felt there was something wrong about the analogy. Soon after that, my fiancé was asked the same question by a coworker he knew. He kindly responded, “while test driving do you also crash the car to test the air bags? No. Some things need to be kept secret with faith in God’s timing and preserved for their ultimate purpose.”

    By Alexis | 2 years ago Reply
    • That’s an amazing response to that analogy.

      By Kay | 2 years ago Reply
    • That’s an amazing response to that analogy.

      By Kay | 2 years ago Reply
    • The big problem with the analogy is the idea that “having sex” or “living with someone” is the test drive.

      First, a relationship is not just about sex. A relationship is actually about learning to communicate and get to know the other person, and the facts are that having sex too early blinds you to problems in the relationship. So, the reality is that not having sex is a real test drive. In fact, having sex before marriage is like taking cars out for drag races to test them for speed and then ignoring all the other more important features.

      Second, living together before marriage is basically just like buying a car anyway. You are combining your lives. And the idea of making the decision to live together and combine your lives without commitment is actually like buying a car you aren’t sure you are going to want. Then, if you realize you got into it too quickly, you have to sell it and it becomes this big awful thing that you lose money on. It is, quite frankly, dangerous.

      At least, that’s a closer way to look at it.

      By Christopher | 2 years ago Reply
  9. I found your article to be very interesting, well written and thought provoking. I also found the article to be a bit judgmental. I was born and raised by staunch Irish Catholic parents. I also lived in sin, as you describe it, for 12 months with my husband for a variety of reasons. Not one of those reasons had anything to do with finances or, as you describe, everyone’s doing it.” I was 33 when I married. Living on my own since I was 20 and married for the past 25 years to the same man. My parents told me what a disappointment I was to them that I had lived in sin before marriage. Really? A disappointment? Never came home pregnant, addicted to drugs or alcohol. I had a job and paying my way thru life and all they could say to me was what a disappointment I was. I was very hurt. I don’t think God cares one way or another. I think what He cares about is that two people found each who belong together. And when I die, I fully expect to be greeted at the Pearly Gates without a lecture. Why do I expect that? Because I pay it forward every single day even after living in sin. Thank you for the opportunity to offer a dissenting opinion.

    By Diane | 2 years ago Reply
    • Hey Diane-

      I respect your opinion but would love you to cite in my article where I once used the term “living in sin.” Could you show me where I used that phrase you say that I use? Many people who think my articles are jugmental think they are judgmental because they think I use words or phrases that I purposely choose not to use. I write no articles our of judgment, but out of witness.

      By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  10. All God’s blessings on you both! How we applaud your decision to live lives of sanctity. We have just celebrated 50 years of marriage- it was always to love, honor and cherish- all the days of our lives. Believe me, the blessings God has in store for you both are immeasurable. Marriage is not without ups and downs- nothing is perfect in this world- but as we always say :pretty darn close!

    I will think of you on December 31st! Congratulations.

    By Camille St Pierre | 2 years ago Reply
  11. I love this article. I have been married 11 years. We dated for 7 before that and never lived together. I wanted the fairy tale. I wanted a huge party, my prince to pledge his soul to me in front of the whole world. I wanted to be on cloud nine and come back from our honeymoon and start our lives together. When I see a girl move in with someone before they are married I think that is sad. You are worth the fairy tale. I love that you are speaking out on this topic and wish more would.

    By Rachel N | 2 years ago Reply
    • What makes it sad if a woman chooses to live with someone outside of marriage? Your marriage isn’t more special than others because you didn’t live together first. Women can still have someone pledge their love and have a honeymoon and start a life even if they already live together. Marriage changes things profoundly, regardless of living arrangements.

      By Gina | 2 years ago Reply
  12. Well done, thank you for staying true to your faith!

    By Dcn Luis Mata | 2 years ago Reply
  13. i want to start off by validating you and your own story. I would agree that it is hard to go counterculture and truly follow the sentiment of waiting until marriage.

    The whole thing I am having a hard time with is the counter narrative of your own story being someone that doesn’t always have the choice to live separate, pay separate rent, etc.. And it almost lands on me as if any other experience is far inferior. I think folks around the world are spending periods of their lives living together before marriage in perfect dedication and without a mindset of “testing out the car.”

    What I am saying is that your story is beautiful and perfect for you. And it’s inspired by the word of God. But how does an audience that is reading this, that isn’t afforded the same opportunities, luxuries, and privileges, feel about this? And that even they can share the same magical feeling of living with their life partner even before that special day. Many of us have our own beautiful stories, led by the word of God, but they don’t all look different.

    By Evan | 2 years ago Reply
  14. so beautiful to have a bright young lady like yourself express God’s plan of true marital joy! I don’t know what the percentage was when my husband and I got married 26years ago, but there was plenty of pressure back then too to cohabitate before marriage. Chasity was difficult then and it is difficult now, but the blessings of committing to it as a couple is immeasurable. Seeing beyond the practical ie money, learning what bugs you about the other, etc. and knowing that growing together as a couple requires sacrifice for the sake of the other, serves a couple well as you need to be as one in order to face the joys and challenges that will come your way. Being a chaste couple requires that both people can put the other person’s needs before their own. Having a partner who can do that brings a sense of security and faith in your marriage’s ability to succeed that no cohabitation or premarital knowledge could ever provide. God bless your witness and your future marriage!

    By MaryAnn Sorensen | 2 years ago Reply
  15. Good on you and may God bless you both. That is how we started our marriage 19 years ago and it is still very special and exciting. After our wedding it really hit home how wonderful it was doing it God’s way. If only that 3% could be 100% – the world would have a lot more happy people. 🙂

    By Di | 2 years ago Reply
  16. Marriage is supposed to be a shock. It’s supposed to be a life defining moment from which time is measured, not a gradual process that just happens. It saddens me so much when I ask people how married life is treating them and they shrug their shoulders and say, “it’s pretty much the same as before.” I worry that they really aren’t any more committed than before. And I start to wonder when one of them will be inviting me to their next wedding and the one after that, because they’re chasing that new life feeling they robbed themselves of the first time.

    By Tonia | 2 years ago Reply
  17. Great article! My boyfriend and I are also waiting to live together until marriage to live together. I do however want to point out that The Knot’s statistics probably aren’t trustworthy, likely a poll of users of some sort. The Huffington Post states that 70% of couples live together before marriage. Still a majority, but fortunately far less than “The Knot” users! I am also proud to be in the 30%!

    By Megan | 2 years ago Reply
  18. Beautiful beautiful beautiful! May God bless your marriage and may your voice be heard by young people the world over.

    By Maria | 2 years ago Reply
  19. Brave and beautiful article. Had I been more confident of myself 15 or so years ago as you are now, I wouldn’t have participated with the 97% only to suffer its consequences afterwards. Keep spreading the truth about chastity and the sacredness of marriage, it will save more lives and souls. God bless you.

    By Minnie Agdeppa | 2 years ago Reply
  20. It sounds like you’re trivializing the thought that goes into moving in with a long-term partner. People don’t always choose it because it’s the easier route. Marriage is forever, right? Better to know as much as you can before learning that you’re married to an alcoholic or pedophile. I wish you luck in your marriage and I pray that your decision does not impact your future negatively.

    By Fatima | 2 years ago Reply
  21. I am proud to be part of the 3% as well! Many people might not be aware of it, but there are actually scientific studies to prove this.

    Looking forward to more articles from you! 🙂

    By Mars | 2 years ago Reply
  22. Whilst I respect your choice I am saddened that you don’t seem to respect the choices of others. You have made the erroneous assumption that there is the 3% and then there is everyone else, but life is far more complex than that. Whilst many couples choose to live together to cut costs as you suggest, this doesn’t mean that all do. It is extremely insulting to repeatedly infer that those of us who choose to live together before marriage do so out of a sense of frugality and convenience. I live with my fiancé out of love. Not out of preparation. Not out of the need to test what it will be like. Not to save the commute between homes. Not to reduce rent and bills. Out of love and unity. Articles like yours devalue the love and total commitment many people share in order to reaffirm your own life choice. You discredit our adoration for each other. I love and adore my fiancé, and I will continue to do so when we return to our home after our marriage. And the fact that it will not be novel and exciting that first day after, that as you say we will return to that same kitchen and same room, will be all the more profound for me because it is our same home. It is the place where our deep love and commitment has already been established. I can assure you that the time we have spent together and the happiness we have experienced far outweighs any sense of novelty and -forgive me – naivety about the day after the wedding, or the thrill of change and adventure. Some of us just choose to start the adventure early. Marriage is a wonderful and sacred thing, but so is love. I would not swap the time I have spent with the person I love for anything. I am sure that for you and many others your choice is perfect, and I truly hope that your marriage is a happy one. But other choices are valid too, and the decision to live together can be just as profound as the decision not to.

    By Joanna | 2 years ago Reply
    • Joanna –

      I am always amazed how people can see me speaking to the choices I make for my own life as insulting to others. When I said no to going to parties in college people constantly accused me of judging them – that trend of choosing virtue and unknowingly offending others by my choices for myself has carried throughout my life. I’m sorry that writing about my own decisions and not once referencing what I think about what anyone else chooses for themselves is something you find lacking respect to others – but I think that everyone is entitled to witness to their own decisions as they so feel – not out of disrespect to anyone else – but just as a witness to their own choices.

      By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  23. Dear soon-to-be bride!!!! Firstly congratulations on your engagement. Secondly Congratulations on your stand to move in with your-husband-to-be when you have received the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. I am also engaged to be married on the Feast Day of the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary in the Temple (i.e. 21st November 2015) I am very excited!!!! and YES I am not living with my fiance’ even though society is pressuring us. YES! I believe that by responding to the grace of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony I will learn to live with my fiance’ in the same home when he becomes my husband!!!! In addition living together with a man to establish compatibility before marriage is like telling God “we” i.e. man and woman don’t believe in the grace from the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. All the best in your preparations Miss Wilson.

    By Agnes | 2 years ago Reply
    • Thank you Agnes! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and prayers for a lifetime of joy in your journey with God.

      By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  24. I am sure it is more than 3%. I don’t believe these Knot statistics, very biased. They very likely interviewed people of a certain culture and demographic etc and their research certainly is not very broad. A lot of youth are committing to the True Love Waits, they are realising the wealth and value of waiting for the true one!

    By Mirna | 2 years ago Reply
  25. Thank you Emily and God bless your marriage. I am part of the 3% and love the beauty within the mystery soon to come.

    By Annamarie | 2 years ago Reply
  26. I am a 3%er also. 😉 My wife and I have been happily married now going on 13 years. That first day, though, will always stand out. The first day we lived together. God bless, and hold strong. You are a witness to many.

    By Jake | 2 years ago Reply
  27. Beautiful article and I agree with everything! I know a multitude of couples that have lived together before marriage, even for 10 years or more and found that after they married they felt like they didn’t even know the person they married and they are all divorced now. Living together is not a testing ground for marriage prep. It is a convenience without commitment. Marriage is the most beautiful gift when committed to each other and God. We can learn everything about each other’s opinions/attitudes before marriage by communication. Communication relating to all subjects – openly and honestly. My husband and I knew each other for 5 months before marriage. We will celebrate 40 years in February and to this day, I still have not discovered anything about his attitudes, opinions, etc. that I did not know before we joined our lives together. And, 40 years sounds like a long time, but to us it was just yesterday. I love him with all my heart and am so glad God joined us together.

    By Signe Montosa | 2 years ago Reply
  28. Love this. Part of the 3% too. I’ve heard the argument too that not living and sleeping together is buying a car without a test drive, but I always feel like the arguer fails to mention that the test drive is more like taking the car, ripping up the insides, setting it on fire, then returning it to the dealership if the “test drive” doesn’t work out. Yeah, our “car” might not be perfect the first time we drive it, but as long as we take care of it, it has a lifetime warranty, so that’s a lot of practice time. (Is that too much metaphor? That might be too much metaphor…)

    By Kay | 2 years ago Reply
  29. I am so proud to be part of the 97%. The time I spent getting to know my husband over the four years before we were married and living together were wonderful. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

    By Sara | 2 years ago Reply
    • Sara, I was part of the 97% for my first marriage, and the 3% my second marriage. Neither of them lasted. Ha! In the first one we dated about 14 months before marrying, living together part of that time. In the second one we dated three and a half years before marrying but didn’t begin living together until about a year after starting to date. I truly wish Emily and her fiance’ the best of luck, as I am sure you do as well, but sometimes you just can never tell how things will end up.

      By Phillip | 2 years ago Reply
      • Ok what? How are you apart of the 3% on your second marriage? You said you dated for 3.5 years abit didn’t live together until 1 year later? You’re still apart of the 97% then because of you were apart of the 3%, you wouldn’t have lived together at ALL before married. You would have started living together AFTER you said “I do”.

        By EmpressRose | 2 years ago Reply
    • Thank you, Sarah. Thank you.

      By Abbey | 2 years ago Reply
  30. Beautiful witness. My husband and I are also part of the 3%. Adjusting to married life was a very blessed and sacred transition. We are so fortunate to have had this as so little seems to be left to the realm of the “sacred” these days.

    By Joannah | 2 years ago Reply
  31. I am also one of the 3%. Now, happily married for a year. I love your article and the witness for your faith. Thank you for sharing

    By Ereny | 2 years ago Reply
  32. I love this! My husband and I were also part of the 3% and I’m so thankful for it! Your article hits the nail on the head. You begin your new life together, in all aspects, even with the simple things. And as a result, learn even more about each other and grow together as a married couple. There is a difference in doing it this way and it’s hard to explain. But anyone that has will understand the beauty in it.

    By EBG | 2 years ago Reply
  33. Thank you…just thank you!

    By Chris DeWItt | 2 years ago Reply
  34. Thank you for sharing this beautiful article. I am one of the 3%. And I love to know that there are still people like us in that we are not alone in our pursuit of God’s perfect plan.

    By Leanne | 2 years ago Reply
  35. My husband and I are part of the 97%. We lived together for almost a year before we were married. We have been married now for 22 years and have three wonderful children. You have to do what works for you and not expect others to have the same experience.

    By Michelle | 2 years ago Reply
  36. For the last three years, my boyfriend and I have struggled with this. At the end of a particularly romantic date, we would look at each other and talk about how great it would be if we were both going to the same home. We were almost reminiscing about the future. We wanted to fight over the hot water for our showers, we wanted to steal the last of the toothpaste, we wanted all the fights that so many of our friends were having with their significant others as they moved into a house together. However, we also wanted something that is highly sought after and rarely found. We wanted purity. We wanted sanctity. On November 7th of this year, my fiance will get a new title. I will call him husband. And, I am very excited to say, that I will call him my roommate. And while it wasn’t always easy to live in separate houses, just like it won’t be easy to live in the same house, it’s not something I would trade. It’s more than just a new chapter in our love story, it’s a brand new book. The characters have changed, now they are called husband and called wife. Our love story has always been important to us, and one day we will tell it to other people. Telling our story is part of the reason we never succumb to the temptation to move in together or to cross boundaries. 97% of love stories are all the same. 56% of love stories don’t have happy endings. Being in the minority just might work out in our favor. We are the 3%. And we will be the 44%. And I can’t help but think that our choices will be part of that.

    By Courtney | 2 years ago Reply
    • Courtney – what a well-written witness to your decision. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding – I have faith that God will bless you both tremendously for choosing chastity in your life – thank you for being a witness to others as well!

      By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  37. As I lay reading, my dear husband of 122 days is sleeping beside me. We waited for each other for some time, marrying when we were 41 and 48 respectively. By God’s goodness, guidance and grace we remained chaste until our wedding night. But we lived together for a bit before our wedding. Separate bedrooms, separate bathrooms, separate money. There was no sin in that. We were covered by Christ. I delight in breakfast with my husband, I loved waking up next to him the day after our wedding, giddy, grateful and shy. I still sometimes forget that I don’t need to dress in a separate room from him. I’m not saying that I was right, but God knew our intentions and our hearts. Not everyone who cohabitates commits premarital sex, although I know the stakes are higher. We can’t assume and place judgment if others make a different choice. It’s possible to be part of the 97% and still have the heart of the minority. There is nothing not special about the marriage we have, and there is no less discovery and joy. Ruth slept at Boaz’s feet before they married. God blessed them still. His mercy and grace are here for all of us.

    By Shmilla | 2 years ago Reply
  38. While this is beautifully written, I don’t know I feel about that fact that you are (probably not intentionally) making that 3% sound like they are better than the 97%

    By E | 2 years ago Reply
  39. My husband and I did not live together before marriage, and I know MANY couples that did not. It was the best decision, and it served us well. Where in the world did 97% come from?

    Good article.

    By Cathy | 2 years ago Reply
  40. This is a sweet story of one person’s experience. Miss Wilson relies on feeling rather than the actual reasons for not living together. A secular reason would be: couples who wait to live together are less likely of divorce.
    A Catholic reason for not living together, is out of love for God and living one’s faith like we mean it. Quite simply, fornication is against God’s law. Why would we separate ourselves from God? Therefore we do not live together until joined together by God.

    There isn’t any analogy that can really get this point across. We have to live our lives as examples. It can be beautiful examples, but often times very hard to live.

    By Suzanne | 2 years ago Reply
  41. This is a fresh change from the stories you here now days. I’ve been married for over 32 years and never lived with my husband prior to marriage. I believe people have forgotten in the sanctity of marriage. It is a beautiful thing to spend the night for the first time with your new husband, and wake up in the morning with him. My husband hit me in the head, knocked me off in the floor, and snored very loud. Very very loud. But, it was the most wonderful, and the scariest all wrapped up one, night of sleep I’ve ever had. Lol. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

    By Rawnda Stringer | 2 years ago Reply
  42. Thank you for writing this =) I’m 23 and just got married two months ago. My husband and I didn’t live together before we got married, and although we did fight a lot the first week after the honeymoon (moving in together is certainly a change!), living with him hasn’t made me love him any less. In other words, we didn’t have to live together first to know we were “compatible.” So good for you, girl =)

    By Elle King | 2 years ago Reply
  43. Thank you so much for writing on chastity. I sm so blessed to know my husband never had an intimate relationship with someone else before we were married. I was pure as well. What a to wonderful gift to give your husband/wife on your wedding night and for a lifetime.

    By Jean | 2 years ago Reply
  44. Part of the 3%! Holla 🙂

    By Nina | 2 years ago Reply
  45. I appreciate what you shared. My husband and I are apart of the 3 percent. To respond to those who are a part of the 97% you may have done it but it was against what God intended. Your marriage may still be going strong but you are not part of the majority. 80% or more of marriages that the couple lived together before they got married end in divorce. Thankful yours is not one of them. Not being judgemental I have friends and family that have lived together. I have made other wrong choices in my life. I pray God’s blessings on your marriage. So thankful God brought me and my husband together.

    By Monica | 2 years ago Reply
  46. I completely agree with everything in this article. Good for you. My husband and I did not live together before marriage and it will be 18 years in November. His parents wanted us to for financial reasons. My parents would have freaked out if that had happened. But we had our own reasons for not living together, mainly for many of the reasons stated above.

    However, I’m not sure I agree with the 3% statistic. I think the number of couples who don’t live together is a lot higher than 3%.

    By Mary | 2 years ago Reply
  47. Why do you only see your fiancé once every two months?

    By Susie | 2 years ago Reply
    • Susie, my fiance is from Europe.

      By Emily | 2 years ago Reply
  48. I too am a 3%. We have now been married for 29 years. It’s been a overwhelming blessing,getting to know my husband,sharing a life with him. I can honestly say I love ❤ him more today then the day we became one. Through up,s and downs we have grown together and I know I will never doubt him. Because we didn’t live together first now We are blessed to have learned and grown truly as one. Beautiful article I hope you will as many blessings as we been given by our Lord and Savior.

    By Brendia Wright | 2 years ago Reply
  49. I love this and completely agree with all you’ve said here:)! It’s a beautiful thing to live for God and by God❤️

    By Kelsey | 2 years ago Reply
  50. The sad thing that most people don’t get is that marriage is not about “test driving” but about the commitment. I think I read that statistically, marriages are less successful for those that live together first. In fact, I have a coworker that lived with a guy for a few years and then got married. Less than a year later, they are divorced. In our society, everything we buy is built “not to last” and we easily pitch things and buy new and sadly it has become that way with marriage as well. I am witness to the fact that if you can’t make it work in one marriage, chances are it won’t work in any marriage. It’s a heart thing, a commitment thing, a God thing.

    By Kathy | 2 years ago Reply
  51. Wonderful article …..and I am so thankful my 20 year old daughter posted this and agrees with you! And that our two oldest were part of that so called 3%. My guess is that it has to be higher than that! Maybe that is just their readers.

    By Beth Brough | 2 years ago Reply
  52. It’s cute how magical and joyful she thinks things will be after she says her vows and moves in. Lolololol

    By Rachel | 2 years ago Reply
  53. This is a very good article. You must have good parents and mentors. I applaud your decision and the well planned foundation you laying a long and happy marriage. It will not always be easy but a clear concise and doing whats right is the best regardless.
    I very much doubt if 97% actually live together before marriage, but if they do it is a recipe for disaster and for many in this day marriage is a disaster. You can lay a solid foundation by understanding Gods will for you as person when it comes to intimacy in a dating relationship. This is called restraint and by God’s help you can can do what is right. Like John Ruskin very wisely said, “restraint is the secret of all great art” and I submit also the secret of all great living. There will be ample opportunity to excretes patience, and grace and love and restraint. Faith is in God who guides and he will help you make a wise choice if you ask sincerely.
    Commitment is what holds marriage together! Not love, not compatibility, not even good sex. You do not need to test drive the vehicle if you trust the maker and designer.

    For Allie You could not possibly know the blessing of a wise decision like this now, but it will be revealed to you in life and I pray will be a blessing on your up coming marriage.

    By Roman Stoltzfoos | 2 years ago Reply
  54. Praying for you and your wedding day! May God bless you both!

    By Leah | 2 years ago Reply

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