Where can I find a good man? All the guys at school are interested in only one thing.
All women deserve a man who has one thing on his mind: doing God’s will. Therefore, wait for a guy whose intention is to love you purely and lead you to God. Do not settle for less. You may be thinking, “Yeah, right. Where am I going to find a guy like that? I’ll be in a nursing home by the time he shows up.” Put the matter in God’s hands. Take this time to give yourself unreservedly to the Lord to build up his kingdom. Let him worry about building up yours. Too often people are so concerned with finding Mr. or Miss Right that they miss the opportunity to serve God in their singleness. Your job is to give your singleness to Christ. Keep your eyes on him instead of on potential future spouses.
I firmly believe that the strongest marriages are those in which both the man and the woman, prior to marriage, embraced the gift of singleness. Often we do not accept this gift because we are waiting for the gift of marriage or exhausting ourselves maintaining passing relationships. Saint Paul said, “I have learned, in whatever state I am, to be content” (Phil. 4:11). If a woman does not learn to be content now, then when she is married she may wish she were still single. After all, marriage does not change you internally; you are still the same person.
Besides, if a woman is happy and content in her present situation, she is more attractive. In fact, the ideal wife spoken of in the Bible “laughs at the time to come” (Prov. 31:25). She anticipates the future with joy, trusting in the goodness of God. Before we can be happily married, we need to learn to be happily single. That way, our happiness is not dependent upon outside events but upon an inner joy. In the words of Thérèse of Lisieux, “The happier they are to be as he wills, the more perfect they are.” I once asked a Missionary of Charity if she was happy in the city where she had been assigned, thousands of miles from home. She replied, “Anywhere. Wherever Jesus wants me to be, that is where I’m happy.” In the same way, learn to find your joy by trusting in God. After marriage you might never again have the time to serve God without restrictions.
The best husband and father will be a guy who is single-hearted for God. So be two of a kind. If you want a man of God, become a godly woman. After all, men of virtue look for women of virtue. Imagine all of the characteristics that you look for in a spouse—that he be faithful, holy, respectful, loving, pure, and so on—and ask yourself, “Judging by the way I live, do I deserve a guy like this?” If not, then become the woman who does. Everyone makes mistakes, but everyone is capable of turning things around and choosing to live a virtuous life.
As you grow in virtue, you will have a tremendous impact on men. Many women become discouraged because of the kind of guys they meet at school. But the character of the men that a woman attracts largely rests in her hands. One woman said, “He will be as much of a gentleman as she requires.” The fact is that the male desire to please females is a basic one, and a woman who sets high standards will be more likely to attract young men willing to meet them. If a young man wishes to enjoy a girl’s presence, he will not be afraid to be a gentleman. When a woman says that this is unrealistic, she will continue to be frustrated and settle for less. If only young women realized their power to help boys become men!
Set the standard high. Look for a guy who takes the initiative to set pure guidelines for the relationship. Imagine if all the young women in a high school or college decided to do this. Sure, many of them might not have dates the next weekend, but it would send a clear message to the boys that girls are serious about being loved. Guys would soon be inspired to become worthy of a woman.
In the meantime, pray for your future spouse and for discernment in your vocation. I once read about a fifteen-year-old girl who felt she should pray for her future husband one random December night. When she met him sometime later, she found out that he was in a battle as she prayed, and nearly all of his fellow soldiers were killed, while his life was spared. God hears our prayers.
So be at peace, and know that God cares about the desires of your heart. He who shaped the universe has not overlooked the smallest details.
One day in Calcutta a man who had a sick daughter came to Mother Teresa. She did not have the specific medicine that the child needed, since it had to be brought in from outside India. As they were speaking, a man came with a basket of medicine, and right on top was the exact one the child needed. Mother said, “If it had been inside, I would not have seen it. If he had come before, I would not have seen it. But just at that time, out of the millions and millions of children in the world, God in his tenderness was concerned with this little child of the slums of Calcutta enough to send, just at that time, that amount of medicine to save that child.” So know that your future is in good hands.
Meanwhile, if you want to see the advice I offer guys to find good girls, click here.
. St. Thérèse of Lisieux, The Story of a Soul (Rockford, Ill.: TAN Books and Publishers, Inc., 1997), 2.
. Elisabeth Elliot, Passion and Purity (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Revell, 1984), 145.
. Dannah Gresh, And the Bride Wore White (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 70.
. Anthony Stern, M.D., ed., Everything Starts from Prayer (Ashland, Ore.: White Cloud Press, 1998), 130.